The unpleasantries of life
by Sianascera
Summary: Norway struggles to sustain him and his little brother, so he ends up working in a brothel. When a certain Dane becomes a customer, things change. But when life finally seems to look better for them, some peace threatening news arrive. HumanAu, SuFin. Warning: Adult themes.
1. Looking back

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia

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I never thought that one day I would have to resort to something like this. But then again, I would have never thought that I would ever be in a situation this bad.

My mother was the daughter of a blacksmith, something that would have ensured her a promising future, a caring husband, a respected place in her village's community, a nice little house surrounded by orchards… The list could go on forever. But all this was thwarted when a rogue band of outlaws grazed her home village. They set up a provisionary camp there, attempting to out sit the recent purge of "everything filthy" that was issued by our king back then.

Her village was small and self-sufficient, rarely ever madding contact with other towns, aside from the infrequent visit of some merchant, so it was perfect for said band of outlaws. They wanted to keep things quiet nonetheless, so they occupied the local inn, and resided there as the kings they definitely weren't. And that was about it, even though I couldn't quite shake the thought, that the issue of payment for food and shelter the inn 'provided', seeing that it was simply taken, wasn't really settled. But that's not part of this story, as isn't their unlucky end they would find under the hands of the kings 'purgers'.

But despite their attempt to keep things low and quiet, they were still a rough band of men on the run, and as such the inevitable eventually happened. It was something the village's elders were very well aware of, but decided not to bother with, since in their eyes it was, again, inevitable.

So one particular evening some of those outlaws rounded up a bunch of girls, who were on their way back from an evening of tea and knitting that somehow dragged out into the hours of night. My mother was one of them.

They were herded into the occupied inn and were forced to serve the men ale and broth and whatever it was that inn served. It might have ended with some groped asses and some ill placed jokes, when most of the men simply passed out from too much alcohol, that was richly served that night, courtesy of the inn owner, but life rarely goes the pleasant way.

One of the men with either more alcohol tolerance than the rest, or simply more restraint had set his eyes on my mother. So when she left for home as one of the last, he followed her, having mimicked a cold out drunkard only moments before. He attacked her, after she had said goodbye to her friend, and was alone, he dragged her into the shadows between to almost adjacent houses and raped her.

Of course in a small village like that, this wasn't something to simply go unnoticed so the next day, everyone knew. The elders, who simply saw the incident as something inevitably didn't do anything and suggested her father to leave it at that. Which he did, because even he, with his massive arms toned from blacksmithing, wouldn't stand a chance against a bunch of pissed of thugs.

But that didn't mean that my mother wouldn't have to face the consequences. For her father, who held honor in high value, the thought of having an impure daughter who tainted his good name, was unthinkable. And thus he cast her out.

She never told me how she made it, how she managed to travel through unknown land, while discovering in the middle of the journey that she was pregnant, giving birth to me in the middle of a winter storm, and somehow managed to reach a city, where she soon would find not only a decent place of work but even a husband, who wouldn't inquire in how the hell she'd got me. And to be honest, I never asked, because I got the slightest of feelings that this story was far less pleasant than the one before, which wasn't pleasant at all.

Some years later my brother Emil was born, and with him our family finally seemed to be complete. Don't get me wrong, my mother didn't hate me, nor did she blame me for what happened to her, but Emil was someone who connected her truly with the one she loved, and he was also someone for me, who had always felt kind of left out, when I saw my mother with my new father.

So we were happy, we weren't exactly wealthy but we weren't poor either, my mother worked as a washerwoman, and my father as a carpenter. It wasn't an honorable work as a blacksmith, but still, we had a place in the community that was our town.

That was until life once again decided to stray from the pleasant way. While building the roof of the mansion of some show-off rich guy who'd set his mind on moving into the area, a part of the construction broke and my father along with his apprentice fell, and were buried under the rubble. Neither of them survived.

The accident caused quite the commotion, my father; whose work until then had always had the highest reputation suddenly was subjected to suspicion. Surely the roof wouldn't have crashed in just like that, so maybe the wood he was using was bad, or he did a poor job. My father of course was unaffected by all this, being dead has some perks after all, but since the townspeople couldn't turn on him, instead they turned on my mother and us brothers. Especially the father of my father's apprentice blamed us on his son's death. They weren't openly hostile, at least mostly, but they shunned my mother's business.

Somehow we still pulled through. It was harder, and there was more than one night when we all went to bed with empty stomachs, but we were alive and we were together, that was all that mattered.

My mother worked hard to make up for the loss of her husband and his income, she worked double-shifts, and she even took laundry home with her, to wash in her free time. Most of the townspeople refused to give her their laundry, but some of them remained faithful customers. It still wouldn't have been enough wouldn't it have been for the rich person who had built his mansion at the outskirts of our town. The sheer amount of laundry he had her wash every week was enough to barely get us through that week, even though he was incredibly stingy.

But that amount of work took a toll on my mother, and even though Emil and I helped her as much as we could, she became sick eventually. And just like that our world that we tried so hard to keep together, collapsed.

She kept working as long as her feet would carry her, as long as her arms still held strength, all the while coughing and spluttering blood into a hastily pulled handkerchief, anxious not to get any on the white linen she was in the middle of cleaning. We couldn't afford medicine, let alone a doctor, so all we could do was massage her feet, warm her bed with hot stones and cooling her burning skin with cold towels, when the work of the day was done, or rather not done, as her strength faltered more from day to day. There was no one in the town who would help us, so we didn't even bother searching for help.

And then one day she didn't get up, she didn't even try; she just laid there in her bed of straw, the bed linen thin and faded from too much use. This image will never leave me. Her shallow form lying in the midst of sheets, which had once been white, and were now a faded shade of a color I could not name, framing her pale face, specked with drops of blood. Her eyes clouded, so that the bright blue color was shaded into grey, restlessly looking around, without actually seeing.

Looking at her I knew that she was dying, right now at that very moment. There was no strength left in her, all burned out from the futile attempt to sustain our family.

The worst part was for us, that we couldn't help her. I didn't have to ask Emil to know that we felt exactly the same. We would have given everything to save the woman who despite all her hardships had loved us and cared for us. Who raised us to be proud of the work we did with our own two hands, no matter what anyone would say. But there was nothing we could do.

A few days later she was dead, we buried her behind our small house on a field of grass, where flowers bloomed in spring time, where she had hung up the laundry for drying and where the wind had played with her beautiful hair on the rare days she had left it open.

Emil cried that day, he cried while pushing his small weight on the shovel to wrestle dirt and stones from the unyielding earth. He cried, while I carried the limp body of our mother, enveloped in that same sheet she died on, and gently put her almost weightless body in the grave. He cried while we shoveled the earth back on her pale peaceful face, until she was no longer visible. And he cried that night into my chest, when we both tried to find some sleep.

I couldn't cry, I simply couldn't find the tears.

I was 17, and Emil had just turned 15, and now our life has reached rock bottom.

It hadn't gone unnoticed that our mother was dead, of course since she was in charge of part of the town's laundry that wasn't really something that could go amiss for long. And so the next few days some of her customers dropped by and left their condolences and occasionally some food, which got us through those days. But that soon stopped and we were at the point on which I started that little story. The point on which I realized, that it was now my turn to keep this family together, as small as it had become.

At first I was at a loss on what to do. I couldn't really count on Emil to help me; he was still to shaken up from the death of our mother. And besides, I couldn't bring myself to burden him further with my sorrows. So I quietly let him eat the lion's share of our meals, let him sleep on mother's bed, while I slept on the sorry excuse of a bed that he and I had shared until now, some rugs on the floor and a faded blanket of linen.

All the while I kept searching my head for any ideas, and when I finally came up with one, the thought of it scared me.

There was a certain establishment on the other side of town, where certain services were offered. And as it happened they found themselves in dire need of…

Oh what the hell, it was brothel and they were in search of new whores. Fortunately, or rather unfortunately for me, depending on how you like to look at it, they were lacking male whores. Why I knew something like this? My mother was a washerwoman, and had had still had some friends in that business, friends who would come over with heir load of laundry so that they and my mother could have a big soap and foam party. And through those occasions they tended to gossip, and for two nearly adolescent boys that gossip especially that about the brothel, was quite interesting. Well back then for other reasons than today, obviously, but still.

Granted that gossip wasn't exactly new, since the last joint laundry meeting had been quite a while ago, but seeing that we hardly had migration with other settlements, it was likely that they hadn't had the possibility to stock up yet.

So I decided to try my luck, despite the fact that the fact of selling my body off like that terrified me, and that I didn't even want to think about the pain and the humiliation that would go with it. But one look, one simple look at my brother, who sat in mother's bed, looking with empty eyes into worlds I couldn't begin to fathom, hardened my resolve. Maybe I would have made it without whoring, if I were on my own, I could leave this town, and try to find my luck, but I had my brother to take care of.

And there was nothing in this world that would keep me from trying to make life better for him. Maybe that was what kept my mother going, what kept her wasting herself away, even after it had long been clear that she herself wouldn't make it. Maybe she just loved us like that.

For a moment there I could almost feel tears fill my eyes. Almost.

Emil moved, his foot unintentionally grazing the wall the bed was placed against, and that sound dispersed the emotions that had begun to form in my mind. The tears were gone.

"Emil, I'm going out for a bit." I didn't expect a respond, the more surprised I was, when he turned his head to look at me. Then he nodded slightly and returned to his mindless staring.

This small display of reaction, of acknowledgement transformed my iron resolve into one made of steel. Yes, being the grandson of a blacksmith results in some weird allegories obviously.

With new found determination I walked through the town at a brisk pace, stopping only at the pond on the eastern side, not so far away from my future employment to check my looks. My application very much depended on them after all.

A pale boy, no a pale young man looked back at me, his eyes ringed with shadows and a weary look in his eyes. My hair was not exactly well kempt, but still giving off a slightly silky look, and the curl I couldn't get rid of added to my charm, at least that is what I liked to think. The cross-shaped barrette, a gift from Emil, held my hair out of my face, I liked it at this length, or else I would have cut it off. I tried to smile to heighten my appeal, but all I managed was a tired twitch of my lips. I sighed inwardly, not being confident about my success.

I clearly didn't like the idea of whoring my body to just anyone, but as it seemed that was my only choice right now, there was no one in this town who would hire me, believe me I tried that, when it became clear that my mother was overworking herself. I wasn't even sure, they would. And what would happen if they didn't? Would Emil and I starve to death? Would we just die out there in our small house that thanks to our father at least was still in a remotely good shape? Would we…

I stopped myself, before I would lost myself in depressing thoughts. I had to stay confident; I had to believe that it would work out.

I got up, took one deep breath and walked straight to the front door of our local brothel. Thinking of it, since the brothel opened its doors, we had quite a rise in population. People seemed more willing to settle here, while having the prospect of female, or male for that matter, company from time to time. And since it's not exactly cheap to afford the services of a whore the new inhabitants weren't the usual poor fellow, who earned enough to just make a living. But the new residents were potential customers; so far the brothel didn't attract new employees. Hopefully that wasn't a bad sign…

I had reached the door, and before my balls would leave ma again, I knocked.

I won't delve any deeper in what followed, I got the job, I got told how things worked at that place, what was expected from me, what I wasn't allowed to do and everything else that would be important for me.

That very first day was entirely spent on explaining me the basics; my real work would start the next day, or rather evening. And with that dreaded thought I returned to Emil, to bring him the good news. Of course I wouldn't tell him, of what nature my employment was, I simply would tell him that I helped out at the local tavern as a waiter.

At least one of us should go to bed with the innocence of his mind and soul still intact.

...


	2. Fitting in

**A/N: **I forgot this in Ch: 1, so Emil - Iceland, Lukas - Norway, Mathias - Denmark

And the story's title actually was supposed to be "The (un)pleasantries of life, but since FFNet doesn't like brackets in titles, and I didn't notice until it was too late, we're now stuck with that. But you still get the point I guess.

* * *

It was worse than I expected, and yet at the same time, it wasn't the worst that could have happened.

I grimaced as I limped through the streets of the town, it was sometime during the early hours of the morning, and everyone was in their homes sleeping. Well everyone except me, who held a hand to his throbbing backside, while carefully trying to avoid too much movement.

The first nights had been the worst. My first customer apparently hat paid a high price on me to be the one to shatter my innocence. He was even what you can consider gentle, at least he tried to. In the end he just mindlessly rammed away into me, grunting and heaving like a dying whale. Whatever that is, a whale.

After that, I couldn't walk at all, being new into this kind of thing; I could feel every muscle, every inch of overstretched tissue. That night he was my only customer, and the patron left it at that, since he got a very good deal out of me, and so did I. At least that's what I tried to tell me, while lying on my stomach and being fussed over by some of the brothel's other employees. Somehow the female workers, I refused to call them and me whores now, had taken a liking to me and they would shower me with affections and gifts. To them I wasn't a threat, so they could live out their neglected mother instincts on me or something like that.

The few other male employees, at least those who sold their bodies, eyed me with suspicion and even envy. I was new, I was young and they saw me as a threat to their popularity.

But due to my shyness, and still highly effective unwillingness to perform my duties, I didn't attract as much customers as I could. During opening hours I mostly sat somewhere in the lounge that was used as kind of socializing platform, where customers were greeted and could interact and ultimately choose from the present boys and girls. That's what the patron liked to call his whores, his boys and his girls.

I wasn't exactly unfriendly, I mainly just sat there and tried to hide in the cushions of the grand sofa I always ended up sitting on. The girls always dragged me with them, draped me there in the middle of the plushy red velvety sofa, squeezed in between sweet smelling bodies covered in powder and brushed against silky dresses. That was about the only way I got customers after all, because occasionally one of the girls would lure a customer into that tangled web of seduction and push him onto me. When that happened I tried my best to not appear displeased, but I couldn't bring myself to be as flirtatious and seductive as the girls were. So some of the customers retreated after the futile attempt of Smalltalk and getting me to smile and whatsoever, but some would stay and take me upstairs in one of the many prepared rooms, ever one themed with some kind of fetish or color scenario.

Have I mentioned that this brothel actually was a very high class establishment which put much effort into taste and atmosphere? Well looking from the outside and at the people who were customers, you would never have guessed.

But no matter how tasteful the bedrooms were decorated, the act itself still repulsed me. So the few customers who would actually pay for my services would drag me there, some being all nice and careful and gentle, some of them even to the end, and some being rough and almost brutal, while getting on from my pained moans. Of course there were rules, spanking and light hitting was allowed, as were certain forms of restraining and blindfolding, but everything that went past that would cost extra and had to be negotiated separately. And damage to the property was severely punished, the offending customer had to pay for the whole time the injured person couldn't work and most often was forbidden from entering ever again. To enforce those rules the brothel had a staff of securities that would round up everyone who dared to cause trouble. But unfortunately for me, a bleeding asshole wasn't classified as damage, since it was regarded as part of the job.

So I had let the girls fuss and fawn over me whenever my ass was bleeding, which happened less and less over the time, and every time my backside hurt, which happened every time. But my lack of performance not only in the lounge while luring customers in, but also in the bedrooms, where I mostly would just lie there and wait for the deed to be done, sooner or later attracted the attention of the patron.

The patron a big intimidating man with impending baldness that day summoned me in his study, where he dealt with everything business-related. I was nervous, as I carefully knocked on his door and entered upon his barked "Yes". The room was rather small, dominated by the giant oak desk and the man looming behind it. I had been here once before, while we negotiated the terms for work here. He was intimidating as ever.

"Lukas" he said with that careful pronounced voice of his, "I hear you have difficulties… fitting in…" The way he said that made me shiver involuntarily. That man was no one to mess with.

"What do you mean?" I managed to ask with a surprisingly calm voice. His smile, as small as it was, vanished. My heart rate dropped at that, and I immediately regretted my words. He sighed and leaned back in his chair, "you're new here, so I give a chance. Your looks are after all speaking for you." He paused for a moment and looked me over. "And after a bit of grooming you really exhibit some class. But the way you're acting… or rather non-acting, is an insult on the good image of this house." "Sir, I…" I dared to reply, but was cut short.

"I won't take your excuses, the only excuse I accept, are your _actions_." I didn't like how he pronounced the word actions; there were just too many implications with that word that I didn't want to think of. "You have to interact with customers on your own accord; don't just hide behind the girls. You have to seduce them, to service them, you have to be more open, do you understand?" Before I could react, he resumed speaking. "I only say this once, if you aren't capable to provide a bit of entertainment to your clients, then you aren't of worth for us. Have I made myself clear?"

I nodded, my voice was somewhere down my throat and refused to come up. He raised an eyebrow at me, and somehow I managed to squeak out a "Yes, sir"

"Good, now go home, tomorrow I want to see improvements."

Thinking of that encounter, send a shiver down my spine. I had reached the door of our little house at the other side of town, far away from the brothel. The words of the patron swirled through my head, and I still hadn't come up with a conclusion, what I should do. Well it should be easy, I suppose, just act all nice and flirty, like the girls do. How I would be able to pull that off, was an entirely different matter. I wasn't really the type for socializing, and the thought of actively having to seek the attention of some creepy old bastard who reeked of booze and stale food, was disgusting.

But there was no helping it. I carefully pushed the door open, trying to avoid any noise, as not to wake my brother, and slid in the darkness of our home. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness, and as soon as I could see I limped to the bed that was unoccupied.

My brother didn't know the nature of my work, but he had caught on to something. He finally had come out of his mourning induced apathy. So as soon as he noticed that I always returned somewhat sore and limp from my job as tavern waiter, he had silently taken on sleeping on our sorry excuse of a bed, taking all the space on it, so as to forcing me to sleep on our mother's bed. To be honest, I was a little bit relieved at that, as much as I wanted to dote on my brother, I was still immensely glad at the opportunity to rest my sore body on something a little more bedlike. He never asked though, why I was limping, and since I didn't want to inquire into it, I left it at that.

With a relieved sigh I stretched out on the bed, and closed my eyes. Luckily I had gotten used to my work, after about two weeks of it, and my ass didn't bleed as much as it used to. And today happened to be one of the days, where it just hurt, so I could go to bed without putting salve on the tears and rips and whatever. Since I made now at least a little bit of money, I decided that I could spend part it for something like this, After all it helped to relieve the pain, which would in turn help to improve my working performance, or so I reasoned.

I cuddled as best as possible into the pillow made of straw and fell asleep short after.

I woke up late around noon, the smell of food wafting through the house. I sat up with a groan, the pain in my backside subsided to a form of tingling sensation.

"Good morning." I was greeted with the sight of my brother, a plate of food in hand and smiling at me.

"Morning" I grumbled, still feeling tired. With a soft thud Emil sat on the bed beside me.

"Mhh that is nice." I said, surprised at the tasty dish before me. Realizing how hungry I indeed was, I begin to stuff my face as fast as possible. Emil snickered, "you look funny Lukas." "Shut up." I grumbled between bites, and had emptied my plate in record time. "More." I commanded and pushed the plate at Emil. Nothing happened for a moment, then: "That was the last."

"Oh" I immediately regretted my display of gluttony. "Right, I forgot about that." It was true, even though we now had some money in our hands, it wasn't exactly much, and most of my payment had been spent on that salve. An expense I had blamed on "sore feet from waiting", but which had cut short our budget. So basically I had to get my earnings up, and after my talk with the patron, I knew exactly what I had to do. And it definitely wouldn't be easy.

"Emil, look at me." I said, after cleaning up my plate and returning to my seat on the bed. He looked at me with that ever present bored look of his, the small hints of curiosity only showing for me, who knew him since he was a babe at the breast of our mother.

"How do I look?" And with that I made an attempt at a genuine smile. My mouth twitching into a position they were not familiar with.

Emil snorted.

Great, that was the answer I feared I would get. I looked ridiculous.

"You look ridiculous." Emil blurted out between poorly stifled laughter. Yes my brother usually displayed a sense of utter boredom, but whenever something penetrated that wall, he ended up in a complete mess of whatever emotion got to him. Today it was apparently amusement.

"Not helping." I grumbled and got up, not wanting to be made fun of anymore, and left the house. I went for a stroll through the forest nearby, something I always did when I needed to think. So I had to work on my appeal, and technically I knew what was necessary to do so. But I just couldn't bring myself to be nice to those people. They very thought of it felt as it were defiling me. It was one thing to give my body away like that, true it felt horrible and painful and dirty, but it was only my body. But giving myself willingly away, like I would appreciate it, that was just too much.

I leaned against a tree, overshadowing a small clearing. But I had to do something, or else Emil would… Emil whose sad face, as he told me that there was no more food, came flowing to me, Emil who probably didn't eat anything for breakfast, just so that I could get something into my stomach. Emil…

Oh God, why does my life always have to go the unpleasant way? There was no way I could let anything happen to my brother that was my initial resolve to enter into prostitution in the first place. So why falter now?

And after all, my body was already tainted, so there was no need to hold back everything else. As long as it would save Emil, it would be fine, wouldn't it? Suddenly I wished that my mother was still alive and would hold me, just like she used to do when I was little. She would understand, wouldn't she? The need to give everything, to protect those you love.

I sat there for the rest of the afternoon, thinking and hardening my resolve to do what I would never do, if I had a choice. But then again, if I had had a choice, I would never have started to work in a brothel to begin with.

I returned to our house, when the sun was nearing the mountaintop in the West. It was time to get ready.

Emil was out somewhere, so at least I didn't have to bother with him making fun of my attempts to transform into a representable human being. I combed my hair, and adjusted the barrette, that the girls had been becoming fond of. It was one of my good traits according to them. I splashed my face with some leftover water from the morning toilet. Then I again tried to form a smile on my lips, this time it didn't feels as awkward, but without a reflecting surface it was hard to tell. Suitable clothing was provided by the brothel, so at least I didn't have to take of that too.

I made my way to the brothel, just as the sun was beginning to set behind the mountains, and I straightened my posture as I entered through the small side entry reserved for everyone who was no customer. Entering through the main door had earned me a scolding, that day I applied for work.

After changing in some nice clothing, the girls coaxed me into some sort of sailor uniform with a "cute little hat" to go with, I entered the lounge. It was still early so there wasn't much going on, some regulars were chatting with their favorite girls or in one case, boy, nothing I could interfere with. So I tried to pose myself as seductively on my usual sofa as possibly, which earned me giggles from the girls, which in turn resulted in them draping me all stretched out on the sofa and flanking me, armed with grapes an large fans, apparently playing harem, or something. I did my best to play along and put a lazy grin on my face, while watching the room through my girly long lashes.

As time went by, the room got filled with more and more customers, and it became hard to keep the act up, since I wasn't used to audience, and frankly my face began to hurt from all that fake grinning.

And then a commotion piqued my interest, as loud cheerful laughter sounded from the entryway. The patron was there, apparently greeting a customer, a very rare occurrence, since he'd only greet special customers personally. Then a man entered. He was bigger than me, dressed in a black coat that hung open at the front, revealing a red velvet shirt. His hair was the color of wheat in the afternoon glow and he had a big grin plastered on his face.

That was the special customer?

"Oh my" one of the girls sighed in close proximity to my ear, "_he's _finally here."


	3. Making contact

„So, who do you think, he'll pick? ", another one of the girls asked, which sparked a fit of giggles.

Who was _he_? I simply couldn't follow.

"I don't care as long as it's me." "Ha I don't think so, I heard he's into redheads."

The stranger that had just transformed half of the lounge into a mess of giggling and halfheartedly hidden stares had pushed his coat on one of the servants waiting at the entrance to greet customers and introduce them to the lounge. Behind him the patron had entered in company with an elderly man, who grazed the lounge with a look, to be then ushered away, probably into the patron's study.

"No way, _I _heard he is actually into boys." "Aww, too bad."

Up until then, I had mostly blocked the girls chatter out, but one of them decided to poke my arm.

"Lukas, that's your chance." "Right" another chimed in, "go get him." "He's hot" another added.

I still didn't comprehend what was going on, the stranger was now in the middle of a conversation with one of the servants, probably ordering drinks or getting the rules explained.

"Who is that?" I asked, while watching the stranger, who listened, still grinning, to whatever the servant was telling him.

"That, Lukas, is your best chance to get out of here." The girl who said that, was kind of the leader of the group, she was also the one, who had worked here the longest. She wasn't the youngest, wrinkles showed when she smiled, even though you had to look hard to actually spot them. Her hair was always styled in complicated knots, woven around her head, adorned with flowers. The flowers earned her the nickname 'Lady of Flowers'. Despite her age, she still had many customers, so the rest of the girls heeded her advice.

Her voice had turned serious, affecting the others to fall quiet, too.

"He's the son of the retired councilor, who built that mansion on the hill. They are by far the richest people around here, no matter what kind of problems forced you to work here; he'll be able to fix it." "You just have to make him fall for you." added another one.

A moment of silence fell over us, while all of us watched the stranger, who appeared to be some kind of salvation. He seemed to finally have concluded his little chat, and switched his attention to the room.

"Even if he weren't rich, I'd still take him" the petite blonde said, who always ended up with pervert old men, who had a fetish on childish-looking girls. "Well, we'll see, what he's into now, won't we?" reminded us the Lady of Flowers, while gently shooing us into action. We were expected to seduce the customers after all. So I was left sitting alone on the sofa in no time, not only the girls making up our group, but also the rest and even most of the boys, who hadn't other clients to attend to surrounded the stranger and showered him with affection, all eager to get his attention.

So he really seemed to be the salvation of our kind.

"The girl over there, the one with the porcelain skin and the black hair," a voice behind me suddenly spoke up, the Lady of Flowers, instead of joining the others had gotten up and now lingered behind the sofa, slightly leaning over to whisper in my ear: "her father sold her into slavery, when she was very young. She has worked her way up, facing many hardships, until final reaching this place, where she's treated at least like a human, but she's still a slave." I followed her description and saw the woman clinging to one of the stranger's arms, desperate to get his attention.

"That boy behind her, trying to pry her hands from him has lost his parents to robbers, who killed them in their own house, while the neighbors shut their doors and ears to their screams. He lived on the streets, until he ended up here. The redhead, who likes to brag all about how her hair once served as pillow to a king's head, was indeed the mistress of a king, that was, until her enviers set up a ploy to get rid of her. They blamed her of adultery, claiming she laid with someone other than the king. She was stripped of all clothes and forced to walk naked through the streets of the city, so that everyone would see her in her shame. After that all that was left to her was her beauty, which only serves in a business like this." She paused, her breath tickling my ear.

While I watched the people she described, I finally saw for the first time, that even though my brother and I went through hardships, through pain and despair, we still had something no one of these people had. We had each other. And while these people had seen so much tragedy in their lives, they still didn't give up; they fought and tried to hold on to whatever shred of hope they got. And though it was highly doubtable that this person was indeed their savior, I fully understood why each and every one of them would fight for that hope.

What I didn't get was why the Lady had confided all that to me.

I turned my head to look at her, she was watching the show, that happened to be interrupted at that moment by two of the security guards who broke the man free from his suitors and shooing everyone back to their seats, as of providing the man with some space and time to get his own pick.

"Why are you telling me this?" My voice sounded almost as a disturbance against the red velvet of the cushions the Lady has placed her hands on.

"Because I want you to understand what you are taking away from them." Her eyes still were fixed on the stranger, who now was carefully surveying the room, as to not miss a single thing.

I didn't understand.

"I don't understand."

"You will." She said, and with that she rounded the sofa, grasped my arm and forced me to follow her to the stranger.

"A pleasant evening to you sir." She greets, her voice highlighted with a slight purr. "There is someone, I'd like you to meet.

His eyes, now I could see that they were blue, wandered from her, who hold out my hand for him to take, over to me. For a moment his eyes sparked an unreadable expression, than his wide grin was back, as he took my hand and lead it to his lip to gently place a kiss upon it.

Somehow I couldn't seem to rip my eyes from his. Mine were always kind of dull, never showing any of the emotions that could race behind them, but his were alive with so much at once, I couldn't grasp everything at once. There was joy, laughter, mischief, even a shadow of melancholy. And they were sparkling at me, and only me, as if I were the only one in the room or the world for that matter. As if I were important to him.

"So what's your name, sugar cube?" his voice pulled me out of my astonished stupor, it's far too lout and kind of obnoxious, and did he just call me _sugar cube_?

A light chuckle signaled the retreat of the Lady, and all of a sudden I was alone with the stranger, whose name I didn't know, in a room full of people.

Suddenly I grew annoyed with his behavior and snatched my hand, he was still holding, out of his.

"So you won't tell me who you are?" he asked, still grinning. Was there any way to get rid of that damn grin?

"That depends." I answered sternly.

"On what?" he asked, genuinely curious. I grimaced, "if you're telling me your name, I might tell you mine." He grinned, oh wait that is nothing new. "Well I am Mathias." He exclaimed and emphasized his words with a tiny bow. That took me off guard and I staggered backwards. What the Hell was wrong with that person?

"So, now you'll tell me yours?" I swear, he almost bounced up and down on his feet, while looking at me as if he were a dog, waiting for a treat. "I said, I _might_ tell you my name." I said, not sure if I wanted my contact with him to deepen any further.

On that he began to pout, a refreshing sight actually, seeing that he normally only grinned. And somehow he even looked cute pouting. Ha, as if.

"Aw come on." He tried again, even going as far as lean down to meet me on eye level.

I sighed and gave in. "I'm Lukas." "See that wasn't so hard." He cheered, and went ruffling my hair, so the cap I was still wearing fell off. "Cut it out" I hissed, and almost slapped his hand away, remembering only on the last moment where we were, and what I was supposed to do. This was my chance, wasn't it? He might not be my chance of freedom, but he was at least my chance to show the patron that I could interact with customers on my own.

So I grudgingly retook his hand, and pulled him through the room to our sofa that was surprisingly devoid of occupation. Maybe the Lady had wanted to give us some privacy, I still didn't get why she wanted to help me in the first place. Mathias was still, or rather again, grinning like the idiot he apparently was.

He plopped himself down onto the cushions, immediately taking up as much space as human possible, banishing me to the edge of the sofa. But he wouldn't have that, leaning over, he grabbed my hands and pulled me almost gently over, so that I had to lean against him for comfort. I'd much rather stayed at the edge, being not too comfortable with physical contact, but the words of the patron still rung in my ears. So I leaned against him, not knowing where to put my hands, so I ended up resting them awkwardly in my lap. I couldn't bring myself to relax, so despite provision of a comfortable lean-on I felt horrible uncomfortable.

One of his arms weaved around me and began to lazily stroke my sides. That only added to my awkwardness. Then a servant approached us, and placed a glass of deep red wine on the small table beside the sofa. He bowed to Mathias, not sparing me a glance and retreated. I felt more and more awkward, especially since Mathias hadn't spoken a word. That didn't seem quite like him, even though I frankly had no idea what was like him at all.

He took the glass, swirling the red liquid around, before he took a sip. "Eww." He complained and put the glass back on the table. "Honestly, who drinks that?" That made me chuckle, and I relaxed a little. Mathias finger wandered to my hair and tugged at the curl, always straying from the careful order of the rest of my hair. "That's adorable, don't you think." He said, and I stiffened again. Did he just say I was adorable?

"Relax" he whispered into my ear, "I won't hurt you." He then gently pushed me off him, so that I was made to sit with my back to him, and then began slowly massaging my back and shoulders. "See, your all tense, that's unhealthy." My eyes swept over the room that had long since settled down, some were looking at us with envy in their eyes, but most had returned to their usual routine. So they had never truly believed that Mathias was their savior, maybe they had just wanted to cling to a little bit of hope.

My eyes fell closed, as Mathias began his rubbing, I couldn't help but let out a content sigh. He was the customer, he wasn't supposed to service me, but he was just so good. A small chuckle was heard near my ear as he leaned into me to brush against my neck. "So why is someone like you in a place like this in the first place?" He asked, and I tensed, pulling away from him.

What was that supposed to mean, someone like me?

"That is none of your business." I stated, unwilling to meet his gaze. Instead of the reply I expected, something along the line of what he had replied when I didn't want to tell him my name, he took my arm and turned me around. "What can I do to make it my business?" he asked, I still wasn't meeting his gaze; something about his eyes was just too likeable.

I don't know what got into me; maybe it was the earlier air of possible salvation still hanging around, or his eyes that I now again was faced with, but instead of something dismissive I said something entirely different.

"Then save me." It was out, before my mind had the chance to grasp what implications that sentence held. It was out, and there was no way to take it back.

He looked at me, his grin faltering, his eyes almost serious, until they were crossed by a look of sudden understanding. For a moment he gave the impression of being actually intent of agreeing, but before that could happen I intervened.

"That was a joke, idiot." I didn't plan on letting out the 'idiot', but now it was too late, so I played it cool and leaned against the backrest, again avoiding eye contact. Hopefully he wouldn't mind the idiot, or else I was screwed. The hell, I probably was screwed either way.

"Oh… Ah… I knew that of course, ha ha." Mathias took his glass of wine again, only then remembering he didn't like the taste, and put it back. What had gotten into me? I almost felt bad, but then again I hadn't done it on purpose. And I couldn't have left it at that. But his look, as if he were just about to tell me that he would save me…

I was just too confused.

Mathias in the meantime stretched back on the sofa, pulling me in another awkward embrace, this time resting his chin on my head. I could feel him move, as he began to talk. "What about I tell you my story?" I snorted, "There isn't really much to tell, is there?" Dammit, why couldn't I bring myself to be friendly? But he didn't mind, on the contrary, he seemed to give it a honest thought. "I guess you're right." He said slowly, apparently still thinking. "But I suppose it also wouldn't hurt." Maybe he just wanted to guilt trick me into telling him my story after all, like 'I told you my story, so now tell me yours.' I wouldn't put it past him.

Not waiting on my answer, he began to talk. And as I assumed, there wasn't really much to tell. His father, a faithful councilor at the king's court retired after a riding accident that killed his wife, Mathias' mother, deciding on a whim he would like to stay in the countryside. So they ended up here, Mathias just recently moved in, after staying in the capital to finish his education as the son of a Lord. I didn't know that his father was a Lord, that would make him, oh dear that would make him a noble, and I had just insulted a noble, and…

Mathias seemed to feel my rising panic, he gently petted my back. And his mother was dead… But judging from his demeanor as he told the story, he didn't care that much. Maybe they weren't close; I once heard that the children of noble families often were raised by different people than their parents, as to form them into better adults or something like that. I almost thought that sad.

"So my father decided he needed to make a true man out of me, and dragged me here. I didn't want to go at first, but now I am glad that I came." I could almost feel his grin against my head. "Because I met you."

Before I could reply to that, a voice interrupted: "Mathias, it's time to go." His father had approached us, the patron in tow, who sent me an unfathomable look that filled me with dread.

Clearly disappointed Mathias got up, patted me one last time on the head, and followed the two elder men out of the lounge into entryway. Before he stepped to the pearl curtain that separated the rooms, he turned back and shot me one last look.

I was left there on the sofa, confused and unsure and full of questions. The most important one, would he come back?

...


	4. Breaking Point

**A/N: **My dear reviewers, thank you for your words of encouragement, you really make my day, every time I read a new review. So now I feel bad, especially for those of you, who voiced their sympathy for poor Norway. But this chapter of the story, and of his life, is kind of relevant for his later relationship with Den. But I still feel so bad, I am sorry.

Warning, non-con ahead.

* * *

The patron followed them outside, probably bidding them farewell, as was befit to such a valuable client. Valuable… That got me thinking and I slunk back into the cushions. Customers had to pay a small fee to get entrance and be allowed to talk to us. Not included in that fee were drinks and snacks, and of course any form of intercourse. If a client was interested in taking someone of his liking up to one of the bedrooms, the time that was spent in the bedrooms was neatly documented, and had to be paid upon exiting. If someone refused to pay, well for those we had the security guards positioned at the entrance. And the patron had his way in getting his money, one way or the other.

The services provided, were multifaceted, they ranged from varied form of intercourse to massaging, private dance sessions to even just talking. And of course a customer could only sit in the lounge and just enjoy the atmosphere. Occasionally there would be shows, a play or someone would sing. Come to think of it, there were some regulars, who just came to enjoy the company. Maybe holding a sophisticated conversation with the Lady, who happened to be very well educated.

Obviously Mathias and his father had only paid the entrance fee and some wine that was probably on the house, too. So I didn't really made profit today, which meant, that the 'valuable' customer, the patron went through so much pains to please, wasn't so valuable after all. This in turn meant, that I was screwed, majorly.

After they had left, I was yet again summoned into the patron's study. His bulky presence looming behind the dark wooded desk, taking me in with a look that filled me with terror. Surely he would tell me to get the hell out of here, after I had screwed up like this, there was just no way, I could keep my job. The worst part was that Mathias seemed so far from opposed to the idea of having sex, that all I had to do would have been leading him on. And that would have easily provided me with the kind of action the patron wanted me to exercise. Damn me and my reserved demeanor.

"So, I heard you made some progress today?" Wait, what?

"Umm... what?" I said dumbfounded. He raised an eyebrow. "Yes, Mathias seemed to be very pleased with you, so he persuaded his father to pay for you a full night's worth.

My chin hit the floor, or would have, if that were at all possible. "Something wrong?" asked the patron. My mind raced, I couldn't comprehend why anyone… why Mathias would do something like this. To pay for a whole night, when all I was doing was insulting and exploiting him. He massaged me! Me! It should have been the other way round, and yet here I was, gaping like a fish at his inexplicable kindness. But that meant, that he would come back, didn't it?

"Well… ah… did he say why?" The patron only shrugged. "You tell me." I don't know, what was going on in there with you two, but I got my money, so I won't inquire further. Just make sure you keep him happy."

So that definitely meant, he would come back. I couldn't help but feel happy about the thought. I immediately scolded myself; it was so unlike me to get attached to someone so easily. Normally I was far more wary of strangers, after the death of my father; I had learned that even people you thought you knew could fall in your back. Let alone some random stranger with weird grinning habits.

"And get that lock from your ass; he surely didn't come to just talk."A furious blush painted my face, but I knew better than to reply to that. I nodded stiffly, then got up and left the study.

My backside didn't hurt at all as I wandered through the silent streets, after I had changed back into my own clothes. The silhouettes of houses were only illumed by the pale light of the moon. Naturally I felt good, since I hadn't done anything, beside sitting on a comfortable sofa and getting my back massaged.

The house was as silent as the streets had been, I carefully entered, surprised to discover Emil occupying the bed. Surely that kid couldn't have known that tonight, I wouldn't need the comfort of a bed?

I stretched with a yawn and slumped down on the makeshift bed, cringing at the feeling of hard floor beneath the thin layer of straw, only softened by a piece of cloth that was laid out over the straw. Mother's bed was a real straw bed, filled with straw that needed to be changed I remembered, but we had only one of those, and straw wasn't as easy to come by either. So we had to do with this. Back when father was still alive, we had a true bed, one with a mattress, but we had to sell it to buy food, during a particular harsh winter. And we didn't even got a fair price, but no one else wanted to buy from us.

I laid on my side, trying to get comfortable, I wasn't used to the hard surface anymore, hours of sitting on plush cushions did that to me. I missed our parents. True, Emil's father wasn't my real father, but he never gave me the feeling I was unloved. Even though I was the product of rape, both my parents loved me, and that was something I was thankful for. It saddened me that I didn't tell them how much that meant to me, when I still had the chance to. Now they were gone, and all I could do was to try and take care of Emil as best as possible.

My thoughts then shifted from my family to Mathias. I couldn't forget the way his eyes were glinting in the soft candle light that poured down from the giant chandelier above us. And his smile… Wait, since when did a grin turn into a smile? I internally slapped myself for thinking about that douche in the first place. But he had paid for a night, even though he didn't have to. Somehow that thought filled my chest with warmth. And as I drifted into sleep a small smile tugged at the edge of my consciousness.

* * *

The next day was spent in a flurry of activities; the payment I had received for the other night gave us the opportunity to acquire some long needed items. So we went to the market and bought enough food for the next week, and restocked our supply of firewood. Winter was looming near after all.

We got a good deal with a local farmer; he had just finished mowing his fields and wanted to get rid of excess straw. I decided then, that it was time to get another real straw bed so we ended up at another stall buying the necessary piece of linen cloth. After that I had wanted to buy something for Emil, a toy maybe, but the bedding had absorbed the last of our funds. He reassured me that it was fine, and that he really didn't need a toy. I still felt bad though.

We returned our home, and I immediately took every piece of bedding I could find outside and hung it on the line that my mother used to use for drying. It was connected from one of the roof tiles to a tree that stood proud and tall in the field. Emil and I used to climb it when we were young.

I threw the straw that was already damp and smelly away and began preparing the new one. Sometime during my work Emil brought food, and we sprawled out on the bed of pressed down grass, enjoying the afternoon sun.

I had begun to knock all the dust and dirt out of the sheets with a clubbed branch I had found in the woods. The work was heavy and I was drenched in sweat. The break was a welcome diversion, but far too soon the time to take up my work again had came and I went back to clubbing.

"Lukas." I was so absorbed into my work that at first Emil's voice didn't register with me. "Lukas!" But then the increased urgency alarmed me to his presence.

"Lukas, you're late for work!" It was true; the sun had already begun to set behind the mountains. Dammit, the patron wouldn't like it one bit, if I were late for work. And as it appeared that was already inevitable. "Emil, take over" I commanded and dashed through the fields and past our house onto the streets of the town. Dazzled inhabitants blurred through my peripheral vision, as I reached the market area, where the merchants were in the midst of shutting down for the night.

Disheveled and heavy breathing I arrived at the brothel, not exactly late but not on time either. I was greeted with an impatient look by one of the guards, as I rushed into the preparation area, where the others were preparing for the night. Most of them finished by now.

"Lukas, you smell all sweaty." One of the girls, who spotted me as I entered, complained. And without further ado, she dragged me to a reserved corner and dumped a bucket of water unceremoniously over my head. I gasped, the water was cold!

"We don't have time for this." The Lady had suddenly appeared, tossing a towel over my head. I hastily rubbed the wetness as good as possible out of my hair, while the girl who was responsible for my wetness pulled me out of my clothes. Err…

I halted my movement. Sure, I worked in a brothel, but that didn't mean I was comfortable being naked. The hell, I didn't even liked it when Emil saw me naked, and he was my brother. With a tsk-sound the Lady resumed my attempt at towel-drying. In no time they had changed me into complete nakedness. Overruling my complaints, which grew more panicked with every piece of clothing they shed, I was soon dragged through the whole room and then something lacy and frilly was pulled over my head.

Wait what?

There was no time for mirror-checking but I was pretty sure that I had just been put into a dress. A dress heavily decorated with frills and lace. "That brings out your feminine side." The Lady purred in my ear, while she pushed me down onto my usual spot on the sofa.

That went a little too fast there for my liking; I wasn't _feminine_, not at all. And to make things worse, I didn't wear any underwear. I put one leg over the other; the skirt was far too short to cover everything up safely. My cheeks were covered in the reddest blush I probably ever had, and I had to fight hard to refrain myself from burying my head under a mountain of pillows. After all they just wanted to help me, didn't they?

I leaned back with a sigh, the first customers had begun to pour in so there was no chance for me to sneak back and change costumes. Everyone else had gathered in the meantime. The patron didn't accept work breaks easily, and changing costumes certainly wouldn't be tolerated.

Besides, it was time for Mathias to show up, and I didn't want to miss him. I had to say thank you after all.

As the evening progressed I grew more and more anxious, as every new customer that came in wasn't a certain blonde with an obnoxious loud laugh. I didn't exactly miss him, but I had looked forward to seeing him again. I definitely didn't miss that loud and annoying-

"What are you doing?" A voice hissed in my ear, the patron had snuck up on me, now standing behind me, angry breathing ghosted over my neck. "Get up and get to work!" "But…" "No but, get working." He sounded more and more irritated, so I gathered my wits and approached the next presumably unoccupied customer. Oh how I would regret that decision.

"Excuse me, sir?" His eyes fell onto me, a hint of distaste shown, and then as he took me in he suddenly lit up. "You're a boy?" I fell back at his apparent delight, only to be grabbed by him and shoved onto the next couch.

He heavily fell in beside me clasping his hand in an iron grip around my arm. He smelled of stale perfume and old sweat and I forced my nose to ignore the wrinkles that were unwillingly forming. "I like that he grunted.", while he started patting my body on seemingly random places.

I knew I should do something, but his heavy breath and his stale smell froze me in place. And then- oh god- then his hand suddenly was between my thighs, tugging at me. "You like that too, don't you?" he rasped in my ear, and suddenly I was hurled upwards and into his arms, as he carried me through the rooms upstairs. In retrospect, I should have complained back then, as it is only allowed to take a willing companion up into the bedrooms. Being carried there was not unusual, and since I wasn't complaining, no one thought any of it. But I simply couldn't, I was too shocked with the careless behavior this man displayed.

Somewhere in my mind I thought that it would be nice if Mathias carried me like that. But before I could internally express my disgust at that mere thought, let alone express anything at all, I was hurled again, this time down onto a bed.

He was on me before I could voice my displeasure, effectively pinning me down with his body size. "Time to get that frilly thing off." He hoarsely whispered and ripped it open at the front, without a care that this would cost him some extra. But then again, I too couldn't care less about something like this at the moment. I yelped as he began touching my bare skin, he tried to stroke me, but all he managed to do was irritating my far too sensitive skin.

He watched me with pure lust in his eyes, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. "You like that." He repeated almost like a mantra. I tried my best to not openly show my disgust, remembering what the patron had said to me. But before I could muster any courage to be active for once, he grabbed my wrists, forced them over my hand and leaning into me to bite into my neck. I sucked in air through gritted teeth, the outlet of pain bitten back. He didn't seem to care.

His hand that was not busy pushing my wrists down, was grabbing at his trousers, clumsily undoing his belt and pushing down his breeches. I grimaced at the sight. His penis was small and ugly, the color a weird shade of red, and crooked to the left. He didn't notice, he was too busy fumbling with it, trying to get it hard, and when he did, it got remarkably bigger, but also uglier.

Only then I realized, what was about to happen, I was no virgin though, but the thought of that disgusting thing _in_ me, repulsed me. I tried to wriggle free from under him, even going as far, as pleading him to stop, but he only tightened his grasp, continuing his mantra of "You like that." And then he pushed into me, without preparation, without stretching, and I could feel his ugly _thing_ painfully against my insides, I could even feel that awful crook it had to the left. I let out a painful groan, trying to stifle it by biting my lip.

It didn't help, he started to move without giving me time to adjust, and he didn't wait at all to pick up his pace. I closed my eyes; desperately trying to pretend it was somewhere else, even trying to cling on the image of Mathias. But it didn't help. He shoved his vile dick into me, ripping open walls, without a care. And I screamed, I screamed on top of my lungs, I even screamed Mathias' name, but even that didn't help. It felt as if he was ramming a double-edged sword into me, again and again, my insides were ripped apart, I was sure of it. Blood begun to spill, and it eased his intrusion a little; my screams ebbed to hoarse groans, and still he didn't cease his assault.

I didn't know how long it took, in the end all I felt was pain. He pulled out of me, I hadn't noticed him cum. He was heavily breathing, even more than before, his eyes still clouded with lust. My wrists felt as if they were bruised, and they probably were, my backside felt sore and my insides stung. He leaned over me, a sickening smile on his lips. "You like that." He whispered, too close to my ear, his sweaty smell enhanced through recent activities disturbing my nose. I felt nauseous. Then he was up and dressed and out of the door in no time. Probably didn't want to pay any more than necessary.

It was too painful to move. This was the worst, I ever experienced here. There had been rough customers before, but they all prepared at least a little, and they had provided me with some sort of pleasure, stroking me or hitting that certain spot deep inside of me. But this one… I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting against the sobs that built up behind my eyes, not aware of the tears that were already staining my cheeks. I wanted nothing more than to die right here on this sweat soaked bed, stained with my blood and his cum. Life after all, would always chose the less pleasant path for me, so there was no need to continue, was there?

I briefly wondered why no one had come, while I screamed. The way my throat felt I must have been really loud. But no one bothered. And Mathias didn't come either, but then again why would he, after all I was nothing more than a stupid whore. Now I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. I shamelessly sobbed into the pillows, pouring my eyes out, until nothing was left. Then I just laid there, too weary to move and waited until someone would show up and help me, because I couldn't move at all.

"Why didn't you come and safe me, you idiot."

I didn't know why I just said that, but somehow those words felt comfortable against my raw throat. As did the tears, that had begun to flow again, mourning the loss of something, I never knew I had. The innocence of mind, the childish belief in safety, that there was nothing in the world that could hurt you, that pain was alright, as long as it was your own hand that inflicted it. I would never again feel safe in this world.

…

Again, I am so sorry, but I'll make it up to you with a lot of fluff in later chapters!


	5. Crying Heart

I didn't know how long I laid there in that room. The heavy smell of sex, mingling with the stench of dried cum still lingered, refusing to dissipate. The pain in my body slowly subsided to a light throbbing, only when I moved the sting returned. So I didn't move at all, I lied on my belly, head tilted so I faced the wall. The tapestry was very tasteful, a light shade of orange, in perfect harmony with the yellow shaded bed sheets.

My eyes stung, but I was too exhausted to blink. Maybe they would just dry up and go blind. I wouldn't mind that, than I would never have to see such a tasteless color again. Dark yellow, light orange, the color of the sun, the color of _his _hair… Such a beautiful color.

The tears had long been dried, and now the burning in my eyes was so heavy, that I had to blink. I didn't open them again. Maybe I would just fall asleep, to never ever wake up again.

The door opened.

"There you are." A familiar voice, I refused to recognize, said.

Shuffling was heard, as she drew closer, than a loud gasp. "What happened to you? There's blood everywhere?"

Ha, as if I would answer that, maybe she'd just go away, if I ignored her.

The sound of hastened steps, a shout and then commotion. Suddenly the room was full. I was turned around, a movement that startled my fare too sore muscles and I groaned in dismay.

"Sorry" someone muttered, and then I was lifted up and gently carried out of the room. My arm hung limply from my side, brushing against some of the furniture we came past.

The gentle rocking motion was comforting, and I felt exhaustion slowly take my body captive. My head rested against someone's shoulder, whoever carried me and I let myself be dragged down into the deep abyss of sleep.

* * *

I didn't rest long though; when I woke up I had already been patched up as best as possible. The customer, who had his rough play with me, was nowhere to be found, or else he would have had to pay extra charges. I wasn't exactly 'damaged property', but he had been unnecessarily rough, forcing me to abstain from my duties for a few days.

Apparently he had been a traveler, only staying in our town for one night, so chances were slim to ever catch him and demand payment. Not that it mattered much.

I was allowed to stay in the brothel for recovery, a message was sent to Emil informing him of my temporal inability to come home and my latest paycheck. Emil wasn't the kind of person to be worried easily, so I wasn't at all surprised when his answer contained a simple "Get well soon."

The girls on the other hand were out of their minds. Thy fussed and fawned over me, more than usually, apologizing excessively for not barging in on us, as they heard me scream, thinking it was all part of a kind of role play. Some even were going as far as to apologize for putting me into a dress.

It became unnerving after a time, to continuously reassuring them that I wasn't mad, and that it was alright and so on. But deep down I enjoyed their attention, it remembered me of how my mother had been, when my father was still alive. They gave me the feeling of being wanted and, above all, loved. Something I craved right now, however shameful it was to admit.

And for the patron, well he came once and checked on me, raising an eyebrow pointedly in a silent conversation he held with the Lady, who was currently present in the room.

And that was about it, no scolding, no reprimand, no lecture of how I was expected to behave. "You'll be fine." The Lady said her head tilted to the side, her features grazed by the hint of a smile. And with that she left, following after the patron, and I was confused, just about what I had witnessed there.

When the evening came, the girls relocated their fitting room to the one I was currently residing in, so I was surrounded by a horde of chatter and laughter, as they got ready for the night. Occasionally one wanted to ask my opinion, a service I dutifully provided.

And when it was time for them to descend to the lounge and taking up their places as hostesses, a moment I secretly dreaded, for I couldn't stand the solitude right now, they took me with them. I had to walk on my own this time, but thanks to their caring, walking didn't feel as painful as I feared. I was seated on my usual sofa, in the midst of an enormous amount of pillows and cushions, so that I was supported from all sides. I didn't have to work though, and the security guards were asked to keep an eye on me, so that no customer would force himself on me.

How they got that special treatment past the patron was a miracle in itself.

As the evening commenced, I grew more and more comfortable with my position. Some thoughtful individual had put a glass of water on the side table, and due to my plushy seating arrangement, my back almost didn't hurt. I sighed, content with just observing.

Today seemed to be one of the more tranquil days, with not much customers to come by. But those who came were without exception greeted by a flurry of girls, eager to please. It almost gave of the impression, as if they were trying to protect me from possible client's interest. Or they were just in a particular good mood; it was hard to tell with these people. The boys on the other hand watched the display of playful wantonness wither with distaste or mild amusement, but else decided to stay out of it.

I closed my eyes and rested my head against the cushions; it felt so nice for a change. Someone begun to play the flute, and the melody wove through the air, and as another one raised their voice to song, my evening was perfect.

But my peace was short lived. Another customer entered, a fact I was unaware of, until he spoke up. Well 'spoke' is an understatement, for his loud booming voice not only disturbed my lazy thoughts but also the song and flute play.

It was him.

My eyes snapped open, and I spotted his red-clad figure immediately at the entryway, greeting the entire room with his carefree demeanor. This time without his father.

And suddenly all the thoughts I had locked back in my mind, the despair and sadness I had felt, when he hadn't shown up the day before, my cry out to him to save me, and the crushing pain, when he didn't come. How come that I had put so much expectation into him, while barely knowing him? All that talk about him being my salvation seemed to have gotten to me, more than I have liked.

I watched him anxiously; afraid of what he might do, of what _I_ might do. He wouldn't come over here, would he?

He noticed me, and his huge grin, as impossible as that should have been, grew even wider.

"Lukas Darling, I missed you." He exclaimed, far too loud for my liking. But the audience had surprisingly turned their attention from him to whatever they had been doing before. Even the flute resumed its melody, the singer though stayed quiet.

He seated himself on the sofa beside me, knocking half of my pillow fort to the ground, and pulling me into a hug. I froze completely. I hadn't minded the girls, as they touched me, but Mathias was a man, I could feel his firm chest against me. He could hurt me as easily as that man did.

Seemingly oblivious to my inner distress, he nuzzled his face into my hair. "I missed you."

I felt at a loss, here he was, as I had wished only one day ago, but I couldn't help, but feel incredibly lonely.

"You didn't come." I said voice bare of emotion. It was stupid, I knew, he didn't promise me he would come, nor did he even say he would. I just made assumptions because of his actions, and what the patron had said. So it wasn't really his fault, and yet I felt the need to blame everything on him. My discomfort, the rape, even the reason why I had to work here. It was easier than to admit that there might be _something_ between us.

"Yeah, stuff came up and I had things to do." He shrugged it off as if it were nothing. There was a moment of anger, where I wanted nothing more than to yell at him, push him off from the sofa, kick and hit him with all the might I could muster.

But instead the unnoticed tension that I had carried with me, since the night before, broke down into a mess of sobs and muffled cries.

"You didn't come!" I cried helplessly into his shoulder. It was just too much, my sleep-depraved state, the memories that still were too fresh in my mind, and then his easy attitude unmarred by misery. I simply couldn't take it anymore.

He responded with silence, his surprise at my outburst present in his sudden intake of breath. Than I was lifted up, his arms cradled me, as if I were a precious child. No one stopped us, as he carried me up the stairs and into a room. It was a déjà-vu, but I didn't care enough to feel fear.

I still sobbed, as he put me down on the comforter of the bed, falling into place beside me. And then he just sat there, stroking my back, murmuring words of comfort, hardly audible over my sobs. Strangely his presence wasn't unsettling me, as I calmed down enough to regain my senses.

"I'm sorry," he said again, "but that is no reason to cry." He gently pulled me into an embrace, resting his chin on my head. "Tell me what happened." I didn't react, afraid of what would come out, if I tried to speak.

"It's alright; I'm not going to hurt you. But you have to tell me. I can feel that something's going on, you wouldn't have cried if there weren't."

It was weird. I had thought that Mathias was nothing more than a self-absorbed obnoxious guy, with the annoying habit of raising his voice above a comfortable level. But there seemed to be more to him, he was also sensitive, caring and surprisingly considerate. I felt my reluctance to speak dwindle, with every stroke of his caressing hand against my back. He had a nice smell on him, sweet and calming, like a field of flowers in spring.

"I waited for you." I finally spoke against his chest. My throat was still raw from all the screaming, but a lot of milk and honey hat eased the pain so the only clue that was left, was a slight rasp, almost inaudible. Yet, I was sure he had caught on to that, too. "I waited, and waited, and when you didn't come, I had too..." My voice trailed off, the emotions that were whirling inside of me betrayed by its wavering.

He didn't say anything; he just continued to stroke my backside. I frantically searched for words, but there were none fit to describe what I had been through. "It hurt." I finally blurt out, "It hurt so much, and he didn't stop and I… I… Why didn't you come and save me." I cried again, fists clenched into the fabric of his red shirt. Red as the blood that I bleed, and his hair had the color of the sheets I bleed on.

He gently trapped my fists into his hands, as I was pounding them against his chest in an attempt to punish him for his colorful resemblance. He brought his head down and raised my hands to his lips. I was still crying, but the tears didn't come as heavily as before, so I watched with tear streaked eyes as he placed a timid kiss on my knuckles.

"I am sorry." He said, sincerity enveloping every word. He placed another kiss on my fingers, this time accompanied by something wet. "I'm so sorry." He was crying. Why was he crying?

"I am sorry, Lukas, so terribly sorry. If only I would have come here earlier, but I thought it was unnecessary, so I declined every time my father asked. I wish…" His voice faltered, and he buried his face in our entwined hands. He was kneeling before me on the bed, my finger wet with his tears. And I didn't understand at all why he would cry. He barely knew me; to him I was a mere whore, born far beneath him, the offspring of rape. And yet, here he was, crying for my sake and _apologizing._ I could only sit and watch, I was at a loss of words.

"I wish I had been here for you." He continued his voice thick with emotion. "I don't know what you have been through to end up here, but I am sure that it was horrible, I just wish I had known you sooner. I wish I… I'm so sorry."

My tears had dried throughout his emotional outbreak, I still didn't understand what was going on, but the strength of his emotions moved me. "Mathias…" I began, but trailed off, unsure what to say. "It's not your fault." I finally managed. Weird, only moments ago, I had been so eager to blame everything on him, but now it just didn't seem fair.

"It is." He insisted, now looking at me. "I left you here, while I should just have taken you with me right away." I tensed. Did I hear that right?

"What?"

"You asked me to, didn't you?" I was startled. "You said I should save you." Oh _that_. "And I wanted to, but I wasn't sure if father would allow it, so I thought I would sort it out first, and then you… you…"

"But Mathias, that was only a joke, I told you so." I tried to reason, even though in truth it hadn't been one. But he didn't have to know that.

"No, it wasn't." he said in full earnest.

"But you can't be serious!" I argued, desperate to fight against the small spark of hope that was sparked inside of me, for it would end up a false hope anyway, and I didn't want to feel the disappointment.

"I can and I am." Mathias said, locking his eyes onto mine. "Truth is, I never have been so serious before in my entire life." "What do you mean?" I feared the direction this was headed.

"I think I love you Lukas."

What?

I meant WHAT?

"You… what?"

Oh… oh dear.

...


	6. Dissonance

**A/N:** Thank you all my dear reviewers, I hope you stay patient with me, this story is far from finished, and there is still much the both of them have to go through. Part of that being my inability to stick to the outline, instead I just write what randomly comes into my head. Or so~  
anon reviewer who wants to marry me: Thank you very much for your propositon, I really appreciate it. But my mother always told me not to go around and marry random strangers, so I am afraid I have to decline. :/  
Oddi: I'd really like to know your hunch on Lukas' reaction to Mathias' confession, I want to know, if I have proven you wrong once again. (And your other hunches too, for that matter)

Apologies for the long authors note this time, have fun reading!

* * *

„I love you Lukas."

He looked at me with in such earnest, it was baffling. How could he say something so mind blowing, as if it were the easiest thing in the world?

And how on earth could he _possibly_ mean it?

He was still holding my hands that were drained in his tears. His eyes glistened with moisture but he hadn't shed any new tears so it was only a question of time when his would be dry again. He was looking at me, a faint smile on his lips, something that was surely rare to behold of.

How could he be so calm, while my mind was reeling?

"I…" I started, but I found no words to say… to say… what?

Part of me was incredibly happy, he loved me, he said he _loved_ me, me of all people!

But this couldn't possibly be true. There was just no way. Hell, we met the day before yesterday, we exchanged maybe three lines of conversation and that was it. Granted, he massaged my shoulders, but that didn't have to mean anything.

It just wasn't possible. Things were moving so fast, too fast for me. I liked things to progress slowly at a pace I could easily follow. I didn't like drastic change, I wanted to feel safe and secure in my tiny little world. And that safety had been shattered recently, and now here was Mathias claiming he held feelings for me he couldn't have had the chance to develop in such a short time.

My hands clutched his involuntarily, the only sign of my inner turmoil.

Mathias watched me with the slightest hint of anxiousness."Lukas…?"

He expected an answer. But there was none, hell I barely even knew him, what was I supposed to say? I certainly wasn't in love with him, after all, how could I? He was loud and obnoxious, and he lived his life without a care in a world.

Maybe that was it. He was a noble's son after all. He grew up sheltered, away from the harsh reality of the world. So of course he had no clue what real love felt like. He just mistook his weird affection for love. And of course he wouldn't think twice about confessing it. And even though he so proudly claimed he loved me, left me alone in my hour of direst need. It wasn't fair to blame that on him, I knew, but I couldn't help it. After all I asked him to save me, didn't I? And he didn't believe me, when I said that it was a joke. So why didn't he save me?

I felt new tears threatening to wet my eyes, and I angrily blinked them away. No was not the time for that.

"You don't have to answer right away, it's okay, I can wait."

Somehow that statement, so full of understanding and confidence at the same time, threw me of the handle.

"Don't get so full of yourself." I spat, I was surprised about the spite in my voice.

There was just no way, was there?

"You don't _love_ me, you just think you do."

This was for the best, better to clip the tree, before it grew too big.

"You just think you love me, because you are young and carefree, and you think everything in this world is yours to take, so you don't think at all at the consequences of you randomly throwing around outrageous statements!"

I could see the shock in his face, his struggle for words.

"Lukas…"

It was the right thing to do, it had to be. He couldn't possibly love me, could he?

"Have you even bothered to think this through?" I pushed on, disregarding his attempt to speak. "You are the son of some damn noble, I can't even think of the life that is laid out before you and I am a fucking WHORE!" He recoiled at my raised voice and swearing, I didn't really mean to get loud, but I just was so agitated.

"You would have taken me with you; fine and then you would have grown tired of me and then what? WHAT? Would you have taken me back to the brothel, just depositing me there, and be all like 'yeah I don't need him anymore so take him back, pretty please?'."

This time he managed to cut in: "Lukas, I would _never_ leave you! I would take care of you forever." His eyes were wide and he looked genuinely shocked at that idea. But I just couldn't take it. It would be nice to have someone who cared for me, but in the end he would just leave me, like father and mother did. He probably wouldn't die, but he would kick me out, the moment he got fed up with me. Because there was just no was someone like him could love someone as me.

"Don't make me laugh." I sneered, my voice dripping with venom. I had never thought I could be able to be so spiteful. "You are a spoiled brat, who probably doesn't even know how to tie his own shoe laces. How could you possibly take care of me?"

"Lukas, please…"

Suddenly all of my superficial anger evaporated, it was replaced by bone deep exhaustion. How did this escalate so quickly?

"You should go." My voice was bare of any emotion, as was my inside. There just wasn't enough space to feel anything. I was so damn tired…

"Lukas-" "GO"

There was a long silence, I thought Mathias was going to argue, to try to talk me into reconsidering, and at this point hi might have even been successful. My resistance as shallow as it was was already crumbled. I didn't want to think about it.

But he complied; he got up without saying a word, without a gesture of whatsoever nature. He just left in complete silence.

So that meant I was right after all.

He didn't love me, or else he would have fought to stay.

I should be glad, shouldn't I? I was right, and I got out before it was too late. So why did I feel so empty? The emotionless state from before had evaporated as fast as it had been built into a state of painful longing. I didn't get it.

In Mathias absence I could hear the noises from the lounge, the merry talking, and the bursts of mirth as was evident in bubbles of laughter drifting up here. My hands clutched the sheets; stains of Mathias' tears were still visible on the whitened skin, stemming from the tightened grip. And to my astonishment the stains were soon joined by new drips of liquid.

It took a moment for me to register that I was crying. But the tears this time felt different than those I had cried the day before, and those I cried not so long ago into Mathias' chest. They were born from pure sadness, opposed to those fueled by despair and helpless fury.

But why was I sad?

I watched the tears on my hands blur, as my sight got more and more clouded with moisture. I had sent him away, it was the right thing to do, so why was it that I felt as if I had just something irreplaceable? I hadn't even cried, when my mother died, so why now?

"Please don't go." My mouth formed the words on its own, but there was no sound to accompany the movement. And in the end it didn't matter, because he was gone, and I had shattered every bond that had or had not been existing between us. It just didn't matter anymore.

I fell asleep there in that room, overpowered by exhaustion, but my dream was not a peaceful one. I couldn't remember the content, but I woke up with the feel of crushing sadness.

* * *

When morning came, the rays of an early sun greeted me, as I rose from the crouched position I had slept in. My hands were tangled in the sheets, as if in a desperate attempt to hold on to something.

I got up and followed my morning routine, desperate to ignore the clutter of thoughts waiting in the back of mind to jump at me at any moment, patiently waiting for a chance, when I was unprepared. I couldn't bring myself to think about what happened yesterday.

Most of the girls were still asleep, resting from their long night. But it was better like this, no one who would bother with the horrible state I was in. My eyes ringed by dark circles, hair a dull mess, even my curl hung its head dejectedly.

After I finished with my futile attempts to groom my appearance into something less appalling, I wandered downstairs on the search for something for breakfast. Most of the people who worked here, also lived here, there was a second floor, where all the lodgings were housed, so the house also provided food for them. I found the kitchen and coaxed the cook, a motherly elder woman, into feeding me a rich breakfast. Or rather, she stuffed me with as much food as possible, all the while lamenting my awful looks, and how I had to be fed back into health.

I spent the rest of the day evading everyone as good as possible, I could have simply went home, but I didn't quite feel up to facing Emil. I wasn't required to work today though, I was still recovering. So I went to bed early, refusing to be dragged down into the lobby again. I wanted to be alone, even though that meant I had to face my inner turmoil.

So I lied awake in the plushy bed in my makeshift bedroom, staring with wide eyes at the ceiling. I had felt horribly out of focus the entire day. I refused to think about what happened, about _everything_ that had happened, but that didn't mean I could relax.

I turned to the site, resting my head on my arm and closed my eyes. My chest felt heavy, but I forced my reeling mind into silence, as I drove off into sleep, hoping that tomorrow I might feel better.

* * *

The next day dawned upon me as did the last, with rays of sunlight warming my face. I groaned and closed my eyes against the invading sunlight. I didn't want to get up; I didn't feel better at all.

But it didn't help, and soon the room was lit with daylight, and there was no chance of going back to sleep. So I dragged my body out of the tangle of sheets and made my way to the bathroom. I looked better than yesterday, even though I certainly didn't feel like it.

I would have spent this day, as the day before, but a voice stopped me as I made my way back into my room, set on hiding in there from the world outside.

"You really are an idiot."

I turned around to see the Lady standing across from me in the corridor. She looked different than usual; apparently she hadn't had time yet to prepare for the day. Her hair wasn't styled into the normal careful flowery arrangement. It hung down flat around her face, and I suddenly realized how plain it actually was. Sure, it was well-kept and even glossy, but other than that it was just hanging down dull and boring. It was the exact opposite of Mathias hair, which was wild and unkempt, but also kind of stylish. The same plainness went for her face, without the tastefully applied make-up her face was nothing more than ordinary. More wrinkles were evident; I could just see the outlines around her mouth.

Only her perfect posture and careful controlled mimic remained the same. I couldn't help but be impressed. She was the most successful concubine, with her that word seemed accurate, in here; clients paid a lot of money just to spend the night with her _talking_, or playing chess. A night between her legs was almost unaffordable. She really had to know her way around that was for sure.

"What do you mean?" I answered, unwilling to talk to her, to talk to anyone.

"Please, it is obvious to all of us, that you screwed up with Mathias."

"What is it to you?" I asked defensively.

She impatiently tapped the fan she was holding against her wrist. "I told you, haven't I? What his presence here means to all of us. He was a _chance_, a chance everyone was desperate to hold on to, but they stepped aside. Because _you_ don't belong here, and it was _you_, they all sacrificed that chance for." She didn't raise her voice, she didn't have to, her anger was clearly conveyed through her way of emphasis. And throughout the increased tapping of the fan.

"You can't be serious." I said, "How could he be anyone's salvation?"

She clucked her tongue, "I never said he was your salvation, he was merely a chance. However slim, a chance is still a chance." She shook her head, the hand with the fan dropped to her side, the anger from before transformed into some kind of chagrin. "Why are you still here?"

It took a moment for me to process her words. What did she mean, where else should I be?

She looked at me, and the full impact of her stare hit me like a wall. There was just so much personality behind that stare, so much knowledge and experience. No wonder, she was in such a high favor.

"You should go to him; there might still be a chance." A chance for what? He didn't even love me.

"But he doesn't love me." I said my voice barely audible. There was no reason at all to confide that to her, but the words were out, before I could stop them.

"So what?" I looked at her, stunned and in disbelief.

"What do you need love for? You should be grateful for the opportunity to get out of here, and not act like a spoiled brat, because you need everything to be sugar coated in fluff and cotton candy."

A spoiled brat, that was exactly what I had called Mathias.

She sighed at my apparently hurt expression: "Besides, you would be surprised, if you would actually care to look past the tip of your nose. No go, I promise you, you won't regret it." Her face broke into a warm smile, and suddenly her face wasn't plain at all, it was beautiful, her eyes shining brightly.

I wasn't sure what I should make of her words, but I found myself moving despite my doubts.

My feet carried me out of the brothel on to the streets, busy with morning activities. But my steps grew slower and slower the more I proceeded. Until I came to a halt, in the middle of town, where the road parted and I had to decide if I was to go home or up the hill to where Mathias lived. The words of the Lady still swirled through my head. 'You would be surprised…' 'Go after him'. What could she possibly know that I didn't?

Maybe she knew nothing, and just wanted to get rid of me for I was threatening her position.

No, that was just ridiculous.

But still, I couldn't do it, I couldn't face Mathias. Not after all the things I said to him, and I still wasn't convinced that they weren't all true. So I started walking again, but I chose the path that lead home to where Emil was waiting.

So that was it then. Tomorrow I had to work again, so I had to get my act together, and Mathias sure as hell wouldn't show up anymore. I'd better get a hold on myself and start working on my behavior. After all I couldn't let Emil. I had to keep this job, no matter what. Emil depended on me, after all.

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I rarely paid attention to where I was going, and so the appearance of my house out of seemingly nowhere came as a surprise. So did the huddled figure that sat in front of the door, head hanging low, messy hair pointing in all directions.

No, this couldn't be possible; this was some kind of illusion. _This couldn't be happening._

'I love you' 'You would be surprised' 'Lukas, I love you'. Words whirled through my head, chasing each other, dancing around my mind who tried desperately to make sense of the person before me.

He apparently hadn't heard my approach; he still sat there his head buried in his hands, shoulders sagging.

Could he really be here?

"Mathias?"

He raised his head.

"Lukas...?"


	7. Making up

**A/N:** Gaah, I am not good at writing emotional scenes.

* * *

Time froze the moment our eyes locked. Mathias looked tired, his hair more messy than usual, and his eyes were dull. But the tiniest hint of a gleam was evident, as his eyes fell onto me.

I couldn't move, couldn't have moved for my dear life, too absorbed in the sight before me.

A leave rustled and the spell broke, time was flowing again. Mathias moved and it was apparent that he had sat there for a long time; for his movements were stiff and he scrunched his face as he got up on his feet.

"What are you doing here?" I found my voice, but it was strained. And how in the hell did he even knew where I lived?

"I waited for you." His voice was equally strained, if not more tired than mine.

"Why-" "I am sorry." What?

"I shouldn't have come onto you like that, I just couldn't think straight."

I opened my mouth, not knowing what to say but somehow felt the need to nonetheless.

"Please, just listen. If you still hate me after I'm done I will go and never bother you again."

Hate? No, I didn't hate him. I…

He stood before me, head facing down, as if it was too hard for him to look me in the eye. As if he were afraid of what he might see.

Of course he thought I hate him, after all I said to him, but that was never my intention. I just wanted to…

"I have never met someone like you before in my life, and I have met a lot of people. The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were special. I fell in love with you, right on the spot. I know that is hard to believe but I couldn't tear my eyes off of you. Everything about you was just perfect. I tried so hard to read you, to understand what you were thinking, but I couldn't and your eyes gave nothing away."

He fell to his knees, his hands reached out as if to grab mine, but they halted midways.

"And so I thought I had to just tell me, and after you asked for my help I was sure that I could help you and show you just how much I loved you. But then you…" He faltered, tears running down his cheeks. "I am so sorry."

Why was it that every time it was Mathias who apologized to me? Even though, it wasn't his fault.

"Please," he begged, arms still reached out, almost as if he was offering himself. "You have to believe me, I love you Lukas, I love you so much it hurts. I can't sleep at night, because the look in your eyes haunts me, and I know I can help you. If you'd just let me."

I felt the weight of his emotions crushing down on me, how could I ever have believed that he didn't know what love felt? After all I myself had never experienced that feeling. How could I possibly judge him on that?

"Lukas, please," he whispered "I need you."

He raised his head to finally look at me, his eyes were wet, and the moisture enhanced their blue shine. They were so powerful with emotion, that I was drawn to them.

My chest ached, and I couldn't breathe. I had worked so hard on convincing myself that it was impossible for Mathias to love me, that he just deluded himself, because I was so afraid of being left behind again. I was a coward.

Mathias knelt before me, arms open in a wide offering gesture, and I stepped forward, drawn him by his alluring words.

In truth I had wanted this from the beginning that had been the reason to ask him to save me, in the first place. I wanted to let go and be taken care of. And I wanted him to love me.

I collapsed on my knees and into his arms, which closed around me, tenderly as if afraid to hurt me. It felt so good being held like that, and I buried my face in his chest. His face was in my hair, moistening the strands with his tears, but I didn't care. I just hold on to him, pulling him as close as possible.

I still wasn't sure what exactly I felt. It might be possible for Mathias to fall in love at first sight, but that certainly didn't work for me. But we could explore that, couldn't we?

"I'm so glad." He spoke against the top of my head. "I wouldn't have been able to walk away, if you had rejected me…" I stiffened, and then pulled away.

He blinked at me, fresh tears leaving new streaks on his cheeks, his broad grin had finally returned.

"Mathias," I said voice sincere. "I believe you, when you say you love me, but that doesn't mean I love you."

His face fell instantly, a hurt and sad look clouding his eyes.

"But," I raised my hand in emphasis, "I don't hate you." I had actually wanted to say 'I like you', but on the way from my mind to my mouth, they got transformed in his head. Mathias features lightened up just a bit. "And I am willing to try with you." It was pathetic to answer a declaration of love with that, but Mathias broke into that stupid grin of his anyway and pounced onto me, effectually pinning me to the ground with his weight.

Memories flooded my mind at that, and for a moment I thought I was back again, that disgusting man over me, about to rape me. I almost screamed, but Mathias voice pulled me back: "Lukas, I am so happy. I promise you, I will make it worth, I'm sure you will love me in no time."

Oh dear, it seemed that my depression was no match for his limitless optimism. But that was a good thing, right?

And from deep down within me I suddenly felt the urge to laugh, to just lie there beneath Mathias and let all the emotions that had piled up let out in a fit of freeing laughter. I laughed and laughed, and Mathias oblivious to why I'm laughing, chimed in nonetheless.

After a while though my sudden burst of happiness died down, and I tried to catch my breath. I reached up to touch Mathias face that was still hovering over me, filled with wonder about the way he looked at me. And Mathias who kept his ever present grin leaned in slowly, careful not to startle me. His lips parted, and I, without, thinking raised my head to meet him.

Unfortunately Emil chose this moment to open the door.

"It was about time you came back, this jerk refused to leave, unless he'd seen you." Emil seemed to be completely unfazed by the situation he'd just found us in. I on the other hand was totally embarrassed as I shoved the Blonde down from me and got up. I tried to retain some shred of dignity as I smoothed out my rumpled clothes. I had just been caught by my little brother on the verge of kissing another male."

"Hey what was that for?" complained said male from the ground he still sat on.

"I believe it is time for you to go." I said pointedly.

"No way, I'm going to stay." I watched with disbelieve as Mathias rose to his feet, dusting his black coat of and grinning at me widely. I seriously couldn't believe this guy who went from downright bawling to brightest sunshine in under two seconds.

Emil, who'd watched the exchange silently just shrugged and stepped back in, but not without saying: "So I guess, you'll better come in then."

Without waiting for my reaction Mathias strode past me, brushing his shoulder against mine and hummed a merry tune. "So you're Lukas' brother, huh?"

Could anyone _believe_ these people?

"Lukas, are you coming?"

I entered and closed the door behind me, apparently Emil had cooked, because him and Mathias were holding plates and stuffing their faces. With a sigh I shoveled the remains of the dish on another plate and sat on the only available free spot left, on the bed besides Mathias.

Why does everyone have to play matchmaker? I thought wryly as I shot Emil a dirty look.

But I couldn't deny how nice it felt, almost like the time, when our parents still were alive.

"So when are you going to move in with me? And don't worry; your brother can come with us."

How the hell did things move so fast with this guy?

I sat down my fork with a clonk. "What are you talking about?"

"Who is this guy anyway?" asked Emil.

"Well I am Mathias, and what's your name?" "Emil" "Nice to meet you Emil." "This is Mr. Puffin, I found him yesterday." "Awesome."

And how the hell did this happen? And where did that bird come from?

I set down my place in favor of burying my face in my hands. What was wrong with these people, they acted as if everything were normal or rather abnormal, but with them abnormal seemed to be normal, and I didn't even know where I was going with this…

"Lukas, you alright?" "No dumbass." I let out, muffled through my hands.

"Aw, don't be like that. Everything will be fine, you'll see."

Hell, life really had its way in choosing the weirdest directions for me. But at least it had refrained from taking the least favorable way this time. Hopefully.

"See, I'll just take both of you with me, and then we all live in our house, it's really big, so there is enough space for everyone. And oh yeah, word is my cousin will come to visit soon, he's my age and I think he's bringing his friend with him, he's about your age, and it'll be so much fun." He mindlessly blabbered on, completely oblivious to my distress.

Emil just munched his food. God that kid and his nerves, I wish mine were as unshakeable as his.

"Mathias," I tried in all earnest, "listen, it's not that easy. I can't just go and live with you, have you even talked with your father about this?" His grin faded just a little at my words, but it was enough for me. "See?"

"But Lukas, I don't want you to work in that awful place anymore."

At this, Emil suddenly perked up. _Oh shit_. "Awful? I thought you were working at a waiter at the tavern? Surely it couldn't have been that awful?"

"What? No, he was working in that broth-""_Mathias_." But it was too late. Emil was too bright a kid to not put the probable ending of –el to the word broth Mathias had just let slip.

"Oops sorry, I thought he knew." "Knew what?" Emil's voice was edged with a silent threat. "Lukas, _where_ have you been working?" His tone indicated, that he very well knew where I worked, but that he wanted to hear it from me. This was not good.

"That's not important Emil." I tried to alleviate, but to no avail.

"Why would you do something like that?" He asked accusingly. He had set down his plate too, and now stood before me, finger pointing and close to enrage.

"I didn't have a choice." I tried to reason. "I had to take care of things, after mother died." "But not like this, Lukas how could you?!" The look in Emil's eyes was almost hurt. My chest felt heavy at the sight, the last time I had seen Emil so upset had been when mother died. "I'm sorry Emil, but that was the only way." I pleaded, desperate to make him understand.

"The hell it was! You could have tried to _actually_ work at the tavern, or anywhere else for that matter, _why did you chose a brothel?_" His words stung. He made it seem so easy, as if I had just had to go to a random place and ask for work, as if I didn't had to work in a brothel, as if I had a choice.

But it wasn't that easy, or was it?

Before I could reply to that though, Emil whirled around on his feet, and stomped out of the house. I wanted to go after him, but was hold back by Mathias.

"Wait, let him go, he just needs time." It was hard to admit, but he was probably right. I let myself be pulled down on the bed besides Mathias again, I didn't even object as he laid my head to rest against his shoulder. And it felt good too…

He gently caressed my hair, his other hand lazily stroking my back. I could feel myself relaxing into his arms. "He'll come around." He continued, "He's just shocked about to what length you are willing to go, just to protect him. That makes him feel like a burden to you as a brother."

Surprised at so much insight I raised my head to look at him. "And what would you know about something like this? I thought you were an only child?"

He chuckled. "I always wanted a brother, you know. Hey, you could be my brother!" He exclaimed, happy at this new idea of his. I snorted. "I thought you wanted me as a lover?" "Oh." His face fell again. "But you said you didn't love me yet, so you can be my brother until you do." "But I have already a brother, and one little brother clearly is enough." "So then it's decided, I'm your bug brother and will take care of you from now on." I sighed in exasperation. "Whatever."

Mathias enthusiastically pulled me into a hug. "Awesome." He really seemed to say that a lot.

"So it's time for you to pack your things." I pulled back from him, taking his hands into mine to keep him from randomly tackling me again. "Mathias I don't think that's a good idea." His face fell, for the 'I don't really know how often already' time. That guy carried his emotions really on his sleeve.

"I barely know you, and I want to take things slow. I…" I hesitated, unwilling to commit to anything too early. "I will move in with you, when I feel right, but that isn't just yet. And I also have to take care of Emil, he needs me know as a big brother." Maybe it was unfair to play the big brother card, but it worked. His face calmed in understanding.

"But Lukas, promise me that you won't work in that place anymore. I just can't stand the thought of you being… being used like that." I let out a heavy sigh. Why was it that I was always sighing when it came to this guy? Thankfully no one ever died of sighing before.

"I can't just do that, in case you haven't noticed, we need the money."

"Then I'll pay for you."

"What? With what money, I won't accept any of your father's money."

"Don't worry, I have my own money, my grandfather gave it to me, he wanted me to learn to be responsible with money on my own."

My mouth fell, this was just unbelievable.

"I can't accept your money like that."

"You can, and you will." Mathias took my hand into his in a fierce grip. "If you don't want my money, I'll give you whatever you need directly, like food and stuff. But I won't, under any circumstances let you sell your body again."

"And if I find another job?" I asked meekly. Wait, did I just halfway give in into his offer? What the hell was wrong with me? Did he really have that effect on me?

"We can decide that, when you get one. But you have to promise me, you go there tomorrow and tell them you'll never come back." His hands tightened around mine, almost to the state of hurt. "_Promise_ me."

"Fine, I promise." I gave in, exhaling in relieve as he released his grip.

"Don't worry, I will take care of you, I promise. You're not alone you know?" He leaned in and brushed a kiss on my temple.

"It'll be fine."

To be honest I wasn't so sure about that, I couldn't share in his confidence. I doubted the patron would let me off the hook so easily. And I doubted that anything his father had to say on the matter would be beneficial. But for now I was content just to sit there, cradled in Mathias strong arms and worry for once not about the future.

Maybe my life had finally decided to take a turn for the better.

...


	8. Bargaining

**A/N: ** Lycoris: Don't worry, I'm actually glad that you pointed it out, so I could fix it ;)

* * *

Sometimes I just hated it to be right. As predicted the patron wasn't pleased at all at my intention of dropping out of business. I stood in his office, fidgeting under his glare that seemed to scream 'I am not amused' at me. I had seen this coming, and yet I had hoped against it, only to be proven wrong, or right, depending on how you look at it. Or something like this.

Ah this was starting to get me confused.

Focus, Lukas _focus_, I thought to myself.

After Mathias and I had come to terms, sort of, we had spent the rest of the day just holding on to each other, saying nothing and just enjoy the other's company. Or at least, that was how I would have gladly spent that day, but after about half an hour, Mathias declared he was about to die of boredom and dragged me out of the house. So in truth, we spent the rest of the day wandering through the forest, while Mathias talked and talked and asked for my opinion and finally to talk some more.

As annoyingly obnoxious he could be, I still found comfort in his endless monologues. At least I wasn't required to answer, often, and after a while his voice melted into the background noises of the forest and I found myself to be completely relaxed. And to my utter astonishment Mathias tried nothing; he made no pass at me or tried to touch me inappropriately. Granted, he complimented me more than once and he did touch me. But they were Mathias-like touches, bare of anything than innocent joy. He would pull my hand, when he discovered a shallow pool, where he would bask in his image, until he finally remembered my presence, only to compliment the shade of my hair color.

I endured all that with more patience, I ever thought I had, but strangely enough, it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. It felt even nice in some way, to be appreciated like that. Emil loved me, I knew, but he wasn't the type of person to openly show it, and neither was I. So this was a refreshing change. And of course he kept his grin alive the whole day. I really wondered how he pulled that of. Didn't his facial muscles hurt like hell? Or was this his default expression, and everything that was not a grin would feel strange after some time, so that he would revert to grinning again.

When we returned to the house, Emil had been back again, and glad to be able to talk to him I had unceremoniously kicked Mathias out, despite his constant begging. Okay it wasn't nearly that easy, I had to promise him yet again that I would quit my job and that I would wait for him before I got there. He reassured me that he would come as early as possible and before I could object he placed a timid kiss on my forehead, whispering 'I love you' in my ear. Then he was off, waving enthusiastically and grinning like a madman. What else was new?

During that whole goodbye-scene Emil had waited inside, so as not to get caught in the middle. I caught myself watching Mathias fondly, as he finally turned around and walked down the road towards the town.

I collected myself before I entered the house, closing the door gingerly behind me. This would not be easy. But Emil, I swear that kid sometimes was too clever for his own good, surprised me: "You're going to quit, aren't you?" "Well, yes… I guess?"

"You better do, or else I will never talk to you again." He said with brows furrowed in determination and added, "Ever."

"So you're not mad?" I couldn't help but ask.

He sighed, and suddenly he didn't look angry anymore, he looked rather sad. "Of course not Lukas, I am just… I am angry at the circumstances, and that you didn't talk to me first. We could have sorted something out, we're brothers after all." He stepped forward and hesitated for a moment before he pulled me into a hug. "You're not alone in this you know? I'm a big boy now, I can help you."

Mathias had said almost the same.

I returned the hug and so we stood there for a seemingly endless moment, before Emil pulled away, suddenly embarrassed. "I'll make dinner." He mumbled and shuffled past me to the small area that was our kitchen.

That thing we had in common, we both weren't comfortable with our emotions out in the open.

That day I went to bed early, my mind set on outsmarting Mathias and leave, before he would show up. He deemed me to be someone who would sleep through the whole morning anyway.

But I couldn't sleep, I lied wide awake unable to put my mind to rest. I stared at the roof, wondering how odd the ways of life were. One moment I had to have to cry myself to sleep, for the pain in my body and soul was too unbearable. And the next moment I was embraced by someone I had just recently met, and who claimed to love me. How did things like this happen?

But I couldn't help but smile as I thought of that annoying Blonde. He just made me feel warm and comfortable, a feeling I hadn't had since the time my father died. And before I could stop them, I felt tears streaming down my cheeks, I was never an emotional person, but the storm of feelings that had broken down upon me the past few days was enough to shatter my inner barriers. But they weren't all tears of sadness; on the contrary, my mouth was pulled into the light state of a smile.

"Don't worry Lukas, it will be alright." I tensed; I didn't know that Emil was awake too. "He's an idiot but he's an honest idiot." He continued, apparently he was speaking of Mathias. I didn't answer; maybe he would just think I was asleep.

"I love you." His voice had a rare gentle undertone. "I love you, too." I answered after a while, not sure if he had heard it or not. But after that sleep came fast and I didn't care anymore.

* * *

The next morning I woke up early. I sneaked out of my bed and past Emil, careful not to disturb him in his sleep. The sun had just begun to rise as I stepped out of the house. Mathias was nowhere in sight so I didn't waste any more time and started walking towards the town.

Despite the early hour, people were already up and about, glancing at me with curiosity from time to time. It wasn't unusual for me to walk through town, and people had gotten used to it. The times when my family was hated, had faded, most didn't even remember. But I had never been up this early. I tried to ignore the occasional stares as best I could, the nervous knot in my stomach was tight enough already.

The patron definitely wouldn't take kindly to this.

But there was no use delaying it, I braced myself as I reached the brothel and entered through the side entrance. The employees mostly were still asleep, but I knew that the patron was already up, for he would rise with the soon so not to waste any part of the day.

I reached his office door and halted. Suddenly the knot in my innards grew tighter and I swallowed hard. I had no bargaining point at all, which made this matter pretty complicated. Maybe I could just argue that my performances wouldn't be able to increase, and take him on his threat to kick me out, when I continued to fail. But knowing him, he would certainly demand compensation.

I knocked and entered upon answer.

And as I had predicted before, he didn't like my proposal at all.

So now I was standing here, hands nervously clasped behind my back, unable to meet his gaze.

"You know Lukas, I can't just do that." His voice was calm and all business-like. But I didn't miss the implications that laced every word.

"If you had provided valued services maybe, or had received a certain level of damage maybe…" He trailed off, tapping his finger on the dark wood of his giant desk.

This was without a doubt, not good.

I straightened myself. "I am sorry, but I have absolutely no intention of continuing my work here." I stated with a firm, I didn't really feel.

"Oh but then who will pay your food?" He asked innocently with a raised brow.

I didn't answer to that, unwilling to give off my 'deal' with Mathias. He scrutinized me for a moment and then leaned his head back and laughed. "Oh so you managed to seduce Kohler's son. Congrats' on that." What, who? Did he mean Mathias? I didn't know that his last name was Kohler, but then again I had never asked him as much.

"But that only means, I will certainly not let you out of the deal." He smirked and leaned back in his chair, resting his fingers against each other. "And don't think you can just walk out of here, I know where you live after all. You have a little brother I have heard, how is he?" His voice had taken up a more threatening note and I shivered involuntarily. "Leave my brother out of this." I spat through gritted teeth.

"Oh I don't have any quarrel with your brother. That is if you do as I say… You don't want little Emil to get hurt, do you?" How did he know his name? Damn that bastard.

"What do you want?" I asked, already dreading the answer.

"Well you a certainly not fitted for this kind of work, I grant you that, but there are other things you could be helpful with." He smiled at me, but this smile wasn't friendly at all.

"See the Kohlers are rich, but I'm sure you know that already." He leaned over the desk and lowered his voice, as if he were to confide some sort of conspiracy at me. Come to think of it, he probably really was.

"I want you to use that fool of a son to get me as much money as possible. I won't set a limit, that's just how kind I am, but I certainly expect a large sum."

He leaned back again. "Don't disappoint me though; I won't take kindly to _that_."

This couldn't be happening. I felt a sickening fir of nausea rise in my stomach.

"I'll give you a week, that is more than generous, but I think it will be worth the wait."

Life really was a bitch.

"So do we have ourselves a deal?" I swallowed the uprising nausea, not wanting to worsen my situation by throwing up on his well-groomed carpet floor.

"What if…" My voice cracked and I had to try again.

"What if I can't get any money?" Or rather, what if I wasn't intent on shaking hands on this stupid deal?

"Well I told you, didn't I?" Oh shit.

"Your brother would pay the price. I'm sure I can sell his virgin ass with a better price than yours. He's still a child after all, and children are hard to come by. "Or maybe I get a taste of him myself". He licked his lips almost as if in anticipation. "But I like it rough, he probably won't get up after I am done with him."

I broke into cold sweat, and had to fight down yet another surge of nausea. I couldn't let that happen, I just couldn't. I couldn't let that beast lay his hands on my precious baby brother. But how was I supposed to talk Mathias out of so much money. Sure he offered me some gladly, but this was more than just living expenses. This was serious.

I could always go back to working for him, but something made me think that he wouldn't take me back that easily. And besides I had promised Mathias to never work here again.

I lowered my head in defeat and muttered under my breath: "Fine."

"What was that? I didn't quite catch that."

"Fine." I hissed, louder this time. "I'll get you your money, just keep Emil out of this."

"Perfect." He smiled again at me, as if we had just to an equal benefitting conclusion.

That damn bastard, oh how I hated his guts. But there was nothing I could do.

"It's always a pleasure making a deal with you Lukas." Why did he have to sound so god damn happy?

"I'll expect you in a week. Don't be late or I cannot guarantee what will happen." He said, as I turned around to leave his study. I closed the door to his self-satisfied laughter.

This was bad, really bad.

What was I supposed to do?

Suddenly I regretted coming here without Mathias. Sure he was a nuisance most of the time, but his presence would at least comfort me. And maybe he would have been able to stand up to the patron.

With a sigh I walked down the hallway towards the exit.

"Lukas." A voice called me back, and I turned around unwilling to face whoever it was who called out to me. I shouldn't have been surprised as I saw the familiar features of the Lady. Again she was dressed and styled only casually, the hair framing her face reflecting the light from the oil-amps on the wall.

"How was it?"

"Horrible." I answered mindlessly, before I could remember that she most likely didn't ask about my unfavorable talk with the patron from just minutes ago.

"Oh that," I corrected, "that went pretty well… I guess."

She raised an eyebrow at that, but to my relief didn't inquire further what it was exactly, that went horrible.

"I'm glad it worked out." She said and smiled. "So I hope you take that chance and get out of here?"

Well about that…

But instead I just nodded. I didn't want to pull her into this mess too, after she had helped me countless time. Thinking about that, I decided to ask a question that had been on my mind for quite some time now.

"Why did you help me? I mean you didn't have to, so yeah, why?"

For a moment she just looked at me. I was sure then that she wouldn't answer, or feed me off with a 'Why not' of sorts, but she spoke.

"You remind me of someone." Her voice was solemn and her eyes were looking at something that wasn't there, a memory maybe. When I thought she would leave it at that, she continued: "I had a sister once, she was older and always eager to protect me. When our parents died, she worked day and night to provide for me, and when that wasn't enough she everything she had. And after that, she sold all of our family heirlooms. All the while, never touching anything that belonged to me.

And when that still wasn't enough, she finally sold her body. But she didn't got as lucky as us she ended up on the streets, forced to sell her body to abusive and violent men who where a hair strand above gutter dregs.

I wasn't aware of it until it was too late, and even then her sacrifice wasn't enough to completely save me. But it was enough to provide me with a little bit of education and so I ended up here. It could have been much worse, and it is only thanks to her that it isn't."

She finished, her eyes were set on an almost invisible dirt spot on the else meticulously clean wall.

"I never got to say thank you, though. She died before I got the chance."

"I couldn't help but say: "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

Silence fell between us, only disturbed by the distant ticking of a clock. Which reminded me that I had to go and face Mathias wrath for leaving him behind. And that I had to come up with a plan to satisfy the patron. I briefly had the mind to ask the Lady for help, but I discarder the idea as soon as I saw the sad look on her face. She had done enough.

"I just wanted to make sure, that you wouldn't die before your brother could say thank you." She smiled at me, and even though her eyes were still sad, her smile was warm and full of something that bordered to love.

"Farewell Lukas." She said quietly and nodded her head.

"Thank you and goodbye." I replied, watching her turn on her heels and walking down the hallway, disappearing around a corner. "Thank you." I repeated silently to myself.

Had I ever said thank you to Mathias? I couldn't remember, no matter how hard I tried. Maybe I should just do that, when I returned home. And afterwards…

Afterwards I would have to think about how I could get my hands on any money. My shoulders slumped, I made my way down the hall and through the side entrance, exiting into what looked to be a promising morning in autumn, one of the last warm days in this year.

Despite the warmth that was radiating from the morning sun, I felt cold. The road through the town was illuminated and bathed in sunlight. Red and yellow leaves were raining down as I passed through the alley, that led to the mayor's estate.

This day looked nothing but perfect. So why was it that I, on this beautiful day, had to feel like everything was about to crush down on me any minute?

Life really wasn't kind at all.

...


	9. Confiding

It didn't take long for me to reach our little house at the outskirts of town. The sun had barely moved from the spot it was on, when I departed from the brothel. But to me it felt like an eternity. An eternity pressed into a second.

My feet slowed their pace as the house came into sight. I took another hesitant step, than I stopped altogether. Mathias was probably waiting for me, most certainly angry with me. And I couldn't really blame him. But he would be much angrier if he knew, that I was about to betray him.

I looked down at my hands that were clenched, nails cutting in the tender flesh of my palm. He, who barely knew me, had promised to protect me, to wait for me, to be always there for me. And I had promised to betray him.

I had thought of talking to him, but knowing him, he would just do something stupid. Maybe even endangering himself. I wouldn't put it past him to just barge in on the patron and demanding he'd release me. And I couldn't ask him for the money either, I was sure he had inherited quite the sum from his grandfather, but it was highly unlikely to be enough to pay off the patron.

I never felt so hopeless in my entire life, not even when my mother died, because even then I had at least an idea of where to go. But now I had nothing.

_You're not alone in this, you know?_

Mathias' words sounded in my head. Then why did I feel so terribly alone?

My thoughts were interrupted as the door to our house was jerked open and a tall figure stepped out in the sunlight.

Light reflected off, of wild tangled yellow strands of hair, a flash of red shone from under a black cover, and then I was engulfed in firm arms and a steady grip of hands around my body.

"Lukas, thank god you're okay." Mathias said as he hugged my lifeless form.

Even after all I'd done, even after I had agreed to betray his trust, he was still there to worry about me, his only concern being my safety.

"Why didn't you wait?" He asked, pulling back from the embrace to look a t me. But I couldn't meet his gaze, so I averted my eyes. Why wasn't he angry? It would have been easier if he were angry. His anger I could met with anger of my own, but this, I couldn't face this.

"Lukas… is everything alright?" His voice was full of concern and he gently lifted my face with his fingers, forcing me to meet his gaze. But I still refused to acknowledge him; my eyes looked at everything but him.

"Lukas…" he started, but I could him off. I pushed back his hand and brushed past him. "I'm fine."

I walked through the still open door, glad that Emil wasn't there to inquire. I would have the door shut right behind me but Mathias beat me to it and stepped through.

I stood with my back turned on him, busying myself with some leftover dishes from the day before. Maybe he would just go back home, if I ignored him. But of course, he would never just do that, so instead, I found myself yet again in his tight embrace. He rested his face in on my shoulder, his breath tingled the skin of my neck.

"Why," He whispered, "Why won't you talk to me?" I closed my eyes, my hand moved on his own, rising to lie on top of Mathias' head. But my guilt stopped it halfway, so it hung there for a moment, before I dropped it again. "Didn't I tell you? I will be there for you, no matter what, so pleas talk to me."

And suddenly my restraint was broken; I could no longer hold back the tears that were threatening to fall the whole time. And with the tear came everything else, I broke down in Mathias' arms and told him everything that had happened. I didn't spare one detail, however shameful it might have been; all the while he was holding me tight, a silent comfort.

When I was finished, I was sitting on the floor, may hands wiping away at my eyes, still sniffling. And Mathias kept his firm embrace, sitting behind me and hugging me close.

When I was able to calm down enough to steady my breath, the silence had become unnerving. I dreaded whatever he was about to say. Surely he would be mad at me? But then why was he still holding me like that? I couldn't see his face, so there was no way of telling, what he thought. After my pathetic display of weakness, would he even be able to look at me?

So when he finally spoke up, my whole body tensed in nervous anticipation.

"Don't worry." He said. "We'll figure something out. Together."

"But why?" I whispered, barely audible, "Why aren't you mad?" "I could never be mad at you Lukas, because I love you." He tugged at my arm, until I turned around to face him. "You should know that by now." With that he cradled my face in his hands, his eyes bore into mine and then his lips closed in on mine. One mad, beautiful, breathtaking moment we were kissing, before he broke away.

"I promised you, didn't I? I'll never let you down."

His words made me flush with embarrassment. How could he say all those cheesy line, without dying of shame? Against my will I had to smile at that thought.

"I'm glad that you told me. I really don't know what's going on in your head, so you have to tell me."

Somehow Mathias had a way of making me feel better; he just seemed to ease away all my worries. Well almost all worries. "But what are we going to do about… well you know? You surely can't have enough money to pay him off?" A drastic change happened with Mathias at my words. His good natured grin that had been present even now, even though damped, vanished and a look of severe determination took over its place.

"I'll talk to father about that." His voice was more serious than ever. "I won't allow anyone to hurt you. Besides, there definitely needs to be done something about that person's politics. He let a man get away with rape that is inexcusable." The last words were spoken with a menacing threat to them. The grip of Mathias' hands on my arms had become tighter and almost painful. His eyes were fierce with anger, but under that there was a slight hint of pain and guilt.

"I will find that man and punish him for what he did to you." Now his grip really hurt, and I winced under his sharp glare. "Mathias, you're hurting me." The menacing aura disappeared as fast, as it had appeared. Mathias sat back on his feet and stroke a hand through his hair, messing it up even further.

"Sorry." He muttered, "I guess this juts got me agitated."

With a sigh he got up to his feet, reaching a hand down to me and pulling me on my feet with him. "Pack your things; I won't let you stay here, while that madman threatens your little brother." This time, he didn't left space to argue, his voice was final. And to my surprise it felt almost good to comply. Maybe this was for the best, if Emil was in that big estate, the patron surely wouldn't be able to touch him. But…

"Where is Emil?" "Oh don't worry he went out to buy ingredients for breakfast." His words were accentuated by the growl of his stomach. "I hope he hurries, I am hungry." He said unnecessarily. But he was right, I was hungry too.

As on cue, the door opened and Emil entered, a bag slung over his back. "Oh you're back." He commented casually, and dropped the bag on the kitchen table.

While he was busy preparing breakfast, Mathias and I started to pack the few belongings we had a task that barely took any time up at all. I looked at the two pathetically small bags that laid on the floor, after we were done. Was that really everything we owned?

As if he heard my thoughts, Mathias hooked an arm around my waist and said: "Don't worry I have enough stuff for the three of us, we can share." Grumbling, I swatted his hand away, I wasn't sunk so low that I would take alms from the likes of him. Oh hell, who am I kidding, I didn't have a chance, I had to depend on him. No matter what my pride would think of that.

By the time Emil was finished, I had my hands full on fending Mathias attempts on snuggling away. How could anyone be so cuddly? So I gladly accepted a plate and started eating. Emil was the better cook in our family; I was capable of creating only the most horrendous meals. So Emil had begrudgingly taken it in his own hands to protect his stomach from constant sickness.

Mathias seemed to enjoy the meal, too, but then again it could just be him stuffing his face with everything edible, so it was hard to tell.

After we were finished I washed the dishes and then put everything in the bags, which added at least a little volume to their contents. Then it was time to go, and I suddenly felt reluctant to leave this house, that was my home for almost my whole life.

I looked around one last time, savoring every last detail, as if I would never see it again. But that was unlikely; it was not as if we moved out of town. We could be back here, whenever we wanted. With one last glance, I stepped through the threshold to where the others were waiting and closed the door behind me. Emil had taken surprisingly calm to the change of lodgings, but he had never been as attached to this place as I had been.

A warm wind was blowing, rustling the leaves of the nearby forest and swaying the laundry lines back and forth, almost as if they were waving goodbye. It should only be temporary relocation, so why did it feel like the last time I would ever see this place?

I shook of that feeling and turned toward the path that led away and into the town. But this time we wouldn't walk into town, but take the fork to the mansion on the hill, overlooking the town.

It was the first time I walked this path, since the time my father had worked on the construction, and I had frequently visited him to bring him his lunch. That had been years ago, but I could feel the uneasiness approach, the further we came. Was this really alright? Emil and me, living in that very house that cost our father his life? But there was no helping it, and so I instead concentrated on my surroundings.

Mathias was babbling on and on about this and that, Emil was seemingly lost in his own little world, the puffin he had picked up the other day from who knows where, was perched on his head. Did puffins actually even live in this climate? Certainly not, but then, where did Emil get him from? Unwilling to save that puzzle now, I took in the scenery around me. Autumn was at its peak, the trees were bathed in color, and so was the ground besides the path. It was still decently warm, so we wouldn't have to worry for winter clothing anytime soon. But wait, we had Mathias now, so maybe it wouldn't be such a pain in the ass to take care of that after all.

"Oh and I forgot to tell you." Mathias' chatter suddenly broke through my intake of scenery, "My cousin will come to visit tomorrow, and he will bring his friend with him, and… oh wait I _have_ told you that, haven't I? Oh dear, I can't remember, but it doesn't matter anyway, 'cause I told you know."

I couldn't say I was too eager to meet his cousin, he probably was as loud and annoying as Mathias, but I refrained from speaking my mind in favor of being polite. Mathias didn't even seem to notice our constant silence; he just commenced his happy chatter.

We followed the road until we came upon a well groomed pathway that led straight to the villas' entrance. It was more like an alley though, neatly aligned trees shadowed our approach. It almost felt like we were in a tunnel.

The mansion itself was impressive, all white marble, don't ask me how they got marble here in this remote place near the border, wide parks stretched put on either side, and a mighty balcony overlooked the front. There was a fountain right in front of the house, white angelic figures pouring water out of amphoras in an endless cycle.

I had only been here, when the house still was under construction so I had never seen it finished. I couldn't help but watch with wide eyes at the abundant display of wealth and power. Suddenly I felt small and insignificant, I didn't belong here. I would have stopped right then and there, had dragged Emil with me back to where we belong, but Mathias pulled me along relentlessly.

His grip was comforting, so I swallowed and walked up the wide marble steps that led to the entrance. Emil followed right after, looking almost bored, but I knew that was just a façade. Underneath he was probably in awe, just like me.

I almost expected to be greeted by servants, who would fuss over Mathias as soon as we entered, but to my surprise there was no one beyond the grand doors. Mathias just shrugged at my questioning look. "My father doesn't like the presence of too many servants, so we only have a few. And they are mostly hidden in the servant's area of the house. He also thinks that getting attended to all the time makes people weak. So basically I took care of myself all the time." He sported a proud grin at that, obviously pleased that he wasn't the 'spoiled brat' I had accused him of being.

I ignored him though and took a good look at my new home. As the outside the inside was just screaming 'wealth' at me from every corner. The carpet was thick and lush, the wood that furnished the walls was dark and smooth, the paintings adorning the walls were surely masterpieces and the giant candelabra that hung over the staircases leading to the upper floor glinted in what appeared to be pure gold. I would learn only later, that pure gold would have been too heavy so it was only gilded brass, but still.

We followed Mathias upstairs in what appeared to his room, where he deposited the bags he had been carrying the whole time and bid us to wait until he was back. He was going to see his father and convince him in allowing us to stay. I just hoped that his father would comply, or else we would have to return to our house, and then we would have been at just where we started.

I looked around uneasily. This room was just too big, and there was hardly any furniture. Emil had occupied the only chair, a luxury armchair, all plushy with red fabric and looking exceedingly comfort. According to the look on his face it actually was.

The bed also was enormous; it took up the most space by far, even before the giant of a wardrobe. The sheets were also red, a darker shade than the chair though. Heavy curtains lined the windows, ready to be pulled close and block out the sun at any moment. The floor was covered with a thick and soft carpet that almost swallowed up my feet and invited to just lie down and snuggle into it.

A bookshelf took up one side of the room, but since I couldn't read that didn't hold any temptation. Due to the lack of seating furniture, I sat down on the bed. Oh god, this was a real bed, with a real mattress and not just some straw stuffed in. I sprawled out on it with a content sigh and let myself sunk into the sheets. This was perfect.

"It's nice here." Emil said, and I just nodded, not caring if he could see me from his position or not. He seemed satisfied with that, though.

After a while Mathias came back, with an unreadable expression on his face. "Emil, why don't you go down and find us something to eat?" He suggested. "The kitchen is right from the staircase, it's hard to miss." Emil, even though we just had breakfast, got up and left the room. Obviously Mathias wanted some time to speak in private.

I rose from my comfortable position, lying on the bed; head supported by one propped up arm, to get a better look at Mathias. He closed in on me, falling heavily in besides me and resting his head on my shoulders. He seemed exhausted, but I couldn't say why.

"Everything okay?" This time it was me, who asked.

"Mhm."

"Did your father agree?"

"Mhm."

That hadn't been much of an answer but I chose not to inquire further. Instead I leaned my head on his, and said what had been on my mind for a long time now.

"Mathias?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

...


	10. Exploring

**A/N:** So I think that this will at last make up for earlier doscomforts *cough* Well... yeah...

Also I have been thinking on granting the 50th reviewer a request at a oneshot, not because I want reviews, but because I kind of want to write a short story and I simply lack ideas (and motivation). So if this chapter reaches the lucky #50 I think I'll give it a try, if not, well there will definitely be a chapter 11. I'm not sure about the conditions yet, but they won't be too hard (probably no Gerita or Spamano though) and you would have to give me a theme too.

Have fun reading!

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After some minor coaxing and major threatening I got the story out of Mathias how he had convinced his father to let us stay here.

If Mathias, who had up until now neglected his studies, would agree on performing his duties as was expected of the next heir of the family, he could 'house as many stray cats and dogs as he wished, and was able to handle'. After all, that would maybe even teach him responsibility. So basically I was not the only one who had a hard time, keeping up with Mathias antics.

But I definitely didn't like to be called a stray cat, let alone stray dog. There was not much I could do though. For the time being I was just glad that we could stay.

Emil returned with some snacks, and we sat there a while in silence, only disturbed by chewing noises.

Mathias had to leave after the meal and hold his end of the bargain, meaning he had to study. I watched him go with mixed feelings, I had time to get used to this new situation, without him constantly throwing my train of thoughts off the tracks, but I also felt kind of lost in this giant empty mansion.

Emil had gone off to explore on his own, his puffin still perched on his head. I wondered if that bird ever got heavy. I didn't know what to do with myself, so after a while I followed Emil's example and started to explore my new home. According to Mathias we could go everywhere except for the rooms on the end of the corridor on the second floor. Those were his father's. But I didn't have any desire to go near him anyway, so I kept my distance.

The ground floor held the kitchen, the dining room, which was more like a dining hall, the servant quarters, and rooms to receive guests. The first floor was where Mathias rooms were located, aside from his bedroom he had a bathroom, with an enormous bathtub, which I made a mental note to try once, and a smaller room for his studies. The latter was currently in use by Mathias, and I deliberately left out in on my exploration tour, he would probably just jump at the opportunity to skip his duties and harass me instead.

There were also some vacant guest rooms on that floor, one of them had been prepared to accommodate Mathias' cousin who would arrive tomorrow.

The second floor held, as mentioned before, the rooms of Mathias' father and some sort of entertainment room, filled with various items to shorten one's while.

And there was the attic. The staircase was rather hidden, behind a curtain at the end of the corridor. I felt weird as I ascended the steps. This was the very place, where my father had lost his life. The attic was dark, the wooden constructions that supported the roof, barely visible in the faint light that shone from the opening of the stairs.

I used my arms to feel my surroundings, careful not to hit my head anywhere or stumble and break something in the process. With time my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and could make out more of my surroundings. But there was not much to see, everything was covered in a thick layer of dust and cobwebs hung from the ceiling.

A small metal plate caught my eye, as I turned around to make my way back to the stairs. I hesitated briefly then I walked over and examined it. The plate too was covered in dust and I brushed it off, to read what had been written on it.

I gasped, which resulted in heavy coughing, since I breathed in the dust I had previously brushed off. It took a while to calm down my complaining lungs, but eventually I managed. There in the plate, was written my father's name and the date of his accident.

We had never heard anything from the owner of the house, after my father had been killed; we always assumed that he simply didn't care. But someone had put a plate up here, to remember him. That notion, however small, made my eyes sting with tears. Or maybe it was just the dusty air again. I retreated, wiping my eyes and descended the stairs.

At the end of the stairs, I took a moment to collect myself, my father had been dead for so long, and there was no use in getting worked up over it now. I just hoped Emil wouldn't discover the plate. I made sure that the stair was very well hidden behind the curtain and returned to Mathias' room.

But instead of finding it empty, the sight of Mathias resting in his armchair greeted me. The moment he spotted me entering he leaped to his feet and tackle-hugged me.

"Lukas, I missed you."

"I wasn't gone that long, besides aren't you supposed to study?"

"Nah, I'm already finished."

I looked outside the window, and true the sun had moved quite a bit since I started on my little adventure.

"Where's Emil?" I asked, I hadn't encountered him on my tour, so I was a little worried, but Mathias dispersed my worries with a wave of his hand. "He's playing in the garden, playing with his puffin. I saw him from my study's window."

He looked at me, and his already far too wide grin threatened to spread even wider.

"Lukas…"

"What?" I snapped, irritated by his behavior.

"You look funny." Huh?

He dragged me to a mirror that hung besides the wardrobe and positioned me in front of it. I stared with wide eyes at my reflection. My hair was decorated with cobwebs and I had specks of dust on my face and my clothes. Oh hell, why hadn't I noticed earlier? This was so embarrassing. And the situation was made worse by the unmistakably red blush on my cheeks, and Mathias' grin over my shoulder. He seemed far too pleased with the situation.

"Can I use your bathroom?" I asked, and refused to look at him or the mirror. "Of course!" He exclaimed and grabbed my hand. Baffled, I could just stumble after him, as he dragged me out of his room and into the luxurious bathroom. And my confusion just increased, when he shut the door behind him.

What? Did he intent on staying here with me? Didn't he know how impolite it was to disturb people when they were bathing?

But before I could complain, he had already turned on the water in the bathtub and leaned over the counter to check the temperature.

Damn, that boy moved fast.

But hopefully he would leave as soon as the water was set up, maybe he just wanted to make sure everything was in order.

Yeah… right.

When he was satisfied with the temperature, he proceeded to pull seemingly random items out of the closets, situated on one wall. He tossed me a towel and then emptied the contents of an expensive looking bottle into the bathtub, which resulted in heavy bubble and foam building.

Uh… but was that another towel, Mathias had placed on the floor beside him?

Surely he couldn't mean…?

"What, you are still dressed?" I looked at him with wide eyes.

"Of course I am still dressed, you are still here!" My voice was high with nervousness.

"So what?" My mouth dropped open, how could he be so calm about this? Hell, he just asked me right out to get naked with him still there! I was so embarrassed.

"Don't worry, I'll undress too."

How could that be reassuring?

Completely unaware of my growing uneasiness Mathias began to strip. And I couldn't help but watch. His body was surprisingly well toned, his stomach was flat and smooth, the muscles between his skin faintly rippling and the tone of his skin was a nice tanned shade. And his member…

I snapped my eyes shut, cheeks burning red. Did I just _check him out?_

A light chuckle and I could feel his presence near me. "Don't worry Lukas, we're both boys, there's nothing you haven't seen yet so just look." I felt his breath close against my neck and shivered. "Besides shouldn't you be used to naked men?"

I froze. This was something I had banished to the farthest ends of my mind, but now his words brought all the memories back. It was true, I had seen a lot of naked men, and a lot of naked men had seen me naked. But that didn't mean I liked it one bit, and back than I hadn't had a choice.

_And I never cared for one of those men, like I do for you…_

The thought was there, unwelcome, but once it surfaced from the depth of my mind, it wouldn't disappear again.

It was true.

I liked Mathias.

It still wasn't love yet, but it could very well be, if I let it. I just had to let it happen.

A thud, and then I felt Mathias embrace around my hips. I opened my eyes and there he was, kneeling yet again before me, resting his head on my belly and hugging my waistline.

Maybe he had sensed my distress after all.

"I'm sorry Lukas, I didn't think for a minute." I didn't mean to… I'm sorry." I could feel his nose close to my belly button, pressing through the fabric of my shirt. I gently placed a hand on his head. He was still naked, but that didn't bother me as it had only a moment before.

He wouldn't hurt me, I was sure of that.

"I'll leave you alone." His voice sounded strained with guilt and concern. To my own surprise I found myself kneeling down before him and pulling him in an embrace. His naked skin pressed against my clothed one; still I could feel the heat radiating from him.

"Don't go." I whispered, suddenly afraid of losing that comforting warmth.

"Are you… sure?"

Was I? I hesitated but then I nodded. This felt good, so it had to be good, right?

Mathias smiled and leaned closer to me. "I love you." He whispered as he placed a kiss on my lips. It was a chaste and innocent kiss, yet I could feel my heartbeat increase. And for the first time I felt as if the 'I love you' he was waiting for, wasn't so far anymore.

I opened my lips, and the kiss transformed into something wild and passionate. His tongue was invading my mouth and Mathias' taste overflowed my senses. He tasted like the sun and wheat on the field, like a summer breeze in the middle of winter. I lost myself into that kiss; my hands gripped his head, pulling him ever closer, as close as possible.

He finally broke away, smiling breathlessly at me. "The bath is ready" He murmured in my ear, voice husky. He helped me out of my clothes, this time I didn't refuse.

And then I was naked, every inch of skin lied bare under Mathias' intense gaze. I averted my eyes, feeling the shame creeping up me neck. "You are beautiful." The awe in his voice was unmistakably and my shame was washed away by his words.

I looked up and met his eyes, and then he took my hand and led me to the tub that was filled with hot water, foam and bubbles. And then he reached with his arms under my legs and swept me with one strong movement from my feet and into his arms. The heat of his skin burned against me, but I was hot as well.

He lowered me down into the water and I sucked in my breath at the temperature. Mathias followed right behind, seating himself behind me, and then pulling me into his chest.

Even through the heat of the water, I could still feel the burning touch of his skin against mine. Mathias nuzzled his face in my hair, his arms firmly holding me in his grasp.

I sighed and closed my eyes, my earlier distress completely forgotten; it just felt right and good to sit here in Mathias' arms. I could have stayed here forever.

"Lukas…" Mathias voice broke the silence, "Can I touch you?"

I wanted to point out that he was already touching me, with me being in his arms, but instead I just nodded. And then his hands started to move, over my arms, my shoulders my back and finally my chest. A moan escaped my lips as he brushed against one of my nipples. My eyes flung open in embarrassed shock but Mathias only continued to play with it. And the sensation emitting from his touch was unlike everything else I ever felt.

A second moan soon followed after, and Mathias increased his playful teasing. He rubbed my other nipple, pinching it between his nails, and I gasped. My breath was already irregular and when his hand slowly trailed down over my belly towards the place between my legs, I was panting. Yet, through all this Mathias kept kissing my neck, breathing against the side of my face, reassuring me that he wouldn't hurt me and would stop whenever I wanted.

But I was far from wanting him to stop. His fingers brushed the tip of my member, which was already half-erect and I moaned loudly. He gripped the shaft and began to move his hand up and down, and I was sure I would go insane at the feelings that were raging inside of me. I panted and moaned as he increased the pace, heavily pumping me now, his other hand still played with my nipples.

"Mathias…" I managed between moans, "stop… or I'll come…" But he didn't stop, and I spilled my essence into the water.

"I love you." He whispered in my hair, I could just lie there and try to catch my breath as I came down from the high.

I never thought I could be able to feel so amazing. Of course, some of my customers had also touched me, intent on sharing their pleasure with me. But they had been roughly pumping away at me, only caring for the reaction of the body, not if I liked it one bit. And most of them didn't care at all for my pleasure, they just put it in and thrust until they were spent.

I leaned back against Mathias chest, content to just lie there and relax. "Glad, you liked it." He breathed with a chuckle. "What about you?" I asked, realizing that I had been the only one who had fun.

"It's alright, this is enough for me." I opened my eyes and moved around in the tub, until I faced Mathias. "That's not fair, you know, you can when you like." I wasn't able to meet his eyes, as I said that, but I still felt obliged to do it. After all he had done for me; this was the least I could do to make it up to him.

"Lukas." He said, and tilted my chin up with his hand. I was forced to look him in the eyes then. "You know what that would require, don't you? I don't want to put you through that, if you don't really want to." I cast my gaze down, still not comfortable with his eyes boring into mine. "I could blow you… maybe…" I mumbled something I had to do plenty of times before to turn customers on.

Mathias mumbled in something that almost sounded like exasperation. "Don't force yourself. I wouldn't feel comfortable if you'd do anything you felt compelled to do. Lukas I love you and I want you, but I want you to know, that we have time. We can do it at your pace, and I am willing to wait as long as it takes for you to be ready." He stroke my cheek with a finger taking on a tear, I didn't realize had been there. So I was crying then.

"Shh, don't cry, it's okay. I won't leave, I promise."

I tried to smile to reassure him, that I was fine, but I only managed a weak imitation. But for Mathias it seemingly was enough.

He pulled me back in his arms, holding me close until my eyes were dried. Then he lifted me up once again and carried me out of the bathtub. He placed me on the counter and put the towel around me, making sure to dry up every drop of water he found on my body.

He was still naked though, and I couldn't tear my eyes from his marvelous body. The men I had back in the brothel had not nearly been in as good a shape than Mathias was in, and somehow I found that enticing. Images of him ravaging me over and over again filled my head, no matter how desperate I tried to contain myself. It soon became physically evident that I wanted Mathias. I had never thought I could ever want someone so badly. But Mathias words and his gentle care had set something lose in me.

Mathias stopped in his tracks; he had noticed my newly revived erection. He looked at me in surprise, and before he could say anything I slammed our lips together. There was no way I could say just now, how _badly _I wanted him, so I used my body language instead to speak for me. And it worked; Mathias dropped the towel and lifted me up in his arms again.

"We should continue this on the bed, don't you think so?" I just nodded and pulled him back into a feverish kiss. The door slammed behind us and then I was tossed on the soft covers of Mathias' bed.

...


	11. Joining

**A/N:** I love you my dear followers! We have 49 reviews, so the next one will get him/herself a oneshot!

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The soft covers of the bed seemed to pull me into an embrace, the fabric cool against the heat of my skin. I just lied there a moment, taking in form of Mathias looming above me, his hair illuminated by the late afternoon sun, shone like a halo, his blue eyes were as deep as the sea and filled with so much love and affection that it stole my breath.

But I wouldn't have given myself over if it were any other way.

"I love you." He leaned in with his words reclaiming my lips once more, this time gentle as if asking an unspoken question.

_May I?_

And I replied as silent as he had, with the opening of my mouth and the alluring invitation into what lay beyond my daring tongue.

_Yes._

Because there was nothing to be afraid of, no pain, no regret, as long as it was him. Because as impossible as it had seemed not so long ago, and as avers I had been to the proposition, there was no denying it now, for I was completely and irretrievable in love with him.

And as unwilling my mouth may have been to speak the words, my body was ever as eager.

Mathias' hands cupped my face, his lips still locked on mine, but they soon strayed to wandering down my neck and shoulders. They stroke over my collarbone, leaving a trail of heat behind them. A shiver ran down my spine and soon they would find their destination in my already attendant nipples.

His fingers gently squeezed them in an alternating rhythm that fastened my heartbeat. All the while Mathias' tongue was bound in a playful fight with mine, and neither of us was willing to give in.

But then I had to draw back, in need of catching my breath, when his hand, in one sneaky movement, had traveled all the way down and brushed against my member. Heat rushed to my cheeks, filling them with a dark shade of red.

Mathias nipped at my earlobe and continued his assault on my quivering body.

I was helpless in his arms. If he had wanted to evoke harm on me, I wouldn't have been able to stop him; he orchestrated the fervent beating of my heart, the rapid inhaling of my lungs, the flurry of blood through my veins and the burning of pleasure in my every nerve.

This was even better, than the short foreplay in the bathtub.

Mathias' tongue followed the path his hands had taken down my body, stopping here and there to lick and tease. I sucked in my breath at the sensation. His fingers had infused my body with a warm tingling; his tongue set every inch it crossed on fire.

I couldn't hold back the moans any longer, but there was no need to anyway, because it was Mathias, and it was alright.

And then his mouth closed in on my erection and the sensations, I didn't think could get any better, exploded in a mess of pleasure and ecstasy. When his lips caressed the tip, and the tongue flicked against the small slit, situated at the top to pick up some stray liquid, I moaned his name, not caring anymore how lewd I sounded or how wanton I was writhing beneath Mathias' touch.

"Ahh…"

His teeth grazed against the sensitive skin, followed by the soft prodding of his tongue.

If he kept that up, I wouldn't be able to resist any longer. His hands on me, earlier in the hot steaming water, had already felt incredibly good, but that had been nothing compared to what he did now with his tongue and mouth.

"Mathias… aah…" I wasn't able to finish, whatever I had wanted to say, because in that moment Mathias' hand had decided to stroke against my balls. The touch enhanced my pleasure, yet again, something I had deemed impossible.

My hands gripped the sheets, and I could feel my release drawing near. But Mathias pulled back before I could come, the sudden impact of cold air against my wet skin, sending a shiver down my spine.

Mathias reached up for another kiss, and I closed my eyes, allowing myself to be completely lost in the feel of Mathias' lips against mine.

Then suddenly I felt a finger lightly brush against my entrance, and I tensed involuntarily. The finger instantly halted its movement. Mathias' other hand was in my hair in reassuring, and his lips moved against mine as he spoke.

"It's fine, I promise I won't hurt you. And we can always stop, just say so. I won't do anything that could hurt you." I couldn't speak, so I just nodded, mouth slightly open, an unspoken invitation, relaxing once more.

And this was all that Mathias needed, for his lips were once again connected with mine and his finger was moving again. Not intruding, just gently brushing against the entrance, playing here and there with the tight ring of muscles.

Then he was gone, his body heat no longer adjacent to mine, and for a moment there I was lost. Where did he go, and why? But then he was back again, a flask in hands, and I realized with a jolt of appreciation, that it had to be lube. There had been lube in the brothel, but it was rarely ever used. No, most customers reverted to spit, which was a poor substitute. But then again, these were still better than those who didn't care to prepare at all.

The finger was back at my entrance, this time cold with lube, but I didn't mind, as long as it meant easier penetration. The finger pushed past the muscle ring, I steadied my breathing, focusing on keeping my body relaxed, as not to make it unnecessarily harder.

The intruder still was uncomfortable though, but the sensation faded as he began to move this way and that. And then a second finger was entered, stretching the muscles, prodding against my inner walls until they found a spot that made my vision blur with pleasure.

I had never known that there existed a place like that in me that was able to make me feel like this. Or maybe it was just Mathias. Who just seemed to know the right spots to hit to make me lose my mind. His other hand slowly massaged my erection, the double sensation almost too much to bear.

A third finger glided in, and by now my breath was ragged and every nerve tingling with pleasure. He brushed against that certain spot in me one last time, before removing his fingers, leaving me with a weird feeling of sudden loss and emptiness.

"Lukas I'm going to put it in now, is that okay?" I could only admire his ability to restrain himself that allowed him to ask, even though it was obvious that he was at his limit. Sweat beaded his face, he was panting and the erection he firmly gripped in his hand was swollen to an exceptional girth.

I couldn't help but feel intimidated by the prospect of him entering me with that, it looked so _huge_. But I only nodded, because I also was desperate to feel him inside of me.

Mathias braced one arm beside my head, aligning his shaft at my entrance. I relaxed as best as I could, when he leaned in to kiss me, and then he moved forward and I could _feel_ him pushing past the ring of muscles and into _me._ And even though it hurt, even though my muscles threatened to contract in a futile attempt to push the intruder out and even though Mathias bit my lip while trying to keep from just slamming into me, it still felt great. Because it was Mathias who was pushing into me, and every inch of torturous slow and insanely sweet advance was one inch more of Mathias connecting to me.

And then he was all the way in, his balls pressing against my butt, and it was incredible. I was panting heavily by then, desperate for him to move, to hit that spot again until I would see stars.

Mathias seemed to sense my need, and he began to move, slowly at first, but as my reaction was only moaning, he picked up the pace. And then he hit this sweet spot again and I moaned his name in pure bliss. He picked up on that and continued to slam into that spot with increasing force.

I reached up and grabbed his arms in the frantic need to hold on to something, I pulled him down with me, but his movement never stopped. He was moaning too, my name on his lips enhancing the pleasure I felt.

His hand reached down between our entangled legs and gripped my neglected member, pumping it in rhythm with his thrusts. I didn't last any longer, after another few powerful thrusts I came, spilling all over Mathias hands and my belly. It was the most amazing feeling I ever had, every nerve end tingling, stars exploding before my eyes and my heart engulfed in wonderful comforting heat. Mathias kept his pace up for another few thrusts until he came deep inside of me, crying out my name and filling me with gentle warmth as his essence flowed out of him.

Then he collapsed on top of me, his head resting in the crook of my neck.

We both just lied there, taking some time to catch our breaths and basking in each other's presence, both still affected by the afterglow of sex.

I put my arms around Mathias back, hugging him as close to me as possible. The warmth still radiating from his skin was comforting.

He said something, incoherently muffled in my neck.

"What?"

He lifted his head, to look at me and grin: "That was awesome!"

Any other time I would have probably hit him for that statement but right now I just smiled back at him, because he was right. It was awesome. And I was glad with every fiber of my being that I had gone along with it.

I tugged back a strand that had gotten in Mathias' eyes and rested my hand on his cheek. I couldn't believe that this wonderful person had chosen to love me. I had never felt so happy in my entire life.

"So do you love me now?" Mathias asked, as if he had heard my thoughts. I blushed so heavily, I was sure I could mimic a tomato.

"Idiot." I muttered and averted my eyes. I still couldn't say the words. He chuckled and nuzzled into my neck. "I know you do, so don't worry." He had whispered it so quietly, that I wasn't sure if I had really heard it.

His hands traced lazy pattern on my chest, and I chose to let it slide. As long as he didn't complain, it should be fine. Mathias pulled me into a close embrace, brushing his entire body against mine and I wrinkled my nose. "You're sticky."

"And so are you."

Damn, he was right. As tired and content as I felt, I just couldn't stand the thought of falling asleep, only to wake up and realize that I was glued to Mathias.

"Come on." I said, pushing at Mathias until he got up. "Let's go to the bathroom and clean up."

"But we just came from the bathroom."

"Yes, but now we are dirty again and need cleaning."

"That's right Lukas, you are a dirty boy, I should- Ouch!"

He rubbed his head, where I had hit him, looking like a puppy that didn't know what it had just done wrong, but he followed me nonetheless into the adjacent bathroom. It was too much work to take another bath so I just wetted a towel and cleaned the spots that needed cleaning, all the while ignoring Mathias, who shamelessly stared at me.

After I was finished I tossed the towel in Mathias' face and picked up my clothes that still lied around on the floor. I exited the bathroom, clothes in hand and returned to Mathias room, where I immediately began to dress. To be honest, walking was not exactly easy, for my backside was throbbing, but it wasn't unbearable either, so I stalked as best as I could through the room.

Mathias followed shortly after, and, after seeing that I was dressed, put on his clothes as well, although grumbling and shooting me hurt glances from time to time. If he was hurt from the earlier hit, or because I forced clothes on him, I could not say.

But it seemed that he could never be angry at me for long, as soon as he was dressed, he flopped on the bed, eagerly patting his side, so I would sit down beside him. I searched the bed for traces of our previously activity, set on changing the sheets if we had to, but when I didn't found any, I sat down beside Mathias.

He immediately pulled me in another hug, which I endured without complain.

"We'll do that again, right?" He asked, almost bouncing up and down in excitement. I just grumbled in what he apparently interpreted as a positive answer, since he pounced on me and showered my face with kisses. "Lukas you are awesome!"

I tried to retain some dignity and shoved him away from me, an action he didn't seem to mind at all. He just bounced back and pounce-hugged me once again. He was like a dog, never getting tired of chasing the stick.

After a while I got bored though, and I stopped shoving him, so he could cuddle into me and nip at my neck. He could have very well been a dog.

It was about time that Emil returned, and according to the amount of light that shed through the windows, it was almost nightfall. I flicked a finger against Mathias' ear and proposed my plan for dinner.

"Right," he exclaimed, "I'm hungry!"

He jumped up and grabbed my hand, pulling me with him through the door and down the hall.

Where did he get all that energy? I wobbled after him, my legs still weary from the previous activity. Mathias, who couldn't wait obviously, lifted me in his arms and carried me down the stairs and into the kitchen. One of these days, he would drop me, I was sure of it, he didn't seem to care much for safety as was evident in the ridiculous speed he raced through the hall. I decided then that, should that ever happen, I would simply drag him down with me and make sure I landed on top of him.

The kitchen was empty and as soon as we entered I climbed out of Mathias' arms and sat on one of the chairs around the kitchen table. Mathias walked through one of the windows and pushed it open. He then leaned out of it as far as possible and yelled through the yard: "EMIIIIIIIIL COME BACK, THERE IS FOOOOOOOOD."

I buried my face in my hands, unwilling to deal with that idiot. How could I have ever fallen for him?

Mathias closed the window, his grin indicating… oh wait he was _always_ grinning, so it probably meant nothing. "He's on his way here." Mathias answered the question that his grin was unable to answer.

"So what do you want, I can make… well I can make actually almost nothing, but I'll still try." I just waved my hand, at this point I didn't care what I had to eat. As long as Mathias was busy with something productive, that was okay for me.

Why didn't this house have any servants for things like cooking? But then I recalled what Mathias had said about his father, and maybe this was just another way of teaching someone responsibility. It seemed to be more of a failure though.

Emil returned just in time for dinner to be ready, but when he saw the burned mess Mathias had created, he dumped the contents of the frying pan without a word and started to cook something more edible.

Mathias sat down on the table beside me and just shrugged in apology.

Fortunately Mathias refrained from acts of intimacy in front of my brother; maybe he had some decency after all. And when Emil was finished we all sat around the table, even the puffin got his own place with a bowl of food before him, almost as if we were a family.

And if that was what it felt like to have a family once again, with Mathias to take care of us, than that was okay, and I would like to keep that feeling.

Even though there still was a problem on the horizon, and I had only a week left to solve it.

But I wasn't alone, and that was worth at least something.

...

**A/N:** So the plot will pick up its pace a little in the next chapter, and then it will be time to update the story description. *surprise*


	12. Frightening News

After dinner was finished, we stayed there in the kitchen and enjoyed the relaxed atmosphere. Mathias did most of the talking; I could never comprehend how one person could do the amount of talking for three people. And I was content with just sitting there, listening to Mathias' never ending stories of his various exploits, watching Emil resting his head on the table and idly playing with his puffin and then ultimately falling asleep.

I wouldn't have minded it, when my life had continued like this. It was nice and peaceful, I felt at ease. But unfortunately the outlook on the horizon was much darker than we could have expected then. But even with our limited knowledge of what was about to come, we were very well aware of one problem that loomed ahead.

"So what are we going to do about my little problem with the patron?" I broke the silence that had settled in after Emil fell asleep. I was understating the severity of the situation though, I didn't feel at all like this was problem was small. And I wasn't even sure if Mathias could offer any protection, if we failed to meet the patron's expectation. I wondered if Mathias had told his father about this, but I highly doubted it. It was unlikely that he would have let us stay, if he knew. He didn't seem too pleased to have us here at all.

"Don't worry about that, I have a plan."

"Really?" I couldn't really bring myself to believe that. I hadn't come up with an idea, and I had spent more time thinking about it than Mathias could ever have.

But he just nodded, grin as broad as ever.

"So what's the plan?"

"I'll tell you tomorrow!" I raised an eyebrow. This plan of his sounded more and more suspicious, but as the even huger grin indicated Mathias would refuse to tell me at all costs, he seemed to enjoy this far too much.

I yawned, realizing just now how tired I was. It had only been this morning that the patron had offered me his 'deal', and now I was sitting in the kitchen of Mathias' home and wondered what our sleeping arrangements would be. As if right on cue, Mathias stood up and carefully lifted Emil in his arms. "He can sleep in the room I prepared for Berwald and Tino for now, until we have another room ready." Berwald and Tino? And who are these people? But I figured they had to be his cousin and friend, that Mathias had been so eager to tell us about. I just shrugged.

"And you are obviously sleeping with me." I automatically opened my mouth to protest, but before I could say anything a load of images came flooding through my mind, and my mouth closed shut, cheeks burning red.

Right, never mind.

I was not really comfortable with sharing a bed with Mathias, but I supposed it didn't matter anymore. We were a kind of couple after all. And maybe sharing with Mathias wouldn't be _that_ bad. I just hoped he didn't snore. But even then, I could still shove a pillow down his throat, if he were too loud.

Mathias, oblivious to the silent threat, carried Emil upstairs; I followed with his also sleeping puffin in hands. I then rushed forward to open the door of one of the rooms down the hall from Mathias', and watched with eagle-eye as Mathias maneuvered my sleeping brother through the threshold. But no one bumped his head and soon Emil was placed under the covers, his puffin cuddled into his arms.

I took a moment to just watch my brother sleep so peacefully, I patted his head and then left the room, Mathias following behind me. "Your brother is cute."

"Leave him alone." My words were emphasized by a punch to his shoulder, but he kept grinning and winked at me. "Don't worry; you're the only one I'm screwing." This time he dived under my punch and into his room, laughing quietly.

I sighed in exasperation, but followed him nonetheless. He had started to rummage through the drawers of his wardrobe until he found the piece of clothing he was apparently looking for. "Here, you can wear this." He tossed me the item and I hold it up and examined it. It was a large shirt, probably long enough to cover me up to my knees.

"Can't let you sleep naked, or else you wouldn't get any sleep at all." He joked and I just rolled my eyes. But then his face was suddenly sincere and he stepped over to where I stood, placing his arms on my shoulders. "But seriously, I won't touch you if you don't want to, ever." I smiled weakly, not sure what one could respond to that, but Mathias seemed happy with that and turned back to the wardrobe to dig into some more. I looked over his shoulders, not surprised at all that the interior was a complete mess. No wonder the shirt had given me was all crinkled.

I retreated into the bathroom to change and get ready for the night, I still felt self-conscious around Mathias even after all we had done today. Maybe that just added to my embarrassment.

Mathias had already changed and gotten into bed, by the time I finally finished my ritual of getting ready for bed. He lied on one side of the bed, holding the blanket up a bit, a clear invitation for me to slip in. But I suddenly felt hesitant, was it really alright for me to sleep together?

"Come on, I won't bite." Mathias patted the spot next to him and smiled encouragingly. Why was I so damn insecure? I climbed in beside him, and he immediately pulled me in his arms and snuggled into me. His breath was warm against my neck, and his arms held me in a comforting embrace. I felt safe.

"So now, who gets up and switches the light off?" "You do:" I grumbled, even though I had been the last one up and neglected to do so in the first place. But with a light chuckle Mathias got up and quickly turned the light off. After a bit of stumbling he plopped back on the bed and snuggled into me once more.

"Good night Lukas, love you." He muttered in my neck and I responded with a vague grunt. I wondered if I would ever be able to say 'I love you'. With that thought in mind I quickly fell asleep, tugged in securely between Mathias' strong arms.

* * *

I was woken the next morning from the sun that shone through the windows and directly into my eyes. We had forgotten to draw the curtains close, but Mathias, even though his face was in full light, didn't stir at all. Talk about a clean conscience. Fortunately for me, he hadn't snored, so at least I had gotten a good night's rest. I sat up and squinted to get a look outside. It was early morning, the sun had just risen above the horizon, and the morning mists rose from the fields.

I pondered briefly if I should close the curtains and try to fall asleep again, or if I should get up in favor of breakfast. Mathias grunted something incomprehensible in his sleep, and spread his body out in the space that had been occupied by my sleeping body. He seemed to be like the kind of person who would take up as much space as possible, and only my presence had hindered him to do so. But as soon as I vacated some space, he would instantly claim it.

I shrugged to no myself and cleared the last bit of space, only to be taken over by Mathias immediately. I fought back a smile, as I watched him lying there, limbs stretched out in every possible direction, mouth now half open and slightly drooling. Dammit, he looked almost cute.

I shook that thought from my mind and advanced to the drawer. Intent on finding something that would suit my taste _and_ fit, I began to rummage through the various drawers. I pulled out item after item, but most of them were either too big, or too big and too colorful. Finally I found a seemingly old pair of pants that was almost my size and a shirt that even not my size, had at least some decent coloring. I could have dressed of course in my clothes that lied in a pile in the bathroom, but I had worn them for like three days or something, and I hated unclean clothing.

Mathias didn't wake up through all of this and so I left without a second glance. I checked on Emil's room, but he was sound asleep, puffin in arm, and so I left him alone. The house was empty, a fact I found quite unnerving. In such a big mansion, shouldn't there be much more personnel? But I hadn't encountered a single servant, let alone Mathias' father. Well I wouldn't mind if the latter stayed that way.

I reached the ground floor and made my way to the kitchen, still no living being in sight. How could anyone stand to live in such a big silent house with no one around to talk to? No wonder Mathias had been so eager on getting us to live with him. But at least his cousin would arrive today, so it would get livelier, hopefully.

I pushed open the kitchen door without looking, eyes hung up on a painting I had missed the day before. It depicted some sort of half-human, with the torso and head of a man, and the body of a horse. The muscles and lines of the body were very detailed, the painter had put much effort in painting them. But I couldn't understand why anyone would want to look at something like this, it was far too _manly_.

The distraction of the painting was enough to carry me into the kitchen and close the door before I noticed that there was someone already in. I stopped dead in my tracks and gazed in silent horror on the man that had to be Mathias' father, for the familiarity was obvious. What should I do? The door had already closed behind me, so I couldn't just leave and act as if nothing happened. Maybe I should just act as if he wasn't there, but no that would be impolite.

"Good morning, you must be… Lukas I presume?" His voice was almost amicably, he didn't seem to mind that much that I had intruded on his morning coffee and I relaxed.

"Good morning, sir, yes I am Lukas." I said politely, bowing my head slightly.

I still stood frozen in the middle of the kitchen, Mathias' father leaning against a counter, sipping his coffee with inclined head and watching me with intense eyes.

"I have to confess I was curious to meet you. For Mathias to voluntarily take up his studies, you definitely had some impact on him." Hell, what did one reply to such a statement?

"Thank you, sir." Was all I could think of.

He set down his cup and approached me, and I fought the urge to step back.

"I hope you don't betray his trust in you." He stated calmly, now standing directly in front of me.

I could just nod.

He then sighed and pushed back the hair that had fallen into his eyes. His hair was as wild and unkempt as Mathias' was; only it was specked with grey here and there. "The way Mathias described you; I figure you are a reliable young man, right what Mathias needs in these unstable times." Something about his words made me squirm; there was some foreboding there, as if he had some knowledge that I had not. He looked at me, his face was serious and his eyes full of concern. He seemed to fight with himself, unsure if he should confide in me whatever it was that unsettled him, or not.

Finally he spoke up, and the serious tone of his voice was demanding all my attention.

"I haven't told Mathias yet, but he will have to know soon. I suppose you know that about 20 years ago our Kingdom was at war with the country of Lactan and that we have, since then, some kind of shaky truce with them." I nodded, I wasn't aware of it in that detail, but it had been thanks to that war, that our King had attempted to purge the country of 'everything filthy' that had led to the tragic events of my conception. He had somehow blamed the rogues and thieves and whatever else he deemed filthy, for all the misery of the war. Or maybe he had just wanted to take it out on someone that the war didn't go as planned.

"But things are about to blow off, right in our faces, the successor of the Lactanian throne has set his eyes upon our lands, and our king is far too eager to thwart their advances in a new war." This, on the other hand, was completely new to me. We lived far away from the capital on the countryside in the Western parts of our kingdom, while Lactan was situated in the east. So maybe the news hadn't reached the townsfolk yet, or else I surely would have known.

But no matter what, this was bad news, our king loved everything that was slightly military, he would parade his army at least twice a year, randomly design new uniforms that would be distributed to only half of the soldiers until the design was changed once again. His birthday and his coronation annual would be celebrated with military parades, salute cannon shooting and fireworks. Even we in our small town, far away from our crazy monarch would occasionally be swept up in the festivities.

And he would have long gone to war with the next best country, even without a reason, but thanks to his thoughtful advisors, he would always change his mind in the last minute. But now things were different, because the aggressor would be someone else, and even though crisis could be averted with careful diplomatic reasoning, the king would never let this chance go to waste.

And Mathias' father who had foreseen this as a possibility had chosen his residence for retiring, as I understood it, he retired early because he was fed up with the king's exploits, in this town, far away from any trouble. And when his informants in the capital had told him that war was becoming more and more of a likeability, he had sent for his son immediately to return. But now the Lactanians had formed a pact with the small kingdom of Orusha in the West, whose border was not far from this very town.

If it came to war and that was inevitable, we would be in immediate danger. And that was the reason he had decided to return to the capital, and try to reason with the king, even though it was probably impossible anyway. And if worst came to worst, he would send for Mathias to move to the capital, because that was still safer than here. But those were all still only possibilities, the alliance between Lactan and Orusha was instable at best, and maybe they wouldn't even join in the war, when our country could make a better offer, and then we would be safer her.

But he didn't truly believe this, and it was better to take precautions, and that was why he chose to leave.

He told me all this in a rush, and I wasn't sure if I got everything, but that didn't matter, because I did get the most important thing; we were going to war. How could it be, that no one out here _knew_, even though the war was so close to their border? Why hadn't word come from the capital to warn the residents to flee and pack up things? Why didn't the king care at all about his subjects?

And why did he tell me all of this and not Mathias?

"I have to go, I can't wait for Mathias to wake up and adjust. I would have taken him with me, but unfortunately my sister has sent her son here, so he would be safe from the war. And now someone has to stay here, until they arrive, so that they can move into the capital with Mathias." He looked at me, and now all the seriousness was gone, he looked more like a father who was concerned about his only son, vulnerable. "I know this is much to ask, but please take care of my son, he's sometimes much to handle, but he's a good kid and he needs someone to guide him. I would ask Berwald to do it, but they are on somewhat bad terms."

Oh, that didn't sound good at all.

His hand rested on my shoulder and he squeezed it one time, before he let go again. "Tell Mathias everything I have told you just now, I have to go now."

Without another word, he swooped past me and out of the kitchen. Just minutes ago he had been standing here in the kitchen, casually drinking his coffee, as if nothing were amiss. But then again, maybe he had only seemed to be relaxed and at ease, while inwardly he was cursing for his son to wake up and come down.

I sank on a kitchen chair and buried my face in my hands. This was just too much. I couldn't handle a war. Even if we would all move to the capital, circumstances would be dire. And hell, if it weren't for Mathias Emil and I would still live in our small house, oblivious to the impending doom.

I had never been to Orusha, even though the border was near, but I heard that they were skilled warriors and merciless brutes if it came to plundering. I could just hope that the king would stop this foolishness and that Mathias' father could convince him to not go to war and instead try to reason with Lactan. Maybe we should just flee right now, but we couldn't just go without Mathias' cousin, even if they were on bad terms. They were family after all.

And why didn't Mathias tell me that they had a strained relationship, I always assumed they were good friends, the way Mathias talks of his visitors.

This was definitely bad.

And I had to be the one to break Mathias the news.

My stomach was churning, I tried nonetheless to eat some food, I would need it, I was sure of it. But it was hard to push anything past the sickening knot in my chest.

War was looming ahead, and I was afraid.

...


	13. Meeting Friends

When Mathias finally came down, with drowsy eyes and hair ruffled from sleep, the sun had risen a good bit above the horizon. I had finally managed to prepare breakfast, and Emil, who came down shortly after Mathias' father left, and I had already eaten. I knew that I should have probably gone up and wake Mathias, but I couldn't bring myself to. Instead I had Emil told everything, because as horrible the news were, he would take them with impassive demeanor. But even though his face betrayed nothing of his thoughts, I still knew that he was thinking hard about what to do. And maybe he was even as freaked out as I was.

So we sat there in the kitchen, both trying to figure out something, until Mathias entered through the door and greeted us with an exaggerated grin and wave.

Ignorance sure is bliss.

"So what's for breakfast?"

War, enjoy your meal.

Emil just shoved him a plate with leftovers from our previous meal. Mathias, oblivious as ever, didn't mind at all and dug in to his heart's content.

But there was no delaying the inevitable.

"I talked to your father."

And then I told him everything that his father had told me, and all the while I kept my eyes on the window, and the beautiful sight outside, the sight that soon would be marred by war. Only yesterday, I had thought that my biggest problem was how I could get enough money to pay off the patron, but now that seemed so insignificant.

After I was finished there was a short silence, and then Mathias exhaled the breath he apparently had hold. And then a hand on mine, I tore my gaze from the outside scenery to look at him instead, and was surprised to see him with a thoughtful look on his face.

"I guess that explains some things." He said with a calmness I couldn't feel at all.

"What?" I snapped, "This is all you can think of? " He flinched at my harsh tone, but didn't let go of my hand. "Look Lukas, there is nothing we can to about it, so there is no need to get all agitated. It is better if we keep our heads cool, and think of something together. Berwald should arrive soon, and then we can try and come up with a solution. And hey, maybe we don't even have to worry about it. My father is a real pro at coaxing people into doing things they don't like," his face grimaced a bit when he said those words, "So maybe there won't be a war at all." I just wished I could believe that, but I had seen the look on his father's face.

The look of a man who knew he was fighting for a lost cause.

"So best we stay put, until he sends for us. And we probably should prepare everything for a case of emergency."

I sighed, as hard it was to admit it, but he was right. There was no good in freaking out. "So when are your cousin and friend going to show up?" I asked, leaning back in my chair and trying to distract myself from the dread that still filled me at the thought of war.

Mathias shrugged and poured himself some coffee. "They should be here soon."

Emil poked his puffin, and the puffin poked back with his beak. They seemed content to repeat that kind of game over and over again. If you didn't know him, you'd probably think he was spacing out, but I could tell that he was actually thinking, hard. And the play with the bird was only a way to focus his concentration.

"So what about that plan of yours you were going to tell me about today?" That was probably not the right moment to talk about that, but since we agreed on waiting with the plan making until Berwald and company arrived, there wasn't much else left to do.

"What plan?"

I rolled my eyes. "The patron, you know you told me you had this awesome plan?"

"Ah, this plan."

"So?"

He grinned at me, almost sheepishly. "Well I would have asked Berwald to talk to the patron." I waited for him to continue, but apparently that was all. I raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "You'll understand if you see Berwald." Mathias held up his hands defensively.

Ah, nevermind.

"But your father told me you and Berwald were on bad terms?"

"What? Why would he tell you something like that?"

"You tell me." I said darkly. Better to get this straight, before this Berwald showed up and everything went down the drain.

"It's complicated."

"Nothing's ever complicated with you." I countered, arms folded and intent on not taking any of that shit.

The look on his face was almost hurt, but then his look of confidence returned and he shrugged a shoulder. "We have quite opposite personalities so we don't get along all the time. But we're not exactly on bad terms, we just fight occasionally. And since he's got Tino, we don't fight at all, so I guess we're alright."

And so what exactly now was so complicated?

But that at least meant that we would be able to cooperate and rely on each other if things were to make a turn for the bad.

A heavy knock interrupted the ensuing silence, making me jump and instinctively look for cover. "That has to be them." Mathias said and got up. He signaled us to wait here, while he was up to open the door. I returned my attention to Emil who returned my gaze with that serious air that was so typical for him. He didn't say anything, but his eyes conveyed the message even without a word. We were brothers and we would be there for each other. It was with pride, when I realized that Emil had grown up, he didn't need my protection anymore. But that didn't mean that I wouldn't be there for him, whenever he needed me. And he would be there for me.

The door opened and revealed a rather scaring looking individual. He was bigger than me, bigger than even Mathias with broad shoulders and a stern face. His eyes behind the glasses he wore were piercing and his brows seemed to be stapled into a frown.

From behind him I could hear Mathias' chatter, but obviously he wasn't talking to the imposing man that had just entered. Behind him there were Mathias and another male, this one seemed a lot more likeable than the other one. He was bouncing on his feet and happily listening to Mathias' mindless talking. But he stopped on his tracks when he spotted Emil and me sitting at the kitchen table.

"Oh is this a puffin? How cute, where did you get it?" With that the small Blonde rushed into the kitchen, past the big one and reached out a hand to stroke Mr. Puffin, only to stop midair and casting a questioning look at Emil, who just nodded. With eager he then proceeded to pet the bird.

Mathias laughter filled the kitchen and he stepped forward slapping bespectacled one on the shoulder. "Seems Tino found a replacement for you." He joked with a grin, unaware of the increasing frown on the others face. So, if the small one was Tino, that one must be Berwald, I concluded in my head. Now I could understand, why Mathias would think it a good plan to unleash Berwald on the patron. With that look, he could scare anyone to death.

"Okay, so this is Berwald and that is obviously Tino." Mathias began introductions. Berwald inclined his head in greeting and Tino waved enthusiastically. Mathias then pointed towards Emil, "This is Emil and the bird's name is Mr. Puffin." Tino smiled at Emil and even went as far as to shake hands with the Puffin. "And this," I was filled with sudden dread, when I realized that Mathias was heading over to me, probably planning on a cheesy introduction. But before he could embarrass me, I quickly leapt up and put a hand on his mouth. "I am Lukas." I supplied.

That earned me curious glances from Tino; Berwald hadn't spoken a word since he entered. I removed my hand from Mathias mouth, hoping that he would take the hint and be quiet for once. "So, are you two a couple?" Tino asked, innocently as the day. "Hell yes!" Mathias exclaimed. I slapped him across the cheek, not hard but enough to make it sting. Emil just threw me a knowing look, and I was once more stunned at how observant he was.

"That hurt babe." Mathias whined and rubbed his cheek that had already turned red. "Don't call me that." I snapped and plopped down on my chair. Besides, we had more important things on our hands.

Somehow catching on the change of mood, Berwald finally moved and sat down at the table beside Emil. Following his example, Tino sat also down. That left only Mathias standing who took the remaining seat beside me, still grumbling under his breath.

I could tell from Tinos curious glances that he was dying to know how Mathias had met us, but the sudden seriousness that had fallen over us, prevented him from inquiring. Instead Mathias raised his voice and explained what his father had told me. I was glad that I didn't have to do, twice was enough, but listening to it was only that much better. And watching the expression on Tinos face changing from disbelief to horror was disheartening at best. Emil looked as impassive as ever, this time only rivaled by Berwalds unreadable demeanor.

"So now we have to figure out what to do." Mathias finished; his grin all but a shadow of its former self.

He was answered with silence. And then Tino spoke up: "Well I think we should heed your father's advice and wait for him to send for us." "But what if something happens, before he can send for us? What if something happens to him, and he can't send for us at all?" I interjected; Berwald still hadn't spoken a word.

My words had an unwanted effect on Mathias and Tino. Both faces fell, as if they had only know realized that this was very well a possibility. And that was far from, all there was so much more that could go wrong…

"We should prepare for the worst. Pack everything that is necessary and place it somewhere easily accessible. And be ready to run." Emil had spoken, voice steady, eyes fixed on the table. Nobody answered, they probably felt as I did, unable to come up with a response, and to be honest a response wasn't really necessary.

"Sounds like a plan." Mathias finally broke the silence. And that was it. Just like that we had decided what to do. It was not much, but it was enough. Hopefully it was enough.

After that the mood was dampened, Tino tried halfheartedly to lighten it up, but even he gave up after a while. There was nothing for Emil and me to pack; we hadn't brought anything with us, but Tino, who was at least somewhat our size, agreed to lend us some stuff. And then we began packing bags with clothes and food, and everything else someone of us deemed worth taking. Truth be told, none of us had any knowledge of road-travelling and everything that went with it, how to set up camp, how to make a fire in the middle of nowhere, etc. Emil and I at least knew a little about useful plants, we had to rely on plant medicine since we couldn't afford a doctor and we had occasionally used the forest behind out house to help sustain us. And we could only hope that that would be sufficient.

Soon there was nothing left to do, and we all gathered in the ground floor living room. A cozy place, with a big sofa, some arm chairs and even a fire place. And since tension can't hold up forever without nourishment, we soon relaxed and finally took the time to get to know each other.

I was lounging on the sofa in Mathias arms, Emil sat on the floor, leaning against my legs. Berwald had taken one of the armchairs and pulled the protesting Tino on his lap. So they were a couple too. That was the first time I heard Berwald speak, his voice was deep and somehow gruff.

At the beginning Mathias did all the talking, telling all about his and Berwald's childhood adventures. Then Berwald would from time to time grunt in agreement or grunt in disagreement, it really was hard to tell with him, but as Mathias' story neared the present time, Berwald would even speak up and correct him. And then Tino would pipe in and tell us how he and Berwald met in manner that would make the man whose lap he was sitting on, blush. And then finally Tino would ask how Mathias had met us, and this time I would talk, hesitantly because I didn't want strangers to know that I had worked as a whore, but seeing their reaction, they seemed more concerned than disgusted. And so I told them everything, well almost everything, there were certain parts that especially Emil didn't need to know. And Mathias squeezed my arm reassuringly all the way through. I even told them the unfortunate beginning of it all, the moment when my mother's future was crushed and everything that followed after that. And when I came to the parte where I discovered the plaque in the attic, Mathias confessed that his father had always felt kind of bad for what happened, but the twonspeople didn't want to tell him where that carpenter had lived and so he had put that plaque there in order to amend at least a little.

And then, after our life stories were finished we talked about everything and nothing, about our hopes and dreams, about life and about death. And after that we still talked, and in the end it felt like I had known all of them my whole life. And it was nice, before I had only Emil, and as great as he as, he was only one, and now I had all those great new friends I could rely on.

Night had fallen during our talking, and signs of exhaustion already were evident. Emil was napping against my legs, which were numb from the long period of stillness, Mathias was yawning in my hair and Tino looked as if he would fall asleep the next moment. Berwald looked as always, but he blinked more than often and even I felt tired.

So we made our way up to the first floor, where we stumbled upon a small problem. We completely forgot to prepare a room for Emil, and now since Berwald and Tino were here, he couldn't take up their room anymore. But Emil, whom I had to wake in order to get my legs free, only shrugged and muttered something that sounded like 'sofa' and disappeared downstairs, after pulling a blanket out of a cabinet in the hall.

Tino was carried by Berwald into their room; he tiredly waved a hand before Berwald closed the door behind them. That left Mathias and me. I started to go in the bathroom, in order to ready myself for the night, but was held back by Mathias strong arms. He hugged me from behind, resting his head on my shoulder.

"Lukas," he whispered, his voice barely audible, "I need you, please." His breath tickled my neck. I knew what he meant, even though he hadn't said it clearly. The ache in my backside had subsided over the day, but my ass was still sore. But despite that, I wanted him; maybe I wanted him even more desperately than he wanted me. Who knew what would happen tomorrow? Before that, I wanted to remember the feeling of being loved, of being held as close as possible, of being _complete._

I turned around in his arms and pulled him down into a kiss. It was a slow kiss, a gentle one, one that said 'I love you', because I couldn't. And then Mathias lifted me once more into his arms, carrying me through the door into his bedroom, kicking it close behind him, and all the while he was kissing me, this time more heated and passionate than before.

He laid me on the bed, removing my clothes and then his, and then he kneeled between my legs and took me in his mouth with such fervor it was breathtaking. I didn't notice when he took up the bottle with lubricant, and when he inserted his first finger I inhaled sharply in surprise. His mouth was still around my member and the sensations of his wet cavern and the prodding finger together were overwhelming.

I moaned shamelessly as he inserted the next finger, pushing my body into his fingers, feeling the need to be touched at that special spot. And he complied, stroking at that spot, sending tingling heat through my every nerve.

He released my member and concentrated fully on stretching me, and I lied there moaning and writhing, desperate for him to finally enter me. And when he did I almost screamed in pleasure that was laced with delicate pain, and I couldn't wait, so I began moving on my own, pushing as far down on him as possible.

Mathias moaned my name and started thrusting at a fast pace, slamming mercilessly into me and right on that spot, and every hit sent my mind a little further up into the clouds where only bliss reigned. His hand grabbed my cock and began pumping, my body was quivering and then finally I couldn't hold back any longer and came with a loud scream, not caring if anyone would hear us. He followed soon after, his grip tightened around my now limp member, my name on his lips.

I panted and waited until the heat in my veins subsided and clear thoughts once again returned to me. "I love you." Mathias said; voice hoarse from his constant moaning.

This time I didn't care that we were sticky and full of semen, and that tomorrow the mess would have become hard and it would be a pain to remove it. I didn't care that I hadn't gone through with my night preparation routine; I just wanted to fall asleep right there in Mathias arms, the warmth of our intercourse still between us. Mathias moved slightly and slid out of me, and then he readjusted his position until he was comfortable.

He never asked for an answer.

Maybe he knew that I couldn't say it, maybe my other ways of saying it were enough.

Like this, we fell asleep.

...


	14. Leaving Home

**A/N:** I forgot to mention that last chapter, but the 50th Reviewer Oneshot is up under the very creative and well thought-through title "The Curse" Rated M, fo anyone who wants to take a look.

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The hardest part was, not knowing if and when something was going to happen.

Everyone woke up at different times, the next morning. The first one was Berwald, who ended up making breakfast for everyone. I was the third to come down into the kitchen after I had cleaned myself up from yesterday's mess; Emil sat at the kitchen table, his puffin still asleep on his shoulder. Berwald was busy with preparing breakfast and looked as intimidating as ever.

Falling asleep in Mathias' arms had helped soothing my anxious nerves, but I still couldn't sleep that well. My dreams had been filled with looming dread and the smell of decay, so when I had woken up, I was still tired and felt as if someone had put me through a wringer. From the look of it, Emil felt the same, only Berwald seemed to have rested well. But maybe he just didn't show it openly.

"Good morning." I greeted. Emil mumbled something unintelligible in reply, Berwald acknowledged me with a nod of his head.

Shortly after Berwald was finished and had put the dishes out before us, Tino entered the kitchen, looking as bleary-eyed as the rest of us. He walked towards Berwald, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek, before he plopped down on a chair and started eating. He didn't seem to notice that Emil and I were there, which earned him a light scolding from Berwald. Tino greeted us then with a look of surprise on his face, indicating that he had been too sleepy to notice us.

After that Mathias finally came down, but he looked as at least he had gotten a proper rest. His usual big grin wasn't as enthusiastic as it used to be though, so the situation we were in did affect him at least a little. He brushed his lips against mine, and sat down beside me. With him now, everyone was assembled and after the last morning greetings had been exchanged a more or less comfortable silence settled down.

I would have been worried about Mathias being so uncharacteristically quiet, but I appreciated the moment of peace for a change. And there was not really much to say. None of us knew what the day would bring, or if we would still be here, when the next morning came, so everyone just sat there, absorbed in their own little world.

Nothing happened that day, and nothing did the day afterwards. And when we had finally regained some sort of peace and safety disaster finally stroke. No news had come from the capital; as far as we could tell no one in town seemed uneasy, and we had dared to hope that _maybe_ everything would be alright after all.

We couldn't have been more wrong.

It was the evening of the third day since Emil and I had moved into the mansion, and at first this night appeared to be the same as had been the nights before. We sat in the living room again, a cozy fire crackling and warming the room. With the year nearing its end, days had become shorter and colder, and we were thankful for the shed in the backyard that was filled to the brim with firewood.

I couldn't really comprehend why anyone would want to start a war so close to winter, but according to Berwald, who was very well educated in contrast to Mathias, the Lactanians were notorious for picking fights in winter seasons, using the cold to their advantage. And the Orushians would go to war whenever they liked, no matter how bad the weather, or their winning chances for that matter.

So apparently if it came to war, we would face some 'batshit crazy war-loving lunatics' on one side and a 'bunch of snowball-filled-with-chunks-of-sharp-metal-throwing madmen who would hide in heaps of snow until some unknowing fool happened to pass by', on the other side. Or rather, Mathias liked to put it that way.

Not helping at all.

We tried to stay from the topic, but somehow we always ended back on discussing the prospect of war. It helped to keep the fear at bay.

We were in the middle of another heated discussion, when suddenly a weird flickering light from outside the window caught my eye. The curtains were not yet drawn, and the outside scenery was lit by the pale light of the moon, illuminating the outlines of trees that had shed almost all of their leaves. Behind the tress, downward the hill laid the town, and it was from there, that the orange glow came from. It was flickering irregular, almost like the flames in the fireplace. I was filled with a horrible suspicion.

"What is that?" I asked, interrupting Tino, who was speaking at the moment. They followed the direction of my pointed finger, and a look of dread appeared on each and every face. "The town's on fire!" Mathias gasped, and for a moment we could just stare in speechless horror at each other.

No matter how often we talked about it, how careful we set up an emergency plan, nothing could have prepared us for the real thing. The town was on fire, and now that we were all silent in shock we could also hear the faint screams wafting through the air. And when they were finished with the town they would come here.

"We have to go." My voice felt like a stranger on my tongue, thick with suppressed fear.

"Maybe they won't come here; we could just… hide…" Tino said, glancing around with hopeful eyes.

"Can't do that." Berwalds heavy voice broke through the daze Tinos words had cast upon us. It would have been so easy to just stay here and hide somewhere, hoping for the storm to pass. And even if they did come here, the house was big, they wouldn't find us if our hiding spot was good enough…

It would have been easy… and coward.

Berwald was right, staying here would mean certain death, and I wouldn't let that happen.

We set to move after that, everyone retrieved there prepared bag, adding some things here and there on last minute, and then we were ready.

Ready for what?

We had a somewhat thought-through plan of getting the hell out of here and trying to reach the capital on our own, but neither of us had any idea how to go about it. But for now it was just grab and run.

We headed out the backdoor that opened into the backyard and away from the town. The capital lied east from here, but for the moment we couldn't care about directions, we had to get out of here. And if possible try to not head west and cross the Orushian border by accident.

Outside, even from behind the mansion the screams were louder, and now we could even hear shouting. And the shouting seemed to come closer.

The few servants that lived here regularly had traveled with Mathias' father to the capital, the rest were townspeople who would come twice or thrice a week to do their work. And I could just hope that they had known what was going on and had thought to warn their fellow residents. But judging from the screams that echoed through the dark woods, there had been at least some people been caught by surprise. The faces of some of the girls I had worked with in the brothel appeared before my inner eye, and suddenly I felt bad that I hadn't thought of warning them myself. I didn't even warn the Lady, who had gone through such efforts to help me.

"Lukas, stop spacing out and _get going_." Mathias voice snapped me out of my thoughts and I struggled to catch up with the rest who had already reached the forest's edge behind the mansion. I reached the forest and even though I shouldn't, I stopped and turned around to look back. There were lights moving in the direction of the house, and then shouts from the front side. They had reached the entrance, and then there were lights inside, ghosting through the windows from room to room.

Someone, probably Mathias was pulling at my arm, desperate to get me moving but I just couldn't and then I saw him. He was standing in one of the rooms, close to the window, his form was illuminated by a torch he held in his hand. He was clad in what appeared to be leather armor; a sword was belted around his waist, the light of the torch reflecting from a red jewel encrusted in the hilt. Was that an Orushian warrior? He stood very still, almost stiff, his hair was shining golden in the torchlight.

And then for one horrible moment he looked my way, I couldn't make out his eyes but I the hairs on my neck and back stood up, as I felt _watched_. It was dark so he couldn't possibly see us, could he? And then mercifully he shifted his head and looked away, no change in behavior indicating that he had seen us.

"Lukas." Mathias hissed and I tore my gaze from the house and turned around, fleeing into the forest, fleeing from the feeling of dread that the sight of that man had filled me with.

We dashed through the woods as fast as possible, but the undergrowth was treacherous, and we stumbled more than once. The forest behind the mansion stretched out quite a bit; it was connected with the forest behind our old house. We tried to head north, away from the town and deeper into the forest, but it was hard to tell if we were right, the stars were obscured by the evergreen trees that made up this part of the woods.

Berwald had taken the lead, followed by Emil and Tino, Mathias and I made up the rear, throwing back glances every now and then, to assess if we were followed. No one spoke, only the ragged sound of our breathing and the stomping of our feet were disturbing the peaceful quiet of the night. Occasionally some stray wildlife would cross our path and scurry back into the safety of the woods. Fortunately we didn't encounter anything big.

I couldn't tell how long we had been running, but my stamina was about to give out on me. My sides were aching, my feet were numb and the ache in my lower back from the intercourse with Mathias didn't help my wellbeing at all. My lungs were burning, and I no longer had the strength to watch the ground for obstacles.

It came as it must, when my foot caught in a root or something and I fell face first on the ground. The others stopped, as soon as they heard the sound of my impact. My face was buried in the dirt of the forest floor, but I couldn't summon the strength to get up again. My hands pushed weakly against the ground, and all I managed was to lift my face enough to see the others, hovering over me with worry on their faces.

"Lukas, are you alright?" Mathias asked, and slid his arms under me to lift me up against his chest, paying no mind to the dirt caking my clothes. "I don't think I can walk any longer." I confessed, pressing my face against Mathias warm front, I was too ashamed, I couldn't keep up. Even Emil could, and he was younger than me.

Berwald and Mathias exchanged glances over my head; Tino put a water skin in my hand, urging me to drink. "I could carry him." Mathias offered, while I was drinking. I was about to protest, but Berwald cut me to it. "No, we should rest, I'm t'red to." That was hard to believe, but then I noticed that Tinos hands were slightly trembling when I returned the skin, he looked almost as tired as I felt.

It was a risk to rest, while we were still close to the town, but we figured that if they didn't know that we were here in the first place, they had no reason to come look for us. That of course was a shallow reasoning, aside from the warrior who just _might_ have seen me, there were other evidences that someone had lived in that mansion recently and maybe had fled into the woods during the attack. But still, the Orushians were seasoned warriors, if they had followed us they would have caught up on us by now. Or so we told ourselves.

Of course it was not the perfect place for resting, but we could have done worse. The trees were lighter here, almost as if on a clearing, the ground was earth covered with leaves, and comparable dry. S long as it didn't rain it would be alright.

I felt helpless and useless, as Mathias sat me down against a tree and started to unpack our packs in order to set up camp. But he wouldn't let me help, even though I claimed that I could move around enough to be of at least some help.

The camp consisted of nothing more than some makeshift bedrolls and a rain cover, but that was all we had been able to come up with. We would have made a fire, but that was clearly too dangerous, so instead we ate some dried food for dinner. It was meager by all means, but better than nothing. Berwald and Tino were going to share a bedroll, and so would Emil and I; at least that was the plan but Mathias hijacked the one that was supposed to be ours and Emil took the smaller one without complain.

I didn't mind to share with Mathias, but I was uneasy about the circumstances. The space was small and cramped, I would be forced against Mathias' body all the time, and I certainly didn't trust him to hold his hands still, once we were close like that. Besides I felt as if I had neglected Emil so I had planned on making that up to him like that. But he seemed content with his single bedroll so I crawled in Mathias' arms without much complaint. It was as if I were adverse to the intimacy after all, I just didn't like the audience.

We were all snuggled up in our respective bedrolls as comfortable as possible, ready to fall asleep, when Tino suddenly spoke up. "Shouldn't we put up some kind of guard to watch out for anything dangerous?"

Damn, we totally forgot about that.

"I take the f'rst watch." Berwalds deep voice rumbled through the night, and after some rustling and Tinos disappointed whine, he apparently had left his sleeping position to take upon the first of the night's watches. "I'll take the second." Mathias grumbled, "Wake me up, when it's time." A grunt was his only answer, but it seemed to be enough and I could feel Mathias relax around me. His right arm was draped over my body, the other served as pillow for my head. His warm body pressed against my backside and his breath ghosted over the back of my neck.

Silence settled in over us, and with it came the realization that nothing would ever be as it was. We might have dodged disaster once, but we were far from safe, and who knew what was lying ahead of us. Would we ever be safe again? Thinking about our situation was disheartening, so I tried to focus on other things.

The sound of Mathias' shallow breath, the rustling of Berwald moving and the sounds of the forests around us. Wind brushing through trees, the call of some animal echoing through the night and the silence of the stars above us. The ground we were lying on was hard and cold, but that was nothing I wasn't used to. I had slept most of the time on the floor of our small house, only softened by some lonely strands of straw. So it felt almost like home. I snuggled deeper into Mathias warm chest, my nose pressed against his chest bone. He smelled nice and comforting, like home too.

And even though we were far from safe and even though we could be ambushed every minute and be slaughtered right there and then, I still felt secure. And as my mind drifted into the oblivion of sleep I thought that dying like this wasn't that bad, embraced by the one you love, surrounded by those you call family.

Awake I would have never allowed myself to think like that.

I didn't wake when Berwald shook Mathias shoulder to alert him to his shift of watching, I didn't even wake up when he pulled his arm free from under my head and climbed out of the bedroll, and I didn't wake up from the cold that settled in after he left. I dreamed of summer that night, of the sun that wore a coat of black, a shirt of red and a smile so cocky it almost split its face.

...


	15. Adapting

I woke up with the sun barely rising above the horizon, its few early rays casting a halo around the head of Mathias who gently shook me awake. For a moment I believed I was still dreaming for he looked exactly like in my dream, but the hard surface of the forest floor covered with twigs and stones which stabbed in my back, quickly reminded me of the reality I was in. And the cold had been creeping in my bedroll, so I was shivering.

Mathias took the time to place a tender kiss on my forehead, lingering there for a moment, as if to take in as much of my taste and scent as possible. His breath was warm against my cold skin and when he got up to fetch me some breakfast, I almost felt disappointed about the loss.

I crawled out of my makeshift bed and proceeded to fold it back into a shape that was easier to handle. My limbs were stiff with cold and I had a hard time with the cords, my fingers were just too immobile at the moment to form any suitable knots.

Emil, who saw my futile struggle, came to my rescue, and together we were able to prepare a proper bundled up package, ready to be carried around. I used the opportunity to check on my little brother, asking him how he was doing and reassuring him that I would always be there for him. We both weren't the emotional type, getting all sappy and melodramatic, but still some things need to be said. And I could tell that Emil appreciated it, even though he didn't show it openly.

Only then did I notice that Berwald and Tino were nowhere in sight, and I felt a slight surge of panic. "Berwald went to find some fresh water, he took Tino with him. I think he's right, we should make sure that no one goes off alone, there should be at least always two." Mathias explained and tossed me an apple. "Sorry, that's what we all got for breakfast, no exceptions.

So basically everyone beside me had gotten up early, ate breakfast and prepare for departure and only then someone had thought of waking me? I bit into my apple, feeling incredibly useless, everything had been packed up by now and we only needed to wait for the return of the other two, and the only thing I had contributed was fiddling with cords.

A whistle echoed through the trees, and then we heard someone approaching. I tensed in alarm, but I was the only one. Apparently the whistle had been some kind of signal I figured, as Berwald and Tino stepped out into the lights, skins filled with water slung over their backs.

Tinos face lit up into a smile when he saw me, and he looked as if he would bounce over to me and hug me any second, but he decided otherwise, and instead settled for a cheery "Good morning!" I responded with much less enthusiasm and acknowledged Berwalds silent greeting with an equally silent nod. How could anyone be in such high spirits this early in the morning?

They distributed the water among our bags and soon we were ready to depart. I reached for my bag, but before I could grab it, Mathias had already taken it and slung it over his shoulder, where his bag was already in place. He flashed me a cocky grin and started following Berwald who had already chose a direction and led the way, Emil and Tino close behind. Was today some sort of 'treat Lukas special' day?

"I can carry my own bag." I called after Mathias, as I tried to catch up with his brisk pace. "Sure you can." He retorted, making no move to return my bag to me. I sighed and decided to let it go, this was not the right moment to make a point about principles. Tino feel back a few steps, now walking right next to me. "He's worried you know, your collapse yesterday really frightened him." "That was no collapse," I grumbled, "I simply stumbled and fell." Tino just shrugged. "That is love." I didn't answer to that; I still didn't feel comfortable with the topic, and I definitely didn't want to discuss it with someone who wasn't Mathias. But Tino wasn't deterred so easily. "You do love him right?"

What the hell does it look like?

I just let out an incoherent grunt, hoping he would accept that as whatever answer he wanted. He just chuckled. "You _do_ love him I can tell." So why did you have to ask in the first place?

"You know when I first met Berwald he scared me to no ends. And it took me a long to time to come to terms with my feelings, but in the end I accepted that I loved him. That time will come for you too, I'm sure." Tino smiled at me, and it was impossible to be mad at him for prying into business that was not his.

So I turned my attention back to our surroundings, we were still trudging through the forest, but I had no idea where we were headed. Berwald walked ahead, Emil on his heels. Mathias walked between us, casting back glances every now and then, to make sure I was still there. Tino was walking silently besides me, content for the moment with just observing and sporadically pointing at something he deemed interesting.

After a while though he seemed to miss his boyfriend, so he hurried to catch up with Berwalds form, and continued to walk between him and Emil. That left me with Mathias who fell in pace with me, brushing his arm against mine until I grabbed his hand in light annoying. I could feel a blush on my cheeks, when he let out a soft 'whoop' and aimed his grin at me. But he didn't say anything, nor did he alert the others to what we were doing and for that I was glad.

Tino had got me thinking, and I felt that I needed to show Mathias, even if I couldn't tell him, that I loved him. Maybe one of these days I would be able to actually say the words. Mathias finger caressed the back of my hand and his grip was tight and reassuring. "I love you." He said quietly and my fingers curled around Mathias' in reflex.

And thus we walked, walked until the sun stood high above us, signaling the middle of the day, and we settled down for a rest and food, only to rise and walk again, until finally the sun sank down below the horizon and we stopped for the night to rest and to get some well needed sleep.

This time I had managed to walk the whole distance without falling, even though my feet hurt and were full of blisters. But I bit back my complaints, knowing that I was not the only one who had a hard time keeping up. Berwald had set a brisk pace, and Tino had stumbled behind him, grabbing on to the hem of his shirt. And even Emil showed signs of weakness, his mouth was only a thin line and his face was pale and beaded with sweat. But none of them uttered a word of complaint and so I too, bit my tongue.

Mathias on the other hand had carried two bags the whole time, the straps digging into his shoulders by now, yet he still managed to keep his wide green. But it was a tired grin, I could tell, his steps were less steady than they had been on the morning and even Berwald looked tired. And the capital still was so far away.

We found a nice little clearing for the night this time; the floor was even covered with grass, although it was thin and pale. A moss covered rock lied on one side, and would provide protection from the wind that had gradually picked up over the course of the day. There was even a small stream nearby, so we could resupply our water skins.

We decided that we had come far enough to risk a fire, especially when we could use the rock as a visual cover. So Emil and I went into the forest looking for firewood, and when we returned Berwald piled the wood on a spot where he had previously removed the grass. Then he took some dry moss and small twigs and sparked a flame with two stones he apparently carried with him.

According to Tino, Berwald loved outdoor camping.

We had a fire crackling in no time, and we all gathered around the warmth of the flames in the chilly night air. As the sins of nobles, Berwald and Mathias had been taught in the arts of hunting, and Berwald had managed to kill a pheasant with his sling on the way. So the fowl, albeit only a meager specimen, now cooked with some carrots and onions in the small pot, Tino had brought in addition to Berwalds equipment.

I was sure that without them, we would never had made it this far.

We distributed the food equally among us and added some bread to make up for the small amount of soup for everyone. During the meal I could feel that Mathias was restless, he kept throwing glances at the forest and furrowed his brow from time to time.

When we were finished, Emil collected the bowls we had eaten in, and proceeded to wash them in the nearby stream. What a diligent kid.

Mathias pulled me to my feet and proclaimed he had to talk to me and dragged me off into the forest. I struggled to keep up with his wide strides until we reached the northern edge of the forest. It would have been easier to leave the forest and use the trampled paths between the fields of hay and tall grass that waited to be mowed down, but we had decided that the risk was too big. There had been smoke in the distance, when we had once neared the edge and cast some glances on the lands beyond. There would be no hay harvest this year.

"Mathias, what-" But I was cut off by his lips crushing on mine. He was pulled me into his arms, hands roaming frantically over my body as if to ensure that I was real, his tongue pressed into me devouring as much of me as possible. Then he broke the kiss and just held me, face buried in my neck, his breath hot on my skin.

"Mathias," I tried again, "what's wrong?" His fingers dug into my sides as he painfully squeezed me closer. "You didn't look at me, the whole day!" I opened my mouth to respond, but the words died on my tongue. It was true. I had looked at the trees, the sky, my other companions, but not Mathias. It had been hard for me to see him carrying my weight, knowing that I had failed and still see the grin on his face, as if he were trying to say that it was alright. But it was not alright I should be able to contribute the same effort as everyone else. But I didn't, I was a burden. And the worst part was that I was afraid, that Mathias would sooner or later realize that I indeed was a burden, and would get rid of me.

I couldn't live without him.

"Don't leave me Lukas." Mathias whispered and my eyes widened in shock. "I know I'm not as skilled as Berwald, but I'll try, so please don't leave me." I could feel tears dwell in my eyes. How could he even think that? How could he think that I would ever leave him, when I loved him so much…?

I never told him.

I always thought that it would be okay, that he knew without me telling. But how would he know? And what if something would happen, if we got separated or worse, killed. And what if I had never managed to say 'I love you'? My hands clenched into fists, gripping the fabric of his coat, and I choked on the words but I pressed them out despite. Because it had to be said.

"I love you."

Mathias was still for a moment and then I could feel his breath against the back of my neck when he spoke: "Is that… true?" There was so much hope in his voice, so much longing and yet the fear of rejection still present.

I nodded and then I took his hands into mine and pulled him with me, out into the hay field, trampling down the stalks in our way. This was neither the right time nor place to do this, we were far from safe, but I didn't care. I didn't want to care.

I pushed Mathias down into the grass, kneeling between his spread legs, placing a warm kiss on his lips. His eyes were wide and reflected the pale moon; full of surprise and wonder. He lied there in the midst of this bed of hay, his hair a golden shade around his head. To me he was the most beautiful thing in the world.

I would have loved to bare his skin to the light of the moon, but it was too cold, so I touched him through the fabric of his clothes. "Lukas-" he started, but I gently laid a finger in his lips and kissed his forehead. My hands sneaked down to his pants, loosening the belt enough to fit in comfortably and take his limp form into my hands and stroke it. A soft moan floated through the night air.

I stroked until the confinement of the pants became too crowded, I pulled him out and leaned down to take his head into my mouth. The air was cold, but I could hear Mathias gasp as the warmth of my lips closed around him.

His hand was in my hair, as I began to move my head, taking as much in as possible then to release him again to the cold touch of the night, only to reclaim his length and flick my tongue against the hardened shaft. Every movement was accompanied by a loud moan or gasp and that only spurred me on more. I added a hand, the cold of my skin made Mathias shiver, so I quickly licked with my tongue over the spot to supplement warmth. I stroke a finger over the soft flesh of his testicles, pulling my finger nail over the sensitive skin. Again I was rewarded with a loud intake of breath and the slight movement of Mathias' hips, pushing him into me. I punished his illicit behavior with the grazing of my teeth over his length.

Mathias breath was ragged, his moans throaty and his fingers clung onto the stands of my hair, he was near I could feel it. I wouldn't have minded to see it through to the end and even swallow it, but Mathias voice held me back.

"Lukas… please… ahh… I want you…ah." His voice was deep with lust and I could tell that he had to restrain himself. I released him but continued to stroke him, while I pushed my pants down. I would have preferred to keep them on, but the position I was going to take wouldn't allow that, so I took them off completely. The cold air bit my skin, but I would be warm soon.

There was no better means of lubrication, so I licked my fingers until they were coated with saliva. I quickly inserted a finger, moving around while ignoring the slight pain the intrusion caused. I was impatient so I inserted the next finger, scissoring them, until I felt that I could no longer wait. Despite the cold surroundings, my own erection stood quite proudly, not as proudly as Mathias though.

I straddled Mathias, holding his member in place with my hands, and then lowered myself down on him. I hissed as the head pushed past my clenched entrance and tried to relax more. Mathias moaned, writhing beneath me and the sight made my erection twitch and swell to its full seize. I pushed down more, past the pain and until I was fully seated on Mathias length.

I sucked in air and began to move, trying to find that special spot and after some playing with the angle, I found it. My view exploded in white and I moaned loudly into the star filled night. My pleasure mixed with Mathias as I continued to ride him, hitting my sweet spot again and again, until I was almost screaming in ecstasy. Mathias hands were on my hips, helping me to move up and down and up and down.

And then suddenly I was on my back, Mathias on top of me thrusting into me with increasing speed. I pushed up my hips in order to meet his thrusts, intensifying the heat I felt in my body. I reached up, Pulling Mathias down into a heated kiss, while he kept slamming into me until I couldn't hold back any longer. With my lips still connected to Mathias' I came into the hand that had been stroking me through the last moments. Mathias broke from the kiss, throwing his head back as he screamed his orgasm out into the night sky.

Mathias rolled off of me, collapsing next to me on the hay, resting an arm over my chest. "I love you Lukas." He said and this time I could answer. "I love you too." The words still felt strange on my tongue, almost like strangers, but it seemed to be easier the second time and I was sure in time I would have no more problems saying it.

"That was amazing." Mathias exclaimed; we should do that more often. "What, the sex or the hay field?" I asked dryly. Mathias just laughed and rolled around until he lay on top of me, effectively pinning me to the ground. "Everything!" He kissed the tip of my nose.

"Get off," I growled, "you're heavy. Besides, my legs get cold. And we should get back, the others are probably worried." With another laugh, Mathias pushed himself up and on his feet. I scrambled to pick up my discarded pants and quickly climbed into them. I was pleased that Mathias had managed to catch all of my semen in his hand so nothing got on my clothes.

We walked back in silence, but it was a peaceful silence, our hands intertwined and fully satisfied.

The forest was silent, and if we hadn't been so high up in the clouds we would have noticed that it was too silent. Mathias squeezed my hand and I was looking up to him, smiling and he looked back, his usual enormous grin replaced by a tender smile, full of love. Neither of us was looking as we stepped into the camp.

It would have been better if we had looked. As I pulled my gaze from Mathias' face to look at our friends, I was instead greeted with the sight of a crossbow aimed at my head.

That couldn't be good.

...


	16. Captured

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Berwald, Emil and Tino sat in the center of the clearing, surrounded by four men who pointed various weapons at them. The fire had died down; only embers remained and painted the scenery into a weird red glow. Another man stood before Mathias an me and pointed a crossbow at us.

"What…?" Mathias was confused; I could feel his grip tighten around my hand. He pulled me behind him, shielding me with his body, a motion that was commented with a raised brow from the man before us.

The whole situation was almost surreal. Tino carried a look of obvious fright; he was clasping his hands at Berwalds arm, eyes darting from us to the people surrounding him. Berwalds brows were furrowed stronger than usual, and he watched the men threatening them with a menacing glare, a bruise decorated his face, it seemed he had tried to resist. Emils face was eerily calm, he stroked his puffin with a monotonous movement of his hand, and his eyes stared at nothing, hardly blinking.

The men were mostly clad in leather armor, some wore chain mail, but leather dominated the picture. Their weapons ranged from rusty knives to shiny swords, one even wielded a mace.

"Who are you?" Mathias demanded to know, he sounded as if he wasn't bothered by the deadly weapon that aimed straight at his throat, but I could feel the hand that still hold on to mine, shake.

The man with the crossbow ignored his question, instead he forced us to sit down with the others, all the while I couldn't shake the feeling that he was following me with his eyes. His armor looked to be more exquisite than that of the others, the leather was dark and smooth, harnessing his body like a second skin. He had strictly combed back blond hair, and piercing blue eyes that seemed to be glued to me. He held the crossbow with accurateness that bordered to stiffness, never once relaxing a muscle.

He stepped into the ring his men had formed around us, lowering the crossbow, yet he still kept a very stern composure. Only then did I notice the sword that was belted around his waist. A ruby was encrusted into the hilt, a ruby that reflected the light that the torch casted onto his motionless form. He was the one I had seen in the mansion, back when we had escaped.

So he _had_ seen me. Why else would he be here? But did that mean they had followed us up until now? And most importantly, what did they want?

"What happened?" Mathias whispered in Berwalds direction. "They surpr'sed us, came out of nowhere and pointed th'r weapons at us." Berwald grunted in reply.

"Shut up." One of the men snapped and tapped the side of his sword threateningly against his boots. Mathias held up his hands in defense and tried again: "What do you want anyway? We have nothing of worth with us."

"That is for us to decide." Said the man with the crossbow, apparently the leader of the group, his eyes flicked towards me at his words, and I couldn't help but shiver at the silent threat he had just cast at me.

He said something in a language I had never heard before, the words sounded harsh and angry. The four men saluted and returned their attention back to us, each one gripping their weapon in new fervor and eying us with suspicion.

As if we could have done anything.

The blond man glanced at us over and then began to speak: "I am Captain Ludwig Beilschmidt of the Orushians 2nd armed division, and you are my prisoners. No harm shall befall you as long as you obey my orders. You're valued prisoners, seeing that at least one of you is the descendant of a noble house, worth enough ransom to pay for all of you." His eyes were on me as he said that, and I wondered if he really thought that I was the noble's son. But there was something else definitely off here. The five men didn't look at all as if they were being part of the military, their clothes were ragged, aside from Ludwig's neat ones, and they wore no coat of arms. They looked more like bandits. Or maybe soldiers posing as bandits.

"So where are you going to take us?" I dared to ask, flinching as the blues eyes pierced into mine. "That is of no matter to you." "Of course it is!" Mathias suddenly shouted. "Hell you can't just abduct us and take us anywhere you want, without at least telling us where!" I grabbed Mathias arm, afraid that his outburst would cause him trouble, but Ludwig only shrugged and turned away. I could hear Mathias' teeth grind as he had to stomach the fact that he had been so neatly ignored.

It was the middle of the night so we would stay here for the night and depart first light in the morning. We were wrapped in our bedrolls, hands and feet bound so that we would not escape. Mathias and Emil had to share a bedroll, and Berwald and Tino, I got the single one.

We were separated from each other, I got a place near the rekindled fire; Mathias and my brother were laid in the shadow of the giant rock and Berwald and Tino at the other side of the clearing. Talking was strictly prohibited and every attempt got interrupted with a harsh yell and the threat of physical punishment should we not behave.

So we stayed silent and since there was nothing else to do I tried to fall asleep. But the position I was lying in was uncomfortable, one arm was twisted under my body and no matter how I wriggled around, I couldn't get comfortable.

So I finally gave up and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep despite the pain in my body. The Orushians who held us captive, sat on the other side of the fireplace and talked among each other. I tried to drone out their voices, but they were too close and too loud. So in addition to my cramped position, the sound of their talking kept me awake.

It seemed to take an eternity until they finally stopped and went to sleep, all but one, who stayed up to watch out for dangers, and probably after us to make sure no one escaped. A heavy body fell down beside me and I realized in sudden dread that one of the soldiers lied directly behind me, so that I was trapped between him and the fireplace. He didn't touch me, but I could hear him breathing and I even imagined the feel of his breath on my neck.

I didn't know how long it took me to eventually fall asleep, but in the end I was simply too tired that the stiffness of my position or the horror over the close proximity to another potentially dangerous human being could keep me awake. So I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

The first thing I realized when I woke up the next morning was that it was warm. I felt a body pressed against my back and an arm snuggled around my chest. I cuddled back into the embrace, my hazy still sleepy mind assuming that it was Mathias who held me, but a sharp pain in my shoulders slammed me back into reality.

I was tied up.

I was alone in my bedroll.

And the man that held me close lied in his own bedroll behind me, and he was definitely not Mathias. My eyes shot open in panic, but all I could see were the burnt down embers of our fire and the form of a body lying behind it. They must have been still asleep.

I tried to wriggle out of the embrace, but the pain in my stiff arms, increase through the movement only made me wince. "Don't move Gilbert." A soft voice near my ear grumbled. I laid still, every muscle tensed as I not dared to move. The man behind me was the leader, Captain Beilschmidt.

A sharp intake of breath and I was released, the warm body against my back disappeared and a moment later sharp commands were barked. I would have loved to move, but my hands were still tied firmly behind my back and my feet were bound together, I could do nothing more than to helplessly roll around, which I would rather not.

Life came into the camp after that, at least the lives of those fortunate among us who could actually walk around. I was yanked up moments later and peeled out of my bedroll by one of the soldiers, and then pushed down on the ground again so that I knelt in front of the fireplace. The others were dumped unceremoniously beside me.

After we all were assembled, the Captain stood once again before us, a really faint blush marking his face, but I could have only imagined that. Whoever Gilbert was, he seemed to have confused me with him during his sleep.

"I know that one of you is the son of Lord Kohler, and I have a pretty good idea which one of you that is." His eyes once again were on me.

"The question is who the rest of you are?"

Why was that even important?

"I assure you, it will be of great benefit to you, if you answer honestly. If you are the sons of nobles, you can be ransomed and that will increase our willingness to release those of you who aren't."

Oh well, never mind.

"But don't try to fool me; I know enough of your nobility system to know when you're making things up." He looked at Berwald, who was the first in the line of us little kneelers.

"B'rwald Oxenstierna" A small almost invisible smile formed on Ludwig's lips, no wonder, the Oxenstierna were a pretty wealthy family, tied to the royal family through some marriages.

"Tino Väinämöinen." Tino said, eyes locked to the ground. The Väinämöinens were a branch family that had originated from the Oxenstierna and now worked as servants for the main family. They were rather poor and their blood line was mingled with peasant's blood, so they were no longer considered noble. But that didn't seem to deter Ludwig.

"And you are?" He asked as he reached Mathias, who knelt in the middle. I wondered what Ludwig would do when he realized that not I was Kohler's heir, but Mathias. Or if he would even believe us for that matter. By now the cold of the ground had soaked through my knees into my legs and continued to creep through the rest of my body. I just wanted to stand up and get going, everything would be better than to kneel here in this uncomfortable position and being scrutinized by a man who sported an even more stern face than even Berwald.

"I am Lukas Bondevik!" Mathias said with proud, and I would have almost cried out in surprise. Even Emil next to me sucked in air and shot Mathias a glance. But fortunately Ludwig was too preoccupied with the cocky attitude that Mathias presented at the moment, all wide grinning full of self-esteem. "Why is that so funny?" Ludwig asked, brow rose in mild amusement.

"Because the Bondeviks are awesome, and this is my awesome little brother Emil!" Mathias nodded his head towards Emil who rolled his eyes in indifferent exasperation. It almost seemed as if they were truly brothers, and Emil was used to Mathias' antics since early childhood.

I wanted to protest, but I feared that that would only cause trouble for Mathias. What could he possibly hope to achieve with that?

"So you must be Kohler junior." Ludwig now stood directly before me; I could see his boots that shone as if recently polished. Not only that, his whole appearance was overly prim, there was no flake of dust, no stain no wrinkle. Even though he wore rough leather armor, he still gave of the air of a well-bred officer who didn't tolerate anyone under his command slacking of. There was a symbol embroidered on his chest that caught my eye, it was a black eagle on white ground.

"So what is your first name?"

As if that would matter.

"Mathias." I said. The name sounded strange in my ears, it was not meant to be claimed by me as my own.

"That is better than I expected." Ludwig nodded, as if approving a thought he just had and then talked in that strange language of his, which sent his subordinates in a frenzy of activities. Two came over towards us, long ropes in their hands. They began to undo the bindings at our hands and feet and instead tied our hands together in front of us, winding a rope around them. Then each soldier took one rope end and connected it to their belt.

I got Ludwig. Or he got me, depending on how you want to look at it.

It appeared he saw me as kind of the main prize in all this, so I needed special supervising or something. I would feel honored, if our situation wouldn't have been so dire. I had continuously wracked my brain, but none of the plans I came up with held any promise. As long as we couldn't get rid of the bonds there was not much hope of escaping anyway.

One of the soldiers, an annoyed looking short fellow with shoulder length hair distributed rations, on which we nibbled, holding the food in our still bound hands. At least we wouldn't starve. After that everyone got a gulp out of a water skin, but before we could depart, Berwald spoke up. "I think Tino needs to pee."

Everyone stared at Tino, who by the look of it wanted nothing more than to vanish into the ground.

Well done Berwald.

But after some inquiring, it became clear that he had indeed held his water back for quite some time and was led into the forest by his watchdog, the same guy that distributed the water.

"Does anyone else feel the need to break his water?" Ludwig asked, looking around. I didn't feel the urgency, so I declined; the thought of having to pee in front of someone else was unpleasant at best. But I would have to, sooner or later.

Life really liked to bitch around, damn bitch.

But apparently everyone else felt the same as me, since no one spoke up.

Tino and his dog walker returned and the former looked even more embarrassed. I wondered how he even was able to let the water flow while someone was watching. Maybe he was more of a man than me. Well after I tripped and forced everyone set up camp in some random place in the forest, it should be way obvious who was manlier.

Not that it mattered, who was manlier.

After that we started walking, and as far as I could tell we headed in roughly the same direction we had came from. Splendid, all those blisters earned for nothing. Thinking of blisters made my feet hurt even worse, because up until now I had kind of forgotten they were there. Could this even get any worse?

To distract myself from all the sore spots on my body, I shouldn't forget to mention that my backside still slightly hurt from yesterday's sex, I asked Ludwig a question: "So what are you going to do with us now?" I didn't dare to ask him, why they looked more like bush bandits as like true soldiers. Ludwig was silent for a moment, and I thought that he wouldn't answer the question at all, when he spoke up. "We're heading to a rendezvous point, where we hand you over to the head of our division. He will decide what to do with you, but I reassure you they will trade you for ransom."

As if something like that would reassure me.

I wondered what Mathias' father would say if he paid a horrendous sum of money to get his only son back, and instead he would get me. I just hoped that they would indeed ransom us of in packages, but I doubted that Lord Kohler would pay any extras for me and my brother. And I wasn't sure if whoever was in charge of the Oxenstierna would pay for Tino. And what would the Orushians do with us, when they got no money for us?

We really should get out of this as fast as possible.

One of the soldiers said something to Ludwig, but all he got in response was a grunt. Then we walked in silence.

When the sun stood high in the sky, we finally took a break. Our lines were knotted to a low hanging branch of a tree, under which we sat down. It was the first time since our capture that we were all together without supervision. The five soldiers sat leaned to another tree few meters away, talking in their rough language and sharing their water skin.

Mathias leaned against me, his head rested on my shoulders as he breathed into my ear: "Are you alright?"I just nodded and relished in his presence. "Why did you say you were me?" I asked, carefully eying the soldiers who seemed to mind their own business for the moment.

"They won't hurt you and you will get ransomed for sure."

"But-"

"Lukas." He said urgently, "You are the most important thing in my life; I couldn't forgive myself if I ever let you get hurt. I'm sure my father would understand this." So he too was aware of the consequences his actions might have.

There was only one thing I could answer to that.

"I love you."

I felt his smile form against my neck. "I love you too Lukas, more than my life."

A gasp interrupted our time of romance and I quickly looked up to see of one of the soldiers had approached us. But they were still absorbed in whatever it was they were doing. No, the gasp had come from Tino who had just seen what Emil had hidden in his boot. And when I saw it, I could completely understand why he gasped.

"Emil, how did you…?"

"So that was what you fumbled with around last night, you almost got me worried."

"We don't have time for this!"

This could be bad. Or good, indeed this could be very good."

...


	17. Hoping

Somehow Emil had managed to hide a kitchen knife in his boot.

"I have a plan he whispered." And we leaned in to listen to what he had to say. It was a risky plan, full of things that could possibly go wrong, but it was our only plan.

"What happened to your sling Berwald?"

"Took it." I wondered how they managed to overlook a knife, but succeeded in finding the sling. But then again, Berwald gave of the feeling of being armed and dangerous, while Emil, especially with the cute little bird on his shoulder seemed rather innocent. Why that puffin was still here, was beyond me, I would have long since fled if I were him.

"So who's going to do it?"

That one was a tricky one. If one of those who had to share their bedroll had to do it, he might injure his partner, but if I was once again hugged by Ludwig, I couldn't do it either.

But I couldn't bring myself to use Ludwig as reason for me not to do it and tell Mathias that I had slept in the arms of someone else, an enemy above all, even though it was not of my own volition. And I hoped that Ludwig would avoid being close to me after the incident. Besides, I wanted to make good on the fact that I had been pretty much useless up until now, so I volunteered. We just had to hope that they wouldn't put me in a partner roll this time.

We didn't have infinite tries; there was no telling when we would meet up with the rest of the division.

Mathias of course tried to talk me out of it, arguing that he was stronger and more likely to be successful. But Emil had already given me the knife and I hastily stuck it in my belt. Of course our plan would very well be thwarted if they would tie us up like yesterday again.

I tried not to think of everything that could go wrong during the rest of the day. After our break we had once again be taken up by our respective watchdog and started walking again.

My feet still hurt from all the blisters, I hadn't had the chance to check on them, but I was sure that the flesh was all open and raw and probably oozing pus, but they were not the only body parts that hurt. My legs hurt in general from all the walking I wasn't used to. And my wrists were sore, the knots weren't that tight but the rubbing of the ropes was still enough to cause light abrasions.

Tino tried to make Smalltalk with the soldiers, but all he got were some incoherent grunts, if he got any answers at all and so he gave up. The rest of the day we walked in silence and with every inch that the sun neared the horizon, I could feel the knot in my stomach grow.

My resolve wavered with every stop I took; I had gotten in way over my head. And what would happen if I failed, would they kill us? They probably wouldn't kill Berwald and me, but maybe they would kill the others to punish us.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm down; it would be of no help if I were to panic. And I owed it to the others to at least try and get us out of here.

The sun sank lower and lower, and finally vanished behind the mountains in the West. We made camp at the edge of the forest this time, on a field of grass and leaves. We had not headed straight West, but kept south so we were now at the Southern edge of the forest, if we continued like this, the town would be north from us. Or that was what I pieced together from what little navigation talent I had.

This was when the fate of our escape plan would be decided. If they tied us up with our hands behind our backs, everything would have been in vain. I watched warily as Ludwig barked his orders and his subordinates quickly tied their respective pet to a tree and began setting up camp. They went at it more professional than we did, flattening out the ground, preparing a fireplace and laying out the bedrolls. My rope was still attached to Ludwig's belt, and I felt kind of exposed, standing in the midst of everything while doing nothing.

But then Ludwig tied me to a tree that was slightly away from the one the others sat beneath.

Seriously, what was it with all that special treatment?

Then one of the soldiers went off into the woods, carrying the crossbow with him, only to return later with a dead hare.

After the rabbit was cooked and eaten, we were once again stuffed in our bedroll, same combination as the last time. Only this time we were tied to trees, which meant, I didn't get a place near the fire. But this was all for the best.

Unfortunately Ludwig decided to once more lie next to me. This could be a problem.

Silence fell once more over the camp. Everyone was snuggled up in their individual sleeping arrangement, some less individual than others, only one unlucky bastard was awake and on watch duty. When Emil's observation from the night before was right, then the guards kept on looking out into the night, rather than into the camp. That was crucial for our plan.

So far Ludwig had made no move to cuddle with me, but it was still too early to assume that everyone was asleep. So I just lied there, counting the minutes until I was sure that it would be safe to begin.

I very carefully reached under my shirt, pulling out the knife and moving it awkwardly around until I was positive to cut rope and not skin. Then I started sawing. The rope was thick and I could only move so much, having to twist my wrist and hands to actually reach the hemp strands. Hearing Ludwig's faint breathing so close to me, didn't help at all to focus my concentration. And I slipped more than once, driving the blade through my own skin, I had to bite back the sounds of pain that threatened to emit. And of course the blood made my grip on the handle only more slippery, but mercifully after a torturous long time the rope eventually fell loose and I was free.

I took a moment to listen for anything unusual, but it seemed that no one had picked up on what I had been doing. I got ready to slip out of the bedroll when I suddenly heard a grunt. A warm body pressed against my back. And then with blood freezing horror I realized that hands tried to find their way into my bedroll, pushing the fabric down to my waist until they found skin.

An incoherent mumble near my ear and Ludwig's hot breath caressed my neck. Something hard pressed against my backside; I couldn't place what it was until I felt the hands under my shirt stroking over my belly and chest. Ludwig was hard, he was doubtless dreaming of that Gilbert again.

I lied still, not daring to move in fear he would wake up, but when his hands trailed down my body I had to move or else he would have touched the knife in my hands. I stretched my arm, so that the knife was as far ways as possible from Ludwig's reach and laid the knife down, being painfully aware of how exposed it was.

Ludwig rubbed against me and moaned in my ear, once again calling me Gilbert. I couldn't let this go any further, especially when I could feel Ludwig's hands sneaking into my pants. "Stop it." I hissed, "Gilbert doesn't want to have sex now!" Apparently this was all I could come up with, pathetic.

But to my surprise it seemed to work, for Ludwig retracted his hands, grumbling in disappointment and then returned back into deep sleep once more. Whoever Gilbert was, Ludwig seemed to listen to him, and for that I was more than thankful.

I climbed out of the bedroll, hastily folding the sheets and retrieving the knife. The camp was silent, and I searched for the form of the soldier on watch duty only to find his form slumped against a tree, fast asleep. If Ludwig knew of this…

I made my way over to the others and found Mathias sleeping soundly; the rest was more or less awake, blinking at me with tired eyes. There was not much time and so I peeled Berwald and Tino out of their bed and cut their rope. It was easier this time, because I could move my arms freely. The actual plan had been for me to threaten the soldier on night's watch and tie him up with the rope that had previously bound me, but since he was asleep there was not much need to do so. It was still a risk, he could wake up any second, but so could everyone else in this camp.

The moment they were free, both of them gathered as much things as possible, without making too much sound, Emil in the meantime had woken Mathias and I freed them too.

So far so good.

It would have been best if we could use the ropes to tie up the soldiers while they were asleep, but we'd figured that they would wake up in the process. So the best option was to run for it and either try to be as fast as possible and put as much distance as possible between us and them, or try to be as stealthy as possible and not leave any traces behind. Or we could just kill them in their sleep.

Obviously we weren't going to do that, so we opted at a combination of the first two options. First run until we were far away and then try to leave as few traces as possible. We moved as quiet as possible, grabbing our things and careful not to stumble over anything when we made our way to the tree line, as far away from the sleeping guard as possible.

Emil and Tino were the first to disappear into the shadows of the woods, Berwald quickly following behind. I noticed that Mathias had fallen back a little and turned around to see what delayed him, but my eyes were caught by the soldier on watch duty who had started to slightly stir. My heart skipped a beat when I realized that he was about to wake up. He would notice immediately that we were missing, the moment he would look into the camp. And then everything would have been in vain.

Mathias followed my panicked gaze and spotted the soldier, who just seemed to wake up at that instant. He reacted as quickly as lightning, dashing forward, bending down on the short distance to grab up a stone and smashing it over the guard's head with a sickening crunch that could be heard to where I was standing. My blood froze in shock, eyes darting over the sleeping forms of the other soldiers to the lifeless form of the man whose fall had been caught by Mathias who know carefully laid him down on the ground. Blood was gleaming in the moonlight, and I felt a sick feeling forming in my stomach.

That man was probably dead.

Mathias wide blue eyes met mine, the impact of what he had just done seemed to hit him only now. A low whistle from one of our friends ripped us out of our stupor and we scrambled to follow after them into the forests and as far away from there as possible. The first moments we tried to run as quietly as possible, but as soon as we were out of earshot we carelessly broke through the woods.

My mind was reeling while I was running; I couldn't get the image of the man's body suddenly getting limp out of my head. And that awful sound, when the stone had crushed his skull. But Mathias had to do it, hadn't he? If he wouldn't have done it, we would have been caught, and maybe even killed. Ludwig said as much, we would be punished if we acted up.

But there was no time to dwell on it, I had to focus on getting forward without stumbling, and that was hard enough with the darkness and the thick underbrush, even without my mind being absorbed in other things.

Mathias was close behind me, I could hear his breath and it filled my heart with pain that he had been forced to buy our freedom with the smashing of a human's head.

After we ran for what seemed to be an eternity, we finally slowed down when we reached a shallow stream that marked the southern edge of the forest. We would use the water to hide our tracks, while wading upstream. If they should follow us until here, they might figure out that we would head in that direction, because that was where we were going before they caught us, but we figured as long as we made sure not to betray the spot where we left the water, we would be safe.

I needed help with my boots, my hands were full of dried blood and gripping something hurt too much from the cuts I had acquired earlier. One cut was even more serious than I first had thought, it went across the palm of my left hand and seemed to be pretty deep. Berwald quickly wrapped some bandages he had with him in his bag around my hands, but there was nothing more he could do at the moment. I was not the only one whose feet were in a horrible state. My feet were covered in blisters and even my blisters had blisters. So together with my butchered hands, I was pretty useless at the moment.

But I grit my teeth and stepped into the ice cold water after the others, and the freezing temperature made my feet go numb in no time, so at least they didn't hurt anymore. But that also meant that I had no feeling in them and holding my balance on the slippery surface proved to be tricky. I just hoped that I wouldn't step on a sharp stone and slice open my feet.

So we stalked awkwardly through the night, teeth rattling and shivering from the cold. Mathias carried my things again, he seemed to have calmed down from his earlier shock, but sometimes I caught him throwing backward glances with eyes that looked almost dead. I wished I could talk to him, but I doubted that I could articulate past my rattling teeth.

The sun was still far from rising, when the first one stumbled and splashed into the water. It was Tino, one moment he was walking, the next his legs slipped away under him and he fell onto his knees, luckily he caught his fall with his hands so he didn't get wet completely. But it would only be a question of time until the next fell, so we decided to get out of the water.

The stream was bordered with forest floor on the western side and with grass on the eastern. We needed to go east, and hopefully our feet wouldn't leave any footprints in the grass as they would do in the earth. We still treaded carefully, trying to put as less weight into our steps as possible, but that was difficult with our feet being numb from the cold.

We walked bare feet until we reached a place where the grass was so short that we could sit down without leaving obvious spots of flattened grass. The floor was cold and so we hurried and put our boots back on, Mathias helping me again. But it was still a painful affair, our feet stung like hell when the feeling finally returned. But that at least meant that we didn't get serious frost bite.

But from this on things went bad. Tinos legs had been soaked up to his thighs so he had to change. Luckily he had thought of bringing spare clothes. But his skin was still clammy and his cold feet and the lack of sleep didn't help at all. And then it started raining.

Tino was coughing by the end of the night and when we finally dared to set up a small hidden camp around noon under an overhang of the steep side of a hill Emil found by lucky chance, he was feverish. I couldn't be of much help as the other three arranged everything, so I sat awkwardly beside Tino and patted his head with the back of my hand. His eyes were closed and his forehead burned red and shone with sweat.

Berwald had tugged him into their bedroll, but I could still feel him shiver through the fabric. I pointed it out to Berwald as soon as they were finished with preparing the rest of the camp and he just nodded quietly and pulled Tino onto his lap.

It was still broad daylight, but we needed our rest nonetheless. It would maybe even be better if we walked at night from now on. We then ate a silent meal, only interrupted by Tino who occasionally would moan and thrash in his sleep.

I would have taken the first watch then, but I was unanimously overruled and forced into a bedroll by Mathias. Aside from my damaged hands I had also started to slightly cough, nothing big, probably only a cold, but it still got Mathias worried. So Emil took over the first watch and wandered outside to search for a nice spot to sit with his puffin being enthroned on his shoulders as usual. Berwald crawled in with Tino to provide additional warmth and Mathias slid into mine.

I noticed only then how tired I really was, up until now the thrill of our escape had kept me awake. I could feel myself drift into sleep, when Mathias voice broke through my hazy mind. "He's dead, isn't he?" I didn't need to ask to know who he was referring to.

"Most likely." I said, unwanted images of the stones meeting heads drifting before my inner eye. "I had to do it, hadn't I?" Mathias sounded lost, his voice barely audible and I could feel his hands tugging aimlessly at my shirt. Maybe there had been another way, maybe Mathias didn't have to hit so hard. But his actions undoubtedly saved us from detection.

"We didn't have to flee, you know?" Mathias said before I could reassure him. "They weren't going to kill us; they just wanted to exchange us for money." Suddenly I felt cold inside.

"You don't know that." I whispered, desperate to quell the fears that arose in Mathias. "But I killed him." He continued as if he hadn't heard me. "I didn't have to, but I did."

"No!" I whispered, unexpectedly furious. "We had to flee, this was our only chance! And you had to stop that man, or else they would have stopped us, so you did the right thing." I had grabbed Mathias shirt during my outburst, ignoring the pain that that caused. I didn't care if Berwald would hear us, I only wanted Mathias to be his old self, cheerful and without a care in the world.

"You're right." He mumbled, I could hear the sleep that was taking him over, and felt incredibly relieved. "You're always right, that is why I love you." I could feel his lips in my hair, his arms were now slung around me, holding me firm and safe and finally the grasp of my hands relaxed and I allowed the pain in my hands to dull into a distant throbbing until I too fell asleep.

...


	18. Rising Sun

I dreamed that night; it were dreams full of darkness and fear, full of screams and silent tears, and when the gently touch of the morning sun finally woke me, I couldn't remember anything but the terror I had felt.

Mathias had left some time around afternoon, taking over watch duty from Emil, so I was alone in the bedroll. Since we had slept through the day, it hadn't been as cold as during nights, but I was still stiff from the hard ground.

I crawled out of the bedroll, and folded it so that we would be able to carry it around. Berwald was already up, cradling Tino in his lap, whose pale forehead shone with sweat. He looked even worse than yesterday. My nose was running too and I felt a light headache, but compared to Tinos state that was nothing. Emil was still sleeping, curled around his puffin and I felt a smile form on my lips at that view. Emil had acted so mature the last few days that I kept forgetting that his childhood hadn't been gone that long.

I nodded a short greeting to Berwald and stepped out under the overhang to go look for Mathias. He sat on a boulder that had tumbled down the hill at some point and now stuck half buried under moss at the foot of the steep slope. I had brought some dried apples and a chunk of bread with me and shared them with Mathias while we watched the sun set. It was a beautiful view, the mountaintops seemed to be dipped in orange color and the whole horizon gleamed in yellow and red. The view would almost make me forget the dire situation we were in.

"We have almost no food left." I said as I nibbled on an apple. It was small and sour, but I didn't mind. "And Tino's condition seems worse." Mathias put an arm around me, pulling me closer. And not to forget our conversation this noon, it was easy forget with the breathtaking sunset before us, but I wasn't sure if Mathias was completely over what happened.

And who said that I was over it yet?

But I didn't dare to mention that.

"I know babe." He said, his hand stroking gently over my back. I didn't even complain that he had called me babe again. It had been a long time since I had complained over something Mathias did, and an even longer time that I had hit or insulted him. I rested my head on his shoulder, spitting an apple seed into the grass.

Love truly was a wonderful thing.

We needed to get our hands on food though and if possible medicine. A cough forced its way through my throat and I leaned away from Mathias to let it run its course. Mathias patted my back and pulled me in a warming embrace after I was finished. "Are you cold?" He asked and checked my temperature with his forehead. "Thank god there's no fever." I smiled, it felt good to be cared for like that.

We returned to the others after the sun had set and the evenings chill crept in on us. Tino was awake, his fever glazed eyes weakly blinking at us, while Berwald fed him some water. He needed food though, but there was nothing left he could eat in his state, only some hard pieces of bread.

We sat down on the cold ground, what little warmth had accumulated here during the day quickly fled with the fading light. I was the first to break the silence. "How is he doing?" Berwald caressed Tino's red shining forehead with a gentleness that seemed so unfitting for his frightening appearance, but I had long since learned that underneath Berwald was far from scary. "Not good." He answered and his worry shone clearly through his thick voice.

"Needs food to get his strength back." And medicine, I added silently in my mind. I remembered my mother waning from her sickness, lying on her bed lethargically, her eyes were the only thing that betrayed that she wasn't dead yet, looking at us with desperation and the silent plea for forgiveness, because she _knew_ she wouldn't make it any longer. I wouldn't be able to stand to see that look on Tino.

"Then we should go get some food and more important medicine." I said, watching Tino closing his eyes as his fever once again took over and pulled him into sleep. I wished I could believe it was only a fever that would pass, but the way he coughed reminded me of how my mother had coughed up blood during her final days.

"But how?" Mathias asked, but I didn't miss the tiny speck of hopefulness that shone from his eyes, sparked by the determination I had spoken with. "There should be a settlement somewhere along the stream, we just need to find it and then buy what we need." Of course that would require two things; first that either Berwald or Mathias thought of bringing money along with them and second that the village or town was still intact. If it got burned down like our town had we could only hope that there was enough left to salvage the remains. But either way we had to try.

"We can't stay here." I continued. "It is too close from where we left Ludwig and his men. So we should follow the stream until we reach a village or maybe a town, hopefully one that is not yet burned down. There we split up, one group protects Tino, the other goes in and gets what we need as fast as possible. Then we should probably find a safe place to rest, because Tino will need some time to recover. We're getting close to the southern mountain chain so we might even be able to find a cave. I just hope one of you thought to bring some money." I finished, eyes glued to the ground. I wasn't too confident in my plan and I feared what the others might say.

"I have." Berwald said, running a hand through Tino's messy and sweaty hair. "That's an awesome idea, babe." Mathias exclaimed and placed a wet and excited kiss on my cheek. "Oh and I brought money too, so that shouldn't be a problem." I rolled my eyes at Mathias profuse enthusiasm, but at the same time I felt a small smile tug at the corners of my lips at his praise even though it was a little bit over the top, my plan wasn't that great. And of course it bore more than one risk.

But it was the best we had.

Berwald would of course carry Tino; he made sure he was wrapped in his second set of clothes that had dried by now before Mathias lifted him onto Berwalds back. Emil then tied Tinos hands together so that he wouldn't drop of Berwalds back. I got Tinos bag, which was the lightest by now and Mathias and Emil each carried two. I would have carried my own too, but Mathias forbade it, arguing that I had still a light cold and shouldn't overexert myself.

It was dark and only a few stars shone down on us, when we finally left. We had taken care of getting rid of every sign that would betray our short stay and while walking we tried again to leave as few traces as possible.

We soon reached the stream and followed it upriver, all the while searching our surroundings for indications of human habitation. And of course we watched out for any signs of Ludwig or any other Orushians, but so far everything seemed quiet.

After a few hours of walking, we eventually encountered the first traces of habitation, fields stretched out on both sides of the stream, bathing in the pale light of the now risen moon. It was in the middle of this year's harvest season so most of the fields were only filled with stubbles of crops. But that at least meant that people were still living here, and that there would be food to buy.

I couldn't shake the feeling that there was something wrong here. We were not that far from where our town had been, only about a two days march, and yet we had seen no signs of fighting or plunder and the only soldiers we encountered were those who had caught us. It all seemed as if the Orushians were not yet at war with us, but instead try to get ransom by dressing up as bandits and abducting the heirs of rich families. And burning down towns.

Maybe we would hear news on the conflict with Lactan if we got to the town. At first I had feared that whatever form of settlement we found would have been subject to pillage or could be at any minute, but the more I thought of it the surer I was, that the attack on our town had been an isolated case with maybe even the sole purpose to get their hands on Mathias to get some money.

Finally the town came into view, it was slightly bigger than ours had been; it even had a city wall. That of course meant we wouldn't be able to enter until morning had broken, but it also would provide safety once we were in. We settled down on the bank of the stream that still flowed merrily beside us and prepared to wait until sunrise. I explained that it probably would be safe for all of us to go into the town so we might even find an inn and stay there until Tino was cured.

Mathias pulled me into his arms and nuzzled his nose my hair, the prospect of sleeping in a real bed again had lightened all of our moods. Emil leaned against the stump of a tree that was long gone and petted Mr. Puffin with an absent looking expression. Berwald hugged Tino closely to his chest, a piece of cloth he had ripped from one of his shirts laid on his lovers forehead soaked with cold water from the stream.

I hadn't noticed while we were walking, but now the cold crept in on me and I was glad for Mathias warm arms around me. But soon his hands sneaked under my clothes, caressing the skin where they found it. I would have protested but it felt so good to be touched by him, after I still felt kind of tainted by Ludwig's unwanted advances, that I simply closed my eyes and leaned back against his chest. And Mathias knew for once how to behave; he kept his hands above the waistline and away from any overly sensitive spot.

"I love you." He whispered into my ear, and I mumbled an incoherent answer, too lazy and content to bother with expressing myself properly. I could feel Mathias smile against my head, knowing that he still understood. After a while Emil came and joined us, cuddling into Mathias arms next to me; the cold was too much even for him. But neither of us minded, we were glad for the extra warmth, Mathias even retreated his hands from under my clothes to welcome Emil and slinging one arm around him.

When morning finally came we were all stiff from the cold and the hour long motionless sitting in the same position so it took a while until we had all gotten up and stretched enough to get going again. The early morning sun illuminated the outline of the city against the horizon, and as we came nearer we could hear the city awakening. By the time we reached the city gates a small line of people who wanted to enter had already assembled and we took our places behind the last person on the line. It seemed as if controls were thoroughly the guards eyed everyone suspiciously, asking countless questions and demanding some sort of entrance fee, before waving them through.

Before us was a man with a cart full of cabbages, who seemed to be especially impatient to enter the city. The people before him, two particularly rough looking men suddenly drew their weapons threatening the guards to let them in and in the ensuing fight the cabbage cart got toppled over and most of the trampled on. I couldn't help but feel pity for the man who kneeled on the ground and wailed for his cabbages, as the two men finally subdued and tied down.

"So now you'll get to see the city, but only through metal bars." One of the guards mocked and kicked one of the men in the guts. Some other guards appeared and dragged the bound up men away. The guard, who had kicked the man, stepped over to deal with the next in line, purposely squashing some cabbages under his heels. He got into a short argument with the cabbage man, before the latter turned his cart around and pulled it away muttering 'my cabbages' under his breath. Then it was our turn.

He eyed us with distaste and then proceeded to ask our business in town. When we explained that we needed to get Tino treated he looked him over, the look of distaste even more growing. "Who tells me that he hasn't got some sort of contagious disease?" He snarled and took a step back. "He has nothing contagious." I said with more determination in my voice than I actually felt. "He just got wet on the way and now has a fever."

The guard just shrugged. "Whatever, you can enter but it'll cost you." "How much?" I asked, but I dreaded the answer. He trailed his eyes over us; I could see him taking in the high quality fabric of our clothes. Sure we looked somewhat rugged, but there was no doubt that we either came from a wealthy family or robbed one. "Well, we have to be careful of bandits; there had been sights of a large group roaming west of here, so we need to be extra careful. Let's say four gold coins each."

I felt my jaw drop. I could count the times when I had seen _one_ gold coin with one hand let alone the amount of, I needed to think a bit until I had correctly added the sum, 20 gold coins. Berwald shot the guard an angry stare, putting all the intimidation into it that he could muster, but even that wasn't enough to deter the guard. He just crossed his arms and grinned in self-satisfaction, throwing a pointed glance on the long line of people behind us, who were eager to pay him to get in town. Mathias brushed past me and dumped a small sack full of clinking metal into the guard's hand.

Okay, so first Emil had been able to sneak a knife past Ludwig, and now Mathias had apparently managed the same with that ridiculous amount of money. Hell, they could have just robbed us, they didn't have to bother brining us along for ransom. But come to think of it, neither I nor Mathias had been searched and I could only guess that the others hadn't been either. Maybe they just didn't expect kids like us to have anything of value on them. No matter, as long as it was to our benefit.

Still in awe about the sum that had just changed owners, I was dragged by Mathias past the guard and into the city. I chose to not think any further about just what we could have afforded with all that money and instead focused my attention on the various sights and smells. I had never been in a settlement bigger than our town and this city, although small was still impressive. There were many people up and about, despite the early hour. Some were returning from their nightly business, evident in their stagger and or tired look, others pulled carts through the streets, selling whatever was on them and again others hurried to wherever they needed to be.

The air was heavy with the smell of baking bread, stale bedrooms being aired and the ever present stench of emptied chamber pots in the side alleys.

It took some time and some questioning around until we find a decent inn, somewhere in the better parts of the city. The innkeeper didn't look too happy as he saw us entering but the soon as Mathias dropped another gold coin on the counter he was eager and very pleased to accommodate us to our rooms upstairs. He then hurried downstairs to prepare us breakfast, which he even agreed to bring up into our rooms.

I really didn't get how it needed 20 gold coins to merely enter a city, but only one to get rooms and food for five people. But Mathias didn't really mind the spending so I guessed it was okay. We had gotten three rooms, one for Berwald and Tino, one for Mathias and me, and Emil got a smaller room at the end of the corridor. But for the moment we assembled in Berwalds and Tinos room, the latter safely tugged under the sheets a wet piece of cloth on his forehead.

The breakfast the innkeeper brought up a short time later consisted of warm bread fresh from the oven, cheese and even a small piece of ham. He had also brought some leftover broth from the day before for Tino. After he had left we all ate in silence, Berwald feeding the still sleeping Tino with a spoon. After the meal we quickly took turns in using the bathroom to get rid of at least some of the dirt that had accumulated since our departure. Mathias then wrapped fresh linen around my hands to replace the makeshift bandages.

When we were finished we decided to split up and get what we needed, Berwald would of course stay here and look after his lover, Mathias Emil and I would go and buy medicine or if possible look for a doctor. Although one had to be careful with so called doctors, Berwald warned, most of them were just charlatans who would make their patients even sicker and demanding horrible fees for their services.

We planned on staying here as long as Tino needed to recover, so we didn't need to restock on food yet, since we could eat at the inn. I was excited to go outside and explore, but my enthusiasm was thwarted at the last minute when a fit of coughing reminded Mathias that I was still sick, so he forced me to lie down in Berwalds bed and get some rest myself, drilling the owner of the bed into looking after me and making sure I didn't get up.

Mathias kissed me on the forehead and then left with Emil on his heels. I just grumbled and turned my face away from him, but I couldn't be truly mad at him for he was only concerned with my wellbeing. And as hard as it was to admit that, but that was one of the things I loved about him, the way he made me feel safe and well cared for. And this would give my blisters some time to heal.

So I settled in for a long morning with Berwald.

...


	19. Catching Breath

**A/N: **University will start this week again, so I won't have as much time to write as I had in the last month. But I'll try to keep gaps between updates as short as possible, but if it takes a little more time than usual, don't worry, I won't abandon this fic, I'm just busy.

* * *

Berwald didn't talk much, so we spent the morning mostly in silence. But that was okay; after all we have been through in the last few days, I was glad to have some time to think on my own. I sat in the bed that was not occupied by Tino, leaning against some pillows propped up on the headboard and looked out of the window. I couldn't see much, only a part of the street that went past the inn, but there was still some decent traffic.

Berwald sat on the other bed, Tino's head in his lap and caressing his sweaty hair. It was such a heartwarming sight, Berwalds silent display of love and affection, it made my heart ache for Mathias, although I would never admit that to him. Berwald had put on a fire in the fire place earlier so the room was comfortably warm and cozy.

I returned my gaze to the view outside, just in time to see two men break out into a fight. First they yelled at each other, then they started to shove each other until one finally landed on the floor, the other on top of him in no time. Then they rolled around on the floor, both eager to get the upper hand but neither succeeding. They were broken apart by a bucket of what looked like fish waste dumped over them by one of the merchants who lined the street to sell their goods.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust; to be showered in fish waste was really nothing I would want to experience. Wait, did one of the two just grope the other? No, that couldn't be, I must have imagined things. But the spectacle reminded me that now that I didn't go with Emil and Mathias I had the time to take a long nice bath, opposed to the rather rash cleaning I had done earlier. And maybe Berwald could bathe Tino too; the warm water would surely be good for him.

I pushed back the blanket and crawled out of the bed, proposing my idea to Berwald, who grunted in approval. I then left to use the bathroom in Mathias' and my room, while Berwald went ahead in his to prepare the water.

I winced as the cold bathroom floor touched the raw flesh of my blistered feet, but I gritted my teeth and leaned over to release the warm water. I couldn't wait for the bathtub to be filled, so I climbed in and settled into the slowly pooling water. I splashed some water against the cold tiles before I rested my back against them. It took some time for the tub to fill and I felt goose bumps rising on the skin that wasn't covered by warm water yet. I would have rubbed my arms to counter the cold feeling, but my still hurting hands protested loudly and so I settled for curling into a tight ball of preserving warmth and slowly but inexorable the water closed in on the tub's edge. I lifted my foot to turn of the tap, an action I immediately regretted for the tap poked painfully in one of my blisters.

But then I could finally close my eyes and relax the warm water soothing against my skin and my mind and soon I drifted off into some sort of shallow sleep.

I was woken by the temperature of the water having fallen below the point of comfort and I quickly pulled myself out and wrapped a towel around my shivering body. That was the downside of falling asleep while bathing. I had some difficulties with the towel, my hands were a little stiff and I had problems with gripping things properly, and of course it hurt as hell, but in the end I managed to get myself dry, mostly. I decided to not bother with my hair. I didn't want to dress in the same clothes I had worn the last day, so I would look through my bag to search for a change of clothing. I still had to depend on Mathias clothes though, but maybe I could buy some new things in this city. But I couldn't possibly ask Mathias to give me some money, even though I was sure that he would happily oblige.

I opened the door to the adjacent bedroom, still deep in thought so it took the soft thumping sound of running into someone to make me notice that the door was blocked. Long arms embraced me, pulling me against a warm chest and gentle lips were placed on mine. Mathias had returned.

"Berwald told me you were here." I pulled back to look at him, involuntarily smiling at the brightness in his shining eyes that reflected my own. "You should dry your hair babe; it's not healthy to run around with wet hair in your condition." I felt the urge to punch him for calling me babe yet again, but before I could do that, Mathias had already moved past me only to return with another towel. He then proceeded to rub my hair until he was satisfied with the amount of dryness he achieved.

"Could you please refrain from calling me babe?" I asked when he was finished. "Aww but that pet name suits you." He pouted, which was adorably cute. "Fine." I relented, after all Mathias had done enough for me so that at least I could allow him to call me that stupid nickname. "Awesome babe, I love you." He pulled me in his arms again and ruffled through my still wet hair. I couldn't help but smile and replied: "I love you too you idiot."

"So did you get medicine?" I asked and pushed Mathias slightly away to get some air. "Better" he exclaimed, "we found a doctor who will come and check on Tino later this day, and he can even take a look at you." At his words I felt a weight lifted from my heart, I didn't know was there. Tino's condition hadn't worsened but he had shown no improvement either so knowing that a doctor would look him up was a relief.

"You know babe, you can't blame me." Mathias suddenly said hoarsely, staring at me intently. I was confused. "If you walk around like that," A finger trailed down my stomach and hooked itself under the towel, "I can't help but to want you." With that he pulled and the towel slid down, revealing my naked form to Mathias' hungry eyes. I didn't have time to protest before Mathias had crushed his lips against mine, demanding entrance with his tongue and devouring the cavity of my mouth.

My heart jumped at the wild and passionate assault and I gripped Mathias shoulders for support, ignoring the stinging pain in my hands. His hand was in my neck, pulling me closer into the kiss, his other hand rested on the small on my back. I could feel the heat of his body through his clothes burning against my bare skin.

Mathias broke the kiss, only to push me on the bed and straddling me, once again claiming my lips with his own. His hands wandered over my body, setting the skin on fire and my breath grew more unstable as he teasingly rubbed a nipple. I let my hands roam too, sliding under his shirt and caressing the smooth skin beneath. Mathias pulled back his hands to get rid of his clothes, granting me full access to his well toned body.

Back when I still worked in the brothel I didn't think that there would ever be a time when I would do this willingly without feeling repulsion. But with Mathias it was just wonderful and perfect and couldn't imagine my life without him anymore.

I could feel heat building up between my thighs and knew without looking that my member was hardening in anticipation. Mathias had kissed his way from my face to my chest and his hands wandered downwards along my stomach, circling my navel and then finally around my throbbing erection that begged for attention. I moaned lowly, my hips pushing into the touch and Mathias lips closed around my nipple to gently suck while his hand stroked in a steady rhythm along my length.

The double sensation of his lips around my nipple and his hand around my shaft was almost too much to bear. My hands clenched into the bed sheets and I moaned and panted helplessly. Mathias pinched my nipple with his teeth only to caress the spot with his tongue and then he pushed the fingers of his other hand in my mouth, silently urging me to wet them with saliva. And I obliged, even though it was hard to focus on the fingers in my mouth while he was so deliberately making me feel good.

He eventually pulled them back and I could feel his fingers moments later prodding against my entrance. Mathias chose the moment when he grazed his nails over my length to enter the first digit. I gasped at the feeling, unconsciously lifting my hips, causing the finger to slip in even deeper. Mathias licked his way to the other nipple, trailing his tongue playfully around the nub, while his finger wriggled around in me, soon joined by another and stretching me carefully.

By that time I couldn't wait any longer, I lifted my legs and wrapped them around Mathias waist, pulling him closer. I could feel a smile form against my chest as he followed my silent command and pulled out his fingers and lined his own erection up before my entrance. He leaned in to kiss me, tongue swirling and biting my lip while he slowly pushed his way inside. His other hand was still around my member, leisurely stroking as I groaned in slight discomfort. No matter how often we did this, the first few moments were always painful, Mathias girth was just too well build, but as soon as I had adjusted and he began to move the pain turned into pleasure and my moans became louder and louder.

Mathias was still kissing me, drinking in my pleasure, when he started moving, slowly at first but he soon picked up the pace. He brushed against my sweet spot and I arched my back, meeting his thrusts and digging my nails into his shoulders, the intense pleasure overwhelming me. We had to break the kiss by then; we both needed the air to breath and pant and as Mathias thirsted continuously faster our moans became gradually louder.

But in the middle of it Mathias suddenly slowed down, placing his hands at the sides of my head and pushing himself up to look down at me. "Lukas." He breathed, lust shimmering in his eyes, "I want to take you from behind, please." I didn't know what had brought this on, but I didn't mind complying. So I just nodded, pushed myself up and turned around when Mathias had pulled out, only to slam instantly back into me, the moment I was on my fourth. I cried out in pleasure and soon my arms gave out under me, my head pressing into the cushion, my backside held up by Mathias grip and merciless thrusts.

This position was not new to me, but usually it was accompanied by the feeling of humiliation for the clients would take ma as a dog would take his bitch, but with Mathias it felt entirely different. He could reach even farther into me and each thrust he hit that special spot inside of me and made me scream my pleasure into the pillows. I wouldn't be able to withstand like this for long; Mathias hand was again around my member, pumping it in time with his thrusts and I could hear him panting and moaning almost as loud as I was.

"Ahh… Mathias." I moaned, voice muffled into the pillow, as he kissed along my spine. The heat in my abdomen had become unbearable hot by now and I could feel my climax rise higher and higher until it swept over me, leaving me panting and quivering on the sheets. Mathias slammed into me one more time and came too, with my name on his lips.

I was breathing heavily, my vision still blurry from the recent orgasm. Mathias had caught my release in his hand, so I didn't need to worry about getting sticky when I collapsed down on the bed. But sex was always a sweaty business so I would have to go and clean me up nonetheless. Mathias quickly cleansed his hand with his shirt and then lied down next to me, snuggling into me. He placed a kiss on my forehead and smiled at me.

I felt warm and satisfied, lying there in the arms of my lover. I would have never expected to one day feel so happy and safe. Mathias was truly the best thing that ever happened to me.

"What are you thinking?" Mathias asked as he spotted the smile on my face. I quickly wiped away every trace of my thoughts on my face and answered with a nonchalant "nothing." I could see that he didn't buy it, but he left it at that, instead nuzzling his lips into my hair.

"Where's your barrette?" he wondered, "I love how you look with it." "I took it off before I took a bath obviously." I said and rolled my eyes at Mathias sometimes apparent naivety. "You look cute when you do that." Mathias grinned and kissed my forehead again. I felt a light blush creep up my neck and I decided that now was a good time to get up and get dressed. Mathias could be such a tease sometimes.

"Aw come on babe, that's no reason to pout, although you're cute when you do that, too." I grabbed a pillow and threw it at Mathias head' but he didn't seem fazed at all, so I just ignored him and continued to search our bags for suiting clothes for me. But inwardly I was smiling at Mathias display of affection. I would be damned though if I'd ever let him know, he would never leave me be if he'd knew.

Finally I found something I could wear, although it was fairly too big, but that was better than nothing. I would ask the innkeeper if I could wash our clothes in his washing room later but before that I wanted to talk to Emil. Mathias had followed me out of the bed and searched his bag new clothes; then he followed me into Emil's room like a faithful dog, but not before he put another round of bandages on my hands, lightly scolding me for carelessly leaving the cuts open. I didn't tell him though, that I wasn't worried at the cuts per se, but at the numbness I felt in my hands and the stiffness that was slowly building, preventing me from fully bending my fingers.

Emil wasn't in his room so I went to Berwald and Tino's room where I found him sitting in a chair and petting his puffin. Berwald held a freshly bathed Tino in his arms and seemed to be talking with my brother. They stopped though when we entered, looking up at us and acknowledging our presence each with a nod.

I slumped down onto the other bed, Mathias beside me wrapping an arm around me. "So what else did you do while you were in town?" I directed my question at Emil who had now fed the animal in his lap with seeds he had somewhere in one of his pockets.

"Nothing much, most of the time we were searching for a doctor who could actually be trusted and that took quite a while. We almost got mugged, thanks to your lover." "That's not true!" Mathias exclaimed, "That guy totally could be trusted and I wanted to see his pet bunny." "Whatever." I looked from Emil to Mathias and secretly decided to never let the latter out alone with my brother, or anyone else for that matter. How could anyone fall for that trick?

"Any news on the war?" Berwald asked with his deep voice, ignoring Mathias grumbling under his breath about mean brothers and cute bunnies. "Not much." Emil replied, "Lactan has yet to declare war yet, but they are openly raiding villages at the Western border. The citizens think that it will only be a matter of days until our king will have declared war, in fact they are wondering why he hasn't yet." He threw a side glance to Mathias who had stopped his self-talk in favor of listening. "They say that he is fighting with his council over war expenses and as long as the council refuses to pay for the war, the king cannot afford it."

"And about the Orushians?" I asked, wondering just how we could not be at war, while we obviously were under attack. "Nothing, most people here don't believe that they will participate in a war, even though they are allied with Lactan, the talk is that they can't get an agreement about the war spoils. But they are aware of increase bandit activities in the area, but they are not worried since their wall will protect them."

So if I understood correctly, Lactan provoked us to declare war, so that they could claim to just have attacked in defense or something like that, but our king and his council were unable to come to terms about who would pay for the expenses. And because Orusha and Lactan couldn't get an agreement about war spoils, Orusha was now raiding villages and abducting noble sons in order to get the money they wanted.

I sighed in frustration. Why couldn't they just get along? This was giving me a headache. Mathias was rubbing my shoulders soothingly while he talked to Emil. "So my father has apparently reached the capital and is trying to put a hold to this war, and he hasn't sent for us yet because there is now ar going on yet. And he probably doesn't know about the raids because obviously no one here thinks that they are important and need to be reported to the king."

"So what are we going to do now?" I asked; looking at Berwald who hadn't said much until now, but who was in charge of Tino should have a word about our next plans. Berwald stroke a hand over Tinos cheek and thought for a moment. "We should go to the capital and talk to y'r father." He said, "after Tino's recovered." I nodded that sounded as good as a plan as any. "But I suppose we shouldn't go alone, considering what happened last time. Some sort of merchant's caravan with armed guards would be good." I added thoughtfully, it would be better to not risk anything.

"Perfect." Mathias grinned excitedly, "I can't wait to show you the capital Lukas, its awesome!" A small smiled curled at my lips and I leaned back against Mathias and letting his bubbly voice wash over me, while I thought that maybe finally we could have some peace in our lives.

...


	20. Recharging

**A/N: **Some of you have already noticed (cabbages *cough*) that I like to put easter eggs into my story. I promise that one won't be the only one ;).

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The doctor came the afternoon of the same day; he was an old man with a kind smile. He looked as if he would collapse any minute, his legs were shaking from the effort to climb up the stairs but he refused any help aside from Berwald carrying his bag. He shuffled into the room, his eyes hidden behind thick milky glasses; I wondered how he could even see like this.

He gestured for Berwald to set his bag down and immediately began to feel Tino's forehead with his long arthritic fingers. Then he sniffed the air around him. I shot Mathias a questioning glance but he just shrugged and continued watching as the doctor put his ear to Tino's chest. Then he leaned over to rummage through his bag and pulling out what looked like a giant magnifying glass. I wondered what he needed that for and watched in slight confusion as he proceeded to pull out Tino's tongue and giving it a thorough look over. And that was supposed to be a skilled doctor?

"It was good of you to get me when you did, that poor boy has severe pneumonia which could very well be deadly." A wave of silent horror suddenly swept over the room, no one had thought that Tino's condition was that worse. "But you can help him right?" Berwald asked and I could clearly see the worry on his face, his hands were clutching around the wet piece of cloth he had removed t make room for the doctor's examination. We all waited anxiously for the doctor's reply, hoping that it would be a positive one.

"Let me see…" He stroked his thin beard absentmindedly while he pulled various items out of his bag. I watched the look of worry on Berwalds face grow stronger with every passing second, I wanted to shake the old man and yell at him to tell us already if he could help Tino or not. Although I didn't know what to do if he couldn't.

"Ah here it is." He finally had pulled out what he was obviously looking for and held out a tiny pouch. "But there is something missing." He said as he checked the contents of the pouch. "You need to get dried willow bark somewhere and grind it into a fine powder and add it. Then you have to make tea with this mixture and make him drink a whole cup every three hours. And he has to drink as much water as possible."

Only then did he seem to notice the worried expressions all around him. "Don't worry." He pulled his wrinkled face into a smile, "he survived until now he will pull through, and he's a fighter." With that he dropped the pouch in Berwalds hand and started to toss all the equipment he previously had pulled out back into his bag. Relief washed over us and I could technically feel the tension rise from the room.

He shuffled over to me, blinking his sacking eyelids at me. "Let's take a look at you son; I heard you were sick too." Before I could object he was already feeling my forehead, his face only inches from mine. Then he pressed his ear to my chest as he had done with Tino, humming softly to himself and listening to whatever there was to listen. Thankfully he didn't inspect my tongue. When he was finished he patted my head and smiled his crooked smile. "You're fine too, just drink something of that willow bark tea and you'll be better in no time." I nodded, I hadn't really felt that ill, despite my coughing but it still felt good to be reassured. Maybe he wasn't that bad of a doctor.

"So now let me take a look at those hands of yours." He unwrapped the bandages and scowled at the sight. "Can you bend your fingers?" He asked and proceeded to see for himself by slowly bending finger after finger, until he was satisfied. "You have to keep moving them as often as possible." He instructed me with a stern look on his face, "This one cut is especially deep, it probably severed some muscles or nerves. It will hurt, but if you don't move them the muscles will grow stiff and you won't be able to use them properly ever again."

My eyes widened, I didn't think that things could end up that bad. I just thought the stiffness was a sign that they were healing and would hopefully go away by itself. "I'll give you a healing salve you can apply, it will soothe the pain a little, but remember, use your hands as much as possible." With that he took a small jar filled with a weird smelling salve from his bag and showed me how to apply it properly. After that he rewrapped the bandages, tightening them even more than Mathias had. "This way you will need more strength to move your fingers, and that will in turn strengthen the reattaching of whatever has been damaged." He certainly was not a bad doctor, I had decided by then.

"Excuse me," Emil asked politely, "where can we get willow bark, do you know that?" The old man looked over to Emil and his eyes suddenly sparkled in excitement. "Oh my, is that a puffin you have there, young man?" Emil took a step back as the old man approached him. "Can I touch him?" He asked, not waiting for an answer and carefully stroked one finger over the bird's head. For a moment his face dissolved in complete bliss. "Thank you, young man you have made an old fool really happy."

Emil looked as confused as the rest of us felt, as he watched the doctor retreat and taking up his bag. "You can find the bark on the spice's market down on the East side, they usually have some around." He slung the bag over his shoulder and walked over to the door, leaving us behind gaping and perplexed, but then Mathias recovered his wits and ran after the man, calling: "Hey wait, you forget your payment." We couldn't hear his reply but moments later Mathias returned to the room with a look of disbelief on him.

"He didn't want any money, he said helping five strapping young lads and being able to touch a puffin was enough payment for him." We looked at each other, silently asking if we could trust this man and his medicine, but in the end we didn't have much of a choice so we decided to better get that willow bark.

This time I was allowed to go out and so Mathias and I went into the city to buy willow bark. I remembered my mother once mentioning its healing properties but willows didn't grow where we lived and so we couldn't get our hands on any to treat her illness. Emil had decided to stay with Berwald this time, mentioning something about his puffin needing quietness.

Mathias of course was excited to get out into town again and he was happy to show me everything that he and Emil had discovered on their first trip this morning. Which consisted of a nearby park, an entire street dedicated to selling various kinds of food, a majestic and intimidating church and the quarter where the local rich and noble people lived, guarded by a small ring wall around the area. It was hard to believe that Mathias actually had been raised in a far bigger city than that. But I didn't mind his enthusiasm, it was rather refreshing.

Mathias had slung one arm protectively around me and eyed everyone who shot so much as a glance in my direction with accusation. I enjoyed the warmth of Mathias' touch for the air was rather cold. Winter was on the doorstep and the air smelled faintly like snow. The merchants on the markets wore thick woolen overcoats to protect them during their long shift in the cold; farmers were selling the products of the year's work and clothiers sold garments for the upcoming winter.

My eyes lingered on the signs hanging above a door that apparently led to a store that offered high quality clothes. The borrowed clothes from Mathias were too loose to provide proper protection from the cold. The wind blew right through the wide openings of the sleeves and collar rising goose bumps all over my skin. Emil had it better, he could borrow some clothes from Tino, they were about the same size, but for me his things were too tight. But Emil could still use something that was just his own, he was uncomfortable like wearing someone else's clothes as much as I was. But I couldn't ask Mathias to spend so much money on us; he had done enough for us after all.

Mathias, who had followed my gaze, suddenly switched directions and strode towards the doors of the store, pulling me along. "Time to get you a shiny new outfit." Before I could even try to get free of his grasp he had already pulled me through the door, which closed behind us with the ringing of a bell, alerting the shop owner to our presence.

"Mathias." I hissed, "What are you doing? I don't have any money." Mathias aimed a wide grin at the shop owner, who had just entered through a door at the back, a man in extravagant clothes and shoulder long blond hair. "Could you throw together a nice little outfit together for my friend here?" He leaned over to whisper in my ear: "Don't worry babe, I got it covered, you just have to get along and look cute." I blushed at Mathias words as he pushed me towards the owner who had started to pull seemingly random pieces of clothing out of racks throwing them over his arm. "You'll like look totally good in a sailor suit." He exclaimed, adding said item to the ever growing pile.

Mathias beamed at the words. "Lukas you remember, you wore a sailor suit on the first day we met, and you even had that adorable hat that goes along with it. We'll definitely buy one of those." I just watched in horror as the pile grew bigger and bigger, until the blonde could barely see over the mountain of clothes in his arms. "Try these on." He commanded as he shoved the whole amount into my arms and pointed towards a secluded area in the back, where customers could change. Then he went off to find some shoes that would go along with whatever combinations he had thrown together.

In the end Mathias didn't buy each and every outfit I tried on, even though the smaller effervescent blonde did his best to spur him on with comments like 'fabulous', 'smashing' and 'gorgeous', but that was mainly contributed to my refusal to let him buy everything, and not to his restraint. And since I had to go through such an ordeal, I decided that he could very well afford some clothes for Emil too. But at least the continuous task of doing and undoing buttons and whatnot proved to be a good exercise or my still stiff hands, albeit it slowed down the whole process.

What happened to 'get me _one_ shiny new outfit'? But Mathias and the shop owner who at some point introduced himself as Feliks seemed to be happy with the purchase, so I supposed it was alright.

Since we had still some way ahead of us until we reached the spice market, we arranged with Feliks that he would deliver our purchases to the inn we were staying in, while we would go and buy the willow bark.

We had wasted enough time with clothes and such, so now we walked through the city in a brisk pace; I was clad in one of the new outfits, a warm ensemble of dark fur trimmed deerskin padded with lamb wool. It was the first time in my life that I wore something as soft and cushy as this and I would have sure as hell never been able to afford it. And I had to admit, I felt handsome from just wearing such fancy clothes. Mathias was grinning beside me, looking at me whenever he could to drink in my appearance.

"I can't wait to fuck you when you're wearing that cute little sailor suit." He said with a low and seductive voice, licking over my earlobe to strengthen his statement. I replied with a sharp elbow to his ribs and a satisfied grin as he yelped in pain. "Unawesome, babe." He whined, but refrained from such commentaries on the rest of the way.

The spice market proclaimed its existence by smell, long before it came to sight. The cold autumn air carried the smell of pepper and rosemary, of cinnamon and fennel, of coriander and chamomile, the pleasant aroma greeting us and welcoming us to the plaza where the spice merchants had lined up their stalls.

We strolled along the stalls at first, neither of us having any idea how to identify willow bark. There were plenty of bark types displayed along with strands of dried plants and multicolored powders. So in the end we decided to ask a friendly looking woman with an enormous belly and a motherly smile. It turned out she didn't only have willow bark, but also the already grinded powder, which she handed us with the explanation on how to correctly prepare the tea. We thanked her and gave her the money, before turning around and making our way back to the others.

Once back at the inn we asked the innkeeper if he could provide us with a tea can and some cups. Every room of the inn had a fire place and a metal device to place in the fire to put things on to heat them up, so we could brew the tea in our rooms.

My and Emil's new clothes had been delivered in the meantime, Emil had already put on his new outfit and relaxed in a chair before the crackling fire place. Mr. Puffin was once not anywhere near his owner, but was cuddled into Tino's chest and sleeping. Tino's face was pale and the light of the fire casted a sickly glow on his sweat beaded forehead. It was due time that he'd get his medicine.

It took a while for the water to heat, so I used the time to mix some of the willow bark into the powder mixture the doctor had given us, but keeping the rest for me. When the water was hot enough I poured the water in two mugs and added a small spoonful of willow bark powder in one, and another small spoonful of medicine in the other. Berwald took the mug for me and blew over it to cool down the temperature before he pulled Tino into an upright position and gently made him drink the fluid.

I drank my own tea, it didn't taste like much, but I could feel it ease the subtle pain in my throat. When we were both finished with our teas I took the cups into the bathroom and rinsed them out, and placed them on the small board above the sink to dry.

Tino had woken up while I was in the other room; his eyes were still glazed with fever bit he blinked at me in recognition as I reentered the room. "Hello Lukas." He said weakly, and I had to smile at his effort to appear strong. "Welcome back Tino." I said and stroke the hand that looked out beneath the covers reassuringly. "How are you feeling?" He had to think for a moment before he answered. "Better, I guess. Truth is, I remember not much aside from weird fever dreams, the others just explained me where we are." His face fell a little, "I'm sorry that I am such a burden." Berwald grunted, I could only guess that it was his way of scolding Tino for saying something like that.

I furrowed my brows in mock exasperation. "Listen young man, we are friends and last time I checked, this is what friends do for each other. So as long as we both know that you would do nothing less for any of us, you better quit saying such nonsense and focus on getting better so that poor Berwald over here can stop playing the mother hen." Tino had to fight a laugh at my words, his forehead creased in silent amusement. "He's right, we're friends and we leave no one behind." Mathias stepped behind me and slapped me on the shoulder, making me wincer under the force he had used.

Berwald said nothing but he put his hand on Tinos and patted it gently. "You should rest some m're." He said, pushing Tino back down onto the cushions and pulling the blanket up to his chin. "We'll leave so that you have some peace." Emil who had reclaimed his bird took Berwalds words as his cue to leave the room, Mathias and I made to follow him. "No." Tino said weakly, "Berwald please stay, I…" he hesitated and looked down on his hands pale against the white sheets, "I don't want to be alone." "S'alright, I'll stay." With that he pulled Emil's chair closer to the bed and sat down, leaning over Tino and kissing him on the forehead. "Rest well Tino." I said before I left the room with Mathias in tow.

"Emil, what about I give you some money and you go down to that bookstore you were interested in earlier and buy yourself some books?" Mathias asked as we were all standing in the corridor. "But Emil can't read." I said and shot Mathias a glance. "Doesn't matter, there are books with pictures, and some that even try to explain how to read." He pulled some coins out of his pockets and gave them to Emil, who actually seemed rather thrilled at the prospect of getting some books. He took a step toward the steps that led downstairs but was held back by my voice. "Lukas, what do you say if someone gives you a generous gift?" "Nah it's fine, I know he appreciates it." Mathias shrugged and proceeded to pull me to our room. Emil had briefly looked back and uttered a small 'thank you' before skipping down the stairs.

Mathias opened the door to our room and pushed me in, before closing it behind us and turning the key. Then he moved to the bags that lied on the bed and began to tear through them until he had found what he was looking for. I watched him with mild curiosity, wondering what he was up to now. A suspicion rose as I saw that the item he had retrieved from one of the bags was nothing else than the blue sailors suit that he had purchased earlier. Mathias pressed the suit in my arms, along with a hat that I didn't notice he had bought until now, and a set of gloves. "I told you." He said, brining his mouth close to my ear, "I'm going to fuck you, while you wear that suit, and I'm not going to stop until you beg for mercy.

This was going to be a long night.

...


	21. Talking dirty

**A/N: **I want to use this opportunity to once again thank all my reviewers and followers and fans and just each and evry one of you who reads this story. You keep me going through the phases where I really struggle with writing and can't seem to come up with a decent idea. I love all of you, you awsome people out there!

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I didn't know how he did it, but in the end Mathias had managed to coax me into the sailor suit. Maybe it was the fact that the prospect of being mercilessly pounded into the mattress actually held some attraction for me. Or maybe it was the way Mathias had breathed into me neck while he ordered me with that husky voice of his 'to get my sexy ass in that suit'.

Either way, I was lying now on the bed, hands tied to the headboard above my head, legs forced in apart by Mathias knees and my body subjected to his every whim. He went slowly at first, touching me through the soft fabric of my clothes, just barely missing the spots where he knew I would long him to touch me. His hands were soft and gentle at one moment, and the next they would be rough and demanding, bruising my skin in the process.

It was sweet torture, I craved his touch, I wanted to feel him skin on skin, I wanted him to close his fingers around my half-erect member that was pushing against its clothed confinements, and rub it until it was hard. I wanted him to rip the sailor suit from my body and tear into me with his swollen cock and ravage me, until I could no longer take it.

I never knew I could be this lewd.

Mathias slipped a hand through the buttoned up front of my shirt, his finger trailing over my chest, drawing circles around my nipples, circles that grew smaller and smaller until he finally reached the center and brushed over the small bud that bloomed into erection. I bit my lip to hold back the moan that threatened to escape at the light touch. But he was merciless.

His other hand opened the buttons, careful not to rip them of, while he continued to caress my chest with gentle strokes, interlaced with an occasional painful pinch. He opened the shirt and laid bare my chest, rising and falling with my steadily increasing breathing, his finger leading traces of goose bumps along my skin.

I never imagined that a simple touch could be so cruel and fulfilling at the same time.

"Mathias…" I moaned, but his hands were unrelenting, refusing to acknowledge the growing need in my pants. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, lightly prodding his tongue against my lips until I let him enter, only to bite down harshly the moment I gave in.

"Tell me." He whispered, planting a trail of kisses and bites from my mouth to my ear. "Tell me what you want." He nipped at my earlobe, tracing the helix with his tongue and grazing his teeth over the skin. "I want… ngh… you inside of… ahh… me. Just take me…"

I never thought that one day I would beg for someone to just slam into me until I could no longer take it.

I could feel the smirk forming on Mathias' lips. "Are you sure?" He asked and I shivered at the low and seductive tone of his voice. His hands were still on my chest, but one was gradually sneaking down, touching ever so slightly and setting my nerves on fire. I could just nod, and without warning he suddenly gripped my erection through the fabric of my pants and gave it a tight squeeze. I let out a sharp gasp and tried to arch my back as much as possible with my arms tied down.

Mathias kissed his way down my cheek, along my neck over my chest, while he was simultaneously undoing my pants and his. I moaned in helpless pleasure as he kissed the tip of my finally freed member, sliding his tongue through the sensitive slit, while his hand once gain trapped the shaft in a tight grip.

"This is going to hurt." He whispered, his breath tingling the heat of my twitching erection. I could see him preparing himself, rubbing his own member into hardness until is stood as proud as a soldier, ready for action. "Mathias," I pleaded, my voice was thick with lust and need, "I need you, just fuck me." Mathias grip tightened the slightest bit as he heard the dirty language I used, and I could feel the excitement rippling through him, causing his member to grow even harder.

Mathias lips curled up into a grin and as he leaned once again over me to bring his mouth close to my ear. "And just where exactly do you want me to fuck you?" A hot wave of pleasure mingled with shame washed through me, the vulgarity of what I had said and of what he was demanding only heightened my arousal. And I very well knew what he wanted to hear. "I want you to stuff my asshole with your thick cock until it is in up to the hilt and then I want you to fuck me senseless."

II could hear Mathias breath hitch and then he was pushing me down with his weight, his lips pressed on mine, swallowing every sound that dared to escape as he forcefully pulled down my pants and lifting my hips just enough to allow him easier access, before he shoved his erection into me, friction only eased by a little saliva he had applied beforehand. I cried out in pain, but the sound was swallowed by Mathias whose lips still covered mine.

It hurt as if I was split apart, but unlike all those times before when clients would thrust into me without a care for my comfort, this time I felt also pleasure. Mathias had taken good aim before he entered me and hit right on my sweet spot, so as the pain of being ripped open faded it was replaced by pleasure that cursed through me like a violent storm. The pain was still there but it didn't matter because the heat that was building in my lower abdomen burned every feeling of discomfort away. Mathias didn't give me time to adjust much; he instantly pulled out again only to slam back in, again nailing my sweet spot dead on.

My breath was coming erratic now and I pushed my hips forward in an attempt to meet Mathias thrusts with my body, to increase the impact on that special spot inside of me. The motion caused the bonds on my wrists to cut into the skin, but I didn't care, I just wanted to feel Mathias as deep as possible.

Mathias lifted my legs up to achieve even deeper penetration, and I screamed in pleasure, my vision blurring from the overwhelming sensation. Mathias was panting above me, the pleasure visible on his sweat soaked face as he pounded mercilessly into me.

One of Mathias' hands was still gripping my member, squeezing it in the rhythm of his thrusts and I could feel the edge nearing, it wouldn't be long now. Another forceful thrust and a blanket of white was pulled over my eyes. One hand dug into my legs, the other hand tightened around my member, delaying my climax for the second it took him to release my shaft again, only to be splattered in the white liquid that spurted out.

I clenched around Mathias, his moans filled the air as he came inside of me, quenching the burn of my torn inner walls with his essence.

I had never felt so good and so completely and utter spent at the same time. My lower back would certainly hurt for the next few days, my arms and shoulders ached from the forced position, my lip was bleeding from Mathias' earlier bite and my wrists were almost chafed raw from the bindings. Yet I felt oddly comfortable lying there with Mathias resting his head on my belly and his now limp member still inside of me.

I would have never thought that I actually could like rough sex. But then again, at first I hadn't believed at all that I could ever fall in love with Mathias.

Mathias undid the knots that tied me to the headboard, and I went to rub the raw spots, but Mathias took my hands in his own ad placed light kisses on the tender skin, almost as if he wanted to apologize. "Thanks babe." He whispered against my wrists, causing me to smile. "Well you can thank me by taking me to the bathroom and cleaning me up and bringing me something to eat afterwards." I said, removing my hand from his grasp to run it through his messy hair. "I won't be able to walk after all." My words made Mathias grin and he jumped out of the bed, throwing himself into pose and saluting while still carrying that big happy grin of his.

"At once your majesty! Your humble servant is at your… err… service?" He furrowed his brows in thought, as he pondered just how a real servant would phrase that. "I knew I should have paid attention to our servants." He mumbled only to shrug. I had to stifle laughter by then, he just looked too ridiculous standing there all saluting while stark naked.

When he grew aware of my amusement he put on as much dignity he could muster and said with a snobby tone: "It is not well suited for a fine young gentleman as you are, to laugh at the expense at your servants, it speaks of ill taste." He even wrinkled his nose in mock distaste. I had given up on stifling my laughter by then; instead I was holding my belly and shook with barely contained mirth.

I missed the look of wonder on Mathias face, as he dropped his act and sat beside me on the bed. "This is the first time I have seen you laughing like this." Finally I was able to calm down, my sides hurt from the excess laughter but I felt good to be able to laugh like that after all I had been through. Mathias cupped my face in his hands and stared at me, observing my features very intently. "You should laugh more often it suits you." His face and voice were all serious and I started to feel unrest, so I decided to change the atmosphere back to one of a lighter tone.

"I thought I was a fine gentleman?" I asked with light mock in my voice, "Does exuberant exhibition of jollity suit a fine juvenile gentleman like me?" I raised an eyebrow to enhance whatever point I just made. Mathias just snorted and buried his face in a pillow, but I could still hear him laughing. "I didn't know you knew such words." He managed to say after his amusement died down enough to talk again. I just shrugged; I didn't want to tell him that I picked most of that up during my time in the brothel; some of the clients were really snobbish and would talk like that the whole time. I didn't understand what they were saying most of the time.

"Okay then, it's time for a bath." Mathias decided and lifted me up into his arms. I would never grow tired of this, the feeling of being held securely in Mathias' strong arms, hearing his heartbeat against his chest and just knowing that he would never drop me, it just felt too nice.

After Mathias had bathed and dressed me, with of course plenty of touching and kissing, he carried me back into our room, placing me on the bed and plopping the pillows and cushions up so that I could lean comfortably into them. Mathias of course was still naked. But he put on some clothes in order to get us some food.

We ate in our room and talked about what we would do once we reached the capital. Mathias excitedly told me about all the places he would be showing me, about the luxurious mansion his father owned on the palace hill, about the many different temples in the temple district, worshipping every possible god and deity out there, about the yearly tournament that would be held on winter solstice to celebrate turning of the sun. It was still time until then and Mathias was eager to take me to the tournament, he even thought about participating and writing in my favor. But for that we would have to make it to the capital first.

* * *

The next day we ate our breakfast all in Berwalds and Tinos room, the latter was awake again and his condition was far better than the day before. He sat upright in his bed and even ate by himself. It felt really good to see him like this, and not have to worry if he would ever recover. And especially Berwald seemed relieved, he casted every now and then looks at his lover and I could see just the tiniest hint of a smile.

I still felt sore from yesterday's activities but thanks to Mathias' care I could walk again, albeit only slow and with a slight limp, and of course sitting was a tad discomforting but luckily Tino had invited me to sit on his bed with him, and the plushy covers eased my pain. But I had the slightest suspicion that he knew what Mathias and I had done yesterday, because he winked at me while asking me to sit with him.

After breakfast Berwald and Mathias left to find us an escort to travel to the capital. They would go to the merchant's quarters first, trying to secure us a place in an armed caravan, but if that failed they would try the military quarters asking if any troop movement was scheduled to the capital. And if both failed there were always mercenaries who could be bought. But according to Berwald those were often untrustworthy and so we would only do that as our last resort. Besides even though it appeared differently, our fortunes were in fact not unlimited, especially after ur expensive entrance into the city, and mercenaries could be quite expensive.

Emil had left for his room; nose dug into the new book he had bought himself yesterday, a book on how to learn to read. He had asked Berwald on how every letter was pronounced and memorized as much, now he tried to decipher the words that the letters formed. I could only compliment him on his efforts. Maybe I would try and learn to read too, once we reached the capital, and writing too.

"So, how is it with Mathias?" Tino asked, smiling at me brightly. He was still pale and his cheek bones stuck a little out from the lack of food intake during the last few days, but his eyes only carried the slightest hint of fever and he had shown a healthy appetite earlier. He contributed his rather quick and miraculously healing process to 'Berwalds invigorating qualities', whatever that meant.

I shrugged, "nice I guess." But he wouldn't have that. "Oh come on, I heard you yesterday, that sounded far better than just nice." I couldn't help but blush at his words, I knew we had been loud, but I had hoped that the walls would be thick enough to swallow it up. "Don't worry, Berwald and I do that all the time, so I certainly won't judge." Did I really want to know about that?

He leaned closer, toning his voice down to a whisper, although no one was here who could have heard us. "How big is he?" I decided at this point to no longer bother with blushing, there was nothing to be ashamed of, and besides I _had_ worked in a brothel, and there I had heard far worse. And maybe I could use that as my advantage against Tino's obvious habit to stick his nose into business that was not his. "That depends." I said, and leaning down while putting on the nonchalant grin I had seen some of the girls wear so many times while talking to overly prying customers. If someone wanted to know more than was necessary just give him more than he ever wanted to hear. Sadly though, I never managed to learn that trick during the time I had needed it, but at least I had seen it often enough to pull it off now.

"On what?" Tino asked, head tilted to the side and thinking about the meaning of what I had just said. I knew I had him. "You see, I could say big, of course, which he definitely is, but size is always question of the point of view. If for example all I would have known until I met Mathias had been a cock of the size of a baby carrot, then I would of course think that he is big, no matter how small he truly were. On the other hand, if I would have known only dicks the size of my arm, then he would most likely seem small no matter how big his actual girth. So to translate his size into a universal understandable concept I could just say it like this: Is he big enough to make me scream? Yes. Is he big enough to threaten anyone's self esteem? Most likely. Is he big enough to rip me open at not to careful handling? Oh definitely yes, as apparent of my screams you heard yesterday. So I hope that answers your question, regarding Mathias' size." I wondered just how I was able to keep my face the same color through my entire monologue.

Tino just stared at me, his brows creased as if he was not sure if I was messing with him. But then his lips pulled into a smile and soon he was giggling like a child. "Oh Lukas, that was brilliant." He slapped a hand on my back and grinned at me some more. "You should do that more often, I'm sure that would shock even Berwald." I returned the smile and decided that I didn't mind Tino prying, after all we were friends.

"So, what's Berwalds like?"

...


	22. Getting acquainted

**A/N: **I am so sorry, I was sure that I uploaded chapter 22, but I didn't check it because I was heading out. And then I tried to reupload it from my phone but it kind of kept loading up the wrong chapter even though I made extra sure to choose the right one, so I justz deleted it until I got back home. So sorry for the confusion! But now have fun with the right chapter!

* * *

Berwald and Mathias returned around noon, with news and a bundle of meat skewers, still dripping with grease fresh from the fire. We quickly fetched Emil from his room and sat once again in Berwalds and Tinos room gnawing the tasty meat from the wooden skewers. It wasn't hot anymore, but it was still delicious, although I wasn't quite sure what meat I was currently eating for the taste was unfamiliar to me. But I decided not to ask; after all we didn't always have enough money to afford meat, so I didn't really know much about it.

After we had finished, Mathias told us that they had indeed managed to buy us a place on one of the merchant's caravan that would leave the city in a few days, they weren't on direct route to the capital, but the detours were only minor and they seemed to be the most decent ones around so they figured it was fine. The merchants were on their way into the Northern Mountains, carrying goods with them that would be needed by the people living there to face the upcoming winter, in turn they would buy the furs and pelts the mountain hunters had collected during the summer and sell them on their way back.

We were expected to help out though, but neither of us did mind. I only wondered if it wouldn't be better to get as fast as possible to the capital, seeing that they obviously didn't know yet that Orusha was threatening the border towns yet. But Mathias said he had taken care of that, sending a bird to his father with a short message. I didn't know that you apparently could rent pigeons to deliver your messages. But the service was limited to a few major cities, because each pigeon could only fly between two places and for a small town like ours it just was not profitable.

We didn't need to buy provisions though; food was included in the price, but we would have to take care of our sleeping arrangements, but I supposed we would just use the bedrolls again. Only this time we would buy some additional blankets and warm clothes, in case something like with Tino happened again.

And Mathias proposed that we take weapons with us, in case we needed to defend ourselves. After what had happened with Ludwig and his troop, I was all for that idea, although I didn't know how to handle a weapon. But it would definitely feel safer with than without one.

So it was settled then, the caravan would leave in three days, so we had time until then to get everything that we needed. I decided to use that time to work with my hands and use them as much as possible. The salve was helping with that, but they were still a little stiff and flexing them took some effort. And there were a few spots where I didn't feel anything. The little finger of my left hand had no feeling to it at all, I could move it though. But according to the doctor there was nothing to worry about, the feeling might never return, but as long as I could move it, it would be alright.

But for that I needed something to do with my hands, just flexing them the whole day was proving to be boring and I was forgetting it all the time. So I would go out for a bit to find something to work my hands on. Mathias of course was all too eager to accompany me. He said he wouldn't want me to go out alone, since I was so cute and adorable some random stranger might try and snatch me away. So heavily blushing I let him tag along, but not without slamming a well aimed elbow into his ribs. I felt bad for him instantly though, after all he had meant only good so I slipped an arm around his waist in a silent apology and let him throw his arm around me in a protective gesture. But I made clear that I would immediately revoke this privilege if he so much as dared to grope me in inappropriate places.

In truth I felt actually flattered by his excessive care, it almost made me feel as if I was the most precious thing in the world. And for Mathias I probably even was.

It was early afternoon and the streets were full of people. The sky was decorated with fluffy white clouds, but in the East the clouds were dark and heavy with rain. I just hoped that they clouds would stay where they were, since it was such a nice day. We sauntered through the streets, not really knowing where we were going but not really caring either. I watched the people passing by; most of them were walking at a swift pace, going on with their business and not pausing once to admire the nice setting around them. The streets were cobbled with a nice red shaded stone, the facades of the houses were painted in various colors and the sun was peeking through the clouds every now and then, casting a warm glow above everything.

There was a big market in the Southern part, beyond the river that flowed through the city, where travelling merchants had set up their stalls, offering goods from all over the continent. The market was fairly bigger than the spice market, and it was not limited to only spices. On this market one could purchase almost everything; clothes made of leather, wool or even silk, fruits and vegetables, meat and fish, living animals, from cats to chase our rats to horses to ride in battle, herbs and medicine, jewelry and pottery, furniture and wood and even some rare goods from beyond the boundaries of our small kingdom. But this was not a trading hot spot, so none of the big trading routes led through this city and rarely a merchant from outside the kingdom found his way here.

We walked past the stalls, halting here and there to take a look at the presented goods, but nothing really caught my interest. But I had to drag Mathias from the stall of a jewelry vendor, where he was about to buy an expensive looking pendant with a blue stone that 'matched my eyes'. As much as I appreciated the thought, I just didn't feel comfortable with him spending so much money on unnecessary things for me.

I was about to give up hope to find something to busy my hands with when I noticed a booth that sold braided strands of what appeared to be horse hair. What caught my eyes were not the beautifully crafted items, but that the owner also sold strands of the used hair.

This was just perfect.

We used to braid wheat in the harvest season for good luck and to celebrate the Yule festival later in the year. But this was almost as good. I approached the vendor and haggled a little with him, but in the end I got some thick strands of different colored horse hair for a reasonable price, albeit Mathias had to pay once again. The vendor carefully wrapped the strands in wax paper and handed me the small packet with a smile.

I could use this to not only train my hands, but also to make something nice for Mathias to repay him at least a little for what he had done for me. I had to smile at the thought of me and Mathias wearing matching pieces of braided horsehair. It would be nice if I could add some kind of stone to put in some unique meaning, but I didn't have the money and since this would be a gift it didn't feel right to entirely rely on Mathias to get the parts. Maybe I could find something else that fitted our characteristics? I would definitely look into that.

We would have continued our leisurely stroll over the market, but by then the first drops of rain had started to fall. Mathias wasn't deterred at all by the threat of getting 'a little wet', but I could see that the heavy rain clouds from earlier were closing in, and would most likely unleash a downpour on us. So I grabbed Mathias by the hand and pulled him along, to the exit of the market area and out onto the streets. We were not the only one who suspected a shower, most people hurried even more than usual or tried to seek shelter in nearby shops. The drops of rain now came faster and in greater numbers. I was glad that the horse hair was wrapped in wax paper that would protect it at least from the rain.

We only made it about halfway to the inn, when the clouds fully released their contents. We stumbled under the overhanging roof of a nearby house, clothes soaked almost to the skin and watched in wonder as the world around us turned grey and vanished behind a thick curtain of rain. Mathias slung an arm around me, pressing my cold and wet body against his equally cold and wet body. We needed to find shelter soon or else we would catch a cold, or in my case my cold would grow worse. But there was no way we would be able to make our way back to the inn like this. It was almost impossible to make out shapes, and we would only get lost if we tried to find something in this still unfamiliar city.

As if they had heard us, the door to the house under whose roof we had sought shelter, was opened and a friendly voice sounded: "You two must be freezing, don't you want to come in and wait until the rain has passed?" We turned around to see a good looking man with wavy blond hair standing in the door frame. He was smiling at us and gestured at us to come in. He looked slightly familiar, but I couldn't place where I had seen him before.

Because of a lack of better options Mathias and I stepped into the house behind the stranger, glad to be out of the cold. There was a moment of awkwardness when we would all stand in the hallway, shuffling to get out of our shoes and try at the same time to leave as few water on the floor as possible. "My name is Francis Bonnefoy by the way," the stranger said as he took our jackets to hang them in the bathroom to dry. "And you are?"

We both said our names and after another smile and a "Pleasure to meet you," we got shooed into what appeared to be the living room. Another male already sat on the couch, a somewhat disgruntled look on his face, and suddenly I remembered where I had seen Francis before. "You two were the ones who got fish waste dumped over their heads a few days ago." I exclaimed without thinking. I could hear a light chuckle from Francis, but the face of the man of the couch grew even more with displeasure. "That's right, you saw?" Francis came around to sit beside the other male, putting an arm around him that was immediately pushed away.

I only nodded, unable to meet their gazes. "Yeah, sorry." But Francis only waved his hand. "It's okay, Arthur here and I only got in a little argument over… ah some minor details and we got carried away." Arthur had elbowed Francis in the ribs, before he could say whatever he wanted to say originally. "Anyways," he grumbled, "who are you guys?""Arthur mon cher, that is not very nice, those two are Mathias and Lukas, and I 'ave invited them to wait 'ere until that 'orrible rain 'as stopped." Francis' suddenly spoke with a heavy accent that caused Arthur to blush and avert his eyes, mumbling something that sounded a lot like 'unfair using your accent like that'.

They were really a curious pair, but I thought it impolite to inquire, after all Francis had offered us shelter from the rain. "So are you two a couple?" But apparently Mathias thought otherwise.

"No we're not." Said Arthur.

"Yes we are." said Francis.

Before this could go any more out of hand, I decided to intervene. "Thanks again for letting us stay here." I said, and nudged Mathias, who thankfully caught on and issued his thanks too. "Don't mention it." Arthur grumbled to our surprise. "Would you like to have some tea? And maybe get out of those clothes, they are pretty wet. I'm sure Francis would love to share some of his clothes with you." His words caused Francis to jump up and call out: "Oh right how could I forget about that, you're going to need some towels to dry up. How about you just use the bathroom, while Arthur here makes you some tea? And I will get you something dry to wear in the meantime."

Since the wet fabric on my skin had become clammy, I was all too eager to get dry again. I didn't even mind the somewhat dirty looks Francis gave us when Mathias and I entered the bathroom together. They seemed more of a playful nature though, so I didn't think too much of it, but I still made sure that the door was locked. But I should have known that the danger lied within the room, the moment I had locked the door, Mathias was on me, pressing me against the wood that separated us from the outside world and planted a heated kiss on my lips.

I wanted to protest, but Mathias' hot demanding tongue pushing against my lips was too much and I gave in, slightly moaning as his hands peeled the wet clothing from my skin. "I can't help it." He whispered into the kiss, "You look so damn hot in those wet clothes." Another throaty moan escaped my parted lips, as he griped my limp member into his hand. "Mathias-" I tried to reason, we were in the bathroom of some people we had just met, and this was definitely not the right place or time to do something like this, but I was shushed by Mathias' who once more forced me into battle with his tongue. "Sht, you don't want to alert our hosts, do you?" He teasingly mocked and I knew that I wouldn't get out of this. But truth was; at this I didn't really want to get out of it.

I was naked by now, Mathias hands and lips were all over me, turning my previous cold and clammy body into a hot quivering mess that begged for his attention at that one point he so deliberately missed. The danger of being discovered only added to my arousal and I would have moaned and begged shamelessly for Mathias to just fuck me, if I hadn't been forced to be quiet. But even like this Mathias knew pretty well what I wanted.

"Turn around and place your hands on the wall." I did as he said, pressing the palms of my hands against the cool wall, feeling exposed and vulnerable, which caused me to get even more aroused, if that was even possible. Mathias spread my cheeks and I yelped as his finger entered me, but was punished for the break of silence as Mathias immediately ceased every movement. I bit my tongue and waited until Mathias saw fit to continue his preparation. My insides were still raw from the other day, but the pain only added to the pleasure I felt. I had never thought I could be so masochistic, but apparently I was, and not even the slight stinging of my hands against the walls could dampen my pleasure.

And then after more stretching and panting and biting back moans, Mathias finally, mercifully pushed into me, filling me with his heat and forcing me to once more dig my teeth into my lip to prevent me from crying out in pure bliss. I needed only a moment to adjust, and then Mathias pulled back almost to the tip, only to slam back into me with full force. I could taste blood, in my effort not to scream I had torn through the skin. A hand sneaked up and covered my mouth, holding back the moans that threatened to escape as Mathias continuously thrust into me, nailing my sweet spot each and every time.

I could hear Mathias grunt as his hip slapped against my back, making lewd noises that echoed through the room, and then his other hand was around my member and moved in time with his thrusts and I moaned into Mathias hand. My nails dug into the wall in a desperate attempt to hold onto something, the tightened skin around the cuts stung and protested, but I didn't care, all I wanted was to reach completion with Mathias filling me with his essence.

Mathias hit that special spot inside of me with an especially forceful thrust and I bit down on Mathias hand as I reached my climax, spitting all over the hand that was gripping me. Mathias continued his thrusts a few more times before he tensed up and came deep inside of me.

I was panting and noticed with slight discomfort that the wall, where my hands were, was smeared with blood. The wounds had reopened again. Mathias took my left hand, the one with the deep cut across the palm and raised it up to his mouth, gently kissing the wound, before he rested my hand against his cheek. My legs felt a bit wobbly so I let Mathias help me to sit down on the edge of the bath tub. Then he wetted a towel and cleaned me up from head to toe, carefully massaging my backside to ease the pain a little.

We hurried to get dressed with the clothes Francis had given us in advance, and exited the bathroom after carefully eliminating every trace of our little adventure. I couldn't meet Francis' eyes as I sat down in the living room, gratefully accepting the cup of tea from Arthur; I sat there and looked down. Somehow I got the feeling that they both knew very well what we had been doing, but were only too polite to say anything. I really shouldn't let Mathias do everything he wanted, but it had felt so damn good. I had some problem with walking though, but I could always force Mathias to carry me.

I wrapped my hands around the cup of tea as best as possible and tried to drink without spilling. The newly applied bandages and the lingering stiffness made it hard to bend my fingers properly so I couldn't use the handle. Francis noticed my struggle and asked with an arched eyebrow: "What happened to your hands?"

Mathias and I exchanged a glance, "Long story."

...


	23. Foreshadowing

And so we told Arthur and Francis our story, not in every gruesome detail though. They were empathetic listeners, their faces displaying sympathy and shock at the sad parts and joy at the nice parts. Although the former outweighed the latter by far. Our story was far from being a happy one, but I was still glad that I was allowed to meet so many amazing people. The pain had all been worth it in the end.

"You really have been through a lot." Francis exhaled with a sigh. "We still have a long way to go though." I said and leaned back into the plushy couch. Mathias had done most of the talking, but reliving the events was still kind of tough. "I don't think you are in danger, but there is still the possibility that Orusha will declare war, and then this city will become a target." Mathias warned with unusual seriousness. But he was right, this city might not have been the most important dot on the map, but it was still a threat to any Orushian advance. Should they come to terms with Lactan, we would have to face more than just a few bandits.

"Still, I should bring this to the attention of the city's Lord." Arthur mused, "He has to do something against those 'Bandits'." "And he should be warned that an attack could be imminent." Francis added. "The guards are already on edge because of the Bandits attacks in the area." I said, remembering the bastard at the gate. "Yes, but their only concern is to keep any destitute refugees out. Our dear Lord doesn't want any extra mouths in his city that can't feed themselves." Francis said with a hint of bitterness in his voice. "But I'm sure he will try to defend his precious city, once he hears that it might be in danger." Arthur almost sounded annoyed.

"You don't really like your Lord, do you?" Mathias asked, edging a little closer to put his arm around me. Arthur frowned in distaste. "No, not really. But I guess he gets things done, when necessary, at least he does most of the time." Francis, upon noticing Mathias' move on me decided to mirror his actions by putting his arm around Arthur, only to get shoved roughly away. Acting as if nothing had happened, Francis merely rubbed his arm and continued: "But thanks for the heads up, I would hate it to come home one day only to find our lovely home burned down to ashes." I wasn't quite sure what to make of that odd statement, but Mathias, oblivious as ever only grinned and replied: "No biggie, you sheltered us from the rain, after all."

"Speaking of which, I think the rain has almost stopped." I said, glancing out the window. Indeed, the cloud was still grey with clouds, but the heavy downfall of water had ceased to a mere dribble, leaving behind a washed out world.

An uneasy silence followed. The downpour had stopped and without it we had no longer a reason to stay, but Arthur and Francis were too polite to just kick us out, and I didn't want to create the impression that we hadn't liked our stay by leaving as soon as possible. I wondered how I could breach the subject without giving the wrong impression, but I should have known that I could have just left it to Mathias. "Thanks a lot for letting us out sit the rain here, you guys are really awesome, but we have to go now, or else our friends might get worried." Mathias grinned his cocky, face splitting grin and slapped Arthur, who sat nearest to him, on the back.

"Let me check if your clothes are dry yet." Francis smiled at Arthur's sour face as he rubbed his back, and walked out of the room. I sighed inwardly, I should really try and pound some sense into Mathias, but then again, I doubted that it would have any effect. Moments later, Francis returned with our clothes in his arms, so apparently they were dry enough to wear. After another trip to the bathroom, this time completely innocent, we had changed back in our somewhat still damp clothes and went back to the living room to say our goodbyes.

"You must bring your friend and visit us, before you leave." Francis said as he took my hand in his and placed a ghostly kiss on my knuckles. Arthur seemed used to such displays, so I chose to ignore it, although Mathias pouted a bit and kissed me plain on the lips in order to prove his claim over me. Francis only chuckled. "How about dinner, tomorrow?" asked Arthur, who thankfully only shook my hand, very carefully. "Francis, even though I hate to admit it, is a marvelous cook."

"Is that really okay?" I asked, we were five people after all. "But of course," exclaimed Francis, "I would love to meet your brother, and Tino and Berwald just sound like lovely people." With that settled, we left, the horse hair safely tugged into a pocket of my jacket, stepping out onto the wet cobble stones of the streets. Ignoring the occasional drop of water that landed on us, we made our way back to the inn.

The sky had cleared up a bit, but there were new rainclouds forming in the East, and it wouldn't be long until they would close in on us and fill the world once more with rain. We stepped through the front door into the inn; the smell of damp clothes hanging above the fireplace, mingled with heavy smoke greeted us. The room was filled with people, sitting at the tables eating and drinking, the rain had chased them inside, and the closed chimney prevented the smoke to leave the room. My eyes stung after seconds, how could anyone stand this atmosphere?

I fled upstairs while Mathias stayed behind to order us something to eat and hopefully inform the innkeeper that the rain had stopped and he could open his chimney again. Our room was thankfully smoke-free, there was no fire in the fireplace to produce smoke, but unfortunately it was cold. I quickly changed out of my clothes into fresh ones, hanging the still slightly clammy items into the bathroom, before I walked to Berwalds and Tinos room.

I was absorbed into my own thoughts or else I would have probably noticed the sounds that were coming from the room. Instead I walked in on a particular embarrassing scene. Tino was lying on the bed, his clothes were mostly pulled off and his skin was covered with sweat. But the reason for this was not his fever, but the man who knelt between his legs and was apparently using his mouth in a stimulating manner, making the smaller framed man under him quiver and moan with pleasure. At least Berwald had his clothes still on, albeit a bit disheveled.

The good thing was that neither of them seemed to notice me. There were certain things I didn't want to know about my friends. I hastily closed the door and took a step backwards. "What's wrong? You look like you have seen a ghost." Mathias had come up the stairs and watched me curiously. "Aren't you going in?" He motioned towards the door I was still leaning on.

I couldn't help but blush at the thought about what was going on behind that door. "They're busy." I said bluntly, with that I pushed myself from the door and walked to Emil's room, hesitatingly opening the door in fear to walk into another embarrassing scene. I should probably just knock from now on.

But fortunately Emil was just reading his book, silently mouthing the words while attempting to memorize them. According to the amount of pages he had already finished, he was making quite some progress. Mathias followed me into my brother's room, but not without casting some curious glances at the other door.

Emil and I were used to share a tight space with each other, so he didn't mind our intrusion; he actually seemed a bit happy that we were keeping him company. Mr. Puffin sat on the windowsill, gazing outside and occasionally picking up one of the small fishes that lied on a plate beside him and swallowing it. So Emil finally managed to get his puffin the diet he needed.

While we were waiting for our food to be delivered, I told Emil everything that had happened, including the invitation for dinner tomorrow evening. With that said I took out the horsehair and carefully laid it out, examining the strands and then choosing some that seemed suitable. The first one would only be for training, my fingers were still stiff and it was hard to braid the strands the way I wanted to.

I had to grit my teeth; the constant moving of my fingers put a strain on the wounds and shot painful stings through my hands. Mathias was watching with interest what I was doing, and after a while I began to explain to him the tradition of wheat braiding and what the different forms could mean. Emil was once more absorbed in his book, and so we just sat a while and busied ourselves with sweet and harmless things, until we were disturbed by a knock and a servant entering with our food.

The servant placed a tray with five plates of delicious looking casserole on the table. She kept her eyes on the floor and I noticed a slight blush on her features. I realized that since we usually ate in Tinos and Berwalds room, she must have brought the food there first, where she stumbled onto a similar scene than I had earlier. Poor girl. She hurriedly left, closing the door behind her almost too forceful and I could hear her steps retracting on the corridor.

A little while later, the door was opened again and Tino entered, followed by Berwald. Tino seemed almost sheepishly as he went for the tray and grabbed a plate, immediately stuffing his face. Berwald on the other hand didn't seem disturbed at all at the fact that they had been walked in on by a servant girl, or me, which they thankfully weren't aware of. But Tino looked a lot better, he was still a little pale but his appetite hinted that he was on the way of recovery.

In short words we related Francis' invitation to the two and all that went with it. They were of course a bit surprised but not at all unwilling to participate in a well cooked meal. It would also be probably a good thing for Tino to get to leave the inn for once; being cooped up in here all day had to be boring, even though Berwald apparently provided some sort of entertainment.

After I had finished my meal I went back to braiding the horse hair, and was joined by Tino a little while later, who asked eager questions and who happily confessed to have similar traditions in his family. We spent the rest of the evening like this, Tino and I were braiding horse hair, Emil was reading his book and asking from time to time how certain things were pronounced, Berwald watching in adoring silence and Mathias heavily chatting and not caring about the few replies he got.

It was truly peaceful.

But as life always went, our peace was short lived, and only too soon would we once again face despair. But for now we could indulge into the safety of a sheltering roof above our heads, while the world outside was drenched in newly falling rain. A quickly setting sun entrusted the city to the darkness of the night and the scheming of people who weren't at all content with the serene state of our world.

Oblivious to the danger that was lurking outside and ready to jump at us at every moment, we went to bed after the gentle light of the stars had thrown a glowing cover over the night sky. The rain constantly pattered against our windows, singing a sweet lullaby of long forgotten times.

* * *

The rain was falling all night, and the forces that would shake up our world once again had already encircled the city by morning light. But of that we were not yet aware.

I was woken by a hand that wandered over my body, leaving trails of warm tingle behind. My mind was still hazy with sleep, but Mathias heat pressing against me told me that he was very wide awake and hungry for another sort of breakfast. A mouth captured my lips, the sweet taste of the sun poured into my sleepy senses as Mathias gave me a good morning kiss.

We had slept naked, eager to feel the other's body as close as possible, and now when my skin was exposed to the cool morning air, I was covered in goose bumps that only gave way to Mathias warm touch. My eyes were still closed as Mathias kissed his way over my body, sending shiver after shiver of pleasure through my system. He was slow this morning, slow and sensual, savoring inch of skin he conquered. The feel of his fingers and tongue lingered behind long after he had moved on to other parts.

His mouth enveloped my member in one single motion, causing my eyes to flicker open, gasping at the sudden sensation, my semi-erect shaft instantly swelling until it was hard. But as fast as he had taken it in, he let go again, blowing softly on the wet skin, sending shivers through my body. His tongue licked along the shaft, adding pressure on some spots while only ghosting over others. My hands clenched into the sheets, my hips arched into him, desperate for more, but Mathias wouldn't have it, forcing me down with his strength, holding me in place while he so deliciously tortured me.

Another careful lick of his tongue, a warm hand fondling my balls, the playful grazing of teeth and a teasing finger prodding against my hole was all it took to change me into panting and heaving mess. And then, finally and blissfully Mathias took my member into his mouth again, and this time he didn't let go. A finger slipped into me and I cried out, trying to lift my hips again and into his touch, but he still held me down. His tongue danced and swirled around my erected heat; his finger wriggled around in me, brushing against that certain spot in me and fills my body with surging pleasure.

His lips closed down on the head of my member, tongue pressing against the sensitive slit at the top and I moaned loud and shamelessly, urging him on to go faster and send me over the edge. And he complied, sucking me in almost to the base, only to release me again, pulling back almost to the head and then reclaiming the marked territory, repeating the cycle seemingly endlessly, until I could no longer hold back.

His finger pushed inside of me, finding that sweet spot and I came with a strangled cry, deep inside of Mathias throat, the wet cavern embracing me until the end. I lied there, heavily panting, my body quivering under the aftermath of my orgasm and it took me a while to come down from my high again. Mathias grinned at me, there was no trace of my seed on his face, he must have swallowed it all, and with a devilish smirk he moved the finger that was still in me, to prepare me for what was to come next.

I pulled him down on me to place a kiss on those naughty lips, tasting a faint trace of myself but it was overpowered my Mathias own sweet flavor.

The door slammed open and a cheerful voice sounded: "Good morning! So I was wondering what you two would like for break…" Tino's voice trailed off as he grew aware of the scene before him. Mathias actually had the guts to grin and wave a lazy hand at Tino, while his other hand was still busy around my backside.

"Nevermind…" With a heavy blush, Tino retreated, stomping down the corridor and slamming another door, hiding no doubt under Berwalds imposing shadow.

I smacked Mathias on the hand, and moved backwards so that his finger slid out of me. I didn't feel like doing it at all, after getting somewhat caught in the middle. Mathias naturally complained about the smack and about my refusal of further activities but I wouldn't budge, not after he so casually greeted Tino as if it were nothing. I knew I was acting like some kind of prude, but I couldn't help it. On top of barging in on Berwald and Tino doing it, which was embarrassing enough without them even knowing it, that same Tino happened to barge in on us, but this time every involved party knew.

How could I look anyone of them in the eye again? Maybe I should just stay here and not leave until I had forgotten all of this ever happened. But Mathias wouldn't let me do this.

After a lot of sweet talk and coaxing, Mathias managed to get me out of bed and into clothes, after some cleaning up of course. And after another heavy session of coaxing I was ready to leave the room and face the others. But I should have known, especially after Tinos and my talk about certain things the other day that he would act as if nothing happened around the others. But he would probably want to know everything that happened, as soon as we were alone. So all I had to do was preventing me and Tino from ever being alone again.

Or I could just suck it up and stop acting like a pussy. It was not as if the others had been completely unaware of what was going on between Mathias and me so walking in on us had been bound to happen to someone sooner or later. And it could have been worse than Tino.

From now on we would just have to lock the door.

With that reassuring thought I commenced the day, looking forward to dinner tonight.

And yet blissfully unaware about what was going to happen.


	24. Falling Rain

**A/N: **I apologize in advance for all the drama that is going to happen from now on. I love all of you my dear readers 3

* * *

There was no real point in going outside with all that heavy rain falling, so we stayed indoors for most of the day and trying to pass the time as best as possible. Emil was absorbed into his book; he had managed to get hold of a pen and a sheet of paper and would occasionally scribble something down. He really was determined to learn reading, and I couldn't even begin to describe how proud I was. We hadn't been exactly poor, at least not when our father was still alive, but education was something we still couldn't afford. We had no school in our town, so the only way to get education was through home schooling by a private teacher. And only truly wealthy families could afford that.

Berwald, Mathias and Tino were playing a game of cards, they tried to get me to play with them, but I had difficulties with reading the numbers that were printed on the cards so I declined. I could have of course just counted the symbols, but that would have taken up too much time and I would probably confuse them anyway. So I stuck to my horse hair braiding. The pinky finger of my left hand was still without feeling and I couldn't properly bend it but the other fingers were slowly getting better. I was in the middle of braiding an amulet like pendant for Mathias. I thought of adding a strand of my own hair as a good luck charm. And the blond of my hair would go nicely with the dark red horsehair I had chosen for Mathias.

When I would be finished with Mathias' charm I would make a pair for Berwald and Tino and another one for Emil and if some hair was left after that I would ask Mathias for a strand of his hair and make one for myself. So I spent the day braiding while the rain was drumming a steady rhythm against the window pane. Mathias, as usual, did enough talking for all five of us, but he had a lively dialogue partner in Tino. I could see why Mathias and Berwald didn't really get along at first, one was an obnoxious loudmouth who couldn't read the atmosphere and the other was truly taciturn and burdened with a scary look. And Tino was exactly the mediator they needed.

To my relief Tino hadn't mention anything about what he had seen when he walked in on us, he didn't even hinted at it, and I slowly came to the realization that maybe I had misjudged him. As curious as he was about matters that weren't his business, he very well knew when not to pry.

I pulled the last strand through a small loop formed by two other strands and made sure that everything would hold properly. It was not my best piece, but it was genuine and the bright color of Mathias' hair was a nice eye catch in the middle of all that red. I laid it on the armrest of the chair I sat in and picked out a few other strands to braid Tino's charm. After I told them what it was for, both Berwald and Tino were eager to give me a strand of their hair and so I continued with braiding.

Mathias in the meantime had figured out that my first charm was made for him, and now bragged to the whole room how awesome he was to get one first. I would have liked to give it to him in private, but I guess this was okay too. I almost felt flattered at Mathias' obvious exhilaration of getting the charm.

We made a break for lunch, choosing to go down and join the crowd in the taproom for once. Today fish was served, with a weird vegetable as side dish I had never seen before. It was pale yellow and its consistence and taste was like nothing I had ever eaten before. But it didn't taste that bad, it even complemented the taste of the baked fish. I asked the innkeeper what it was, but I had never heard of a vegetable named 'potato'. I drank water, but Mathias ordered Ale for himself and after a few kegs he got into a heated discussion with a wild looking man with a black beard about what tasted better, cherry pie or apple tart.

Before they could decide to take their argument outside and settle it with their fists, Berwald dragged him upstairs to dump his head in a sink full of cold water. Not because Mathias was that drunk, he could hold his alcohol quite well, and would start such a pointless argument completely sober, but for the hell of it. And I couldn't really bring myself to disagree, Mathias was annoying sometimes and the look on his completely soaked face simply was priceless.

The rain had cleared up a bit over the course of the afternoon, and Mathias went out to check if a bird with news from his father had returned. Berwald and Tino went to look for winter clothes, since they hadn't really gotten the chance due to Tino's illness.

Mathias returned a little while later with a letter from his father. It apparently said that we should come to the capital as soon as possible. Our caravan was scheduled for the day after tomorrow, so there really was no point in unnecessary haste. We would leave as soon as possible after all. We couldn't know that either way, it was already too late.

It took me the rest of the day to make the three charms for Berwald, Emil and Tino, and in the end there was no horse hair left to make mine. But it was a good exercise for my hands, they still hurt, but at least now I could move them without much restriction. And that was good enough for me. Had I known what would happen that night, I wouldn't have dismissed it like that; hell I would have needed one. But since I didn't know, I just intended to buy some new strands tomorrow, along with the additional provisions we still needed, rain or not.

Evening came and we all changed into more suitable but still warm clothes. During our stay here we all had bought some new clothes to prepare for winter, so we now had a wider range to choose from. It wasn't exactly necessary to wear all formal, but I had gotten so many new and 'fabulous' clothes, that I wanted to use the chance and dress up a little.

We had used the opportunity when the rain had cleared up to buy a small gift as a thank you for the invitation. It was nothing much, only matching small pendants made of seashells, that Mathias had found somewhere on the market while he was out to look for the bird. It was raining again, and we had to duck into the collars of our coats to stay a little dry. Thankfully it didn't rain as strong as it had yesterday, so we weren't completely soaked by the time we reached their house. Our coats were of course quality material so that too helped a lot against the rain.

Francis and Arthur lived in the southern part of the city, so we had to pass over one of the many bridges that reached over the river. The river was the origin f the small stream we had followed here, at some point in time a landslide of some sorts had blocked the rivers usual path and forced the two arms to go separated ways. The small arm flowed to the Southeast, where we used to live and the big arm, the river flowed to the Northwest .We huddled under the overhanging roof of Francis and Arthur's house, waiting for them to open the door so we could finally step in into the warm again. There was not enough space for all five of us, but we all got at least one body part under the roof. Better than nothing, right?

But we didn't have to wait long before the door was opened by Arthur, who actually seemed genuinely pleased to see us. He hurried us inside and took our coats to hang them in the bathroom to dry. This seemed familiar somehow.

After we had all gotten rid of our shoes and deposited them in the bathtub, where the dirt could be at least easily rinsed away, we assembled all in the living room for introduction. It was a bit messy, there was not enough space for all of us standing, and Francis popped repeatedly out of the kitchen to flute a 'Bonsoir' or introduce himself as 'monsieur Francis, chef de cuisine'. But somehow we were able to get done with it and sit down around the large table in the dining room.

Arthur vanished into the kitchen and returned shortly after with a wine carrying Francis in tow. The table was marvelously decorated, silk table cloth, with candle holders and silverware. The wine was a deep red and the bottle looked really old. I remembered to have heard somewhere that old wine was the most expensive one, if that was true this wine must have truly been worth a fortune. It was overwhelming.

"You didn't have to go so overboard with this. And that wine looks far too expensive to waste on us." But my interjection was waved away by Arthur. "Don't worry, we have plenty of those. And besides, Francis just loves to show off his cooking and host skills." "He's right." Said Francis and poured the red liquid in my glass. I had never seen glasses like this before, but then again I had never once drunk wine. There was wine served at the brothel, but they had different glasses, thick ones with a green heel that withstood the sometimes ruff treatments by drunken customers. But these were fragile, the heel was long and looked as if it would break if I gripped it and the glass rim was so thin that I was sure that I would cut myself trying to drink from it.

But they seemed more robust than they looked, after filling them Francis distributed the glasses and immediately started to clink his glass against those of the others, creating a sweet sound almost like the song of a bird. I could feel the glass vibrating against my fingers, as Arthur repeated Francis' action with me. With a soft laugh Francis corrected the position of my hand and redirected my grip to the long heel and away from the curved glass body. I still had some minor difficulties with bending my fingers, but the continued use had returned most of their mobility.

I had only once before in my life drunken wine, and that was a cheap one, bought by my father for the special occasion of landing the job as carpenter for the construction of the Kohler mansion. But I was only allowed one small gulp, and I hadn't liked the sour taste at all. But the wine back then had been in a cheap looking bottle and was only light red and had not the deep satiated color of the ruby liquid Francis proffered us. There had been wine served in the brothel, but remembering the sour taste I had always refrained from drinking it.

Before he drank his wine, Francis swirled the liquid around, watching the burgundy red reflected by the light of the candles, dance through the room. I carefully mimicked his motions, feeling the strength of the crimson wave I created surge through the delicate glass confinement. Then I lifted the glass to my lips and let the rich flavor wash over my tongue, it tasted like nothing I had ever drunk before, it was not at all sour but sweet, almost fruity.

It was such an alluring flavor that I couldn't help but down he wine all in one go, I knew that there was supposed to be an alcoholic effect, but in that moment, I didn't feel anything. "Ah, but you're not supposed to drink wine like that, you have to savor it, _chew_ it." Francis chided, and I looked at him in confusion. Chew wine? What was that supposed to mean.

"Arthur, would you mind explaining it to him?" Asked Francis and put down his glass, "I have to go and check on the Bœuf, before it gets burned." And so I got my first (and only) lesson in proper wine tasting. After I had emptied my second and most of the third glass, this time though all for the sake of practicing, Francis served the first course, small yellow pastries made out of cheese and filled with mushrooms.

Mathias, who had only sipped at his wine and then decided that he still didn't like it, took my wine glass away and replaced it with one filled with water, after I had finished the fourth glass before I had eaten my entire appetizer. I couldn't help that I just loved the taste. I tried to argue that I wasn't drunk at all, and that I could take care of myself, and after that failed, I tried to distract him with a kiss and grab my glass when he wasn't paying attention. But when my kiss turned out to be more sloppy than seducing and I had difficulties in actually landing on his lips, instead I just kept missing, I realized that maybe I wasn't as sober as I thought.

My more than amused boyfriend, who exactly knew what I tried to do, took one of my cheese goggles* (I really couldn't remember how Francis had called them), and pushed it passed my lips, smirking like the devil and saying with a teasing voice: "We need to fill your belly with something besides wine, and since we are not alone, you have to put up with these _balls_." Despite, or rather because of my inebriated state, I noticed the emphasis on the last word and broke out into a fit of mad giggling.

"Is he always this lively, when drunk?" Arthur asked as he shooed Francis back into the kitchen to fetch the next course. "I'm not drunk, silly." I said and tried to tsk my tongue at the man with the bushy eyebrows. I only had three glasses, I was merely tipsy, and I knew very well what I was doing.

And just why was Tino half-lying on the table and laughing? Maybe Berwald had told him a joke. I was sure that Berwald told the best jokes, and because he rarely said anything the jokes had to be really hilarious whenever he got to tell one.

"I want to hear the joke too." I demanded, waving my finger in Berwalds generally direction. How dare he leaving us out of the fun?

"What the hell was in that wine?" groaned Emil and covered his face in his hands, Mr. Puffin ruffled his feather in slight displeasure at the interruption of his afternoon nap and hopped down from Emils head onto the table. "Is something wrong with your face?" I asked with genuine concern, Emil was my little brother after all; I had to look out for him."You're face is beautiful as it is, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." I said and reached over to pat his head, but almost knocking over a candle bearer in the process. Who put candle stands on the table anyway? I was sure that was infringing on some kind of fire safety law.

I proceeded to extinguish the flame with the water from my glass, but I was distracted by laughter that was coming from the kitchen. Francis stood there, two plates of delicious looking food in his hand, as he tried to keep his balance, while shaking with mirth. "Not fair, why did you tell the joke to him but not me." By then half the table was laughing, only Emil kept his head hidden and Berwalds lips were only twitching ever so slightly.

"I'm afraid I forgot to tell you that that was pretty strong wine, its masqueraded by the sweet taste but there is quite a lot of alcohol in it." "Well that about explains his behavior after only four glasses." Muttered Arthur and took the plates out of Francis hands. Mathias pushed me down back on my chair, placed all the candle bearers out of my reach, all the while having a big grin plastered all over his face.

With Arthur's help Francis brought in the rest of the plates and soon the table was once again busy with eating. Well most of the table. Tino had to fight a laugh every now and then after he looked at me, and Mathias, who had also removed my silverware, alternated between feeding me from his plate and eating.

I had calmed down a little by then, I was still wondering what was up with everyone, but Mathias' loving attention was enough to pacify me. And the food that slowly entered my alcohol-filled system also helped. Francis' food was simply delicious, even with only water the taste was extraordinaire.

The conversation moved back to more serious things, Arthur asking what our plans were once we reached the capital. After that he told us how his audience with the Lord of the city went. "He said he will inform his guards to be extra careful about the bandits, but since he already told them that a couple of days ago when they first showed up, I doubt it will have much of an effect." He sighed in exasperation. "That bloody idiot should double the guards and send out troops to deal with the problem right at its root, but he doesn't care about the world outside of his walls, especially not after the harvest season, when his chests are filled with tax money. And since the flood of incoming refugees from the surrounding lands has ebbed down, he doesn't think it is necessary to do anything at all."

I chewed on a particularly delicious piece of meat as I thought through his words. It was still a little hard to follow with my mind all fuzzy from the alcohol, but I was sober enough to process the possible danger of the situation.

"There's no use in worrying." Francis shrugged and poured himself another glass of wine. How come that he wasn't affected at all from the alcohol? "I'm sure they will leave our city alone, we're too heavily guarded to be an easy prey." "But this nut would provide rich booty, once cracked." Emil said with concern in his voice. "True, but bandits, even if they are soldiers disguised as such, won't be able to lift the kind of nutcracker that would be needed to break through theses walls." Tino declared, sounding pleased with his ability to continue the metaphor.

"But what about-"

We would never know what Emil was about to say, because right at that moment a horrible sound resonated through the air. The sound of screams and panic in the distance.

And then a yellow light sprouted from some outside in the city, filling the rectangular of night sky and buildings that was visible through the window with an eerie orange glow.

And suddenly our peaceful evening with food and joy wasn't so peaceful anymore, as the silence of dread and déjà-vu for some of us built in the room.

The city was on fire.

...

* * *

*The dish is called Gougère in French.

**A/N: **So which one is better, cherry pie or Apple tart?


	25. Perceiving Evil

There was more than one explanation why the city could be on fire. Maybe some hearth fire got out of control, or a feud had gotten out of hand and was now fought with arson. And maybe the screams we heard also originated from the ensuing panic from a burning building.

But after all that had happened I just couldn't believe in the easy and harmless explanation anymore. I was still a little lightheaded from the alcohol but the shock and fear burned most of it out of my system. My mind was racing.

This was no ordinary fire, it couldn't be or else the rain would have extinguished it. The screams had grown louder and as we all clustered around the window, desperate to make out just what was happening outside, it became more and more clear that the city was not only on fire, but under attack. I felt a knot form in my stomach, a knot of fear and terror, a feeling that made me nauseous, like a snake that curled in my stomach and threatened to worm its way through my gullet, my throat and out of my mouth.

Dark shapes moved through the flame illuminated black of the night, some were running, fleeing from the site of the fire, but there were others who walked more organized and with determination. "Those are the barracks." Arthur suddenly exclaimed and I could clearly hear the dread in his voice. "They set the barracks on fire." Slowly the realization of what his words implied seeped into my brain. They hadn't just put any building to the torch, but the barracks and on top of that with a kind of flame that was undeterred by the rain.

The flames danced violently against the black sky, most neighboring buildings were already in flames too and soon the whole Northern part of the city would fall victim to the flames. And maybe not even the river that flowed through the city would be able to stop the flames and then the whole city would burn to the ground.

The barracks were too far away to see what exactly was going on there, but it appeared that more and more people were fleeing to this side of the river, fleeing from not only the spreading fire but also from its cause. There were men behind them, men with the demeanor of trained soldiers, killing everyone that was lagging behind.

"What is going on?" whispered Francis; his voice was shaking "how did they even get in?" He had one arm slung around Arthur whose hands fisted into the fabric of Francis' shirt. Mathias' hand gripped my shoulder painfully; Emil clung to my other arm. Tino had his face buried in Berwalds broad chest.

_Don't see._

Someone must have let them in; they were too many to have simply snuck in during the daytime. I remembered what Arthur had told us not so long ago, that the stream of refugees had ceased, for there seemed to be no more bandit movement around the region. So the Lord of the city had turned away his ears from Arthur's concerns.

_Don't hear._

And then the sound of bells ringing ripped through the terror filled atmosphere. It was a panicked sound, full of urge and warning, and it confirmed what we had suspected all along.

We were at war.

"So they finally declared war, huh?" asked Arthur dryly into the silence his voice sounded eerily strange against the background sounds of screams and terror. "Not officially." Mathias said darkly and I turned to look at him in surprise. "My father explained in his letter that Orusha was about to make a move, according to his informants, but there was no declaration of war yet. But I guess this is it."

I wanted to ask why he didn't tell us earlier, why we hadn't left while we still could instead of waiting for the caravan to be ready, but I couldn't find my voice.

_Don't tell._

I watched with dread as the scenery outside grew more and more chaotic. More and more people poured onto the streets, only to fall victim to the slash of a sword or the swinging of an axe. A few had gathered to fight back, but their efforts hardly bore any fruit. They were overpowered and slaughtered as everyone else around them. Whatever their objective was it was certainly not invade and conquer but invade and kill.

"We have to get out of here." Mathias said, his fingers digging even deeper into my skin. He was right, I knew he was right, but I was frozen in place. The fighting had not yet reached the southern side of the city and I felt the illusion of safety behind these walls, but out there was anarchy. I was afraid.

_Don't act._

"But where should we go?" asked Tino, he had finally come out of his hiding place in Berwalds arms and now looked with wide eyes at Mathias, as if he knew all the answers. He might as well do, seeing that the rest of us were completely overwhelmed.

Mathias exchanged one glance with Berwald and then nodded, as if they had agreed on what to do in just that second without a word. "Wherever the breach is, it has to be on the North side." Mathias said, while Berwald moved to get our coats, pulling Tino behind him. "Pack as much things as you can, food, blankets, you know the drill. We can't go back to the inn to get our things; it's too dangerous so we have to do what we find here. There's a gate on the South side too, is there?" He directed his last question at Francis and Arthur who watched as Emil and I set into motion to get as much things as possible. I still didn't like the idea of going out, but Mathias' words had left no room for arguments.

I didn't understand what Mathias, Arthur and Francis were talking about from my position in their bedroom, where I searched through the wardrobe for anything useful. At any other time I wouldn't have dared to intrude in other people's privacy like that, but there was no time for that now. Emil was busy in the kitchen, gathering as much food as possible; Tino looked for bags, while Berwald was distributing the coats to their respective owner.

I could hear people running past the house and I knew that time was running out. Suddenly the place didn't seem as safe as it had only minutes ago, and I doubled my efforts, pulling out clothes and throwing everything that seemed useful on a pile for Tino to put into bags once he found some.

We all moved as fast as possible, still it felt like an eternity until we finally had everyone assembled, ready to head out. We had left most of our stuff back at the inn that included the bedrolls, our newly purchased wardrobe and most of the money. We had packed clothes from Arthur and Francis, but they didn't own anything suitable for camping outside, or anything else that could help us surviving in the wilderness. But there was no choice, we couldn't stay here, and with every minute that passed our already small chance of escape dwindled.

At least we were kind of used to this, our two hosts on the other hand seemed to be more than lost. "What's the plan?" I asked, desperately hoping that there was indeed a plan. Not knowing if we would be able to get out of here alive or what would happen to us if we got caught was driving me crazy. And I still fought against the urge to just stay here and hide under a blanket to sit the whole attack out, and if we didn't get going soon I would surely give in.

"There's supposed to be a small hidden gate in the southern wall, used for sorties back in the time when the borderlands were still a place of constant struggle. But nowadays it was sealed, but according to Arthur the door was old and rusty and should be open with a little effort. The Lord kept most of his city in good shape, but since he was more the kind of person who would roll into a pointy ball like a hedgehog he only strengthened the defense. And no one thought of taking care of something like a sortie exit, even in the case of a siege, the Lord would probably just flee through one of the secret passageways that connected the palace with land outside of the city and wait until it was over, abandoning his people in the process. There was no doubt that right now, he was doing the same, fleeing and taking all of the palace guards with him, instead of trying to help his citizens.

I should learn only later, just how right I had been.

We were all aware of how fragile our plan was and how much could go wrong. The gate could be sealed so tightly that we wouldn't come through; we could run into enemies at every second, we could be captured, we could be killed, they could have anticipated that we were coming and wait on the other side of the gate, they could have the city surrounded and intercept everyone trying to escape.

We had distributed the bags between us by then, and everyone was dressed as warm and best protected against the rain as possible. This all seemed far too familiar, how many times would we be forced to flee under the cover of darkness until we finally were allowed to rest?

Mathias slid the door open, just enough to look through the gap and check if it was safe. The noise from outside became louder with the door now open, we could hear not only screams but also the sounds of feet drumming against the cobbled stone streets, glass shattering, buildings crushing down as the fire had eaten away their foundation and of course the endless patter of rain.

It was dark, the moon was a pale sickle amidst a sea of stars, the fire in the distance casted an orange glow in the night sky but it was too far away to light our path. But that was most likely an advantage. The chaos and fighting had not yet reached the south side of the river, but it wouldn't be long until it did and we'd better be gone by then.

I reluctantly stepped over the door's threshold, leaving the questionable safety of the house in favor of the unknown dangers of the streets. The rain was like a cold shower, my coat kept away most of it, but I had no means to protect my head and so my hair was drenched in seconds, sticking to sides of my head.

It was of course no easy task to sneak through a city with a group of seven people. We wanted to draw as little attention to us as possible, after all, the best kept secret was the secret no one knew about, but with the streets full of panicked humans it was hard to dodge all of them. And we couldn't afford to waste any time on making long detours. In the end we just tried to be as inconspicuous as possible while following Arthur who knew the way to the sortie gate, and hiding as best as possible from anyone's eyes . Since most people were busy with panicking, they didn't really pay attention to us anyway.

We ducked into an alley, Arthur was securing the next part of our route, but we had to hide temporarily due to a group of people clustering on the road ahead, seemingly afraid and unwilling to move on. We could of course just ignore them and run past them, but then they might decide to follow us for lack of a better option and that would only lower our chances of escape.

"What are we going to do when we are outside of the city?" whispered Francis, who stood pressed against the wall next to me. "We'll head east and try to reach the capital." Mathias answered, while keeping his eyes on Arthur for the signal that we could move on. "What if they have the city surrounded in case anyone gets out?" Tino said, and I could feel my stomach churn with newly fueled fear. There was just so much that could go wrong.

The stone wall was cold against my back; I had difficulties with seeing anything because of all the water in my eyes. We shouldn't be out here, it was too cold and too wet, Tino had just recently recovered from a serious pneumonia and I had just fought of a light cold on my own.

How could things have gone so wrong? Why did we have to keep fighting for our lives, while all we wanted was to live in peace? I wanted nothing more than to go home in that moment. Only, there was no more home left for me.

The others looked as miserable as I felt. Tino clung to Berwald, his usual cheerful attitude dampened, his violet eyes widened as he gazed over Arthur's shoulder, flinching at every sound. But there was something in his stance that gave off just the slightest hint that he was ready to jump at any second. Berwald had one hand on Tino's shoulder, his fierce blue eyes hid behind the countless drops of water accumulated on his glasses. Tino had told me at one point that Berwald was almost blind without them so it was no wonder that he hadn't taken them off.

Francis had tied his long hair into a pony tail, else it would obscure his vision; he was clearly frightened but made an effort not to show it. Emil had stuffed his puffin into his coat, now forming a bulk at the height of his chest. The bird wasn't amused at all at this arrangement but had begrudgingly accepted that this was the safest solution. Emil was pale but the look on his face was determined, I had seen him take a kitchen knife out of Francis' kitchen and I just hoped that we didn't get into a situation again where we would need it. I could only see Arthur's back from my position, but from the look of it, he was tense and concentrated on the task at hand.

And Mathias, Mathias who always seemed so confident, while the rest of us were scared out of their shoes, Mathias smiled at me as he noticed my look, a smile that said more as thousand words that we would be okay, that I didn't need to worry, because he would be there for me.

Maybe we really stood a chance.

Arthur raised a hand and waved, before he sprinted out of the alley and across the street. It was difficult to move fast with six people cramped into a narrow alley, but we managed to follow his example as quiet as possible. The street was deserted, the people from earlier had disappeared, only the sound of the rain and our footsteps echoed through the otherwise silent night.

It had been suspiciously silent throughout the last minutes. This couldn't be a good sign. We cowered into the doorway of a large house, if possible that was even more cramped than the alley had been, but since no one was there to see us, we didn't try too hard to get everyone in.

I could see the wall from here, it was not far anymore. "Some of the houses are directly built into the wall." Arthur informed us, his eyes darting between both ends of the street and the opening of the alleyway we had previously hid in. "The gate is between two houses, we should be able to reach it from here without problems. And we should probably hurry."

I could hear voices in the distance, and this time they didn't sound like screams. I exchanged glances with the others, and I read on everyone's expression the exact same realization. We had no more time left.

As if an invisible signal had been given we all started to sprint at the same time, trying to be as subtle as possible, it was a miracle that we didn't stumble over each other. Arthur dashed between houses and over streets, seeking cover every now and then to make sure everyone was following.

Berwald, Francis and I were the last ones to cross the last street before we reached the line of houses directly adjacent to the wall, when we heard noises. I ducked instinctively back into the alley, Berwald and Francis doing the same, Emil who had been before us just vanished into the shadow between two houses that leaned on the wall. A woman came running down the street, the pale moonlight reflected from the tears that were streaming down her face. She was heavily panting and threw glances backwards every few seconds.

Maybe we would have made it, hadn't she stumbled in that exact moment, directly before our hiding space, but her foot tripped on some loose cobble stone as she was once again looking back and she fell with a loud cry, her hands barely able to brake her fall as she crashed into the ground. We hesitated, only a second, but it was enough. Had we just run then, using the opportunity while she laid face down, we could have made it, but we waited, and she got up on her feet again and the chance was lost.

And then her pursuers came into view, her fall had cost her too, precious seconds she would have needed to lose them, and they caught her right in front of our eyes, five men, in dark uniform and armed, bearing the Orushian sigil on their chests.

One of them had thrown a hatchet, the weapon hit her leg and she screamed in pain and terror as she fell down once again. The men were on her then, ripping off her clothes, laughing and talking in their barking language as if they were enjoying a nice convivial get together.

I knew what was happening, something similar had happened to me, and I felt the sickness from back then rise in my throat. Yet, I couldn't avert my eyes from the horrible scene before me. Her eyes were glazed over in pure agony, but her cries were swallowed by the thick shaft that one of the men had forced into her mouth. I could see blood that was rinsed away by the steadily falling rain.

A heavy hand on my shoulder pulled me out of my stupor. I tore my gaze away from the scene to Berwald, who looked at me with an expression that I had never once seen on him. His hand was gripping painfully in my shoulder, his other hand was flexed into a fist, I could see the skin whiten around his knuckles and I realized just how much effort it took him not to charge out and try to save the woman. He wouldn't have stood a chance.

Francis was pale as a sheet of paper, he had his eyes closed shut, his fingers were digging into the stone wall and every time the woman let out a muffled sound of pain he flinched. I wished we could have done anything to help her.

I looked back, avoiding the gruesome scene and directed my gaze at the spot where the others had vanished. And with sudden dread I realized that two of the soldiers who hadn't participated in their comrade's activities yet were nearing the opening, eying it with curious interest, effectively blocking our only way of escaping.

I closed my eyes in silent terror, the others had no other choice now than to leave and hide, and even if we, by any small chance would manage to escape the city, would never be able to find them again. And god help us if got caught by those soldiers, they wouldn't refrain from raping us just because we were male.

...


	26. Running

We were running through the streets but this time without a destination. For now we just wanted to get as far away from the soldiers and the horrible scene we just witnessed.

And then…

My sides were hurting and my heart rate was far too high to be healthy, it was not only the exertion from the extensive running but also the hopelessness of the situation. This time we didn't care if anyone saw us, as long as it were only fleeing citizens, but their numbers had dwindled, as more and more soldiers entered this side of the city.

We finally came to a halt; the river had come into view before us, the raging fire reflected by its rain disturbed surface. There was a bridge that was not yet blocked by enemy forces, a small scrawny thing made of wood and splinter, but there was no need to cross it, was there? On the other side only awaited doom, we could try to hide somewhere, but the fire soon would smoke us out.

My eyes were burning, despite the heavy rain smoke was wafting on this side of the city, making my eyes sting and the air heavy to breath. A single lonely tear fell down my cheek and was swallowed by the ever falling rain. My heart ached as it had never ached before, in my mind replayed the last image of Mathias I had seen and that would be the last image of him I would ever see in my life. The worried expression in his eyes as he looked back right at the moment when he reached the space between the two houses, locking his eyes on mine, and I could just see that he would have come back any moment just to get me, to make sure that I would be safe. But then the woman had appeared and he was pulled deeper into the darkness, his eyes never leaving mine until he was gone.

It was hard to accept that I would never see him again. And not only him, I would never get to see Emil playing with his puffin again, or Tino's smile that rivaled the sun and even Arthur whom I had known for nothing more than a day but who I had grown to deeply respect.

"We need to get to the palace." Francis interrupted my self-absorption, with the most ridiculous statement ever. I looked at him and was seriously wondering if he had lost his mind. And only then did I realize that my companions were in a similar situation than me.

Francis was pale, his clothes were a mess and his hands were rhythmically clenching and unclenching, but his eyes were shining through the rain with mad determination. Berwalds was the same; he clutched the talisman I had made for him not so long ago in his hand, the pale blond strand of Tino was darkened by the rain but it still contrasted against the surrounding hair. He carried a similar determined expression on his face.

We all had someone we wanted nothing more than get back to.

And maybe Francis wasn't so crazy at all, maybe he had a plan.

"There is a secret passageway that leads from the palace to an abandoned farmhouse outside of the city, the place is supposed to be haunted so no one goes there anymore. But I don't know where the entry is on this side, Arthur and I discovered the exit by accident but we never dared to open the door at the other end."

And there it was, hope, hope that maybe just maybe we had a chance to get out of here and see our loved ones again. Even if only a little, it was enough. "How do we get there?" I asked, and we exchanged glances, I could read on their faces that we all though the same thing. No matter how impossible it seemed, we would try, because this was our only hope.

"The palace is not yet on fire." Berwald, the tallest one of us, informed us and we hunched back down, bringing our faces close together to form a plan.

It was desperate but we were all ready to bet our life on this only chance, and so we set out again into the shadows of the night, crossing the bridge as silent shadows, into the pure chaos that reigned on the other side. The air had been cold and biting where we came from but on this side it was warm, almost comfortable. The stars were gone, erased by the shining light of the fire that still raged on, despite the rain.

The streets were full of people, most of them dead, some dying, some living and too many of them soldiers who were killing and raping, but thankfully, mercifully most of them were looting and plundering, to absorbed into their greed than to pay attention to us.

Still it was a hellish chase through the burning city. The temperature rose the closer we came to the palace, buildings had tumbled down and blocked most of the available paths, while new one had been formed by the fire that had burned away some houses completely. At this close range I realized that I had never before seen flames like this, they were dark red, almost crimson, and they were too hot to be ordinary flames. But then again that had been clear from the moment on when the rain didn't stop the fire.

We were now in a completely deserted part of the city, fire was everywhere; no one in their right mind would go there. On the ground lied corpses burned, or covered with blood next to pieces of destroyed carriages and carts, furniture and everything else their owners tried to save from the flames. A sick feeling was forming in my stomach at the sight, it smelled faintly of burned flesh and death. Some of the bodys had been once children, I had to avert my eyes or else I would have thrown up. I had never felt so dirty in my life.

Some of the corpses even seemed to have been soldiers; the wounds that brought them down were crude, as if they had been hit with something blunt and sheer force.

The air was almost impossible to breath, and we had to press pieces of wet cloth against our mouths and noses to prevent us from suffocating. Not even the rain was able to wash the thick smoke out of the air. And it was unbearable hot.

Berwald had stopped at one of the soldier corpses and pulled a sword from under the body that was probably a good idea. Though before I could look for a weapon for myself a loud 'creak' echoed through the night, its sound audible even against the roaring of the flames and I froze in place. The building to our left was close to collapsing, the foundation was almost completely eaten away by the flames. It was already slanting and if we didn't get moving that instant we would be crushed beneath it.

"RUN." I yelled and sprinted in the only direction that was still comparable free of obstacles, flames were lashing out at me and I didn't have time to check if the others were following. A burning piece of wood tumbled down and I had to jump out of its way to avoid being hit.

A loud crash sounded and then I felt the blast of hot air, created by the collapsing building behind me, against my back. I kept running, and for a moment the roar of the flames almost seemed quiet compared to the earlier noise. And then to my immense relief I heard the sound of footsteps behind me, sturdy and heavy ones, belonging to Berwald, and lighter ones that made more of a clacking sound that belonged to Francis.

Sweat was running down my face, mingling with the rain and the salty liquid stung in my eyes, but we were still surrounded by flames, so despite my hurting eyes and legs, despite the throbbing pain that I still felt in my hands I ran, and then eventually we were out of the inferno. I came to a skidding halt at the beginning of a sloped street, taking deep breaths of the fresh rain flavored night air.

We had reached the foot of the palace hill. Although it was an exaggeration to call it a hill, it was really more of a slow outstretched bump.

Francis was coughing violently, trying to get the smoke out of his lungs, and I could feel it too, the burning itch against the back of my throat. Berwald clenched his sword, there was soot on his face and in his hair, but I probably looked the same. We all did, actually.

We were exhausted, almost at our limit, but we didn't have time to rest. The road before us was still empty and the fire had not yet reached the houses of the nobles that surrounded the palace, but it was evident from the sounds that came from there that there was already plundering and worse going on. It was only a matter of time until the soldiers had finished with looting valuables and started the destruction.

We didn't have any more time left.

But none of us had the strength left to run, the bags we were carrying, as light as they had initially seemed had grown heavier and heavier with every minute and the strap now cut into my shoulder, but I was too exhausted to bother with changing the side.

The power boost that had fueled me with energy was worn off, and now I had to drag myself forward. The others didn't fare any better, Francis was no longer coughing but his breath was labored and his face was contorted with pain and Berwald, albeit carrying on with a stoic expression was clearly suffering from exhaustion too, and the hand that gripped the sword was shaking ever so slightly. He had put the charm back into his pocket to protect it, but occasionally his hand would pat the spot through the fabric of his coat.

And of course the rain was draining us of our energy, our clothes soaked through and now that we had left the part of the city that was burning, the air had become cold again and I had started to shiver violently.

Only willpower kept us going, the burning wish to be reunited with the others, to not give up and see the light of morning again.

But at some point we had to leave the easy path of the street and sneak through the back yards of the wealthy houses that lined the road. The closer we came to the palace the more and more soldiers we had to dodge. At first they hadn't paid much attention to their surroundings, the wealth that could be found inside of the houses that grew bigger the farther we came, was too promising to care for anything else.

Occasionally a scream would echo through the night, when the soldiers had found another victim who had tried to hide but had been found. I didn't try to think about what they were doing to them, what the soldiers back then had done to the helpless woman right before our eyes. But I couldn't get rid of the images that flowered in my mind at every new scream of pain or fear that was sounding through the air.

By then there were guards standing outside, keeping an eye out in the area, while their comrades were plundering and doing probably much worse. And there close to the palace gates that appeared to be barred, they were gathering, preparing for an attack on the palace and with that, effectively blocking our way.

My heart had sunk at the view, maybe there was a back entrance, but with all those people between our position and the palace grounds there was low hope of getting there, even if we'd actually knew where to look.

We were hiding behind a group of trimmed bushes in the once lavish back yard of an especially noble looking mansion. The brick wall that surrounded the house had been overgrown with vines so it had been fairly easy to climb over it. From where we were hiding we couldn't really see what was going on outside, but we needed a moment to catch our breaths and revise our strategy.

But in truth the situation was pretty much hopeless. So far the premises had already been searched, the house was dark and silent, the gate and door broken, windows shattered, so we were pretty much safe here, but that didn't mean it would stay like this.

Most likely this part would soon burn like the rest of the city. We had to get out of here, but there was too much commotion to have any real hope of sneaking through. And even if by some miraculous chance, we managed to reach the palace, what then? The gates were closed and since the enemy soldiers didn't look like they were able to break through, what chance did we have? And we would still have to find the entrance to the hidden passage, and that could be anywhere.

No, this plan had been impossible to begin with, but we just didn't want to accept the inevitability of our situation. I sat back down into the wet grass, not caring that the grass would leave stains on my coat or that more water got soaked into my already wet clothes.

It didn't really matter anymore at this point.

"What now?" whispered Francis; the hopelessness was evident in his voice too. When even Francis, the only one of us who lived in this city, who had at least been to the palace, didn't have any idea how to get in, there was truly no hope left. Berwald seemed to be in deep thought; his brows were furrowed in concentration as he tried to come with a plan. But even he couldn't think of something.

"Hey what are you doing, who are you?" A voice spoke from behind us, a rough voice with an all too familiar thick accent. Berwald reacted faster than I had ever seen anyone move; he spun around, a silver flash soaring through the air, followed by red and then the soldier who had spotted us fell on his knees, the short sword in his hand slid out of his grasp, landing in the wet grass, a surprised expression on his face as he looked at the red flower that bloomed on his chest.

He looked up at us, his mouth moving as if he tried to say something but no sound was coming out, he raised his hand to cover the wound on his chest, as if to try to close it again, but the blood continued flowing, painting his gloved fingers red as the liquid seeped through the fabric. He made another attempt to speak but again there was no voice and then he fell forward, the life drained out of him by the lethal wound that Berwald had inflicted on him, face first into the wet muddy grass.

Maybe I should have felt something, remorse or even sympathy for the nameless soldiers who had died at our hands, but I didn't. When Mathias had killed that man at our escape I had been shocked and distressed and it took a while until I had come to terms with it, but this time I didn't feel anything, because this time, even more than the last time, I knew that it had been necessary. He would have killed us if Berwald hadn't acted; I was surprised that he didn't actually kill us the moment he saw us. We had our backs to him, we wouldn't even have noticed before it had been too late. And he had a sword, so he hadn't been unarmed.

I looked down on his form; the pale moonlight barely illuminating his form, he looked so young; he couldn't have been much older than Emil, almost a child. But still I felt nothing.

He wore a different uniform than Ludwig and his troop had, but they had tried to pose as bandits, while this one was on an official mission from his country. The Orushian sigil was embroidered onto his chest and on the shoulders of his dark grey uniform was a single white stripe, indicating his rank, even though I didn't know what the symbol meant.

Berwald was kneeling beside him; he had turned him around and was now searching his clothes for anything of value, while Francis was looking out for any more surprises like that. Both were as indifferent to what we had just done as I was. By then we were all past caring. As I watched Berwalds hands move on the lifeless body, his sword lied forgotten on the ground, the blood was already washed away by the rain; I unexpectedly had an idea.

It was a crazy idea, that most likely wouldn't work and end up in our deaths, but then again we would mostly die nevertheless if we did nothing. There was not really much to lose.

"I have an idea." I announced, and the hope that had suddenly returned on Francis' and Berwalds faces was almost too much to bear. As dangerous as my idea was it still provided a chance and they, as much as I, were desperate enough to clutch at every piece of straw, as thin as it might have been.

And maybe, just maybe it would be enough.

...

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**A/N: **So is anyone interested in what the others are up to? If yes, I might write a chapter on their own little adventure, even though I don't really know what they are doing in the moment, but I'm sure I can think of something.


	27. Bloodied Hands

**A/N: **So universtiy stress had finally caught up with me and I find less and less time to write. I hope it won't make the gaps between updates too big, but there might be a one or two days delay at times. I still try to update as frequent as possible.

On a sidenote: I love you all my reviewers, followers and fans 3

* * *

„Can we use this one?" Francis asked and looked at the bloodstained, rain drenched uniform that Berwald had peeled with some effort from the dead soldier. "It should work as long as we cover up the chest with something. We don't really have much of a choice here." I answered as I took the uniform. I was the only one who would have a chance to fit into it, even though I didn't like the thought of exchanging my perfectly good clothes against that ragged piece of cloth.

I pulled off my coat, and the jacket I wore underneath. Then I struggled with my pants, the wet fabric sticking to my legs like some kind of second skin. But finally I managed to get them off. It felt weird to strip like this; the rain was ice cold on my skin, making me shiver even harder than I had before, Berwald had taken his sword back and was sneaking around the house to check the front side and the street for suitable victims for our plan. Francis was keeping an eye out so that I could change in relative peace but I had the slightest hunch that he was checking me out from time to time.

I wrapped my discarded clothes in my coat, not willing to throw them away like that, before I put on the soldier's clothes. I tried not to think about the fact that a human had just died in these clothes and that they were still full of blood. I squeezed my eyes shut as the cold and wet fabric slid over my skin, if possible that felt even more unpleasant, than the cold rain on my skin. Then I belted the sword belt I had taken from the man, he didn't even got to draw it, and completed my getup.

The uniform transformed me into a more or less convincing Orushian soldier, which would be essential to our plan. I stuffed the coat with my clothes inside into my bag and slung it over my shoulder. Hopefully they would just think I carried around a bag of loot and didn't get suspicious.

To be safe we shoved the now almost naked body of the dead soldier into some nearby bushes, before we made our way to where Berwald was waiting. "Do you speak any Orushian?" Francis asked and I declined, but I was pretty sure that I could pull off the accent; I had heard it often enough after all. "I am ze mighty warrior zigfried, surrender now or I vil kill you and make shoelaces out of your glossy hair!" Okay that sounded downright stupid. Francis had difficulties to stifle back laughter, but he was soon overcome and had to hold his belly, as he was shaken with mirth.

It was definitely not the right place nor the right moment to laugh, but all the pressure and the tension we had been put under needed some sort of release, so I couldn't help but join in and never once in my life had a laugh ever felt so good like this one.

But our joy was short lived, far too soon the reality of our situation came crashing down on us, and we had to face once again this almost impossible task. But the short outburst had helped, I felt a little more relaxed now, more confident about what I had to do.

We reached Berwald who hid behind the corner of the house and was watching the gate in the wall that surrounded the premises. Two soldiers were standing at the gate, they seemed to be waiting on something, scanning the area around the house and quietly talking to each other. They were probably the comrades of the guy we had just killed and it wouldn't be long until they would get suspicious and go look for him.

That was the perfect timing for us. I checked the position of the sword one last time, before I stepped out into full view. The two men noticed me immediately, for a short terrifying moment I believed that they would see through my ruse instantly, but the rain filled darkness helped to conceal my identity. The soldier's hair had been darker than mine, but thanks to all the water my hair now looked more brown than blond, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to fool them.

I waved and called out something incoherently, signaling that I needed backup. It would have probably looked suspicious if I had said something in my language as heavily accented it would have been, so instead I let the rain drown out the coherency of my words.

And to my relief it seemed to work, they came over and I quickly retreated back into the shadows of the house wall, they would sure as hell know their comrade, and on short distance not even the darkness would help me. One of them yelled something, and my heart almost stopped as I thought h had called for more backup, but soon I realized that he had called out to me, as he repeated his words, this time more urgent.

Berwald awaited them, sword ready; a determined gleam in his eyes. I felt bad that it fell again on him to do the bloody work, but even though I now technically owned a sword I didn't have the slightest idea how to use it properly. It was too dangerous for me to try, in the end I would hurt Berwald, and we couldn't afford that risk. Francis was similar inexperienced and had insistently declined the offer to take the weapon. The only one who had some prowess with a sword was Berwald, who had been trained with various weapons since his childhood, as befit of the son of a Lord.

The first soldier that rounded the corner didn't have a chance to react, expecting to be met by a friend he didn't even try to reach for his sword once Berwald was on him. The next moment he was dead, blood was gushing from the newly opened wound at his throat.

Berwald had been fast, but not fast enough; the second soldier had come around the corner the moment the other fell, the sword not yet ready again in Berwalds hand. He didn't lose one second before he reacted; he jumped backwards, dodging Berwalds slash and drew his own weapon.

Berwald followed him, trying to get a hit, but he was agile, dodging and parrying all of Berwalds attacks. The sound of sword clashing against sword echoed through the rain, it wouldn't be long until someone would notice and come looking. If we hadn't dealt with the soldier by then we would get into real trouble.

The soldier was trying to lure Berwald to the front of the house, but fortunately he saw through his plan and managed to get between the other and the front lawn. But no matter what Berwald tried, he couldn't break through the defense of the Orushian, who fought with the despair of someone faced with death. His face was distorted into a grimace and he was grunting with every slash and every parry he performed, the effort of keeping Berwalds brute strength at bay was clearly edged in his face. But he was not the only one, Berwalds usually stoic face was showing signs of discomfort, both men were sweating, their sweat washed away by the heavy rain.

Both Francis and I were searching for an opening, an opportunity to attack the soldier when he didn't expect it, but they were moving too fast, the risk was too great to hit Berwald instead.

And then Berwald lost his footing on the wet grass, his leg slipped away from under him and he stumbled, falling backwards onto the ground, his sword trapped in the attempt to break the fall with his hands. One horrid prolonged moment everything slowed down, I could see each and every drop of water spraying from the blade that cut through the air, closing down on the man that cowered beneath it.

The hit would have been deadly, no doubt, with all the force the soldier was putting behind it, but in one glorious and at the same time desperate movement, I leapt forward, tackling the man with all my might, throwing him off his balance so that his blow came too shallow. Berwald had scrambled backwards as much as he could in the short heartbeat that was given him to react, the sword slashing down on him, ripping open his coat and the fabric underneath, cutting through skin and grazing against bones, but not deep enough to be actually lethal.

The soldier had managed to stay on his feet, despite my weight shoving against him, but he was off-balance, trying to regain his posture to aim another strike, but now Francis was one him too, wrestling the sword out of his hands, while I clung to his body and tried to pull him down with me, grabbing at his other arm to keep him from overpowering Francis.

And then Berwald was up again, a deep grunt and Francis and I let go, just in time for Berwalds sword to pierce through the man's chest, right where the heart was. He died as quiet as the others had, only a soft 'oomph' escaped his lips as he fell down, face first into the grass, his blood soaking the ground beneath him.

Only then could I feel my legs go numb and the shock of the situation and the danger we all had been in, settle in on me. I wanted nothing more than to sit down and rest, but we didn't have time for this. The pain in my hands that I had forgotten until now resurfaced the struggle with the man had put a strain on the half healed wounds, but at least they hadn't reopened. I flexed my fingers in order to get rid of the pain, but it didn't help much. Still, there were more urgent matters than my stinging hands.

A long shallow bloody cut ran along Berwalds chest, soaking his clothes with the all too present blood. It was not deep, but we had to treat it nonetheless, the rain was washing the blood out of the wound in a far too fast rate. Francis pulled a spare shirt out of his bag and tried to rip it into bandages, but the cloth was too wet.

"Didn't we pack any bandages?" I asked, remembering seeing some on the pile of useful things that Tino and I had assembled. "Oui, we did, but they are all in Arthur's bag." Francis groaned. "We have to stop the bleeding somehow." I fumbled through my things, but I couldn't find anything that was suitable for the job, Berwald was pressing the shirt that Francis had tried to rip earlier, against his chest, but that wouldn't do for long.

And then we heard something, the sound of the gate opening and another call in the rough Orushian language. Someone was searching for the three disappeared soldiers.

"Quick, undress." I hissed and pulled the soldier who had died first back to where we were, ridding him of his clothes as fast as possible. Thankfully they both caught on to what I was doing instantly, Francis shrugged of his clothes faster than I had ever seen anyone undress and was slipping into clothes I had just taken from the dead man, only slightly wincing at the feel of wet fabric on skin. I repeated the process with the other soldier, who had a broader build, and whose clothes would fit Berwald, albeit barely.

Berwald had too undressed in the meantime, and I helped him into the other uniform, while Francis was redressing the corpses with his and Berwalds clothes. I felt bad for wasting perfectly fine attire like that, but we needed our story to be convincing.

Francis was helping Berwald with his sword belt, while I stuffed the shirt into his uniform, trying to apply as much pressure on the wound as possible and hide it from view. Another call echoed through the air, closer to the corner of the house this time and we hastily checked if everything was in order. At least now we had an explanation for all the blood on our clothes.

The corpses laid with faces down, as to not give away their identity, Francis had placed the swords close to their hands, as if they had just dropped them. One last glance and we were ready, as ready as we could be at least.

Not one second too late, as two soldiers, swords drawn, rounded the corner, observing their surroundings very carefully. Francis, who had drawn his sword moments before, sheathed it back into its scabbard, as if he had just used it to kill the two men. He then prodded his foot against one of them, before he shrugged his shoulders and walked past the two confused soldiers with only a nod to acknowledge them.

Just act as if you knew what you were doing and no one would suspect a thing. Francis was simply brilliant. Berwald and I followed his example nodding at the two soldiers and striding confidently towards the open gate.

It was a bluff of course. By acting as if nothing major had happened we were implying that we had everything under control, and if they fell for it they would just follow us without further checking on the bodies.

If they checked though…

I didn't want to think about what could all go wrong, so I just focused on walking, concentrating on putting one foot before the other and not let any of the fear and terror show on my face that was raging inside me. It had to be so much worse for Berwald, who had to hide his wound on top of his emotions. He was walking next to me, but neither his face nor his stance gave away the pain he must have been in, I wasn't sure if I had been able to pull that off.

When I walked through the gate, closely behind Francis, who had slowed just the tiniest bit to allow us to catch up, I dared to throw a glance backwards. The two soldiers just came around the corner, seemingly content with whatever wordless explanation they had read out of our behavior.

But now came the true challenge.

The sky around the palace district was red with flames; almost the whole city was on fire by now, only this small enclave and a path that led from this part of the city towards the front gate were still safe. After all the Orushians needed to secure their way of retreat.

The group before the palace gates had grown significantly, all waiting impatiently for the doors to open and finally being able to loot the treasures that lied behind. One of the waiting, apparently an officer called out something as he spotted us, and I broke out into cold sweat. If any of us were to answer in our language, the whole place would hear that we weren't Orushians, and we would be dead in seconds, but if we didn't answer at all, we would draw suspicion too.

And then thankfully, one of the soldiers who had found us called something back, and the officer was satisfied, muttering something to the man next to him, who raised a hand and barked an order.

The quiet talking among the soldiers died immediately and everyone focused their attention on the officer who held a short speech, before he waved for two men to bring forth a third man squeezed in between them. The man looked tattered and bruised, some of his teeth were missing, but still there was a far too eager smile plastered on his face as he mumbled incoherent nonsense directed at his two captors. Francis took a sharp intake of breath at the sight, and then a low grumble escaped his throat. I could feel him tense beside me.

"That is the personal advisor of the Lord." He hissed through clenched teeth, anger clearly displaying on his face. Berwald grunted a warning to be quiet and Francis pulled his features back into a smooth mask of indifferent, but I could see how much effort it took him.

"Open the door." The officer snarled, this time speaking in our language. The advisor directed his sickening grin at him and said: "With pleasure sir, always with pleasure." He reached out to touch the officer, but the men who had escorted him here roughly pulled him away from their superior and shoved him towards the closed palace gates.

So that was how they got in, this man must have opened the gates to them. From the looks of it, he had been threatened to do it, but his behavior spoke otherwise. And from the way he was treated it was more likely that he got those injuries from misbehaving on his own part and not from unwillingness to cooperate. But why did he do it? He seemed so eager to please the Orushians who were supposed to be his enemies, despite the fact that some of them spat at him, voicing their disgust at his betrayal even though he had helped them. No wonder Francis was angry.

The gates were heavy, but they could be opened from the outside, they were not supposed to withhold long sieges, but to keep the common people outside. The advisor pulled out a key chain and fumbled a while with the lock, all the while humming some strange tune only interrupted by an occasional out of context exclamation.

Then the door was open and he was shoved aside as the soldiers were pouring into the palace yard, eager to get in first to lay claim on whatever treasure they found, be it gold, jewels or women. I felt sick at the display of greed and lust, I had seen what those men were capable of; I didn't want to see it again. I just hoped we would find the secret passage before anyone else did.

I stepped forward to follow the other soldiers, when I heard a familiar voice behind me. I froze, Berwald next to me too, only Francis walked on in complete oblivion.

The man who had spoken was no one else than Ludwig.

...


	28. Freezing

Terrible cold dread dripped down my spine at the sound of that voice. Berwald stood frozen in shock next to me; we had come so far so why did Ludwig have to appear at this moment? Ludwig said something else in that rough Orushian language and the officer from before answered, the respect he held for the other man obvious in his voice.

I didn't dare to move, we had our backs to them and thus far he hadn't noticed us, but if we were to move he most certainly would, and then he would blow our cover and we would be killed. But standing like this, not seeing what was going on but only hearing, not knowing if or when he would be looking over and spot us or if he had already seen us and was just lulling us into the feeling of false security while preparing to strike at any second now.

Berwald threw a look back.

Another wave of terror surged through me, now we would be detected most certainly and then everything we had achieved would be for nothing. But nothing happened, Berwalds action went completely unnoticed.

Francis had by now noticed that we weren't following, his head poked out from the palace gates and he was frantically waving for us to get going. Most soldiers had poured into the palace by now; the last ones were throwing us confused glances as we just stood there seemingly frozen in place with an inexplicable horrified expression on our faces.

We had been lucky until now that Ludwig was too absorbed into his conversation with the officer to notice us, but if we stood around any longer, our luck would wear out. It was the hardest thing I ever did, taking a step forward, moving, and feeling like I exposed myself to the eyes of my predator like the mouse to the snake. And still I didn't dare to look back, because no matter how small, the fact that Ludwig could only face our uniform clad backs with rain water masking our natural hair color was still protecting us.

Berwald, who had dared to look back, was walking beside me, placing one foot before the other and despite the pain he was in and despite the imminent danger he still radiated some sort of confidence, and if Berwald could do it, so could I.

I stepped into the doorway, the shadow of the open doors shielding me from sight as I finally looked back to see what was behind me.

And there he was, tall, muscular, uniform as pristine as possible in this messy weather, talking to the officer, hands tucked behind his back and posture as straight as a line. His side was facing us and he didn't once bother to look away from his dialogue partner. The royal advisor stood next to him, flanked by his two guards, eagerly trying to please the other two, but being mostly ignored.

"What was that all about?" Francis asked, voice barely audible against the pattering rain, as I turned around to step into the palace courtyard, feeling relief flood through me, and I wasn't paying attention to where I was putting my feet as I whispered back. "I'll tell you later."It was then that everything started to go wrong.

My foot caught on something and I stumbled, foot twisting and I had to almost yelped in surprise but I managed to bite it back, but in my frantic attempt to not lose my footing I grabbed the doorwing to my left and the hinges gave of a protesting screech, that cut through the patter of rain like a knife through butter, as they were bent into a direction they were not intended to.

It would have been nothing, the soldiers around us would have simply shaken their heads over my clumsiness and would have continued with their business as if nothing had happened, maybe cracking some jokes but certainly not suspecting anything.

If it hadn't been for Ludwig.

I had regained my balance, but was still clinging to the door, when Ludwig's head snapped back and he spotted the tall figure of Berwald who was just stepping through the gates, ready to lend me a hand, should I need onw. Anyone else wouldn't have made the connection, it was too dark and too wet with rain to make out features clearly, but this was Ludwig and he had spent more than enough time with looking at us and taking in every little detail to recognize us, even in circumstances like these

And then a shout ripped away the fragile peace of the night. I didn't understand a word, but I easily could decipher the alarm in it and the frantic action that ensued spoke clearly for itself.

The courtyard was empty by then, the soldiers that went in before us had disappeared into the building so the only threat came from behind us. Francis was still confused, taking a step back as Berwald drew his sword, pushing me into the courtyard yelling for us to run, and then for a brief moment his hand was in mine, pressing something soft and wet against my palm, before he let go and blocked the threshold with his broad form.

Things were happening too fast, the soldiers outside had pulled out there weapons and were closing in on Berwald who kept them at a distance with his sword, but the wound on his chest was draining his strength, he wasn't striking as vigorously as he had when he fought the soldier back at the mansion.

"RUN." He bellowed again, barely dodging an axe that was aimed for his head. But I couldn't just leave him behind, could I?

Francis was yanking my arm, trying to pull me with him into the questionable safety of the palace where people didn't know yet that we were not Orushians and finally I turned, tearing my eyes from Berwalds back and started running, the rain falling down relentlessly, playing a sick chorus to the clattering of sword against sword.

My heart was beating painfully against my chest, as we ran through the courtyard into the palace, through corridors and past startled soldiers who shot us confused glances before returning through their looting and plundering. I clutched my hand around the small object, feeling that I very well knew what it was, and at the same time wishing that I was wrong, because if I were right that meant that Berwald was prepared to die out there.

And it was my fault.

_He's going to die._

_It's my fault._

Those two thoughts circled through my head, endlessly dancing around each other, swelling and ebbing like the sea, relentless until they would have driven me mad. My eyes were wide open and staring but there was nothing to see, only emptiness and never ending guilt. And there was the face of Berwald and the last look I saw on him, a pained expression of determination and despair as he shoved me back, and his face melted into Mathias' as I had last seen him, and I couldn't stand the look of certain death on my lover's face so I was glad when it transformed back into Berwalds, but then guilt washed over me anew until Mathias was once again looking at me. And in the end I couldn't tell apart anymore who the one safe was and who was the one who was going to die.

_He's going to die._

_It's my fault._

I didn't remember what happened there in the palace corridors or how we finally got into that one dusty room full of cloth covered furniture and old bleached paintings on the wall. Francis must have dragged me along, shouting at me to get myself together but getting no reaction aside from the empty stare of my eyes.

How could I ever face Tino again and tell him that his lover was dead because of me?

This was not how it was supposed to be.

There were voices outside and the sound of rushed footsteps, but I didn't care. I was sitting on a chair on the dusty white cloth that covered the furniture; my hand was gripped around the small object Berwald had given me, while Francis was searching the room.

Francis crouched down before me, getting on eye level with me, but I looked down to my feet, the dust on the floor around them was filled with more footprints than we could have produced in the short time we had been here, the air was full of dust, there was dust in my eyes; why else would they be stinging so much… Small pools of water were surrounding my feet and the cloth I was sitting on was soaked wet, my hair was dripping water down my neck, but I didn't make an effort to dry myself off.

"Lukas, look at me." Francis said softly, tilting my chin up with his hand his hair was a complete mess; there was dirt on his face and dark rings under his eyes, yet he still found the strength to keep going. I felt guilty.

"We have to get out of here. I know it's hard but you have to get yourself together. You want to see Mathias again, don't you?"

There it was again the picture in my head, Berwald with Mathias face, shouting for me to run, while he stood there sword in hand and fought to cover our escape, and the terrible knowledge of the hopelessness of his situation edged into his features. I didn't want this to be the last image of him I remembered.

I blinked a few times, stuffing the object into my pocket, I didn't need to look at it to know what it was, and I had known it the whole time. I would give it to Tino once we found the others, along with a plea for forgiveness.

"There, that's better." Francis managed to smile as I got up, dusting myself of only to cause more dust flakes to pollute the air and forcing me to sneeze a few times. I tried to stifle them as much as possible, in fear of alerting the soldiers to our position. By now they must have broken through and informed the rest of the troops about our identity. I tried not to think about what that meant for Berwald.

"What about the secret passage?" I asked, my mouth was dry and I could taste dust on my lips as I spoke. "I'm not sure, but taking into account the underground route the entrance has to be here somewhere. It could be in the basement though. Then we'd have a problem. But," He made a gesture to take in the room and once again I noticed the many footprints of different sizes around us that seemed to gather in front of the wall across the door. "it seems like we are in the right place." The shouts from outside the room grew louder and I could hear doors slamming close by, they were closing in.

"This is it then." Francis said with a smile that was supposed to convey confidence but he couldn't quite hide the fear in his eyes. "The entrance has to be here, we just have to find it, if we fail we die." He said and the smile vanished, as he turned around to continue his search by tapping his foot against the floor in front of the wall, in search for a trap door. I stepped over and knocked lightly against the wooden panels that lined the wall, listening for any hint of a hollow room behind them.

There was not much time to be thorough and we couldn't be too loud at the same time, and the more time went without finding something the more panicked I became. My heart was beating fast and I was sweating, if we didn't find it now, everything would have been in vain.

I was so frantic and rushed that at first I didn't notice the hollow sound to my knocks, only when Francis suddenly was beside me and yanked me from the spot did I realize that finally I had found something. Francis pushed against the panels, tried to dig his fingers underneath and pulled, but nothing worked, the wall was as unyielding as ever.

"There has to be a lever somewhere." Francis groaned while he was searching the panel high and low for anything to hook his fingers too. I went back beside him to help searching, spreading my arms as much as possible to cover as much wall as possible, and then my thumb caught onto something, a small irregularity at the top where the wooden panel ended. It was small; nothing more than a tiny wooden hook sticking out of the wall but when I pulled it a part of the panel slid to the side and revealed a dark opening.

There was no time to loose, people were passing in front of the door to the room, and it was only a question of time until they would look inside so Francis got on his knees and crawled inside and I quickly followed, searching around until I found another lever, bigger this time and easier to spot to activate the mechanism of the door that left us in complete darkness.

Not a moment too early, through the wood that separated us from the other room we could hear the door slam open and hasty footsteps enter the room, and with sudden dread did I realize that the dust covered floor would give away the approximate position of the entrance, just as they had done for us, I could just hope that they would take a long time until they figured out the mechanism, but if our success was any indication, we didn't have much time left.

The space was dark and cramped and I continuously bumped into Francis before me as we tried to crawls through what appeared to be long corridor. It was too dark to see the hand before our eyes, and so we had to rely entirely on our sense of touch to find our way around. After a while we got on our feet, following the cold stone wall and hoping that there wouldn't be any forks or branches ahead, but according to Francis the corridor didn't have any side arms, and I could just hope that he remembered correctly.

It was unnerving to walk through the darkness, it was cold in there, colder than it had been outside and our clothes were still wet, not dripping anymore, but still wet enough to cling uncomfortably to our skin. I had to grit my teeth to keep them from chattering and my fingers had gone numb sometime earlier. I couldn't feel my feet either and I stumbled more than once while my foot got caught on a small rock or unevenness that I didn't feel. Francis didn't fare any better, as far as I could hear him.

We didn't make any attempt at talking; we were too concentrated on putting one foot before the other and not losing balance in the process. I scraped my fingers more than once on the rough stony wall, but I didn't feel pain and so I kept going, step after step, mind drifting while trying not to think about who we had left behind. I kept focusing on Mathias face, on how he was looking at me when he told me he loved me, the expression he carried when he slid into me and that stupid ridiculous grin on his that always seemed to split his face in half.

I didn't notice at first the tears that were flowing down my cheeks and dripping on the cold indifferent floor. We had gone through so much together only to be separated by a mean streak of fate, and I had given up hope temporarily that I ever would see him again, but now we had a true chance of getting out of the city, and maybe we already were past the city limits and then we just had to find them, they surely had gotten away too, they had to, because I couldn't stand to lose someone else.

And then I would see Mathias again, and Emil, Emil who I should have protected but failed so miserably, and Tino, oh god Tino who I had to face and tell that Berwald was not going to come, never and who would be heartbroken and there was nothing I could do.

And still I kept going, the dark surrounding us, with no way of knowing how long we had been going already, of how long there was to go until the exit and how close our pursuers were behind us, or even if there were any pursuers at all or if they had just decided that it was not worth the trouble.

The air was cold and stinging in my lungs but I couldn't shake the feeling that it grew harder to breathe every passing minute. How deep below the ground were we anyway? It had felt as if we had went downwards at first, but I wasn't sure if we were going up or down or straight or left or right, I only knew that we were going forward.

What if the corridor wasn't made for two people and at one point there wouldn't be enough air left for both of us? Would we just suffocate silently in the darkness without anyone ever knowing where we were? Was suffocating painful? My lungs were stinging and as deep as I breathed it never felt as if it were enough. I stumbled again, hitting my foot on something, but I felt only numbness. I tried to flex my fingers but I couldn't tell if they were moving at all, I didn't know where my fingers ended and where the wall began.

I didn't want to die here, not like that, forgotten in the dark, eaten by the rats that surely had to live here somewhere.

And then after an eternity, there was light. It was only a little at first, barely noticeable and only when Francis shape before me peeled out of the darkness did I realize that there was light ahead. The air was also warmer and fresher now, making breathing a lot easier.

We had made it to the exit.

...


	29. Struggling

**A/N: **I have a practical course starting next week, which will eat up most of my writing time. In addition I suffer from lack of motivation and ideas at the moment, so updates might be delayed a little longer. I'll try to keep it flowing but it won't be easy because I will be in the lab for the next 8 weeks or so, and I really can't say how much time I will find for writing. This story is nearing its end though (but I can't say how many chapter it will take to get there, I might digress a little on the way) so I'll try to keep the updates as tight as possible.

Thanks for sticking with me until now, I hope you will stay with me until the end. ;)

* * *

At some point during our slow crawl through the darkness I had given up hope on ever seeing the sun again, so when the first rays of light penetrated through the dark veil around us it felt like a heavy weight was lifted from my heart. I had lost my sense of time while we were down here, so I had no idea which time of day it was, but the sun must have risen some time earlier.

We had reached the end of the tunnel; the exit was blocked by a broken trap door, rays of stray sunlight shed through the many holes in the old wood. The handle was broken, but the door wasn't closed, the hinges were twisted as if someone had broken it open. There were traces of soot on the walls and I could see a discarded burnt out torch lying on the floor. We definitely hadn't been the first people who passed through here recently.

So the Lord had escaped the city, without helping his citizens. Maybe things were different now if he had stayed and done his duty. Maybe…

Dust danced before my eyes as Francis carefully pushed open the door, looking outside and checking if it was safe before he opened it completely, revealing the insides of a dilapidated ruin. It looked like it had been some kind of barn close to an abandoned field, part of the wall had collapsed and only one side had still a roof on. It had stopped raining, and thanks to its location under the remaining roof the space around the trapdoor was more or less dry, but the rest of the world was still dripping wet.

We could make out the city from here, it was only a grey line at the horizon but the smoke that loomed above it left no doubt that it was indeed the city. The river that crossed through the city glistened in the distance, the fields surrounding the barn reached the river bank, unlike the collapsed barn, the fields were in good shape, and the farmers tending to this land had only abandoned the building and not the soil.

It felt good to be in the open again, the sticky air in the tunnel had fueled my paranoia and now, with no imminent threat in view I felt almost safe. But the feeling was only short lived, now with the burning city behind us we had to face another problem. How to find the others again? There was a sick feeling in my stomach at the thought, we had no idea where they could have gone or even if they had it safely made past the guards that certainly had been posted around the city. And the bitterest part about this was that I couldn't stop thinking that if only Berwald were here he would think of something, using his skills to follow their trails or just knowing where they would go.

But Berwald wasn't here, and it was my fault, and I couldn't even make up for his loss, because I had no clue where to start from here. I was so tired, not only from the night spent without sleep, but also from everything else, from the constant odds that kept popping out of nowhere, from all the running the fighting and above all, the losing. No matter what obstacle we overcame, there would always be the next one waiting behind the corner.

It would be so nice to just lie down and sleep and never wake up again, to the sweet lullaby of oblivion that the steadily dropping water from the ceiling was singing. No nightmare could ever be as horrible as the reality. It was cold here, not as cold as in the tunnels, but still cold enough. Just close my eyes and everything would be over soon.

Francis must have noticed the direction my thoughts were going, because he took my hand and pulled me to the edge of the building, where the wall had collapsed and pointed towards the sky. At first I didn't notice it, but then I saw the magnificent arc that spanned from one end of the horizon to the other. A rainbow glistened in the distance; a beautiful streak of color painted the sky, blue melted into green, orange glowed into red and I could feel tears build in my eyes as the overwhelming peace of the scenery settled in my mind.

When the world, after such a disastrous night could still form something so amazing, than I, a puny human, could at least try and go on. I dried the tears in my eyes, something I had done quite often during the last hours. My hands and feet were still numb from the cold, but I could feel a tiny prick of pain in my fingers as I rubbed my eyes and I paused to look at them. I traced the long cut over the palm of my left hand and remembered the despair I had felt as I tried to slice through the rope that bound me, back then I hadn't given up, despite all the pain and the fear, so how could I ever face Berwald on the other side when I gave up now? Francis with his silent act of encouragement was right, there was always hope, as long as we were alive.

"Thank you." I said and even managed a smile, and the relief on Francis' face was more than worth it, he must have been really worried. How could I have been so selfish and let him down like that? He should be able to rely on me, as much as I relied on him. I bowed my head, "I'm sorry." "It's alright, I understand." Francis answered with his melodic voice that, despite its scratchiness, still carried confidence. The worst surely lied behind us, so we would definitely find the others.

"So then, what are we waiting for?" I asked, taking up the bag that I had set down earlier and nodding into the direction of the rainbow, since we had no clue where to start this direction was as good as any.

"We should eat something first." Francis suggested and even though I didn't feel like eating at all I complied, knowing that I would need the strength.

It certainly held some dangers to stay so close to the exit to the secret passage, but we figured that if they had followed us, we would have noticed by now. They probably would have carried torches with them, thus advancing at a much faster pace, if they hadn't caught up with us until now, they apparently didn't even try, or so we thought. But to be safe, we carried as much rubble and pieces of collapsed wall over as possible and put it on the trapdoor, even if that didn't stop them it would give us enough time to flee. Still it was a more than risky decision, but there was only so much stress and fear I could take and by then most of my ability to worry had dried out.

We sat down on a dry part of the wooden floor, where it hadn't rotten away already and where the still standing wall would protect us from the wind, and rummaged through our bags for something to eat. We had tried to distribute as much as possible, but not every bag had the same contents. Francis' was stuffed with clothes and little food, but thankfully mine carried enough for both of us, at least for now. Berwalds bag was lost to us, so whatever had been in there was unavailable for us.

The hope that the bags had protected its contents from the rain was shattered then, everything from clothes to food was soaked through. We hung the clothes over a broken piece of lumber that poked out of the wall to dry, but I doubted that the sun was strong enough to dry our clothes in the short amount of time we were staying there. Most of the food we had packed were dried vegetables and fruits and would hopefully not be affected by the water, but the bread and the wheat biscuits we had packed were ruined beyond hope. So our food wouldn't last for long and there was no Berwald to go hunting with his sling.

Thinking of Berwald was tightening the knot that had formed in my stomach and the feeling of nausea grew stronger every time. I had only known him for a short period of time, but he was one of the few friends I ever had in my life. And he had sacrificed his life for us. The thought alone of losing Mathias in a similar way made the piece of dried meat I was chewing on turn to ash and I almost choked on it. But I continued eating even though I had to fight to keep it down.

We ate mostly in silence, there was not really much to say and neither of us wanted to address what lied behind us. When we were finished we packed our things and stepped out of the ruined building. The sun was standing high above us, so it had to be sometime around noon. We had really spent a long time down there. There was barely a cloud in sight, but still the autumn sun wasn't strong enough to warm our wet and freezing bodies. Our spare clothes were still damp and so there was no point in changing.

The ground was still wet and our feet sank into the muddy grass and pulled loose again with a wet sound. It was truly uncomfortable and to make matters worse I started to cough around an hour after we had departed. It started harmless first, only a light cough but it soon increased to a painful whole body shaking fit of coughing that left me unable to walk for its duration. Every time I was seized by another fit I would check my hands with slight worry, but thankfully enough I never saw blood. It reminded me all too well of the sickness that killed my mother.

Francis didn't fare so well either, but he suffered more from excessive sneezing and a runny nose, which he continuously complained would make his face look ugly. I knew that he did it partly to cheer me up, because after every sneeze he would contort his face into the most ridiculous grimace only to complain how awful he looked with his nose all red. And of course it was silly and stupid and even though a smile tugged at the corners of my mouth every time he did it, I still couldn't forget the severity of our situation.

The rainbow had faded a while ago, and the sun crept undeviatingly over the sky, and still we had no idea where the other could be. As promising as it had seemed in the beginning to just follow the rainbow, it became now clearer and clearer that it might not have been such a good idea. I wasn't even sure if we had come out on the same site of the city than they had, the sun was too high in the sky to determine the cardinal direction at this point, and we would have to wait until it became clear where it would set. And even then we wouldn't know where to look for the others.

Maybe they had followed the rainbow too, or they had tried to get back into the city to find us or they might even have decided that we were most likely dead and continued their journey without us. But somehow I couldn't believe that. Mathias would never just leave me behind, without confirming if I were dead neither would Emil and from what I knew Arthur and Tino would do the same for Francis and Berwald. Only for one of them, there wouldn't be a happy end waiting…

The return to the surface and the break we had taken had given me a boost of energy that had temporarily driven the tiredness away, but I could feel the exhaustion crawl back to come and devour me once again. So despite the cold and my continued coughing I grew more and more tired, the strap of my bag cut into my shoulder, my legs became heavier and I stumbled more than once because I didn't pay attention where I was planting my feet.

"Just one more step." Francis was muttering behind me, he had done this for quite a while now and if I hadn't been so tired it would surely have unsettled me. This ordeal had taken its toll on both of us.

Except for the sounds that came from our footsteps, Francis' muttering and my chattering teeth it was almost eerily quiet, only when I was seized by another bout of violent coughing the silence was broken with the noise of my convulsing lungs. We walked over fields of matted grass, heavy from the water, over fields of barren earth where the autumn harvest had left nothing but some withered ears of grain and past fenced pastures, where the grass was trampled from the cattle that used to graze there but wherever we went there was no sign of life aside from us. No birds were singing, no rodents scurried out of our way, only the wind danced over the vast and empty fields, rustling in leaves that no longer clung to their trees and blowing up dust that wouldn't leave its earthy bed.

We had followed the river with a wide gap in between so it was too far away to hear the water, and so we trudged on in deafening silence as Francis finally ceased his monologue. If I had been more awake and alert I certainly would have worried about the absence of any animalistic life but my mind was clouded with tiredness and so I simply accepted the fact that it was quiet. Not even the aching in my lungs could shake the fogginess out of my mind.

And even though by all rights we should have encountered some trouble, for there were Orushian troops patrolling the lands around the city, sometimes hiding sometimes openly walking the paved ways and streets that connected the settlement to the world around, we didn't. Maybe after all those incidents of bad luck our fortune was finally deciding to be good to us.

My body was shivering in an attempt to keep warm, my clothes only dried slowly and it was mostly thanks to the fact that I was walking that I didn't lose all of my warmth. At some point Francis had slung his arm around me, and I gratefully returned the gesture because despite his wetness he was still warmer than the surrounding air and so I forced myself not to mind the invading of my personal space, because I knew that he needed the extra warmth as much as I did. And when the sun sank and the little heat that her rays had provided faded, I knew that we had to find some shelter and more importantly something to finally get dry.

I didn't want to think about what it would mean to have to sleep all wet on cold ground. And I couldn't ignore the faint pain deep in my chest that accompanied every intake of breath.

We finally settled for the space underneath a huge willow tree that overlooked the river, since it had lost most of its leaves, it didn't provide much in form of protection, but it still gave off a somewhat secure feeling. The ground was sandy earth, mostly dry to my relief and even though it was dangerous and reckless, we decided to build a fire, because if we didn't we would most likely freeze to death in our sleep, because with the sun the temperature had significantly dropped. I would much rather take the chance and be found than face what surely would be our death. Fortuna owed it to us after all.

So we gathered some twigs and branches, most of them were thankfully dry after being exposed to sunlight for the whole day and with much struggling and clinking random stones together until Francis' remembered that somewhere there had to be matches because he remembered packing them and sure enough there they were stuffed into a side pocket and wrapped into wax paper.

The sight made me remember something and while Francis was busy getting the fire started I dug into my coat pocket to retrieve the little thing that Berwald had given me. It was still wet in some parts but most of the hair was dry by then, I couldn't help but draw a finger over the pale blond straw of Tino's hair in the middle and remember the friendly smile he always seemed to carry. What would happen to his smile when I gave this back to him?

Something caught my eyes and I turned the charm around in my hands. A painful stab shot through my heart as I saw what it was and suddenly I felt sick again. A small speck of red was at the side, small and innocent red, easy to miss; blood. My finger brushed over the red dot and I felt my chest constricting. There it was the last reminder of Berwalds existence, a single drop of blood shed on a charm that should have brought luck and failed so miserably.

But no matter how sad I felt it was nothing compared to the pain that Tino would feel once I handed him the remains of his love.

It was not fair.

I carefully placed the pendant back in my pocket and with it I put away every bit of feeling I had left, leaving me with nothing more than emptiness, but it was better, _everything_ was better than t o feel.

Francis had set up the fire by then and I helped him hanging as much blankets and clothes into the branches of the willow to let them dry in the heat that was ascending from the fire. I took the small knife I had packed and cut some of the bark off, with some river water and a small dented tin pot I brewed something that could qualify as tea. We didn't have much else that could be sued for cooking; most of the heavier stuff had been in Berwalds and Mathias' bags so we gnawed on some dried cheese that had survived the bath in rainwater surprisingly well.

In favor of gaining some additional warmth we sat close to each other and as soon as it was comparably dry we pulled down the first blanket and wrapped it around us. It was painful when the feeling finally returned to my toes but I knew that the pain meant that they were coming back to life so I swallowed down the pain and just focused on watching the dancing flames. The coughing had subsided, for which I was thankful, the fits had become so violently that my whole body tensed and hurt after each fit was over.

It was far from comfortable, the fire hot against my face and the cold night freezing against my back, the ground was hard and I leaned kind of awkward against Francis but still I could feel myself slip into sleep, and even though a low voice was nagging that we had to wait until the fire had burnt down and then cover the ember with ash to prevent it from going out, I couldn't bring myself to move, and so I fell asleep, head on Francis' shoulder, arm slung loosely around them.

Until the snapping of a branch jolted me awake.

...


	30. Another side

**A/N:** So this is written from Mathias' POV so that you can see what the rest of the gang have been up to. A little warning ahead, I had quite some difficulties to grasp Mathias' personality in this so he might sound like Lukas sometimes. But I tried my best!

So today started my practical course and my schedule is pretty messed up right now so I can't really say when the next update will be, but I will try and keep the waiting time short. Have a nice day everyone 3

* * *

In some detached place in my mind I had been aware not only of the fact that Lukas was my life but also that I would never be able to handle losing him. And even though I knew somewhere that I couldn't handle life without him, I would have never thought that his absence would indeed cause this amount of pure heart cutting pain.

We had been in dangerous situations before but we had been together then, and ever since I failed to protect him that one time I had sworn to myself to never let that happen again. I had promised myself to never let go of his hand again.

And while the pain over his absence tore my heart apart the reality of my failure ate away my sanity. Because despite my silent oath, despite the hidden awareness of just how much I needed Lukas, I still had failed to protect him. He was gone, along with Berwald and Francis, and there was no way of knowing if they were alright, because they just as well might be dead, and I wouldn't know and that thought cut like a knife, twisting in my heart.

When the soldiers had appeared we had stayed there, hoping that maybe they would leave after they had finished their gruesome business, but then when one of them noticed the space that led to the door we had to go, no matter how much each and everyone one of us wanted to stay.

I could still see Lukas' face before me as he stared at me with wide eyes full of fear and despair as he had to watch me turn my back to him to leave him behind. Afterwards I thought that I should have stayed and fight, I should have tried to buy him the time to get away, even if that meant to face swords with my bare hands, because that was what I was supposed to do as his lover, wasn't it? And if I had died, that would have been alright too, as long as Lukas was safe.

I knew it was selfish to think like this, but I couldn't help it, the thought of losing Lukas forever in the flaming hell of what had once been a prosperous city was far too terrifying. Still there was the slight chance that they would made it, Lukas was not alone, he had Berwald with him, strong reliable Berwald and I was sure that Berwald would try everything in his power to get back to Tino and he would bring the others with him and then we all would be reunited and I would show Lukas just how much I missed and loved him…

I could feel tears well in my eyes, I knew that it was a futile hope but it was all I had and so I held onto it, because if I let go I would lose the last grip I had on my fleeting sanity.

The air stung in my lungs as we darted through the fields surrounding the city. I had to focus my attention on the underground in order not to trip over anything in the darkness, but still my mind was racing and pulled me back to the last image I got of Lukas and I knew that I would never be able to forget it. My eyes were blurry with rain and tears, but still I carried on, running after the dark shadow with the pale hair that was probably Arthur, Emil running next to me, a pained grimace etched onto his face as he clutched the puffin in his hand with the desperate need to hold on to something. On the other side was Tino, his face paler as the moon that was currently hidden behind the rain weeping clouds. All of us had left someone behind, and yet we were running, and we all knew just how hard it was to keep going.

Was it the right thing to do?

I could not tell.

At first it seemed as if we were alone out here, it was dark and the rain swallowed most of the scenery and the only sound that was audible beside the pattering rain was our labored breaths and the sound of our footsteps. We had left the terror and screaming of the city behind us, the fire was nothing more than an eerie orange glow on the horizon and the stars were obscured by dark clouds.

But the silence was misleading, for we were not the only ones disturbing the shallow peace of the night. It was only thanks to Arthurs warning shout that we got down in time before we could get spotted by the group of Orushian troops that passed close by. Their forms were distorted by the curtain of rain that was drumming on my back and they disappeared as fast as they had come into sight, their entire presence disappeared so thoroughly that I doubted for a moment that they really had been there.

Mud soaked through my clothes but I didn't dare to get up just yet, not until we could be sure that they were far enough away from us. Tino got up first, sitting up and watching the area tentatively and soon the rest of us followed. But none of us had the will or the strength to resume the previous running.

The forced break had put a damper on our stress induced flight response. The rain made it difficult to make out features but I could see that the others were as exhausted as I was, both mentally and physically. There was a group of trees nearby and I weakly gestured towards it, silently suggesting to seek shelter there. The trees had shed most of their leaves so the shelter was meager at best, but it was still better than being in the open.

I leaned against the trunk of a tree that had somehow grown into a crooked shape, Tino sat down on the floor, not caring if his already dirty clothes got any dirtier, Emil leaned next to me, absentmindedly stroking the bird in his hand that seemed more than unpleased about the whole situation and finally Arthur who didn't rest at all but strode back and forth in the small confinement in between the trees.

"So what now?" Tino finally broke the silence and we all looked at him as if asking the question also made him responsible for the answer. I could see the gleam of moisture in his eyes but Tino's lips were firmly pressed together as he struggled to keep his emotions in check. As if any of us had cared if he cried.

Deep down we all felt the same.

Suddenly I was overcome by a surge of anger and I rammed my fist into the tree that had served as my rest only moments before. The impact caused the rest of the few leaves that were still attached to the branches to fall down, showering us in bits of brown foliage. I cursed under my breath at the sharp pain in my knuckles and I still felt the anger bubble in my stomach. There had to be something I could do, but I couldn't think of anything that would actually help.

Emil looked at me in slight shock, he had took a step away from me as I assaulted the tree but then he suddenly slung his arms around me, pressing his face into my shoulder and sobbing quietly.

I had completely forgotten how young Emil still was and here I was selfishly acting out on my own despair while he had kept it together by now even though he was separated from his brother who had taken care of him as long as he could think. I closed my arms around Emil and patted his back, my anger evaporating and I realized that someone had to be strong and as I looked over to the others I knew that that someone had to be me. Arthur was strong no doubt and he had proved to be a reliable leader, but he was a stranger among us and I could see how out of place he felt. And Tino, poor Tino was fighting so hard not to lose it and I couldn't burden him with taking care of the rest.

"Come here." I said, voice hoarse as I beckoned both Arthur and Tino closer and after a moment of hesitation both complied, throwing themselves into my arms and letting go of the feelings that had gnawed at them until now.

It would be hard, no doubt, but it was the least I could do after failing Lukas so badly. And it gave my mind something to focus on instead of running in endless circles. It was a rather weird feeling to have my arms full of people, but on another level it felt comforting and while I looked down on the three different shades of blond I experienced a calmness I hadn't felt in a long time.

I could do it, I could hold this small group of desperate people together and guide them to safety; I owed at least that to Lukas. We stood there for a while, just silently hold each other, but after a while the emotional storm had subsided and one after another they retreated.

Tino's eyes were still red, but the rain on his face masked the tears he had shed, same was true for Emil, only Arthur retained a somewhat dignified aura, stiffly apologizing for his display of weakness.

"What are we going to do now?" Despite his obvious struggle to keep calm, Tino's voice was leveled and his eyes glinted with newfound determination as he looked at me questioningly, already expecting me to act on my role as the new leader.

"We have two options." I used my hand to indicate my words, thumb raised as I continued: "First, we stay here and wait for the others, we could try to go back and get them out but I highly doubt the success of such an operation." My index finger followed the thumb's example, "second, we follow our original plan and go to the capital, where we would eventually meet up with them at my father's place. We don't know if they will make it out and waiting here could be a futile effort for there is no way of knowing which route they will take so we might wait in vain."

All of us knew the implications of what it meant if they wouldn't be able to 'make it out', but I was unwilling to phrase it any other way, giving the nightmare a name only seemed to make it more real. "I know the chances are slim, but I just can't leave here without at least trying to find them, although I don't think it's a good idea to try and reenter the city." I could feel a bitter feeling rise in my gut as I speak my next words. "We have to face the fact that there is nothing that we can do if they are still in _there._" It was hard to admit it, but the chance for anything what we did to have any success was slim, but I just couldn't give up.

"You're right." Tino said, his eyes wide, but he spoke with firmness and he didn't flinch as I bore my eyes into his, probing the willpower behind his statement. "What if they need our help?" Tino continued, "we should at least stay here." I nodded; he was in the same boat as me, unable to leave his beloved one behind.

"I think we should go to the capital." Emil hugged his Puffin close to his body; the bird looked more ruffled than ever but quietly indulged his master's unrest. "It is what Lukas would do in this situation; he knew that it would be pointless to search in the blue while there is a known meeting point somewhere." He sighed and a pained expression crossed his face." I'm sure they're fine, Lukas is strong and they have Berwald with him, and I'm sure Francis can hold his ground too."

I nodded again, I could understand his point and I knew how hard it had been for him to voice it out loud because in a way he had just voted to _abandon_ his brother. But I could understand and he was entitled to his opinion as I was to mine. And maybe he was even right, because I could see Lukas doing this, the prudent, reasonable thing to do in such a situation, but I was not Lukas, I was rash and reckless and I would gladly jump into the face of danger if that meant to save Lukas.

Arthur thought long and hard before he spoke, and when he did his voice was thoughtful and serious. "I can see your point." He said, looking at both Tino and me, "but I have to agree with Emil on this." He let out a deep and heavy sigh, fixing his eyes on the bright point in the distance where the city was still alive with flames. Arthur hugged his arms around himself before he turned his attention back to us, "We don't know where they are, but we know where they are most likely headed to, if…" He swallowed thickly before he resumed speaking, leaving the sentence unfinished in favor of starting a new one. "We should wait there for them, like Tino said, they are strong they will make it."

No one spoke for a while, it wouldn't be easy to come to a decision now, with two different opinions on the plate, but we had to, we couldn't stay here forever. And there was no way that I would allow us to split up, not after we had already lost half of our group.

"I don't suppose anyone is ready to budge on his opinion?" I asked, but I didn't really expect anyone to speak up, I wasn't ready to change my mind so I didn't assume that anyone else would be. "Thought so." I said dryly as no one said anything, I ran my hand through my hair, causing a fountain of water to flow down my face and for a moment I didn't know if I should laugh or scream in anger.

What a complete and utter mess.

"How about this," Arthur suddenly suggested, "We search around the area a bit and when we don't find them or any trace of them, we go to the capital." It was compromise, a sour compromise no less, but then again when have compromises ever been sweet?

"I don't like it." Tino frowned, "but you're right Arthur, that is probably the best we can do." I could see that no one was happy with this arrangement, but since splitting up was not an option that was indeed the best we could do, at least that was what I wanted to believe. Emil agreed with a nod and so we began to pick up our bags once again, it was still night and thus dark, but neither of us wanted to waste any time with sleep. The more time we wasted, the higher the chance was that we would miss them.

"So where are we going to start searching?" Tino asked, while he was readjusting the strap of his bag.

Good question.

"It is unlikely that they will leave through the main gate, the gate that we left through is also out of the question, is there any other gate?" Emil furrowed his brow in concentration. "The secret passage!" Arthur slapped his hand against his forehead, "how could I forget that."

"There is a secret passage?" I asked, and I couldn't keep the hope out of my voice, if Arthur's words meant what I thought they meant, than we had indeed some hope left to find the others. "Yes, Francis and I found it a few years ago, I don't know exactly where it starts but we always suspected somewhere in the palace, but I definitely know where the exit is."

Right in that moment I could have hugged Arthur and spun him around and kissed his face because, oh god, he had just gave this plan a purpose, a goal and suddenly it was not only about doing _something_ but doing something that could actually save our friends. I hadn't realized until then how deeply engrained the expected failure had been in my mind.

But now there suddenly was hope, very real hope.

"If they have any chance on getting out of the city it will be through the passage, we just have to wait on them there." We looked at each other, each as breathless and excited as the others and as if it had waited on exact this moment, the sun began to rise on the eastern horizon, casting a warm and almost otherworldly glow, and there it was, a stretch of cloudless sky, promising an end to the rain and maybe even an end to this ordeal.

"Let's go then." Tino almost bounced on his feet in his eagerness to get going and Arthur didn't need more of an invitation to step forward and take the lead. The rest of us followed, hearts light for the first time since our dinner had been so brutally interrupted and my strides were wider and came more easily now that I was walking towards Lukas and not away from him.

I summoned Lukas' smiling face before me, that one rare face that he only showed me on very few occasions and that had almost blinded me with its stunning beauty. The image was so vivid and wonderful that it chased the cold out of my limbs and I didn't even mind the endless rain anymore because I had a sun shining in my heart that was brighter than the real sun could ever be.

It would be all worth it, when in the end I could hold my lover again, and I allowed myself not a second of doubt that indeed I would see him again.

And even though I knew that there was no guarantee that we would find the others, that there was still more than enough that could have gone wrong, I didn't waver, because I felt it deep down in my heart that my beloved one was alive somewhere.

...


	31. Gift

**A/N: **Back to Lukas again!

And sorry, this one got delayed a bit.

* * *

It was the worst case, someone seeing our fire and deciding to take a look. My eyes snapped open, but I didn't dare to move. After the snapping sound there was only silence left and I thought that maybe, maybe it had only been an animal that came to close to our camp and was now startled by our presence. But I knew well enough that it was an empty hope, the fire had burned down and someone, apparently Francis had covered the ember with ash, so it was still enough to frighten away any animal. Besides we hadn't seen or heard of any animal throughout the entire day so it was unlikely that something would come out now.

That left only one possibility, but why were they so silent?

I was lying in a rather uncomfortable position, I still leaned against Francis but I had slid down slightly and now my body lied on the ground while my upper half twisted against Francis's side. I tried to see out if he was awake, but he gave no indication and that left me to deal with the problem, because if it really was nothing, then there was no point in waking Francis, who had done more than enough already while I just fell asleep.

But what if it was not 'nothing'?

It was still dark and I had no means to tell what time of night it was, the only light came from the glowing ember and the pale sickle of the moon somewhere above me.

I knew I should move and check, but I couldn't muster the courage to do so, I could only lie there, facing the fire with no idea whatsoever was going on behind us. It was terrifying on a whole new level, I knew that there was _something_, I felt that if I were to just lie here and didn't move it would eventually go away, but even I knew that it wasn't that easy.

And then, before I could gather the courage to move, I heard a sound that couldn't be mistaken, the sound of a step, of a heavy foot planted on firm ground and my eyes widened in horror because now it was there, directly behind us and now there was no way that I could ever find the courage to face it and it would come and get us, and-

"Lukas?"

The voice was hoarse and a little shaky but it was unmistakably and the moment I realized who it belonged to I was up and had crossed half of the distance between us, startling Francis awake, before I stopped midway, frozen in shock and disbelief.

It was Berwald, Berwald stood before me, bruised and battered, his glasses broken and crooked on his nose, his uniform torn and caked in blood. He looked like a ghost in the pale glimmer the burning ember cast on him.

Was this a dream?

"Mon dieu!" Francis exclaimed and stepped forward, but he too stopped before he could reach the other and just stared in disbelief. "We thought you were dead." He said and took another step, brushing past me, and reaching out as if he wanted to touch him and assured that he was real and not a ghost. "Is that really you?" He whispered, still hesitant to cover the last millimeters in fear of breaking the illusion.

"It's me." Berwald said, his voice sounded terrible strained as if he was in pain and upon closer inspection I noticed that not only he had several bandages wrapped around various body parts but also that his right arm hung down limp and unmoving, and it swayed ever so slightly when he moved as if it had no longer the ability to move on its own.

"Berwald." I couldn't believe it, I had been so sure that he died, and yet here he was in one piece and very much alive and I wanted to say something, but the words died on my tongue and so I just stared, tears blurring my vision as I tried to wrap my head around the situation.

And then suddenly we were all in one big bone crushing hug, I couldn't remember getting there but I didn't care, all that mattered was the feeling of muscled solidity under my hands that didn't gave way, no matter how hard I pressed and I sobbed openly, staining Berwalds clothes with tears but I was not the only one, Francis was crying too and even Berwald, big stoic Berwald lost some tears that vanished somewhere down my back.

A painful groan eventually forced us apart, Berwald was hurt and the hug had put further strain on him. I couldn't miss the fact that Berwald was awfully cold to the touch and so we led him towards the fire, where it still was comparably warm and while I stuffed a blanket around Berwalds broad form, Francis rekindled the fire. A heavy silence befell us, no one knew what to say and how to start the inevitable conversation of how Berwald managed to escape and despite all of his injuries was able to find us.

We sat there around the fire, Berwald huddled close to draw heat back into his bodies while Francis and I flanked him trying to share as much of our warmth with him. I brewed another round of makeshift willow tee, figuring that Berwald could need it and to keep back the coughing that had started to shake me again, and since only bitter tea was an awful meal Francis shared some more of his cheese and then in the middle of the comfortable eating and drinking I finally posed the question that had burned on my tongue the entire time.

"How did you get away?"

Berwald set down the cup he had just wanted to drink from and looked at me. It was hard to make out his eyes behind the cracks on his glasses and the darkness didn't make it any easier, but I was I could make out the frown that was plastered on his forehead.

"He let me go." Now I was the one who had to set down his cup as I looked at Berwald, not sure if what I heard was right. "He… what?"

"Ludwig, he let me go." Berwald stated again took up his cup again to take a sip of the tea, wincing slightly at the bitter taste. I had to fight another fit of coughing then so Francis took over for me and asked: "Why would he do that?" Exactly, why would he do that, after Mathias had killed one of his men?

"Don't know." Berwald attempted to shrug but only his left shoulder moved at all, and I could see pain written clearly over his face, and suddenly the worry was back. "Berwald, what happened to your shoulder?" I reached out an arm tentatively, but I was not sure if it was okay for me to touch him. "Got stabbed there." Berwald said with a casualty that he couldn't possibly feel. My hand flew to the front of his uniform coat and I almost ripped of the buttons in my attempt to get his uniform open and treat the wound, but Berwald stopped me with his uninjured arm, gently plucking my fingers from his chest. "S'okay, they treated it."

"Why? I don't understand, Berwald what happened?" Francis had collected some bandages, but put them down now as it became clear that Berwald didn't need any treatment. "I think you should just tell us everything that happened from the moment we got separated." Francis said softly, "That would make things a bit easier." I could only nod in agreement.

"Thought I was going to die for s're, got some heavy blows and fell, but instead of finishing me of they just stopped attacking. Brought me to Ludwig who told them to patch me up and they did and then he told them to bring me to the city gate and leave me there, took my bag though."

"Did he tell you why?" I asked, not sure if I could believe what Berwald had just told me. He was here sure enough, but it didn't make any sense to me. "Said something about having a brother in the same situation, but that's all." Francis sighed, "I think the important part is that he let you go. But how did you find us? Wait, did anyone follow you?" Francis started to look around frantically but the world around our little fire was still dark and silent and gave nothing away of what might have been hiding there.

"Don't think they followed me, there would be no point." Berwald reassured, and Francis calmed down a bit. It was true; they could have just forced Berwald to lead them to us, besides they couldn't have been sure if Berwald would even find us. "So how did you find us?" I repeated Francis' question, now more curious than ever.

"Was simple, just figured you would follow the rainbow and so did I." So technically it all could be accounted to dumb look, if the rainbow hadn't been there he wouldn't have known where to go, and neither would have we.

So in the end it came down to stupid unreliable unpredictable luck.

Brilliant.

Maybe the luck would hold on long enough to lead us to the others. Ha, right, as if it would be that easy. But now we had at least Berwald with us that increased our chances significantly. Neither Francis nor I had anything close to Berwalds experience and knowledge, and that he had proven that countless times when he had led us through the woods after our escape from Mathias' home.

Still, there was something that worried me about Berwalds appearance. "Berwald, can you move your arm?" Something, an unreadable expression flickered over Berwalds face, but it was too fleeting to be really sure and then his deep accented voice broke his stoic features and everything that might or might not have been there was gone. "No." A word, as casually as if it didn't hold any meaning and yet I could feel all the implications looming behind that one single innocent word.

It was not so much the fact that he wouldn't be of much help with his dominant hand restricted like that, no it was something entirely else I feared. My father had always emphasized the importance of keeping one's body in shape, and for a job like his shoulders and arms were most essentially so he took great care to not overstrain them and most importantly don't damage the nerves or muscles. He had a colleague once who got his collar bone broken during a fight, but instead of going to a doctor he just let it heal on its own. Something went wrong though and the healing bone crushed a nerve or something while growing back together and he never could use his arm in the way he used to again.

And with being stabbed the risk was even higher that something got damaged and if I had learned one thing from my father, and the doctor that had treated my hands, that to prevent muscle and nerve damage to be permanent the affected area had to be moved as much as possible. Or at least that was what I thought, and hoped to be true, because there was not much else we could do.

"Show me." I ordered, although there was not really much I could do, but it still felt better than doing nothing. Reluctantly but nonetheless complying, Berwald used his left hand to pull down the sleeve of his jacket, slightly wincing at the pain the movement induced. As he had said, the wound was bandaged, but I could see blood seeping through the once white fabric. "Does it hurt like this?" I asked, keeping my hands from touching the wound or moving his arm. Berwald only shook his head, and I dared to take the arm in my hands and tried to move it around.

Berwald hissed but otherwise kept quiet so I took that as an invitation to move the arm further. It was clear from Berwalds gritted teeth that he was in pain, but I still tried to rotate his shoulder, I was stopped though, not by Berwald himself but by the immobility of the joint. "Try bending his elbow." Francis suggested as I gave up on the shoulder and I followed his suggestion, bending the arm while keeping the shoulder still.

The look of pain had vanished from Berwalds face and he watched with slight curiosity as I played doctor with his arm. "The nerves don't seem to be damaged… I think." I tried to elaborate on my observations, but to be honest I didn't really have a clue myself what I had just done. "You're probably right." Francis agreed as he pulled the bandages out of his bag that he had stuffed back in there after Berwald had claimed that he was fine earlier. "But I don't know if the stiffness in his shoulder is any indicator for further damage, muscles should heal I guess, and he feels pain so the nerves there can't be damaged either so maybe it's just swollen?" I nodded and started to unwrap Berwalds shoulder bandage, the bandages were soaked through with blood and dirt and it would probably be better to rewrap the wound.

Berwald snorted. "Do you actually know what y're talking about?" He raised an eyebrow at both Francis and me and even though the situation was bad and we were in the middle of nowhere with no idea where the others were and how to find them, I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation, Berwald and Francis soon joining in, the former in a deep baritone the latter in a softer tenor. It was simply too absurd. Like the moment when Francis and I had laughed over my try at an Orushian accent, the laughter relieved much of the tension.

Maybe that was the true secret. That no matter the shit you go through, in the end you are still able to laugh. No matter how stupid the reason.

We soon calmed down again, the wound lied open, a small red hole; looking innocent enough weren't it for the crimson liquid seeping out of it and tainting the surrounding skin. It had obviously been cleaned, there was only fresh blood around the wound and also the wound itself looked clean. Francis edged closer to wrap the fresh bandages around Berwalds shoulder, but I suddenly got an idea and stopped him. "Wait a minute, I'll get some willow bark and we can put it on the wound, it will help the healing and ease the pain."

Francis whistled through his teeth, "Smart one." and I got up to get the bark. I tried to clean it as best as possible by knocking the piece of tree against my leg to get all the dirt out, when I was satisfied I pressed the bark against the wound while Francis wrapped the bandages around. Berwald let all this happen with his usual stoic expression, but I imagined seeing a soft gleam of appreciation in his eyes as we fussed over him.

Satisfied with our work we sat back and grinned at Berwald who carefully touched the newly wrapped wound, before nodding in approval. "Feels good." "I think you should try to move around your arm as much as possible, that's at least what the doctor told me about my hands." Thinking of my hands I suddenly remembered something. I searched a while in my pocket before I found it and then handed it back to Berwald whose eyes lit up as his fingers closed around the charm with Tino's hair.

But they were dulled only a moment later. Because Berwald knew as well as we that we still had to find them and that there wasn't even a guarantee that they had made it in the first place. But they had to face fewer odds than we had and since we had made it I liked to belief that they had made it as well and so we only had to find them. After all we had been trough that task was almost mundane.

"Any clue where they went?" Berwald asked, as he leaned back against the stump of a tree that looked as it had been here since a long time. Francis pulled another dried blanket out of the willow tree and tossed it to Berwald before he snuggled back under the one we had previously shared. The fire had once again burned down, and this time it was I that shoveled the ash above the embers to preserve their burning. "Unfortunately not." Francis said and lifted the blanket to let me in.

We all snuggled together to share as much of our warmth as possible. A heavy silence emerged as we all pondered our next steps, we hadn't really much to go on their present location so all we could do was heading towards we knew they would eventually head to. "We should go to the capital." I finally voiced out loud what at least Berwald must have been thinking too.

"I don't know if or for how long they search for us but sooner or later they will go there, and at least there we know where to look for them." Berwald hummed in agreement, only Francis seemed a little bit confused. "Why is that?" I repositioned my hair clip as it had gone astray somewhere during the night, before I pulled the blanket up to my chin. "Mathias' father lives there, and since Berwald and Mathias are childhood friends of some sorts he knows where to find his father." Francis chuckle lightly, "of some sorts?" I only shrugged, "Yes, they apparently were fighting a lot or something, that is, until Tino came along." "Ah I see, so instead of breaking the friendship apart like so many other tempting little devils he actually helped them like the sweet little angel he is?" I could almost feel Francis' gleeful grin next to me, and even Berwald made a noise that could be interpreted as laughter.

Peaceful quiet settled in then and one after another we fell asleep, and in my dreams I was greeted by a smile that I had never thought I would miss so much and by strong arms that encircled me to never let go again and a warm gentle voice lulled me to sleep in my dreams.

...


	32. Feelings

By now I couldn't count the times anymore when I had woken up on cold and hard ground, neck stiff and back sore from the uncomfortable position. But even though I had grown kind of used to it, there was still something that was amiss this time.

Or rather someone was missing.

There was no Mathias who had his arms slung around me to give me the feeling of warmth and appreciation.

I pushed myself upwards, blinking a few times to get rid of the sleepiness in my eyes and checked on my surroundings. Berwald lied next to me still sleeping, only then, upon seeing his truly sleep-relaxed face did I realize just how exhausted he must have been up until now. He had kept up his glasses since he was lacking a safe place to store them, the crack on the glass slightly distorting his features. Francis was already up and cooking something deliciously smelling over the fire.

I climbed out from under the warm blanked and draped it back over Berwalds sleeping form. It was cold outside, the air felt almost crystal sharp against my unprotected skin and I shivered, but Berwald needed the blanket more than I did and so I simply pulled an extra jacket from one of the tree branches and huddled close to the fire. "Good morning, it is a wonderful day isn't it?" Francis greeted me with a smile and reached over to hand me a spoon, gesturing for me to taste his creation. I carefully lifted the spoon to my mouth, the soup was steaming and I didn't want to burn my tongue but after some blowing the temperature had cooled down enough.

"That's delicious, what is it?" I asked after I had licked the spoon clean, eager to get every last drop of liquid. "Nothing much really, I just put some herbs together a few vegetables and dried meat I had in my bag." After the fantastic meal he had cooked us just a day ago, it was truly no surprise that even something as profane as a herbal soup would taste great.

"I thought it might help Berwald a little, that wound looks nasty and I can't stop being impressed that he managed to get here all on his own. That man is really something else." I relaxed a bit as the warmth of the fire settled in and nodded in agreement. "I wouldn't have been able to do it, maybe if I knew that Arthur was in danger, but like this with no guarantee that someone was waiting at the end…?" A dry laugh escaped his lips as he resumed stirring his delicious soup. "What does this make me if not pathetic?"

"You're not pathetic." I said, playing with the spoon in my hand. Those thoughts were not unfamiliar to me, for I felt something similar before. "You made it this far, didn't you? You kept on going, you kept _me _going, even though you didn't know if we would even make it out alive and look now, here we are and we are fine because of you." Francis had stopped his stirring and was looking at me with intent, silently questioning if he could believe my words.

"You know what is pathetic? That even though I know that Mathias would have done it for me, hell he would go to the end of the earth for me, but still I would have given up in that situation, because no matter how often I claim to be strong and that I know what I'm doing, I'm not, I'm scared and don't have a clue what the fuck I'm doing. I always rely on other people, if they want to or not but still I act as if I were in control when in truth I'm not. I even cause Berwald to get hurt and it was stupid damn luck that he didn't get killed and it would have been all my fault.

But the worst is that I always act so high and mighty with Mathias, but secretly I was just so damn relieved when he promised to take care of me because it sucked to be on my own with everything. And now he's gone too and I haven't even told him how grateful I truly am and I don't even know if I ever see him again and worst of all I actually feel angry with him for leaving me alone, because being angry is so much easier than being sad."

I ran a hand through my hair, unsure what to do with myself now that I had thrown my feelings out in the open. I had never intended to lose my composure like that but once started I simply couldn't stop myself anymore.

Francis smiled at me sympathetically, but I suddenly found that it was too much to bear and averted my eyes. When I had first made the decision to work in the brothel I had thought it was the right thing to do and so I had done it, not because I was strong, but because I was weak and went the way with the least resistance_. _

_Because starving was so much harder than to give up my body._

"That's not true." It was Berwald who spoke up, he must have woken up earlier, considering that I didn't really minded my volume that was no wonder. I turned around to look at him; Berwald was leaning on his left elbow, right arm still hanging rather uselessly at his side and was looking at me with a stern face, his trademark frown back in place now that the peace of sleep had left him.

"Mathias knows how much he means to you, and he would scold you for being so hard on yourself." He smiled at me, a truly rare sight and it looked almost displaced on his usually so serious face. "And he's right, you're not pathetic. I know not many people who would have done what you did to save your brother from starvation; actually you're the only one." I had never heard Berwald say so much at once before, but still I wasn't sure if I could believe him.

"Berwald is right, no matter what you might believe I know that what you did was incredibly brave. And even now you are strong, and don't think that just a moment of wavering makes you weak. It is okay to rely on others from time to time, that is what makes us strong. You told me that I'm not pathetic so now let me tell you; you are not pathetic."

"You came up with that plan with the uniforms remember, you got us out of there." Berwald added, shushing my upcoming protest with his next words: "It doesn't matter that I got hurt, I'm here now and I'm fine and if it weren't for you we would never have come half as far." Berwald winced, apparently not being able to use his main arm was putting a strain on him and so he was forced to lay back down to rest his other good arm. Suddenly I felt bad about being so difficult, both of them tried so hard to cheer me up even though they had their own package to carry.

And I couldn't deny that it felt nice to be comforted.

"Thank you." I said, bowing my head and finally acknowledging their efforts.

The sun stood low over the eastern horizon, it was only an hour or so after sunrise, the sky was promising with almost no clouds covering its vast expense. It would have been a wonderful day but with all the problems we still had to face I had no eye for the beauty surrounding me.

After making sure that I meant what I said, Berwald gestured for me to help him up and I obliged, but not without a certain uneasiness that a man like Berwald who I had only known as strong and reliable could be so helpless one day.

While Francis prepared three bowls for us, I used the opportunity to check on Berwalds shoulder. I carefully wrapped the bandage off his shoulder, which was thankfully clean of any blood and peeled the bark from the wound. The wound was covered with a dark red crust of dried blood and the skin around the small hole was red and swollen but I couldn't see any discolorations and since I had not much to go by I assumed that was a good thing.

But maybe, just to be sure I should wash out the wound with hot water; my mother had always done this when father had come home from work with a deep cut or another bleeding injury and sometimes even when Emil brought home an especially deep scrape. She had always said that wounds cleaned with hot water most likely wouldn't get infected and as far as I could tell it had always worked.

I took the now empty pot in which Francis had cooked our meal and went to rinse it out in the river; my food had to wait until I had set up the water because it would take a while to boil. Berwald had to eat with his left hand and after he fiddled a while with the bowl and the spoon he finally settled on clamping the bowl between his thighs. I would have helped him but I felt as if that would hurt his pride, I wasn't even sure if I would have accepted help in his situation.

After we had eaten the soup I went to fetch the water that had started boiling in the meantime. Francis watched me skeptically as I ripped off a part of a shirt that had not yet been used and dipped it in the water. But then he realized the thought behind my actions and started to soak the previously used bandages in the hot water, hopefully cleaning the cloth from everything harmful.

Berwald seemed to have gotten used to our weird medical practices and closed his eyes as I started to clean the wound. He didn't show if it hurt but I still tried to be as careful as possible. When I was content with my work I made place for Francis to apply the freshly cleaned bandages. This time without the tree bark, I figured that all the cleaning would be in vain if we just put something on the wound that could be unclean.

Come to think of it, all of our medical treatments had been random and questionable at best, I had just gone along with what had felt right and so far I hadn't done any harm. But from now on I would stick to what I had already observed as being harmless.

Berwald put his coat back on after we were finished, it was torn and bloody but since he lost his bag and neither or Francis had something in his size, it was all he could wear. It crept me out a bit though, to constantly look at that uniform that I had seen so terrible deeds done in. I haven't had any nightmares the last night but I had been physically exhausted then, but sooner or later the events would catch up to me in my dreams and wasn't looking forward to it.

So far I had managed to keep the images away and out of my mind, but sometimes I couldn't shake the feeling that they were luring there at the furthest corner of my conscience together with the smell of burned flesh, ready to jump at me the moment I let down my guard. I wondered how the other two dealt with it.

As often lately, my thoughts returned to Mathias, I wondered where he was and if he was looking for us. I knew it was unlikely, their wisest choice would be to go to the capital and that was what I would have done, but still I felt this tiny spark of hope that maybe he was out there searching for me. Was it selfish to think like that? I sighed, no, I couldn't let those dark thoughts resurface again, not after Berwald and Francis had put so much effort into dispersing them earlier.

I helped Francis with cleaning the dishes, while Berwald busied himself with locating our position. I still found his knowledge of navigation and the sky impressive and I wasn't sure if I and Francis alone would have had a realistic chance of finding the capital.

It was too cold to sit around for long without doing anything so the soon as we were finished with cleaning up we packed everything up, and were ready to get going. Francis had made sure that the fireplace was hidden under a thick layer of earth and wouldn't give our stay there away and I had smoothed out every trace we had left on the ground. Berwald took the lead, but he was slower than usual, more limping than walking but claiming that his legs were fine and that only his shoulder was impairing his balance a bit.

It was a wide difference to the day before when we had shivered in our wet clothes, it was still cold but without the clamminess it was easier to endure. I had drunken another willow bark tea, made with some leftover water so hopefully my coughing wouldn't act up from the exertion but I still felt a numb pain in my chest and every breath was accompanied by a scratchy feeling in my throat so it was far from over. But as long as I was not coughing my lung out, I was glad.

We walked at a constant but slow pace, the pale sun casting a soft warm glow on our faces, making the cold a little more bearable and the absence of sticky mud clinging to our boots made walking almost easy. During yesterday's walk I hadn't felt my feet at all, the cold making them numb but now I could actually feel my blisters again but to my relief most of them had turned into calluses by then and I hardly felt any pain. My hands though had regained some of their stiffness and I had to constantly flex them to keep them agile.

I wasn't much paying attention to my surroundings, despite the clear autumn sky the scenery was kind of barren with all the trees having lost their trees, the grass a dull green color and not much else to see. We were passing by a small forest; the trees bare skeletons surrounded by thick thistle bushes and other unfriendly flora.

It was then that Berwald suddenly stopped, uninjured hand raised and looking around, searching for something that neither Francis nor I could see. "There was someone here before us." Berwald whispered, pointing towards something on the ground that looked like unimpressive dirt to me. But to Berwald it seemed to hold a bigger significance before he sank down to his knees and examined the suspicious spot of ground further.

He furrowed his brows in an expression that surpassed its previous ones in scariness by far. I felt my stomach flutter, what did set Berwald off like that? Were those the traces of soldiers who were searching for us? But why would they search for us here, there had been plenty of other opportunities to find us; we had put a freaking fire up in the open after all. All these tension-filled situations started to get to me; I was on the verge of freaking out, because I couldn't handle yet another confrontation with enemy soldiers and close to inevitable death.

Berwald rose to his feet again, pressing his index finger against his lips and motioning us to follow him as he carefully stepped forward, glancing through the trees into the forest, and since we didn't know what else to do, Francis and I followed his example as best as possible. Needless to say that I felt incredibly stupid, sneaking around like this without a clue what was actually going on, but at least it gave me something to do to distract me from my nervous stomach.

And then out of nowhere suddenly I could hear voices and for a moment my heart seemed to constrict and die a very painful death in my chest, because I thought that this was it, that we had been discovered and that no luck in the world could prevent our demise this time.

And then to my complete and utter shock I realized that I knew this voice, this loud obnoxious and more than annoying voice and even though I didn't dare to believe it, because it couldn't possibly be true, I found myself running, brushing past Francis and Berwald, both as startled as I had been only seconds before, and towards the voice that was so unmistakably, that there was no way that I could be wrong.

I almost stumbled over a fallen off branch but I caught myself, breath irregular and chest burning as I broke through the thick undergrowth, thorns ripping holes into my pants and skin, and onto a small clearing, only a few meters away from the tree line but obscured by thick brushes that had grown almost like a wall on this side.

"Oh my god." A voice sounded, so familiar that it forced tears to my eyes, making my vision blurry but I didn't need to see at this point anymore to know just who I had found. "Lukas is that you?" And then there were arms and bodies and people pressed against me, and I was crying in the midst of it, clinging on to a warm chest and a smell that I had missed more than I had realized.

"Mathias." I whispered, "Oh god Mathias, you're here, I have missed you so much, I love you." The words tumbled out in a rush, as if I were afraid of not getting them out before this wonderful illusion would disappear again. "Shh, it's okay, I'm here now." Soothing words, almost as bodily as the warm embrace I was in and slowly my rapidly beating heart was cooling down, allowing me to take in the scene around me.

...


	33. Reuniting

All of them were there, and as much as I feared that this was but a mere dream it just felt too real to be a trick of mind. The warm skin under my hands, the firm body pressed against me, the joyful voice speaking into my ear and the smiles on the other three faces that surrounded me.

Arthur was softly smiling, keeping a bit of a distance as if not to intrude too much into out reuniting, a little unrest present in his eyes, while he was searching the forest behind me for any sign of more people to come.

Tino was almost bouncing, his lavender eyes sparkling, yet dampened with a bit of apprehension as the brushes where I had come from stayed silent. Still the relief over my safe return never ceased to show on his face.

Emil openly grinned at me; his usually composed features completely dissolved into showings of emotions, clutching his puffin and biting his lips to prevent the building up tears from falling. "Brother…" he said voice almost not audible over the loud exclamations of affection from the big man in whose embrace I was almost crushed. My heart was soaring when I heard him call me brother, it was a warm and fuzzy feeling, akin to pride, and I smiled back at Emil, who still considered me a brother after I had screwed up so majorly.

And finally the man in my arms, Mathias whose eyes were as bright as the morning sky, who cradled my face in his hands and kissed every inch of skin as if to make sure that I was real. His voice bubbled in an endless stream of light-hearted chatter and I finally silenced him with a deep kiss pressed on his lips. Oh how I had missed him. It was a short and sloppy kiss, but we were both breathing faster when we broke it, looking in the eyes of the other with breathless wonder.

It could only have been a few seconds since I stumbled on the clearing and sure enough a loud rustling signalled the arrival of my two companions. A moment of breathless silence followed their appearing and then with a rather unmanly squeal, Tino flung himself in Berwalds chest, causing him to wince in pain at the impact, but that didn't prevent him from wrapping his good arm around Tino and lifting him up in the air.

The reunion of Arthur and Francis was calmer, but no less affectionate, after a moment of silent staring in each other's eyes they hugged in a tight embrace, Arthur burying hid face in Francis' shoulder while the latter blinked away the moisture in his eyes.

No everything would be well again.

It took a little while of hugs and kisses before everyone had got his share of reunion cuddles and only then did we finally take on the task of sorting out what happened.

Tino hadn't missed the obvious existence of Berwalds injury and so we settled down on the small camp that Mathias, Arthur, Tino and Emil had set up here prior to our arrival. Mathias pulled me on his lap, his hands all over me and I let him do as he pleased, gladly indulging in his need to touch me. It was nice and comforting to feel his warmth again and the safety that came with it.

Tino leaned against Berwalds knees, fiddling with his thumbs, clearly put in unrest from Berwalds roughed up appearance but after another reassuring grunt from Berwald, he finally settled down. I couldn't blame him, I didn't know if I could keep so calm if Mathias was injured like that. But for now we finally were together again and that was all that mattered.

Arthur sat beside Francis, who couldn't seem to get his hands off the other, and albeit grumbling Arthur accepted the attention with a not really believable frown. Despite the grumpiness that Arthur showed whenever he was showered in Francis' affection, I was sure that deep down he really enjoyed it.

Emil was sitting next to Mathias and me, and I couldn't help to feel a little sorry for him that there was no one for him to be close to. I nudged Mathias in the side and after a few confused looks he finally understood and pulled Emil into his arms so that he could cuddle with us. A light blush dusted my brother's cheeks but he gladly accepted the offered warmth.

I began to tell what happened after we got separated, Francis occasionally supplied extra detail and Berwald would agree with a low grunt. It was not easy to relive the events, especially the state of the city and its population caused a weak feeling in my stomach and when the part came, where Berwald stayed behind, Francis had to take over, because I couldn't recall the events immediately afterwards. It was especially hard to watch Tino's expression change when he learned of his lover's bravery that almost led to his death and I felt a stab of guilt as Tino clenched Berwalds hand in his, face pale and eyes wide as he listened to Francis' story.

After Francis had finished, Berwald took over and quickly explained how he managed to escape, eliciting the same reactions of surprise and disbelief from the others than from me and Francis when we first heard of it.

I then proceeded to tell what happened from our reunion with Berwald to this point in time; I couldn't thank fate enough for this chance encounter that by all means should have been impossible to happen.

But maybe fate had finally decided to smile down upon us.

"We're such an awesome couple that even destiny couldn't hold us apart." Mathias said with laughter present in his voice and I had to grin too, it was sure stupid but also almost a little comforting to think like this. After all we had been through, there had to be something special in our relationship. It was nice to know that we would always be able to stay together, no matter what life threw at us. I wondered if the others felt the same.

"So what happened to you after we parted ways?" Francis asked and poked Arthur's cheek. Arthur swatted the offending hand away and exchanged a glance with Mathias to sort out who should tell the story, before he started speaking. Mathias, for once, was content with stroking my back lazily and just listening.

"Well we couldn't stay for obvious reasons so we got out of there as fast as possible. It was not easy though." It was clear from the tones of his voice that Arthur wasn't referring to the task itself but to the necessity to leave us behind. Francis squeezed his hand reassuringly, the gesture mimicked by Berwald and me, we all knew that this was the right decision, no matter how hard it had been.

"We were almost caught by enemy troops but thanks to the bad weather conditions, they didn't see us and so we made it behind their lines." Arthur continued with steady voice. "We made a short break to decide what to do next and we came to the result to search for you guys." For a split second there was an almost guilty expression on his face, but it was gone as fast as it had appeared and I wasn't sure if it wasn't just a trick of my imagination. No one else seemed to notice though and so I focused on Arthur's story again.

"I thought that you might have used the secret passage that Francis and I had discovered a few years ago and so we agreed on going to the exit and wait there for you. But we got delayed, we had to hide from various troops that patrolled the area and when we finally reached the old barn, there were soldiers there too. At first we thought that they had discovered the passageway before you and they were now guarding the exit but then we overheard them talking about a pair that assumedly escaped through there, along with the Lord and his family.

We had no other choice then but to retreat, we couldn't risk getting discovered. We didn't know what to make of the information though, we were looking for three and not two people but according to those soldiers, only two had escaped and we highly doubted that you were with the Lord and his party. We thought that maybe you got separated and only two made it, but it could have been as well that no one of you escaped and the pair was just someone else." Arthur sighed heavily, pushing some stray strands of hair out of his eyes, it was apparent that it had been a stressful situation for them, both Tino and Emil were fidgeting and even Mathias had paused his strokes on my back.

"We had a little argument there," Tino flinched at Arthur's words, but didn't interrupt him, "Either we would continue the search for you, which would assume that at least part of you had made it or we would give up and go to the capital. There was still hope that you could have made it otherwise, but we were rather... discordant at the matter."

My lungs chose this point to erupt into another bout of violent coughs, shaking my whole body and leaving me wheezing in Mathias' arms. "Are you okay babe?" Mathias asked with worry evident in his voice, holding me at arm's length to take a scrutinizing look at me. I smiled weakly; my chest was hurting from the forceful constricting, I knew that he wouldn't believe me, but I still insisted on being fine.

Francis and Berwald exchanged glances, both had experienced my fits of coughing and knew very well that I couldn't be fine, but neither of them said anything, and so I coaxed Mathias and the others into believing that everything was okay. Honestly, I didn't feel that bad, apart from the occasional coughing and the ensuing pain in my chest, I felt fine. And since the willow bark tea had helped to ease the symptoms a little, I didn't think that there was anything to worry about.

So after I had assured him of my wellbeing, Arthur resumed his story: "We then decided to make our way to the capital, because there was not really much else we could have done at this point. We were on our way there, when you found us; we actually wanted to take a short break here, thinking that no one would find us behind all those brushes."

His words were met with good natured laughter, everyone was aware of just how easily we could have missed each other, if it weren't for Berwalds superior skills. But we were all the more thankful.

I was lying in Mathias' lap again; my left hand was in Emil's firm grasp beside me, while the other rested idly on my belly. Mathias was playing with my hair, his warm fingers creating a wonderful blissful feeling, while he involuntarily massaged my head. I would never let this amazing man out of my sight again. I reached out my hand to place it on Mathias' cheek, smiling up at him.

Mathias put his hand over mine and returned the smile, his face split with a huge grin, my heart speeding up the slightest bit from seeing that grin again after the separation that had felt far longer than it really was.

Emil squeezed my hand, the scarred wounds no longer hurting and I gently returned the gesture, relieved that not only my lover but also my brother was safe. I could just have lied there forever, Mathias' lap as my pillow and my friends all around me, even the cold and hard floor underneath me couldn't dampen my happiness.

A quiet conversation between Arthur and Francis caught my attention, Francis seemed worried about something and Arthur was bit disgruntled. Francis then with a sigh spoke up, Arthur's eyes fixed on the ground and I could see that whatever it was, it was hard on them.

"Mathias, I know this is probably not the right moment to address this, but I was wondering if you could help us out a little." Francis bit his lip as he was struggling with the words. "We don't have much money with us, and we would a place to stay in the capital so I'd like to ask you if you could lend us some until we stand on our feet again. Of course we'll repay you..."

"Don't be ridiculous." Mathias exclaimed, sitting up and pushing me put of his lap in the process. "You're staying with us of course and no you don't have to pay for it." I rubbed my elbow that had made a painful meeting with the ground, receiving an apologetic pat on the shoulder from Mathias as he continued: "After all we have been through together, we won't just leave you behind like that." Arthur looked as if he wanted to say something but he was cut off by Mathias, "You took us in without even knowing us, remember? And you never asked for compensation. And then both of you helped us to get out of there and I think that entitles us to call you friends, don't you think so?"

I sat up and nodded, I knew that all of us agreed with Mathias in that matter, even Berwald grunted in approval. "But we don't want to impose on you." Francis worried, but there was already relief evident in his eyes. Mathias chuckled and leaned back again, pulling me with him, while Emil reclaimed the hand he had been playing with. "Don't worry, our house is big enough and half of it isn't even used most of the time so you would even do us a favour by living up the house a bit.

"Alright." Francis said and smiled, "thank you." "Don't mention it." Tino assured, "Like Mathias said, we are friends and friends look out for each other. Besides, your cooking just tastes wonderfully Francis, so I expect you to cook for us from time to time." "With pleasure."

With that settled it was time to take care of more urgent matters. "We should make some plans I think and probably check our provisions; I fear that we might run out of food at some point." I gently pulled my hand out of Emil's grasp and stood up to fetch the bags. Since Berwald had lost his bag and Francis and I had almost no food in ours left, we would have to rely entirely on what the others had brought. Maybe we could catch an animal, but without Berwalds sling and more importantly with his hurt shoulder, it would be difficult. The weather was cold, there would be not much edible plants out there that we could rely on, and I'd rather not enter another settlement before we reached the capital.

"I think we have enough blankets." Tino pointed out as he helped me go through the bags. "But I think we need some more bandages for Berwald, and some of his wounds look like they need another cleaning." I had to agree, aside from the shoulder wound there were other various cuts and bruises on Berwald, and while most of them looked just fine after they had received proper care from Berwalds men, some still looked nasty. "We have some willow bark left." Francis suggested, but then he furrowed his brow. "Although I don't think that'll work on his bruises, but at least we can make some tea for Lukas' cough." He threw me a pointed look as if to say that he wouldn't let my illness go untreated.

I finished my search for food and packed the items back in the bags. It didn't look too good but it could have been a lot worse. "This will last us for a few days, if we ration it. How long until we reach the capital from here?" I asked, trying to do the math right in my head.

"That depends." Berwald said, brows furrowed in concentration. "Between a week and a f'rtnight." I sighed, I didn't expect the journey to be so long. "Depending on what?" Maybe, if we made really small rations we would last for a week, but never a fortnight. Berwalds deep grunting voice startled me out if my voice, "The weather for once, our route is another thing, if we use the main road or stuck to smaller more hidden paths, there still could be soldiers out there searching the area that would delay us further." "Don't forget your condition." Tino added with a stern voice, he was clearly worried for Berwalds wellbeing. "Don't say it's nothing." Tino chided as Berwald attempted to say something. "You can't fool me, and neither can you." His last words were directed at me and he cast me a glare that promised me never ending pain if I should continue to lie about my condition.

I chose to ignore it and instead resumed my food count. Tino huffed in slight annoyance but let it slide. "We need food." I announced, having come to the conclusion that it was highly unlikely to reach our destination in a week and thus it was not wise to stretch the food for that amount of time, because it would leave us too weak and still without food in the end. The question was where to get food?

"We could hunt some game." Mathias suggested and I quirked an eyebrow at him. "How would you do that?" Mathias grinned, "I was trained in the noble sport of hunting too, don't forget that." "Have you any weapons?" Arthur asked from the other side of the clearing, where he was checking on some low growing trees as it seemed. Mathias face fell instantly. Before all this happened I would have made a snarky remark at Mathias' expense but not anymore. He was making an effort and I knew that he would do anything possible to get us safe into the capital. Who cared if he failed a little on the way?

"We could make some sort of throwing spear out if these branches." Arthur proposed as he was struggling with one of the long branches, trying to rip it off from the tree. "Can you work with those?" He asked, after he had given up on getting the branch down with pure violence. Francis fetched him a knife and Arthur proceeded to cut down the piece of wood. "I think so." Mathias answered, "I got trained at most weapons but often enough that would only include some basic lectures, but I should be able to handle it."

"Good." With a loud snap the last bit of fibre that connected the branch with its tree tore and Arthur stumbled a few steps backward before he steadied his footing again.

"Anyone into woodcarving?"

...


	34. Brothers

"I doubt this will work." I voiced what everyone was probably thinking. In his hands Mathias held a scrawny stick, bark peeled off, pale wood carved into a straight form with a pointy end. Mathias slashed it a few times through the air, a buzzing sound accompanied each slash, but still the former branch looked too fragile to ever hope to be a useful weapon.

"I don't know, it looks as if it would break the moment it hit something harder than air." Francis mused, causing Tino to pout slightly at the insult to his handiwork. He truly had tried his best, carving off bits of wood following Berwalds instructions but he had struggled with the task.

I doubted I could have made it any better.

Mathias shrugged, "I guess we'll have to try."

"What if it doesn't work?" Emil asked. His question was met with an uneasy silence. We had jumped so eagerly on the idea that no one had really taken the time to think about a backup plan, but seeing how inferior the outcome was, we had to accept that the plan wasn't as great as it had seemed at first.

"Can't we build a sling or something?" Mathias grumbled, after no one had come up with an alternative. "And who would wield it?" Tino demanded to know, still a little annoyed over the critic of his work. "I could." Mathias said, although his expression gave away how much doubt he himself had over his ability to use a sling, "probably."

"It's not that easy Mathias." Berwald interrupted before Tino could press any further. We all were a little tense at the moment, the constant threats and danger and now the uncertainty of the current situation, the failed attempt at solving the problem and the tired state of most of us was taking its toll.

Only now was not the right moment to lose one's cool.

Thankfully I was not the only one aware of that and so after a bit of angry glaring and low grumbling, everyone had cooled down enough to resume a reasonable conversation. We had been through too much to dissolve into accusations and arguments now.

"We need a plan." I thought out loud, forehead creased in concentration as I sorted through our options. "We can still try and use that throwing spear, but we have to be prepared for its failure. There are not many options for hunting; we simply don't have the equipment, the ability or are otherwise impaired." I inclined my head towards Berwald, indicating that I acknowledged his hunting prowess and was rewarded with a nod in return.

"I'm afraid that leaves us with not much of a choice, we will have to enter a city or town at some point to restock. And it definitely won't hurt to get a doctor to look at Berwalds shoulder." And all his other wounds that mostly got ignored due to the severity of his shoulder wound. It would be a shame if he got an infection in one of the smaller ones without anyone noticing because all were focused on the more obvious injury.

"I know it's late in autumn, but there must be some forgotten crops somewhere or fields that couldn't be harvested. And there have to be some plants that still carry fruit." Arthur wondered, condemning the idea of being trapped inside another city as much as I did.

"That's a possibility, but highly unlikely. The attack started after the harvest season, so I doubt that there is much to gain there. But there might still be some fruits on the trees, but if I had to guess I would say that they are either rotten by now or have been eaten." Emil was absentmindedly stroking his puffin, his fingers submerged in the fluffy feathers of the bird, which seemed to like the affectionate gesture. Suddenly I had the absurd idea that we could just roast the puffin over the fire if the need should arise. How was Emil even feeding the bird, there should be no fish anywhere to be found.

But Emil surely would never forgive me if I suggested eating his precious bird, and somehow by looking at Mr. Puffin I couldn't bring myself to look at it as food, it just seemed too barbaric, he was a pet not an emergency ration.

"We still have some food left, don't we?" Arthur was rubbing his forehead as if to fuel his mind with new energy. "We should be able to cover some distance with what we have, and then we could make a quick stop at a settlement, just long enough to buy food and see a doctor and then be on our way again. If any game should pass our path on the way, we'll try and hunt. That way, we don't have to worry about food and still stay out where it's safe, albeit I have to say that I wouldn't rely too much on that so called safety."

I thought over Arthur's words in my head, they sounded promising enough so I wouldn't mind going along with them. Anything was better than to stay here, arguing forever and having to deal with an empty stomach in the end.

"See." Mathias grinned, his mouth almost reaching his ears, "you don't have to worry at all, you are far too precious than to leave you two to fend for yourselves." Arthur shrugged with a slight blush on his face. "Anyone could have come up with that idea." He defended himself, but he seemed pleased nonetheless. Francis smiled and hugged his lover, causing Arthur to blush even more until he tried to shove Francis off of him.

Mathias added to the turmoil by slapping Arthur on the shoulder, complementing him further on his continuously good ideas. Arthur had by now managed to get rid of a clingy Francis and now huffed indignantly but the effect was destroyed by the still obvious blush on his face.

I shook off the thought of how we actually ever got something done with this more than chaotic group of people.

But maybe that was what kept us going. We all were individuals with unique traits and abilities, each of us contributed in their own way, allowing an otherwise dysfunctional group of people to work like a well-oiled machine. Who cared about a little chaos, when we were functioning so well?

No I couldn't imagine being here right now, if any of those people had been missing.

We wouldn't be here without Berwald, strong and stout Berwald whose knowledge of nature had guided us more than once out of harm's way into safety, without Tino whose soft gentle nature shone like a light through the darkness, without Emil whose clever ideas had saved us from peril's harm, without Mathias who stood firm in the face of danger unwavering, ready to defend us with his life, without Arthur who kept a level head and sparked our clouded minds with his brilliant wits and without Francis who I owed my life to more than anyone.

And even I had done my part, as little as it seemed in my eyes I had helped to ensure this outcome. And so maybe, as ragged and clueless as we were, we could make it like this.

After everyone had calmed down again we got everything ready for departure, packing up bags after redistributing their contents equally among us, a last check up on Berwalds condition, another experimental slash with the makeshift throwing spear, and we were all set to go.

Mathias had insisted on carrying my bag again, and even though I much rather preferred it to carry my own things I couldn't find the heart to say no to Mathias' huge grinning face. And before we left the clearing I was coddled once more to his chest, as if to make sure that I was real, that I would not disappear again. But I was glad for the opportunity to press my face against Mathias' chest, breathing in his faintly musky scent, and feeling his strong arms wrapped around me. And in the safety of Mathias' arms I could forget for a few fleeting moments the terrible memories that haunted me whenever I closed my eyes.

We had cheated death, yes, but it had been close and I couldn't forget the images of those who hadn't been as lucky. Burned corpses littering the floor, endless rain that rinsed away the blood from lifeless bodies and overall the smell of charred flesh, mixing into the atmosphere of dread and fear that boiled in the air. As little as I had registered back then in the midst of that hell, the more surfaced now, memories collected by my sub consciousness to come and torture me.

Mathias of course noticed that something was not quite right as I wouldn't let go of him, but I couldn't tell him of my demons and so I forced a reassuring smile on my lips. I would tell him when we were safe in his father's house, but not now when we were still in harm's reach and when we had to rely on each other, now was not the right time.

So I let go, albeit reluctantly, of Mathias embrace and straightened my posture, but not without holding true to my promise by tagging on Mathias' sleeve to whisper a timid 'I love you' into his ear. He had earned this much after all.

Mathias was surprised but then his grin returned, even wider as before, as he lifted me up into the air to spin me around in his arms, reminding me that I really had to tell him this more often. He kissed me on the forehead, eyes sparkling with joy as set me down again only to kiss me again and repeating his oaths of eternal love against my ear, again and again until I gently pushed him off of me, for we could not linger there any longer.

We started going then, one after another breaking through the thick undergrowth, leaving a trail of destruction amidst the already rustled greenery. Once outside in the open again, Berwald took the lead, arm in a thick bandage that secured its position so that no accidental movement would disturb the healing process. Tino at his side, observing every motion Berwald made, ready to jump and help whenever the need should arise, but he was soon calmed down by Berwald who couldn't quite concentrate with the jittery male beside him.

Emil and I walked behind Berwald, Mathias refused to ever let me take the rear again and so he had handed me to my brother's care who didn't give away what he thought of the task, and took the rear up himself, watching our surroundings with eagle eyes. Francis and Arthur walked behind my brother and I, immersed in a quite conversation among themselves. I enjoyed the company of my brother; it felt like it had been years since the last time we had really spent time together and although we walked mostly in silence it was as if we were talking and catching up on all the things that had happened.

Neither Emil nor I had ever been men of many words so we didn't need to say it to let the other know what we were thinking. Or at least it was like this most of the time, but recently I had found that it was harder and harder to understand what was going on in his head. But that was probably more my fault than his, I had spent more time with Mathias than with my brother after all.

And I couldn't help but feel a little guilty for throwing myself into a relationship with Mathias while Emil was all on his own. He had never expressed the wish to have a significant other but neither had I and I still ended up with one and I didn't regret it at all. Emil deserved something similar, he was such a good kid and despite being the youngest in our group he had more than proved his worth.

As if he had sensed my thoughts Emil suddenly looked at me, a frown creasing his forehead. "What is it Lukas?" he asked, I wasn't aware of how much of my emotions had shown on my face. Or maybe Emil was just used to see through my usual bland expression. "Nothing, just…" I paused, wondering if it was a good idea to tell Emil of my thoughts, but he was my brother, if I could trust in anyone than it was him.

"Don't you feel lonely sometimes?" My words clearly confused him, his brows wandered even higher up his forehead. "I'm not lonely, I have you." He stated, not quite understanding what I was getting at. "No, I mean yes you have me, but that was not what I meant." I sighed with a little bit of frustration; this supposed to be brotherly talk was harder than expected. "What did you mean then?" Emil asked, lifting Mr. Puffin up to sit on his shoulder before he shook his arms to get the strain from carrying the bird for so long out of them.

"I mean I have Mathias, Tino has Berwald and Arthur has Francis, only you have no one." "I have Mr. Puffin." Emil's voice didn't give a hint if he was joking or serious. "That's not the same." I tried again, growing more and more frustrated at my failure of being a proper older brother. It had been easier when we were still living alone with our and there were no other people to be concerned with.

"Don't you wish sometimes you had someone too? Someone there only for you, who is human and not a bird?" I added the last part for good measurement, not ready for yet another weird statement about bird-relationships. Emil seemed to think for a moment, the sound of our steps muffled by the thick layer of brown foliage on the ground. I let my eyes stray while he was thinking; we were walking along yet another forest's edge on a narrow path that had been trampled by countless feet before us. The sky was still clear and blue and the sun could almost be considered warm and cast a soft glow on everything. The air was fresh in my lungs, smelling of leaves and faintly of snow. I remembered my false prediction when we were still back in the city, I had thought it would snow soon but instead it had started to rain. Right now I could use neither.

"I have never thought of it." Emil spoke up beside me, one hand absentmindedly ruffling the puffin's feathers, causing the bird to whistle in protest. "But I don't feel lonely, I have you and the others and that is enough for me." I smiled at him, I was not completely reassured, but I trusted him enough to not doubt his words. When he said that he was fine, then he was.

"You know, I didn't think I need someone either, but then Mathias came along and now I am happy." It was weird to say it out loud, but it was true. I had never considered myself happy, sure there had been good times and I supposed I was what one called happy at those moments, but I never actually realized that I was happy. But now I was sure that what I felt was happiness, a bit dampened though because of the circumstances but not at all unhappy. "I'm sure that will happen to you one day too." That would be nice I supposed, Emil finding someone by chance and then realizing just as I had, how wonderful it was to have someone with whom one could share his life. But until then, there was no point in worrying about it; such things should never be rushed. "I guess you're right." Emil admitted, casting me a glance of silent appreciation.

But before I could answer, we were interrupted by a loud voice from behind. "What're you guys talking about? How awesome I am?" Mathias clapped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed himself between me and my brother, not caring at all that we might have been in a private conversation. "Come on babe, you could have told Emil how awesome I am." Mathias continued as neither of us bothered to react to his question. "I am thiiiiiis awesome." Mathias stretched his arms as wide as possible to indicate his awesomeness, which made me wonder just how I could have felt content of our relationship just moments before.

"The size of your penis is irrelevant, you know that much, don't you?" I shouldn't be so mean, I knew, but something about Mathias just made it irresistible to tease him. He was a too easy victim and never held a grudge. Emil's face grew a tad bit red at my words, maybe he hadn't realized at what Mathias had hinted with the size of his awesomeness. I somehow expected Mathias to drop some cheesy remark on how I didn't act as if his size were irrelevant at certain moments, but thankfully he didn't instead he pinched Emil in the cheek. "Aww, how cute. You're almost as adorable as Lukas when you blush, maybe you can join us- oww"

So much for that.

Before Mathias could have uttered an invitation for something I definitely didn't want to partake in, I stopped him with a none too gentle slap on the back of his head. Emil threw me a questioning glance before he decided that this was not worth his time and fell back a little to talk with Arthur and Francis, who gladly accepted his presence.

"Sorry babe, I got carried away there, but it has been so long since the last time I had you." Mathias looked almost a bit sheepishly, and I hooked my arm with his to show him that I wasn't truly mad. I could understand him after all, I wanted nothing more than to be touched by him too and especially after I had found him again when I thought I would never see him again, and the need for him had increased. I just wished I could pull him away into the shadow of the trees and have my way with him.

Mathias slung an arm around my shoulder and pecked a kiss on my cheek, whispering into my ear: "Soon babe, when we are alone I will fuck you raw, mark my words."

...


	35. Lovers

**A/N: **Okay so today I learned that from starting tomorrow my stressful two weeks will even be more stressful than I had thought. I have an extra practical course that will take up the whole day and requires a shitload of extra work, part of which I definitely will have to do over Christmas. I'm not sure if i get to write at all but I try to keep updates as steady as possible. If there's a break for longer than usual, don''t worry, then my work has just gotten over my head and I'm drowning in crappy protocols over weird bacteria sex or something.

But it will be over in two weeks. (I hope) Have fun with this chapter, enjoy it as long as you can because I don't know when the next will be up. I love all of you my dear readers, you keep me going despite all the stress that writing sometimes causes me 3

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A rush of warmth to my cheeks followed Mathias' words and I looked down to hide my blush. It truly had been too long since the last time we had intimate contact, that only some dirty words were enough to arouse me like this. Or maybe I had just gotten so used to Mathias holding true to his words that I knew far too well what to expect from his huskily whispered promises. But this was neither the right place nor time for that.

I sighed and smacked Mathias lightly on the head, it was more a teasing gesture than an expression of anger or annoyance and Mathias only grinned, pleased with the flustered reaction he had elicited. He knew as well as I did that we had other priorities at the moment than to satisfy our needs. But that didn't stop him from teasing me from time to time, to remind me what exactly was waiting for me once we got home. For now our priority was to get there though, and also a long needed conversation between Mathias and I was in need too, something we had edged around for the longest time now.

"Mathias…" I started unsure how to express what was floating through my mind. It shouldn't be that hard, I just had a talk with my brother about a similar topic so by all means this should be easy. "What is it babe?" Mathias grinned at me; I could never fathom how he could always be so carefree and easygoing. He never seemed affected by all the drama that was going on around him.

Oh how I envied him sometimes.

"You love me right?" I asked without really thinking. The moment it was out I wished I could take back that silly question, but I couldn't undo what was done. I shouldn't feel the need to ask that question. Mathias looked at me in surprise, than he put his grin back on and put his arm around my shoulder. "Of course I do, more than anything else in this world. You should know that by now, don't you?" His grin dropped little as Mathias' voice grew more and more serious. This was not something that should need constant reassurance, and I could tell that he was worried.

I smiled weakly. "I know that, it's just that…" I trailed off, once again at a loss of words. "It's okay, you can tell me." Mathias' hand caressed my shoulder soothingly; his warmth was comforting in a way, and I took a deep breath to calm myself, there was no need to be nervous.

"When we were separated I realized something." I began, carefully choosing my words as not to cause a misunderstanding. "I was afraid that I would never see you again and all I could think about was that I never have properly told you just how much you mean to me." I could hear Mathias suck in his breath in surprise, he hadn't expected those words, and I dared to look up at him only to see him smile at me with such warmth and love at me that it made my heart flow over with emotions.

Of course he loved me; it was indeed a foolish question of me to ask. But the answer had been worth it.

"You don't have to tell me that, I know that you love me." Mathias said as he reached out his hand to gently caress my cheek. His fingers were cold against my bare skin but still the contact made my heart flutter. At this point everything was cold; the chill of oncoming winter had taken over. "But I feel like I should tell you this." I insisted, "You do it all the time, and all you ever get in return is a snarky reply." I suddenly felt the need to hug Mathias as close as possible, but since we were still walking that would prove to be a bit difficult, so instead I pressed my head against Mathias' shoulder and took his hands in mine to share what little warmth was left to both of us. I wanted nothing more than to cuddle with Mathias under a thick pile of blankets before a merrily burning hearth fire and drink scalding hot mead to dispel the last remain of cold.

But this had to do for now, so I took up our hands to blow on them, before I rubbed our fingers together in an attempt to bring back the life into them. My throat was still sore and my chest a bit tight, but I ignored it, and since I hadn't had to cough for a while I figured that I was okay. I just wished it wouldn't be so cold.

Mathias chuckled lightly and ruffled my hair in an affectionate gesture, but he gladly returned his hand to my care after that, not even Mathias and his hot headedness were immune to the bite of winter's air. We should try to get our hands on some pair of gloves as soon as possible; it would only get colder and I didn't fancy the thought of losing my fingers to frostbite. "Don't worry; I know what you feel underneath your snarky behavior and truth be told I like that about you. It wouldn't be you if you wouldn't act like that and I love that part about you as much as I love anything else." A warm smile replaced Mathias' trademark grin as he looked down to me.

It never ceased to surprise me just how deep Mathias' love for me was, and that even though when we met I had been nothing more than a common whore, he still looked upon me with true adoration. I doubted that I would have been able to love Mathias, if I had met him in a brothel as a whore and after he had been violated by some other guy. I simply wasn't that strong. It was inarguable that meeting Mathias was the best thing that could have happened to me, and sometimes the extent of love I felt for him was too much so that it almost hurt. But I would never give him up.

Although there was always that small voice in the back of my head that questioned how it could be me that Mathias chose out of all the potential partners he surely could have chosen he took me, an insignificant son of a peasant's family who had been tarnished already. There was nothing special about me and still Mathias had fallen for me, Mathias the heir to a rich and noble family who could have had a partner far better suited than I could ever be.

And I had a major flaw that was especially important in his social rank, I couldn't bear children. Mathias didn't seem to care about that and even if he wanted to have children we could always adopt one, there were plenty of homeless kids in orphanages, who would be thankful for a new home. But somehow I doubted that a practice like that was accepted among people of his social status. And I wasn't sure if his father would agree to our relationship, so far his father had only met me as a 'friend', but since Mathias had met me in a brothel and then brought me home from there, his father had probably figured out the rest.

But I could have been nothing more than a short affair for all he knew, and since it was not uncommon for higher class people to have male lovers, they usually always ended up with marrying women. They had to keep the lineage alive after all. Mathias would never do that though, I was sure of that. He loved me too much than to marry someone else, even if it was just for show. But with what other options did that leave us?

Neither of us would give up the other, and if society didn't accept us what would we do? I wondered how Berwald and Tino handled that, maybe I should just ask Tino, he would surely tell me. I couldn't shake the feeling though, that Berwald simply didn't care about such matters, but since I didn't really know how his relationship with his family was; I couldn't say how that worked out for him.

Mathias had watched me throughout my thought process, he was curious but he kept silent in order to let me finish my thoughts in peace. I sighed inwardly; I didn't need to bother with asking Tino, I could just talk to Mathias himself, he was after all as interested in a solution as I was, or rather he should be. I had this tendency to make things more complicated than necessary.

"Mathias, I know this is kind of sudden, but have you ever thought of the future? I mean, what we will do when we finally got out of this all?" The words sounded crappy, even in my opinion, but I just couldn't think of anything better. A slight frown showed upon Mathias' face as he thought over my question. He answered then with a shrug; "Not really, I always assumed that we figure it out once we get there." I resisted the urge to snort; that was so typical of Mathias, living without a care in the world. But I had to admit I envied him for that. Still, I was a bit disappointed that I was the only one who worried about our relationship.

"Lukas, I know everything about the future that I need to know, and that is that I will be living together with you. That is really all that matters." Mathias said, as if he had picked up on my uneasiness. An incredible warm feeling floated through me, dispelling every doubt I might have had and warming me up even up my cold limbs, dispelling the chill that had settled there, and I felt a smile tug at my lips. "But what about your father?" I asked, albeit I couldn't imagine at this moment that anyone would be able to tear us apart, not after that statement of Mathias that had been so simple yet so full of meaning.

"You are all that matters in my life, as my father he should understand that. And if not… well I won't give you up, not even if he disinherits me." It was weird how a few simple words from Mathias had made everything seem so easy suddenly, the weight of my worries was lifted from me and I felt as if we could weather everything if we just stayed together. SI felt foolish all of a sudden for being such a worrywart.

Maybe the saying 'love can conquer all' was true; at least it felt like it right now.

"I'm sure we will be fine, we have been through so much already, my father can't match up to any of that, although he can be a bit scary if angered." Mathias said lightheartedly and placed a quick kiss on my temple. "But no matter what he'll do, I will always be with you okay? So don't worry. I love you, and that will never change."

I smiled again, the motion threatened to become a permanent occurrence, but it was almost impossible not to smile. And it wasn't bad to show some emotion once in a while, was it? "I love you too, Mathias." I replied, tiptoeing to place a kiss on Mathias lip.

"Since you have put so much thought into our future, what do you think of becoming my wife?" Mathias asked lightly, as if what he had just proposed was not the most ridiculous idea I had ever heard. Well to be honest, I couldn't dismiss the idea of marriage entirely, being united with Mathias sounded promising, but I would never under no circumstances accept to be the wife.

I sputtered a bit before I was finally able to form coherent sentences again; Mathias just had caught me completely off guard. My face was burning hot with embarrassment and I was close to ramming my elbow into Mathias' side, but I thought better of it and instead chose to grumble something unintelligible.

"You don't want to be my wife?" Mathias asked with fake hurt, even going as far as to blink at me with big puppy eyes. "My mother always told me not to marry an idiot." I answered with a dull voice. I couldn't help it, it was simply too easy and too much fun to tease Mathias. And he would never stay mad at me, no matter what.

"So tell me then, fair maiden, what shall this poor idiot do to win your favor?" Mathias struck a pose, his voice loud enough to draw the attention of the others, but they soon came to the conclusion that whatever the tall blonde was up to was not worth their time, so they returned to their individual conversations. I was torn between the urge to cover my face with my palm and the want to play along.

"I will battle mighty beasts and brave every trial you demand from me, but please tell me my beautiful flower what can I do to move your heart?" I decided then that it wouldn't hurt to humor him, so I mimicked a thoughtful pose and looked Mathias up and down as if I wanted to evaluate him.

"You seem like a fine specimen." I mused aloud, trailing my eyes over Mathias' body and lingering a bit longer than necessary on his nether regions. "But I shall test that with my own eyes and body." I continued, licking my lips provocatively. Mathias cheeks flushed a bright red immediately and he grinned once more, eying me now hungrily. "And what exactly should my task be?"

"To please me of course." I tossed my hair back with a gesture I had seen some of the girls back in the brothel use, I had never quite understood what the point of that was, but it always pleased their customers.

Mathias chuckled again and kissed the top of my head, "Oh and how I will please you." He grinned into my hair, content with the direction of our conversation. But I remembered what had gotten this all started and I was not willing to let it go so easily. "Mathias," I said sternly, "I won't be your wife. I'm not a woman and I won't be addressed as one. But if you're okay with that, I'll be your husband as you will be mine." I held his gaze, keeping my face straight and unwavering, it might seem petty, but I wasn't willing to degrade myself like that. I had spent too much time in a brothel, surrounded by women who had no choice but to surrender to men in order to survive that I would let something like that happen to me again.

Mathias wrapped his arm around me, the warming feeling had worn off and we both felt the cold again, so I accepted gladly the heat of his embrace. "That's okay Lukas, all I want is you, and I don't care how you name it. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, if we live as the Lords of Kohler or as two poor peasants, I don't care, as long as I have you by my side." I smiled and cuddled closer to Mathias, we were far from being safe, but I was happy right now, my body was still aching and I had a lingering cough that needed treatment, but I was sure that we would make it and everyone would be safe in the end. And we were surrounded by family and friends, who looked out for each other, who took care of each other and if I felt like there was nothing more that I could want from life.

Yes, I was truly happy now.

We continued to follow Berwald along the woodland path, but after a while it became apparent that he was struggling. His steps became unsteady and he had to rely more and more on Tino for support. So after he stumbled and almost fell over a small tree root poking out of the dirt, Mathias called for a halt.

Berwald was sweating heavily even in this cold and his eyes were glassy and unfocused. Tino was close to a panic attack, he had of course noticed his lover's condition but Berwald had forbidden him to say anything because he didn't want to be a burden. Such a thought was clearly ridiculous, no one would have thought of Berwald as a burden, but Berwalds feverish mind had conjured the fear nonetheless. And suddenly just like that all the joy and lightheartedness of the moment was gone, swapped with the lingering sense of dread and that yet again something was wrong.

Mathias and Francis helped Berwald to sit down on an old log that stemmed from a tree that had fallen over a long time ago, clearing away the moss as best as possible, before Emil coaxed him to drink a bit of water. I didn't like the way the sweat pooled on Berwalds face at all, it was too cold to be sweating like that and there was a distinct glaze over his eyes. Arthur carefully peeled of the uniform jacket before he unwrapped the bandage that was clear of any blood, a good sign at least.

"Oh no." Arthur's voice sounded terrible, causing a rush of cold to run through my veins. "What? What is it?" I had led Tino a few steps aside to calm him down and leave the others some space to treat Berwald, but Arthur's words had upset him even more so he clung to me and gasped for air.

I tried to peek over Arthur's shoulder to get a look at the wound, but when I did, a sick feeling settled in my stomach, dispersing all the warmth and comfort that had resided there until now. A thin dark red line stretched from the wound towards Berwalds heart, it was short, only the length of the first joint of my little finger, but it was nonetheless dangerous.

Blood poisoning.

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	36. Improvising

**A/N: **Surprise! A new update! So half of my terrible two weeks are over and aside from a faint green glow in the dark caused by exposure to too much radioactivity I'm fine. Have fun with this chapter, oh and most importantly: Don't try this at home!

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I cursed under my breath as i saw the red and swollen skin around the wound. The last time we checked everything seemed to have been fine, but something in between must have gone wrong and now Berwalds life was in serious danger. The wound was close to his heart and the lungs so there was not much time left before his condition would reach a critical level.

But what to do?

We were in the middle of nowhere, I didn't know how far it was to the next settlement where maybe someone would know what to do, but since doctors and good one at that were scarce upon the countryside, there was no guarantee that anyone could help us there. I felt panic rise in my stomach, time was running and I didn't know what to do.

Tino was outright hysterical, his hands dug painfully in my arms, but I didn't complain since I could very well understand how he must have felt in that moment. At some point Tino could no longer bear the awful sight of the wound that was now oozing sickly yellow pus as Arthur prodded the wound with his finger, he pressed his face in my shoulder, sobbing, as his tears soaked into my coat. Berwald was moaning in pain, his forehead was sweat soaked and his eyelids were fluttering as he tried again and again to focus on the people before him.

Mathias was holding him down as he tried to get away from Arthurs none too gentle examination. Francis was doing his best to calm him down with soothing sounds, but Berwald was too far gone into his fever to register what was going on around him, he tried to shove his way out of Mathias' grasp, a heavy grunt on his lips, but he was held down with unrelenting force so that Arthur could finish his work.

"I'm sorry, I should have said something, but he told me that he was fine and I believed him." Tino was clutching the fabric of my sleeves in between his fingers, pulling and tugging at the piece of clothing, almost as if he wanted to beg the item for forgiveness. I gently pried Tino's hands off me to get him to look at me. Emil had stepped beside me to help calming the hysterical man down and together we were able to seat Tino on a dry patch of forest floor. Emil retrieved the water he had used on Berwald earlier and now tried to get Tino to drink a bit.

"How long has Berwald been like this?" I asked as Tino had calmed down enough to breathe evenly and not rip my clothes off of me. "I don't know, I think it started shortly after we departed from that clearing. At first he just sweated a bit but then he stumbled over small things, but when I asked if something was wrong he insisted on being fine and that his shoulder would hurt a bit but that was nothing unusual. He then asked if he could lean on me for support and I agreed, but after a while he was almost entirely shifting his weight on me and then I noticed that he was feverish." Tino hiccupped and rubbed his eyes to get rid of the tears that were dwelling there, now was not the time for crying and he had done enough if that already. "I wanted to take a break but he said that it was nothing and I shouldn't be worried. I thought he knew what he was doing so I trusted him and said nothing."

I rubbed small circles on Tino's back to sooth him further, trying to emanate a calming aura, but inside I didn't feel calm at all. Denying that he was in pain or trouble was something I rather suspected Mathias of doing but with a sudden pang of guilt I realized that I did it myself by hiding my cough as much as possible. Sure it felt noble and I was more or less convinced that I was in no serious danger, but maybe Berwald had felt the same and now he was close to dying. I looked down on Tino who was trying his best to not dissolve into tears again and my heart clenched at the thought of Mathias looking like this, only because I had been so stubborn. But no was not the time for this, right now we had to focus on Berwald.

Arthur was finished with his examination, his expression a mixture of anxiety and alertness, his giant eyebrows furrowed as he seemed to be deep in thought. "Tante Jeanne!" Francis suddenly exclaimed, causing everyone around him to look in confusion. "Arthur, remember when my cousin stepped on that rusty nail and I was sure he would die of blood poisoning, but Aunt Jeanne used bread to get the poison out." Arthur's face lit up immediately as he recalled the event. "Bloody brilliant."

Francis grabbed the first bag in range and rummaged through it, throwing all the contents out on the floor, when he didn't find what he was looking for he proceeded to empty the next one until he got his hands on a leftover piece of dry bread.

Mathias, who was still holding Berwald in check, looked rather dumbfounded as Francis was preparing the bread. I was sure that Emil, Tino and I looked much the same, since none of us had the slightest clue what was going on. "Wait." Arthur yelled before Francis could place the bread on the wound, "Jeanne added water to the bread, didn't she?"

Okay seriously, now I really was confused, bread and water to treat blood poisoning? That sounded more than insane.

Arthur took the water skin from Emil and placed a few drops in the middle of the bread piece. Francis produced a clean shirt from one of the bags and ripped it in shreds to wrap around the bread that was pressed on the wound by Arthur. "What are they doing?" Tino asked, eyes still glinting with a bit of moisture, but all he got was a helpless shaking of head from Emil. "I don't know." I whispered, watching the almost surreal scene before me. Berwald had lost consciousness somewhere during the whole ordeal, his face hiding any sort of pain he might be in.

"Can you kill someone with bread?" Mathias wondered, he had let go of Berwald after the man had stopped struggling and was now standing next to our small group that was watching the spectacle like the audience in a theatre. Tino squeaked in fear at Mathias' words and I was quick to hiss an 'of course not' and smack my idiot lover over the head. "They're helping him." Emil was watching every move and gesture of the two with peaked interest. "I think the bread is supposed to suck the poison out."

I frowned, "how is that possible?" I couldn't quite wrap my mind around the idea Emil had just proposed. That wasn't possible, was it? "There, all done." Francis seemed please with his handiwork and even Arthur was smiling as he said: "I think that'll put him out of danger."

"But how exactly does it work?" Mathias demanded to know, all the while kneading his hands into my shoulders, to relieve a bit of his tension, and mine in the process. Francis just shrugged. "I don't know."

"What?" Tino stood up and glared at the wavy blonde, "you just treated my lover without a clue what you were doing?" Despite the height difference, Tino managed to stare Francis into the ground. "Well…" Francis started, but was interrupted by Arthur.

"As far as I know the pores create some kind of suction effect that pulls the water deeper into the bread, which causes the poison in the wound to flow out and follow the water." Arthur wiped the back of his hand on his forehead even though there was no sweat there that needed to be cleared off. "At least that is what Jeanne told me."

"And that works?" I asked, skepticism still evident in my voice. "Yes, my cousin once stepped on a rusty nail and got a nasty infection but after he limped around a while with a piece of bread in his shoe he was fine again." Francis explained with an apologetic smile. "But I never bothered to ask how it works."

"It will take some time though." Arthur pointed out, "the poisoned blood needs time to drain out of the bloodstream. And I don't know if the removal of the poison will be enough to calm the fever down." "Can he walk?" Mathias asked, brows furrowed as if he was thinking really hard about something. Arthur sighed, "I don't think so."

"We can't stay here." Emil pointed out; making a wide gesture that encompassed our surroundings, the outskirt of a forest, floor covered with old leaves and fallen logs, wide and empty fields on the other side of the dirt path, a few white clouds hanging in the sky. He was right, these weren't the best circumstances for Berwald to recover and we had almost no food left. But like Arthur had said, Berwalds was in absolutely no condition to walk on his own, sweat was beading on his pale forehead and he kept grunting something unintelligible in his fever induced sleep. Tino had moved over to his side and was cooling his heated skin with a piece of cloth that he had poured water over, but thus far the effect seemed little at best.

"I'll carry him." Mathias offered a determined look on his face. "Are you sure you can handle that?" Francis asked with raised eyebrows. "Don't get me wrong, I don't doubt your strength but Berwald is… heavy." Mathias ran a hand through his already messy hair, his eyes darting from Berwald to the horizon and then to me. "That's true, but we have no other choice, have we?" "He's right." Arthur agreed, although looking not at all happy as he said it. "I'll help you, Francis you'll carry the bags with the others." For a moment Francis looked as if he wanted to protest but one firm look from his lover and he complied, taking up the bags that had been discarded previously and hoisting two over his shoulder, Emil and I following his example.

"We shouldn't waste any time, there could still be soldiers around." Arthur mused as he gently helped Tino to stand up and escorted him to Francis who pushed a bag in his hands. At least Tino seemed to have calmed down a bit and was cooperative enough to do as he was told.

With Arthur's help Berwald was heaved up on Mathias' back, a thick blanket wrapped around him to protect him from the cold. The blonde was obviously staggering under the weight but he gritted his teeth and didn't complain. We did not really have a choice after all, if Mathias wasn't able to carry Berwald, no one was and I didn't really want to know what that would mean for us.

But there was still one problem left, one that was not that easily solved. With Berwald out, we had no clue where we were or where the next area of human habitation was. "Tino, do you know where Berwald was going?" Emil asked, trying to get Tino to focus on something else than Berwalds motionless body on Mathias' back. "Did he tell you anything, which direction he was going and why?"

For a moment Tino looked lost, not sure what was asked of him but then he frowned and shook his head as if to dissipate the dark thoughts that were circling through his mind. "He said that if we followed this path we would eventually reach the main road that leads to the capital. But I'm not sure if he wanted to use the road or just follow it, because he said that the road might be dangerous with all the bandits and soldiers in the area."

Good, that was at least something we could work with.

"Okay, let's go then." Mathias announced and took a shaky step forward, at first it seemed as if Berwald would proof too much of a burden but after another few steps, Mathias posture straightened and he grew more surefooted.

And so we trotted once more along the forest's edge, in pairs one after the other, Arthur and Francis taking the lead, Mathias with Berwald on his back and I in the middle, and Tino and Emil took up the rear. But this time we were much slower than before, Mathias could go only that fast and we all had to adapt to his pace.

There was no real point in trying to strike up a conversation; Mathias was too focused on setting each foot in front of the other without losing balance to be able to do anything else, talking included. So I enjoyed the rare silence between us, not that I really minded Mathias' endless talking, no I had actually grown rather fond of it, but from time to time I preferred to listen to my own thoughts instead of Mathias' endless rambling.

Only a few days or so had passed since Mathias had entered the brothel for the first time on that fateful evening, yet it seemed as if an eternity had passed. And after every problem we had solved another one had arisen, bigger each time and more threatening. And each time I had thought that we wouldn't be able to overcome the hurdle, but each time we did. Sometimes it was a close call, sometimes it was almost easy, and at this point I really thought that love would conquer all eventually.

Maybe it was delusional and maybe one day we would face an obstacle that we couldn't overcome, but I felt as long as we were together there was nothing that could stop us. Berwalds ailment had just proven that, hadn't it? Blood poisoning was a serious threat and he was still not out of danger, but even in this seemingly hopeless situation Arthur and Francis had thought of something, and from my position next to Mathias I could see that even though Berwald was still out cold, he definitely looked better now, he had gained some color and the sweat on his skin was drying.

As I was watching Mathias carrying on stubbornly, despite the obvious strain it put on his body I was confident that no matter what happened we would always find a solution or a way out. After all we had proven more than once that we were capable of it.

It was hard to stick to such a slow pace when I'd much rather walk with swift strides towards our goal, but there was no helping it so I sought distraction in the views around me. The sky was no longer clear, heavy clouds were amassing, but they didn't look like rain at least. A cold wind had picked up that toyed with the few lonely leaves that still clung to their trees, it snuck through the openings at my sleeves and collar and bit into my skin, no matter how much I tried to huddle into the fabric of my coat.

I stuffed my hands into my pockets and wiggled them around to reclaim as much warmth as possible but my efforts hardly paid back. I couldn't imagine how tough it must been for Mathias, who had to keep his hands on Berwalds legs to steady him, but I figured that at least the exertion of carrying someone as heavy as Berwald would keep him warm a bit. But still Mathias face was as red as mine, the cold biting into his nose and ears as the hood of his coat had been blown down by the wind and his hands were not free to readjust it. My hood was up, and it kept the wind away from my ears but my nose felt as if it were an icicle. I stepped over to Mathias and pulled his hood back up and tied the strings under his chin to keep it from sliding down again and Mathias threw me a thankful glance, his breath was too labored to form a coherent sentence. He wouldn't be able to go on much longer, despite the long way that still lied ahead of us.

The others were freezing too; Arthur and Francis were walking close together, arms slung around the other in an attempt to share the warmth but the wind blew away almost all of the body heat. Fortunately we had thought of the blanket around Berwald, else he would have surely frozen to death up there. But even with the blanket it was dangerous, the muscle movement was essential to gain warmth. So I kept out an eye on Berwald for signs of frostbite or any other hint of cold induced damage.

Occasionally I would throw a glance backwards to check on my brother and Tino, but both seemed to take the cold surprisingly well. They were chatting amiably, and I noticed to my surprise that Tino was carrying the puffin. So far I had never seen that someone else than Emil held the bird, but then again I had never once asked if I could take the bird.

The wind picked up a bit, causing the tree crowns to sway in the wind, almost as if they were waving to us, the pale green grass on the fields was bowing to the ground and I was thankful that the wind came from the side and not the front, the last thing we needed was a storm that tried to blast us back to where we had came from.

And then it started, so calm and slow that its beginning slipped our consciousness completely, the first flakes of snow danced with the swirling wind, and only when one pesky little flake dared to land on my nose did I realize that it was snowing.

At first it were only a few tiny crystals that melted the moment they reached the ground but soon the air was full of white and it wouldn't be long until the snow would cover the ground with a thick snowy layer.

And as if the snow had been a signal, I felt my chest constricting and I had to fight back another fit of violent coughs that left me with a deep ache in my lungs and sides.

Fate surely didn't seem to get tired of making our lives harder than necessary.

...


	37. Silver lining

**A/N:** Almost done! I only have to write the protocols and prepare a presentation, but I think I will have more time to write again from now on. There will be a short break over Christmas though but most of you will probably have better things to do than read this story anyway ;) I hope I can resume my usually update schedule now, but don't worry if there is another delay. I have still a lot to do after all.

* * *

It was cold, so damn cold. The wind was blowing unrelentingly, biting in every inch of unprotected skin it could find, blowing the snow into our faces, under the hoods of our coats, and taking away every bit of warmth from our body. At least the wind prevented the snow from covering the ground so walking was fairly easy, aside from the lack of feeling in my feet which made walking a rather unpleasant experience.

It was not that bad really, winter in these regions could be pretty hard so we were all more or less used to the cold, and this time we were at least dry, a factor that increased my comfort immensely. After we had checked that Berwald was safely tugged under his blanket and not too cold, Tino even began to play in the snow and after a bit of coaxing Emil joined in, Puffin flying over them as they threw snowballs at each other, giggling like two boys who saw snow for the first time in their life.

It was heartwarming.

And it was yet again proof that no matter how dark the times, how seemingly impossible the situation, there was always hope to be found, and while I was watching the two frolicking through the snow I felt a deep reaching contentment, as I reminded myself of how lucky we were to still be alive.

After all many others had lost their lives, either in Ludwig's attack on our small town or in the bigger raid on the city that had been burned to the ground. And even we had been in the middle of it we had come out comparably well, not completely unharmed but at least in once piece. And that was really something I was thankful for. And hopefully it would stay that way.

Before this all happened I had never been aware of how precious and fragile life was, sure I had seen my mother die, her life slowly wasting away but that had been the result of too much work and exhaustion, it had seemed inevitable. But after experiencing so many life threatening situations for myself, I had come to realize that life was nothing we could take for granted, it could be snatched away all too easily. It warmed my heart to see that Emil and Tino were able to enjoy life even after all that had happened.

I wished I could let go so easily.

But aside from my initial reservation against open displays of emotion I really didn't feel up to the challenge of playing in the snow. My cough plagued lungs certainly wouldn't thank me if I were to fool around in the cold like that.

After a while though both of them became exhausted so they went back to walking behind Mathias and me, still a bit excited from their recent session of snowy fun.

A grunt alerted me to the two persons beside me, Mathias had walked mostly in silence, apart from the occasional groan, but now I noticed that his face and whole posture was strained from the exertion of carrying someone as heavy as Berwald. With all that merriment going on, I had completely missed that Mathias was about to overexert himself and as stubborn as he of course hadn't said anything.

I called out to Arthur and Francis in front of us and in no time Berwald was life from Mathias back and placed on Arthurs. Mathias objected at first to a switch but he seemed relieved nonetheless as the weight was released from his shoulders and he was able to stretch his strained muscles. Arthur on the other hand grimaced as Berwald was heaved upon his back and his legs almost gave in under the added weight, but with gritted teeth and a lot of swearing he managed to take a step forward and then another one.

I could only compliment his tenacity.

We then started walking again, but as much as he tried Arthur couldn't keep up the same pace Mathias had he needed to take a break every few steps or so. It would have been easier if we could have dragged Berwald between two of us, but that would most likely open up his wound further and we couldn't afford that. The only comfort was that Berwalds skin tone had almost returned to normal and he looked more like he was sleeping than on the verge of dying.

Maybe he would even wake up soon so that he could walk on his own. But that was unlikely, only because the bread seemed to work it didn't mean it would work that fast, although it would make things a lot easier.

We needed to find a city soon, or at least a village, neither Mathias nor Arthur would be able to go on like this without proper food in their bellies and aside from a few pieces of dry bread there was nothing left. And we had to keep that in case Berwalds bandage needed a redo. It wouldn't hurt either to get a doctor to look at his wounds and I wanted one to check on my cough. I wouldn't even mind if we stayed there overnight, a good rest in a warm bed would certainly do wonders to cure me, even though I had to admit that the prospect of staying in another dead trap was not too promising.

After being chased out of two settlements by marauding soldiers or bandits I had a few trust issues with gatherings of more than one house. I even felt safer outside, despite the fact that we technically were out in the open and had no chance of hiding whatsoever. But a warm and comfy bed surely would convince me of giving cities another chance.

"Maybe I should start carrying you around instead of Berwald babe, I'm sure you're way more fun than he is." Mathias' voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I blinked at him in confusion. Sometimes I found it hard to follow his train of thoughts. "And why exactly would you want to carry me around?" I was not sure if I wanted to hear the answer, but I guessed it couldn't hurt to ask.

"Because I want to." Mathias exclaimed and grinned at me, before he slung his arms around me, lifted me up and spun me around one time, all the while kissing me, or rather trying to place a kiss on my lips and failing miserably and instead slobber over the rest of my face. I hoped this was not what he considered romantic.

I was so stunned that I let it happen and only after he had set me down again, did I gather my wits back, and despite my earlier resolve of being nicer to him, I couldn't resist the urge to smack him. Mathias winced a bit, not because I had hit him but because his arms still were strained from carrying Berwald and it was not the smartest idea to lift another heavy person so shortly after that. "Annoying idiot." I grumbled, but with the wide grin on his face I couldn't stay mad at Mathias, so I leaned in to affectionately peck a kiss on his cheek.

"Since you still have so much energy left, why don't you take Berwald back?" Arthur grunted and shifted the heavy load on his back a bit to get a better grip on Berwalds legs. Mathias grin turned almost sheepish and he rubbed his shoulders to emphasize that he still needed to recover. Arthur rolled his eyes, but I could see that a soft smile was tugging at his lips and his eyes gleamed with fondness as he watched Mathias and me exchanging affection.

Francis used the opportunity and mimicked my action by placing a tender kiss on Arthur's cheek. Arthur, whose hands where occupied otherwise could only blush and curse at Francis, but in truth he didn't mind the gesture at all.

After that, we walked mostly in silence, it was too cold to put much effort into anything and so everyone huddled into their coat and tried to stay warm as best as possible.

And then after seemingly an eternity, finally the form of a house peeled out of the snow that was billowing through the air. And after the first came another and another and soon we were at the outskirts of a small settlement that had formed at the junction where the small dirt path connected with the main road. It couldn't really be considered a village; it was only an inn and a few buildings that surrounded the inn, stables a barn, an orchard and a few cottages for the servants.

I doubted that we would find a doctor here, but at least we could get some rest and restock our food supplies. But before we could enter the yard that surrounded the bulky looking inn a man stepped through the door, armed with a mean looking pitch fork, followed by another man, or rather a boy this time who carried one of those hammers a blacksmith would use, and through one of the windows peeked the tip of a crossbow.

We came to a stumbled halt as the man with the fork yelled at us: "Stop right there or we'll poke you full of holes. Who are you and what is your business here?" I eyed the crossbow suspiciously, I had my share of dangerous weapons pointed at me, I was not too keen on yet another one. And those men looked as if they were serious about the whole deal with the holes.

Mathias stepped forward, arms raised up in the air to show that he was unarmed and meant no harm. "We just look for a warm place to stay and rest, we have money and we'll pay for the food." Mathias' voice didn't betray if he was afraid or not, but he sounded weary and I was sure that the rest of us looked just as ragged and no one could seriously believe that we posed a threat.

It was not easy to see in the snow but the man who seemed to be the leader, the one with the fork, almost looked us over before he turned to his companion and said something that was drowned by the rustling wind. The men came to a decision then and waved us closer, and carefully we made our way through the yard, keeping our eyes on the weapons that still were raised threateningly.

The man who had done all the talking until now looked us over one final time before he stepped aside, the warmth from inside greeted us like a long lost lover and we hurried to get in. Arthur almost bumped Berwalds head on the doorframe but with a bit of help we managed to get both of them in without major injuries.

"What's with your friend?" The younger man with the hammer asked, while his companion who looked a bit like his father disappeared into another room mumbling something about getting the food ready. "He's wounded and needs some rest." Francis said who helped Arthur to lift Berwald from his back. "Do you have a room with a bed that you can spare? Don't worry we'll pay."

"Of course, I'll show you." The young man leaned his hammer against the wall next to the door and then led Arthur and Francis with Berwald between them to another door, followed by Tino who watched Berwalds head in case another doorframe would prove to be tricky.

Since there was no use in all of us crowding Berwalds sickroom we instead followed the other man through the door and entered what seemed to be the main room with tables and benches and a long bar at one side with a giant beer keg behind it. Only a few men sat in one corner of the room around a table, watching us with dark eyes but returned to their drinks once they deemed us harmless. Mathias whistled through his teeth as he saw the keg and he slapped a hand on my shoulder. "Tonight I'll show you the perfection that is beer." He announced, before he walked over to the bar where the man with the fork, no without the fork, was standing and talking to a gruff looking woman who I identified as the crossbow wielder, now without crossbow.

So apparently that meant that we would stay the night. Emil sat down at one of the table and put Mr. Puffin down before him, the bird had taken the cold pretty well, but with all those feathers and downs that was no wonder. Mathias was discussing the conditions of our stay with the owner and the woman disappeared through a door behind the bar to prepare food for us.

I sat next to my brother, after walking for so long it was pure bliss to be able to sit down in a room warmed by a cozy little fireplace. My feet were aching now that the feeling returned to them and I rubbed my hands together to quicken the process. The prickling sensation was not pleasant at all but by now it had become almost routine to have my limbs frozen off and then revived again. Still I was glad since the sting meant that my fingers and toes were not dead yet.

"Do you have by any chance a doctor here?" Mathias asked the innkeeper, who had began to fill tankards with beer out of the keg and placed them on a tray on the bar. "M'afraid not." He grunted as he heaved the tray up and carried it over to our table. "Maybe one o' the other guests is a doctor but I doubt it. They're rare these times."

The door opened as he put the tray down on our table to distribute the beer, and Arthur and Francis entered the room. Francis was beaming and even Arthur was smiling. "Berwald has woken up and he's feeling better already, the bread has worked." Francis' happiness was infectious and I felt as if a heavy burden was just lifted from my heart. I had monitored Berwalds condition and he had seemed better but to hear the confirmation from Francis felt even better.

"That is a reason to celebrate!" Mathias exclaimed and jumped up from the seat he had just taken. "Tino is staying with him." Arthur said, paying Mathias no mind and examining the beer in the tankards while he sat down. "Food is finished soon." The owner grumbled but I stopped him before he could leave. "Can I have a cup with hot water please?" I asked, since there was no doctor I'd better take care of my cough on my own and since the willow bark tea had helped the last time I figured I could use the rest of it. I was rewarded with an affirmative grunt and a look that seemed to question my sanity and then the man retreated back behind his bar.

"What do you want with hot water?" Mathias wondered as he pushed one of the tankards in my hands, eager to get me to drink his favorite beverage. "I need to take care of that nasty cough, so better start now." I explained and put my hand on the handle like I had seen Mathias do it.

The other had taken up their respective tankard and waited for me to follow their example, but not without a bit of complaint. "I'd prefer wine." Francis pointed out but since the occasion was so special he would make an exception, but just this once.

"Shouldn't we wait for Tino?" Emil asked, eying his drink with not so much enthusiasm. Our father had drunken beer from time to time, but we had been too young to try it but I remembered that he always was loud and a bit annoying when he came home from drinking with his buddies. He would always start to sing, completely off key unfortunately, and talk in a really loud voice; mother had always complained that he was unreasonable when he was drunk. And since Mathias already was loud and annoying when he was sober I didn't want to see him drunk, and I especially didn't want to see myself drunk.

But one beer couldn't hurt, and according to Mathias it was really worth it.

"Tino won't leave Berwalds side; I have ordered something to eat for him too and a broth for Berwald." Mathias waved his hand dismissively. "He'll be fine." "Okay then." To my surprise Arthur seemed excited, and so we all took our drinks and raised our tankards. "To us, who have overcome every obstacle so far."Mathias cheered, accompanied by the tankards clonking together. "To Berwald, who manages to recover from everything." Francis added and we brought our beer mugs together again.

"To weird circumstances that cause us to stumble through the snow in one moment and let us drink in reckless abandon in the next, as if nothing happened." I said, and was greeted promptly with silence. But I felt that it had to be said, after all we constantly alternated between dangerous situations in which our lives were at stakes and situations like these, where everything seemed to be just fine.

I just wished it would stay like that this time. No more danger, no more drama, no more running for our lives and no more threats to our lives. I would even empty that damned beer keg if it would help us to finally achieve peace. Since no one really knew how to react to my words, they just stared at me in silence until Emil raised his jug and said: "To a happy end for all of us."

And with that we all took a hearty swig from our beer, or rather Arthur and Mathias did, the rest of us merely took a sip to taste the strange liquid. It was a bit bitter but else not so bad, but it didn't reall match my taste, besides I shouldn't overdo it, I was still sick and sick people weren't supposed to drink too much alcohol. As on cue the owner came out of the kitchen with trays full of food, the woman behind him carrying another tray and a mug with steaming hot water.

I literally felt as if I could eat a bear.

Mathias had emptied his tankard in one go and quickly ordered a refill, his eyes were sparkling and he was in an exceptional good mood. "How d'you like it?" He wanted to know, while the innkeeper put the food on the table. I shrugged and took my hot water, the others started with the food but I wanted to prepare my tea before I ate. "It's okay I guess." I rummaged through my bag that I had placed under the bench and pulled out the few pieces of bark I had left and put them in the water. Then I set the mug aside to let the water soak through the bark and took a plate.

"I knew you'd like it." Mathias grinned and took another plate after he placed a quick kiss on my lips. The owner came with two new tankards to replace the ones that Arthur and Mathias had emptied and even though I somehow dreaded what was surely to come after another few rounds of beer, I couldn't help but smile as I saw them all so happy and carefree, and when Tino came to join us, after Berwald had fallen asleep again, new bandage wrapped and all, the evening was perfect, because at least for this night we all could forget what lied behind us and what might still lie ahead of us.

I even enjoyed the beer.

And I even enjoyed the antics of a drunken Mathias.

I wouldn't mind if my life from now on would belike this. Happy and without a worry.

...


	38. Drinking Game

**A/N: **I'm not sure if I should apologize for this chapter or not, there are far too many penises involved I'm afraid.

* * *

It was a long night. We were all tired, yet the opportunity to forget all our worries for a few hours proved too much of a temptation to withstand and so we stayed up far longer than would have been healthy, eating and drinking and celebrating the recovery of Berwald, thanks to a bit of bread and water.

The owner, the gruff man with the pitch fork didn't seem too pleased with our presence but after a while and lots of consumed beer he seemed to warm up a bit and even allowed his son to sit with us and listen to our stories. The son was even younger than I had guessed from the first time I saw him, maybe the fact that he was wielding a big hammer like that had made him seem bigger than in reality. His name was Peter.

According to Peter he had lived all his life here at the inn and his father wouldn't let him go on adventures so he was more than eager to listen to the wild stories that Mathias conjured, partly they were true but a big portion was entirely made up. But Peter didn't mind at all when suddenly dragons and trolls appeared to attack us, or a magical unicorn, this one was a courtesy from Arthur, helped us to find magical mushrooms.

Peter was shooed to bed by his mother, the woman who had wielded the crossbow, a little later, and then the owner came to sit with us. He told us about the circumstances that forced him and his family to treat every stranger with suspicion because there were bandits in the area, but not ordinary bandits, no these were especially brutal, burning everything down and slaughtering everyone who crossed their path. And something was fishy about those bandits, they were too organized and too well equipped, almost like soldiers, some even believed that there was secretly a war going on, but he thought that that was nonsense. There had been a decline of customers though, and he hoped that the bandit plague would subside soon, there was already a lack of travelers in winter season but with these bandits around, all he could count on were the locals from the village up the road.

It didn't feel fair towards the man and his family to break his little delusional bubble, after he had provided us with so much help and hospitality, but still there was no way around it. And so we told him the unfortunate truth, about the bandits that were actually soldiers in disguise and about the war that was sweeping over the land.

Despite the nature of the news the owner still was thankful, for now he could warn the village and prepare himself and his family, and to show us his gratitude he invited us to stay for free. With his dire situation in mind, the fact that war was coming wouldn't help his business at all, Mathias insisted on paying so in the end we agreed on paying for our stay but he would make sure Berwald got the best medical treatment as possible and he would personally ride into the village first thing tomorrow and get the healer to come and take a look at the injury. The village was not big enough to have an actual doctor, but at least they had a healer who had some prowess with herbs and the basics of medical treatment.

The mood was a bit depressed after that, but after the owner treated us all to a new round of beer as a way of thanks for keeping his son company earlier. Peter tended to get lonely, the servants who worked and lived here were mostly busy at the stables the barn or the small forge behind the main house and they all were much older than him so getting to talk to strangers who were closer to his age was a pleasant diversion for the boy.

"It was a real pleasure to talk to you guys, well most of it at least, but now I'll better go and tell the guys on guard duty to look out for more than ordinary bandits. And I'll go and see if your friend needs anything if you don't mind." With that the owner got up from his seat and collected the empty beer mugs from our table. "Don't worry, I wanted to go and check on him anyway." Tino smiled at him and stood up; despite the amount of beer he had drunken he didn't seem inebriated at all.

Remembering my more or less embarrassing behavior back at Francis and Arthur's dinner party, I had declined most of the refills and was still nursing my first beer. That and I didn't like the drink as much as I had the wine and so it was not hard to hold back.

"Okay, then I'll go and prepare your rooms."

A short silence filled the room after Tino and the owner had left but it was soon broken by one of the men from the other table who came over to propose a drinking contest, since he and his friends had noticed how much we were consuming. "I have made a bet with my friend Joe there; he told me that he could out drink any of you and after I've seen what you two," He indicated Arthur and Mathias, "can down I decided to give it a try. You see ol' Joe has such a big mouth when it comes to his alcohol belly and none of us was ever able to drink him under the table, but I feel it's time to feed him his own medicine. I'll even share my winnings with you, when you defeat him that is."

"Vince, what the hell are you doing, you should ask them for a drinking game and not to marry you." One of the men yelled through the room and Vince visibly cringed at the man's insulting tone. "Is that Joe?" Arthur asked voice still clear, despite the amount of alcohol he had consumed. Vince just nodded.

"What do you think?" Francis wanted to know, after the owner had told him that there was no wine he had begrudgingly drunk a few beers but he had kept insisting that wine was much better. I could only agree. "That Joe seems to be in need of a lesson I would say." "I wholeheartedly agree." Arthur looked almost mischievous as he took a final sip out of his tankard, almost as if to provoke the men at the other table, he then exchanged a pointed look with Mathias and they both got up to follow Vince to his rowdy friends. "Whatever, I'll go to bed." Emil half yawned half spoke and picked up his puffin that had contently nibbled on a small fish the owner had got him.

With a bit of awkward shuffling we managed to trade a brotherly hug and with that Emil left the room, waving a short goodbye to Francis. I would have followed him but I didn't want to leave Francis alone with the two other who probably would end up dead drunk under the table so with not much alternatives we ventured over to the table at the other end of the room and sat down. Francis at least seemed more pleased with these events than I was.

"Wish me luck babe." Mathias grinned at me and kissed me full on the lips, causing the table to erupt into whooping and shouts of encouragements. A small voice told me that if those men had been sober, their reaction would have reached more into the disgusted area of emotion. Same sex relationships were not that uncommon, but they used to stay behind closed doors and the common people rarely encountered them, for they couldn't afford to lose the chance for offspring. And men who preferred boys would go into brothels to tend to their needs or if they were privileged enough they would take a male lover beside their wife, but open displays of affection in public was usually frowned upon. It was acquiesced but not at all accepted.

But of course Mathias didn't care about such things.

"Arthur mon cher, do you also want a good luck kiss?" Francis asked with a more than seductive wink. I half expected Arthur to decline along with insulting Francis, but to my surprise he leaned in to get a kiss from his lover. But Francis wouldn't be Francis if he didn't make a show out of it, so he grabbed Arthur, pulled him over on his lap and bent him down to suck in half of his face.

Before Mathias could get any additional ideas from that, I quickly slid a away from him and soon Francis joined me on the sidelines of the table that had turned into the tourney ground for a dead serious competition. Or something like that.

The owner's wife silently catered a sheer endless amount of filled tankards that went through the hands of the self appointed referee Vince who made a show out of examining each and every one of them before he passed them on to the contestants. Joe had teamed up with one of his comrades, a man whose thick red nose proved that he and alcohol had a long history of mutual understanding. They sat on one side of the table while Arthur and Mathias sat on the other side, the last man standing would win the contest; the first one out would have to pay the bill. I sincerely hoped that neither Arthur nor Mathias would give up first, since we had to leave most of our money behind when the city had been attacked; we weren't exactly on the rich side anymore. And we still had to pay for board and lodge.

I would have preferred it though, if they wouldn't participate in the first place, but I decided I could always get back to Mathias by leaving him under the table once he was out. Or maybe I could exploit drunken Mathias, who knew what he would do in that state. Oh the possibilities, they were endless.

I really should spend less time with Francis; his personality was rubbing off on me.

One could truly say that Vince was a dedicated referee; he took note of every beer that was consumed and kept an eye out at the same time if anyone was trying to cheat. But at least Arthur and Mathias would never waste any beer.

We had agreed on not making this a timed battle so everyone could drink at their own pace, the amount of consumed beer in the end would be counted. But that didn't stop any of them from guzzling down one beer after another with neck breaking speed.

It felt more like a contest of manliness than a drinking contest, but maybe that was the same in the end.

At some point I had lost count of the beer Mathias had drunk, but judging from the amount of empty mugs that were cluttering on the bar where the wife had put them out of the way, it was a hefty amount. And to my utter horror, both Arthur and Mathias gradually lost their inhibitions, well as far as they had been present anyway, and after his approximately tenth beer Arthur had begun to strip and danced on the table with only his shirt knotted around his waist, beer in hand and singing, no yelling a bawdy song that would probably make a maiden blush.

But then again, that maiden would already been too busy blushing from the sight of Arthur's naked thighs to pay attention to the song. I tried to focus on the wood pattern of the table, after I had seen _something _peeking from between Arthur's legs I desperately didn't want to see it again. I wondered why the wife of the owner hadn't kicked us out yet. It was not that I was a prude, hell I had worked in a brothel, I had seen more cocks than I ever wanted to see, and unfortunately I had felt most of them, but I never _wanted _to see or feel them. The only penis I wanted to have anything to do with unfortunately was attached to a pretty idiot who merrily drank his brain away right next to me.

At least Francis enjoyed the indecencies that were going on around him.

Joe's friend had passed out a beer ago, causing Mathias to cackle madly over 'idiots who drink too fast', while attempting to drink two beers at once. Look who's talking.

Joe, now determined to make up for his friend's blunder slowed down a bit, but he was already showing signs of weakness as he swayed back and forth in his seat and spilling most of his beer which earned him minus points on Vince's beer chart.

"To Lukas, who I'm going to fuck senseless tonight!" Mathias suddenly exclaimed, his tankard raised high into the air, the contents sloshing around and wetting his fingers. Arthur cheered loudly, having stopped temporarily with his singing to raise his beer to a cheer with his drinking buddy. Vince looked a bit confused but decided to ignore Mathias as he noted the liquid that had spilled during the toast. Why was he even bothered by that, after all there was Arthur's freaking dick in the air right in front of him! Francis carried a smug grin that would have made me shudder if I were Arthur.

"Mathias, shut up or I'll personally smack you under the table." I warned, raising my eyes enough to meet Mathias, careful not to- damn there it was again, Arthur seemed to enjoy waving his wang into my face.

Maybe I should start drinking too, so that I would forget that all of this ever happened.

Despite my immediate half-dive under the table after I had encountered Arthur's wiener in far too close for comfort space, my warning had achieved its goal and Mathias refrained from further sharing our love life with an uninterested audience. Thankfully at this point Francis remembered who the cock that was enjoying its freedom belonged too and he dragged Arthur down from the table and covered him up, well not after he had felt him up for a few solid seconds. But any piece of cloth between me and Arthur's- oh this is getting incredibly old, you know exactly what I'm talking about so there is no damn need to find a new word for penis each time, dammit.

Where was I, right, every piece of cloth that separated me from that _thing_ was a good piece of cloth and if I and to endure Francis' lecherous behavior for a few moments then so be it, at least it was not directed at me.

I decided then to pray to any god or goddess that might or might not be out there for this evening to end soon, preferably now, because I didn't know if I could take any more of this foolishness. If I would end up in hell because I didn't believe in any god, then it most likely would look like this, a reconsideration of my religious believes might have been in order, I certainly didn't want to be slapped around by penises for the rest of my existence.

I had to complement Joe for his endurance, but eventually he reached the limit of his alcohol tolerance. He didn't pass out though, but after he almost dropped his tankard, Vince decided that the battle was over and proceeded to count the casualties.

Arthur had been weaned from his beer by Francis who was now doting over his drunken lover, a task he rather enjoyed since Arthur was needy for affection. Mathias on the other hand hadn't realized that the contest was over and continued to slosh down his beer. Only when the wife of the owner stopped the beer supply and collected the last empty jug from Mathias' hands did he notice that something was going on.

"Where's my beer?" He slurred, looking around and blinking in confusion. It almost was adorable how lost he looked. "Lukas, where is my beer?" He whined, he didn't seem to understand at all what was happening around him.

"Okay, the results are definite, the winner is Mathias, closely followed by Arthur, loser is obviously Ted, but I suppose he's not ready to pay yet." Vince seemed far too pleased with himself as he poked Ted, who somewhere during the night had slid from his seat and under the table, with his foot. "But I'm sure Joe will cover for him." He grinned at his friend who was in a similar state than Ted, only that his eyes still were open. "S-sure, everything you say, Vince, good friend, Vince." Joe mumbled, the words rolling thickly from his tongue. With a self satisfied grin Vince helped himself to Joe's money pouch and paid the woman who was impatiently waiting at his side, eager to get the drunkards out of her taproom.

"Lukas, why are you still dressed?" Mathias in the meantime had slid over to me and now was leaning heavily on me, trying to whisper into my ear. I feared that he wanted to be seductive, but the effect was destroyed by the drool that was leaking on my shoulder.

"We better get them into bed." Francis suggested with a slight chuckle, a sleeping Arthur in his arms. Why could my drunken idiot not fall asleep, then I wouldn't have to deal with his antics.

After we had said our goodbyes to Vince, who told us with a mean glint in his eyes that he would drag his two friends into the stable, which was frequently used as a sobering-up cell, and then return to his village. "Thanks guys, you really did me a favor there." He beamed and waved at us, before he bent down to pull Ted from under the table.

I hoped I would never end up with friends like that.

The wife directed us to our rooms and somehow I managed to direct Mathias up the stairs and into our chamber, maybe it was better that he wasn't asleep after all, I wouldn't have been able to carry him upstairs like Francis did with Arthur. I dumped Mathias on one of the beds and attempted to make my way over to the other one, but before I could go far I was pulled down and abused as a pillow.

"I love you babe, you are awesome." Mathias mumbled into my ear, he seemed to have grown quite comfortable on his resting place on my shoulder. I usually didn't mind sleeping in one bed with Mathias, but with him this drunk I doubted that I would get much sleep if I slept with him.

"I'm so glad that I met you." A soft smile formed on my lips and I gave in and lied down, Mathias following behind and cuddling up to me. ""I love you." I whispered and ran a hand through Mathias wild hair.

We were still dressed in the clothes we had worn for days, but I couldn't find the heart to get up and disturb the sweet slumber Mathias had seemed to fallen in and so I closed my eyes, quite content with the warm body in my arms.

Maybe I would get some sleep after all.

...


	39. Quality Time

**A/N: **This will be my last update before I will vanish for a few days for my Christmas holidays yay. I won't update for a while because of shitty internet connection but I will (hopefully) be writing a lot. So Merry Christmas to you all and if I don't update before then also A Happy New Year 3 I love all of you, your support keeps me going so at this point I want to say thank you to you all my wonderful readers.

Fröhliche Weihnachten und einen guten Rutsch!

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As it turned out I indeed got a decent night's rest, only disturbed by Mathias' light snoring and an occasional shift of position. I knew that he was completely thrashed and unable to perform, but still I found myself a bit disappointed that he had just fallen asleep without touching me. I didn't really want to admit it to myself but I had looked forward to our first night under a stable roof. I wanted him to prove me that, despite all the change around us, some things stayed the same.

But in his alcohol intoxicated state there was really no point in trying anything and despite his promising words from earlier he had fallen asleep the moment he had hit the bed. I couldn't deny though that a good amount of sleep wouldn't hurt me, on the contrary, so I decided to get my share of love tomorrow.

I woke up the next morning to a warm and comfy feeling, and I just lied there for a few moments, trying to remember what I had dreamed about. It had been a dark dream full of fear and terror, but in the light of day, surrounded by warmth and the sureness of a warm body pressed up to me it was hard to recall the exact contents. Any lingering feeling of discomfort was chased away by the sun that shone into the room, engulfing everything in a soft glow. I had to blink a few times to adjust my eyes to the brightness. It was still early though, the sun stood only a few inches over the horizon.

Mathias lied sprawled out on the bed, most of the blanket had been snatched by me during the course of the night and so most of Mathias' body was uncovered. We both were still dressed though, but our clothes reeked like days old unwashed bodies and were actually quite uncomfortable to sleep in. At least we had gotten our shoes off when we entered the room.

According to his steady breathing Mathias was still asleep and I used the opportunity to just watch his face while he slept. I had never taken the time to truly look at him like this and even if I had, his face usually was split by that huge grin of his, to see him relaxed like this was a rare occurrence.

His skin tone was a bit pale and he had dark shaded rings under his eyes, but to me he still looked beautiful. I rested my hand in his wheat colored hair, entangling my fingers with the golden strands and feeling the warmth that radiated from the skin. Mathias sighed in his sleep and snuggled his head into the touch of my hand, lips twitching ever so slightly, betraying the hint of a smile.

I leaned over and kissed Mathias gently on the lips, only a light brush, careful not to blow any morning breath into his nostrils. Part of me wanted to wake him right now to start what he had promised me so boisterously yesterday, but I decided to let him sleep a bit more. He would have a massive hangover anyway so I'd better get a nice breakfast prepared for him.

But first it was time to get rid of these clothes, and get a bath while I was at it. I ventured into the adjacent room to find an empty tub and no means of getting any water directly. That meant I had to go downstairs and ask for some hot water, which would take a while to be ready, so for now I had to postpone my bath. I sighed inwardly but closed the door nevertheless, after I had collected my bag from outside. At least I could get a change of clothes.

It felt weird to pull a more or less clean shirt over my dirt covered skin but the smell of the fresh fabric made up for it. I would ask for a bit of lye soap later so I could wash our clothes, it was about time and we didn't have an endless stock of clean change.

It seemed like we would stay here longer than only for one night. At least there were no walls here so we could just run away without having to go through all those shenanigans. It was time that we got somewhere remotely safe so that I could stop wondering how to get out and away in the case of emergency.

I returned to the main room where I found Mathias half awake and blinking irritated at the sunlight that was invading his personal space. I considered for a second to be mean and draw open the curtains even further but I decided against it, after all we had been through I had decided to show Mathias the affection he deserved. Who knew how long, until we would be separated again by some cruel streak of fate?

I walked over to the window, careful not to make too much sound as I drew the curtains closed, banning the sunlight from intruding into my lover's comfort zone. Mathias groaned a bit and rubbed his temples, cursing under his breath, but he smiled weakly at me as I approached. "Morning babe." He winced at the sound of his own voice, apart from obviously being too loud it also was hoarse and a bit scratchy. Thank goodness did I only drink one beer yesterday.

"I'll get you some breakfast and water." I whispered, placing a tender kiss on Mathias' forehead before I gently pushed him down again and covered his body with the long abandoned blanket. Mathias grunted something unintelligible and closed his eyes again; cuddling deeper into the warmth of the covers and seemingly drifting back to sleep.

I left the room after I had contemplated a while if it would be necessary to put on my boots and in the end decided that I valued the overall wellbeing of my feet over the temporary relief that came with walking around barefoot. Blisters be damned.

I met Francis on the way down who had similar plans to mine regarding his hung over lover and so we decided to go together on the hunt for food and warm water. Emil was already in the tap room, feeding fish to his puffin and looking bored as usual.

The owner was busy polishing glasses behind the bar, but he nodded a quick good morning as we entered. "Breakfast is on the way." Emil informed us as he cleaned his hands from any fish residue. So then all that was left was warm water for cleaning.

"Is there any chance to get some hot water?" Francis asked after he sat down next to Emil. I remained standing since I planned to return to Mathias as soon as the breakfast was ready. "Sure, I'll send the boys up to your rooms if you like." The owner said and finished his business with the glasses.

A moment later the owner's wife entered with a kitchen girl in tow, carrying trays with fresh bread, cheese and water. I even spotted a few small and wrinkled apples. And as if he had smelled it, Tino entered the room through the main door, looking a bit tired but otherwise happy. It seemed Berwald was really on the way of recovery.

"I'll go tell the boys to get you water and then I'll be off to the village. I'll be back in a few hours so better tell your friend to be ready for the healer by then." The owner explained after he had instructed his wife on getting Berwald some food. "Could you look after Peter a bit? He really enjoyed your company."

I took a plate and stuffed a bit of bread, some cheese and an apple on it, along with a carafe of clear water and two mugs, before I followed the owner out of the room, trudging up the stairs to return to our room. Mathias was awake and hiding under the blanket, but I heard muffled groaning as I entered. I closed the door carefully and tiptoed over to place the plate and the water on the nightstand before I pulled the blanket off Mathias' hiding form.

"Come on, I brought you water, you'll feel better after you drink something." I filled a mug with water and handed it over to him. It took a while, but after some coaxing and the consuming of a shared breakfast, Mathias was well enough to bear a bit of sunlight. I opened the curtains a few inches to let natural light enter the room and returned to sit on the bed next to Mathias.

"I'm sorry babe." He suddenly said, playing with the hem of the blanket, tugging at a loose seam and twisting it until he almost ripped it off. "For what?" As far as I knew there was nothing he should be sorry for. "For being such an incompetent lover."

That came as a bit of surprise. Sure I had felt a bit disappointed when Mathias had chosen to drink himself stupid instead of keeping his promise of 'fucking me raw', but I could understand that he needed the relief from our stressful journey, to let loose for a while and forget all his sorrows. And I didn't want him to think that I was unhappy, I didn't want to appear clingy and needy every time he wanted to enjoy a good round of beer. I knew after all that in the end he would be there for me.

But it seemed that he had picked up on something. "What do you mean?" I asked, curious about what exactly he was referring to. "I promised you, didn't I?" Mathias finally freed the hapless seam string from his grip and turned to me, eyes still a bit dark from the aftereffects of alcohol but the glint in them was noticeable nevertheless. "To know that I failed to satisfy you is worse than any hangover ever could be." He continued; his hand now on my chin as he guided me closer to his face, parting my lips with his thumb to welcome in his tongue.

I inwardly smiled, I should have known that Mathias would find an opportunity to make true on his words, he was not the kind of man to let his lover wait. And as much as if I had preferred it to happen the night before, this was just as nice. Maybe it was even better, for yesterday we had been weary and tired from our journey and Berwalds condition had rested heavily on our conscience so it would have been a dampened experience at best.

But there was still something that was amiss. "Our bath water should be ready soon." I whispered once our lips had parted again, but we kept our faces close to breathe in the other's presence. Mathias lips curled into a grin and he pressed his mouth once more on mine and we just lied there for a felt eternity, relishing the feeling that we would be together for the rest of our lives, that after so many obstacles in our way we could be sure that nothing would ever tear us apart. And for a moment I saw us both, sitting in rocking chairs on a porch of a neat little house somewhere in the countryside, old as hell and looking back on a life that couldn't have been more wonderful.

"I can't wait." Mathias said and for a sweet wonderful moment I allowed myself to believe that he had shared my vision and was referring to that. "I want to grow old with you." I answered, raising my hand to cup Mathias' cheek, following the curve of his cheekbone with my thumb and watching the reflection of my smiling face in those sky blue eyes. "That would be nice…" Mathias returned my smile before his eyes grew distant as he thought about the future I had just laid out before us.

"We'll live in a house next to Berwald and Tino and we will have loud sex all day so that the two of them are crept out and get all jealous over us." I snorted and poked a finger in Mathias' side. "Is that all you can think of?" Mathias chuckled and caught my hand in his, raising it to his lips and kissing every digit, one after another. "Have you seen how hot you are babe? Of course all I can think of is having sex with you." I pulled back my hands and put on a mock pout. "Idiot." I grumbled, but I kept my smile to show that I wasn't mad at all. After all most of the time I wanted to have sex as much as he did.

"But really, you are gorgeous and I'm so glad to have you in my life. The only way I know to show you how much you mean to me, is making love to you." Mathias leaned over to place a kiss on my temple, his hand resting in my hair and playing with the strands that fell loosely, for once not held back by my cross shaped pin.

"That's not true, you tell me all the time how much you love me; how could I ever forget that?" If anyone it should be me who had to put more effort into showing the other their feelings. "It never feels enough though. You are the best that ever happened to me Lukas and I always feel like I couldn't possibly measure up to what you give to me." It was not often that Mathias was sincere like this so I appreciated it even more. Even though I didn't understand how he could ever get these misconceptions. He was perfect.

"What I give you? What about what you give to me? You saved me, remember?" I took Mathias hand and pressed it against my chest, right over my heart. "But I was too late." A look of sadness and guilt flittered over Mathias'face as he remembered our encounter after I had been raped. My heart clenched as I recalled how I had yelled at him and pushed all the blame on him only because I was not able to face the harsh reality. It had been one of the most horrible things that ever happened to me but it had only helped to show me how deep Mathias' love truly was.

"You weren't too late; there was nothing you could have done. And it doesn't matter anymore, I have you know and nothing is going to change that ever." I pulled Mathias into a deep kiss, his hand still pressed against my constantly beating heart, the warmth from his body and his lips flowing into me and making my mind float with happiness. "The present is all that matters." I whispered once the kiss was broken and looked into Mathias' eyes.

The moment was interrupted as someone knocked at the door. Mathias, who looked as if he had wanted to say something in that very moment, turned his head to look at the door. "Seems like our water is here." He murmured, brushing through my hair one last time before he got up and opened the door to the two men outside.

With combined effort we managed to get the pails of hot steaming water into the bathroom and filled them into the bathtub. It was far from being filled but I didn't want to wait any longer so this would have to be enough. After our romantic exchange on the bed I felt it was time for some solid action and it would even be better if both of us were clean.

It just hadn't felt right to have sex with all that dirt on us. Come to think of it, it might even be a good idea to change the sheets of our bed. And I wanted to wash our clothes anyway so I could just wash them myself.

The men left after we had reassured them that this was enough water and finally we were alone again. Suddenly it couldn't be fast enough to get all our clothes off, Mathias was a bit handicapped because of his still lightly throbbing head but he made up for it with virile vigor. He pushed me into the hot water and followed close behind, a piece of soap that came with the water in hand and with both of our bodies; the water level actually was high enough to be called a bath.

The water was a bit too hot for my taste but I soon lost myself in Mathias' touches as he scrubbed the soap over my body, taking care of every inch of skin almost meticulously. I leaned back against Mathias' chest as he reached forward to clean my chest, the soap teasingly brushing over my nipples until they both stood hard up into the air.

I lifted my arm to bury my hand in Mathias soft golden locks as he continued to wander down, rubbing over my stomach, over my hips, along my legs, but staying away from my body parts that craved his attention the most. His breath was hot against my ear as he pressed his face into my neck, kissing the skin gently and continuing his way down my legs.

"You're beautiful." He whispered, fanning out his other hand out on my thigh, his lightly tanned fingers dark against the paleness of my skin. "Like an angel." I sighed deeply; it felt indescribably good to finally feel the touch of my lover again, after all these times of danger and insecurity.

"I love you." I said, hand tightening its grasp in Mathias' hair and I closed my eyes to fully enjoy the extent of his caresses. "I love you too." Mathias kissed my earlobe, flicking his tongue out to play with the sensuous spot behind my ear and I moaned softly, encouraging him to go farther, to stop teasing already and to start giving me what I wanted.

"Don't worry babe, I'll make you scream soon enough…" The husky promise reverberated through the humid air, making my body shiver with want.

...


	40. Connecting

**A/N: **Yay Happy New Year everyone 3 I'm back from my holiday hiatus so expect regular updates again. I planned on finishing this fic soon but it seems as if I just can't keep it short so there weill be definitely a chapter 50. Maybe even more.

Have fun ;D

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The watery air of the room was filled with the soft splashing sound of water and the erratic breathing of two bodies immersed in each other. Mathias had long since dropped the soap and was now drawing his hands over my skin, trailing roads of heat on my writhing flesh, mapping out every part of me with meticulous care. From time to time he would take up water with his cupped hands and pour it over me to wash off the soap that still clung to my body.

I could feel his hardened length press against my lower back, but he didn't seem ready yet to indulge himself, instead preferring to coax moans of pleasure from my raw throat as he continued his relentless assault. I lied in his arms, back pressed against his chest, head arched backwards by each new wave of pleasure that surged through me when Mathias brushed against a sensitive spot.

He had yet to lay hands on the spot I wished him to touch me the most but still I was gradually losing the grip on my coherence the longer his fingers danced over my body. But despite the warmth and comfort of Mathias arms, something felt oddly wrong.

This was how it always had been, Mathias taking care of me while I did nothing. He had never hinted that it bothered him but it was something that had started to bother me. I loved him, he was my everything, yet I never did anything to prove it except with words. And as much as he insisted on not needing any reassurance, I still wanted to do something for him. He deserved it after all.

I pushed myself away from Mathias' warm body behind me, water splashing against the sides of the bathtub as I turned around to kneel between Mathias' legs. He carried a look of surprise, hands suspended in mid air as I had interrupted him in the middle of his movement. "Lukas…?"

Already there was worry evident in his voice, worry over my actions, if he had done anything wrong. "Ssh." I took his hands in mine and blew a quick kiss on his knuckles. "This is for you." With that I bent down to fish Mathias' member out of the water, with most of my body removed from the water body it was shallow enough for me to take it into my mouth without drowning.

Mathias was a bit surprised and he hesitated as he cupped my chin with his hand, not sure if he should let me do something he knew I had been forced to do before, thanks to a few clients who had insisted on me sucking them off. I knew it held somewhat of a special meaning when two lovers did it, it meant that they trusted each other, but so far only Mathias had ever done it to me.

I had always hated it when a man had forced his dick down my throat and every time afterwards, no matter how long I had rinsed out my mouth, the bitter taste of cum had stayed for hours. For the first time ever I wanted to do it on my own, because I wanted to show Mathias that I not only loved but trusted him.

My hand gripped the base of Mathias' shaft firmly as I lowered down my head to flick my tongue against the head. Mathias' hand was still on my cheek, but he let go once my mouth was on him, the sensations overwhelming his mind as he leaned back and closed his eyes. Most cocks I had sucked off had tasted stale and unwashed but thanks to the hot water Mathias' didn't have any particular taste, but still underlining the neutrality of freshly washed skin there was a faint almost sweet flavor, reminding me of the taste of Mathias' lips.

I started slowly, licking the head, playing a bit with the foreskin before I wandered down the shaft to the base, lips gently prodding against the sensitive skin and applying pressure along the thick vein on the underside. I moved back up again, flicking my tongue against the thin slit at the top, eliciting a moan from Mathias' that echoed through the room and spurred me on even more.

It was a whole different thing to pleasure Mathias than any of those men who had paid me for it. While they had grunted like the fat heavy pigs they were, Mathias moans and gasps sounded like pure unrestrained bliss and it made my heart flutter that I was the cause of this.

I closed my lips around the head, tongue still prodding against the shaft as I gently and carefully slid deeper. I couldn't fit the whole penis in, Mathias had quite a girth, but I tried to go as far as possible without gagging. And with every inch I engulfed with my mouth Mathias' breath grew more ragged and a low deep moan escaped his throat as I grazed my teeth over the shaft. It was like wonderful sweet music to my ears, to hear Mathias coming loose like this, his hand on my head, grasping at the hair in an attempt to hold on to something while I was overloading his body with pleasure. He had given me plenty of head so I knew how good it felt and it made me glad that I finally was able to let Mathias feel the same.

I started to move my hand along the base of Mathias' shaved, pumping in time with the movements of my mouth as I slipped up and down the length. A warm feeling was pooling in my lower regions, it was not like an impending orgasm more like a light throbbing that reminded me that my own member was twitching with unsatisfied need. But that had to wait, for now I wanted to focus on Mathias.

"Hng… Lukas…" Mathias moaned, his hand tightening in my hair, but despite his obvious struggle he made no attempt at all to push me down on his shaft, not like so many other men had before. And I was grateful that he let me stay in control, because I didn't know if I could have handled it, had he tried to use force on me.

And then suddenly I felt his hands on my arms as he pulled me up and into a kiss, whole body quivering as the friction of my body against his sent him over the edge and he came between us, lips pressed against mine as he moaned out my name. He was panting heavily, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath again, only to smile down at me and kissing me on the forehead. "That was amazing Lukas." I returned the smile, glad that he was mindful enough to spare me the bitter taste of his cum even though I would have swallowed it for him. "Glad you liked it."

Mathias smile turned into a grin. "Liked? I loved it!" He nuzzled his face against mine and kissed me again. "But I wanted to make you scream remember?"I resettled against his chest, after I had cleared off the water around us a bit. "Well then you should better get started." I teased, licking playfully over his earlobe, sending visible shivers through his body. "Or else you'll never catch up to that head start of mine."

Mathias smirked, and the slight feeling that I surely would regret this crept up on me. Mathias would never pass up the challenge I had just thrown at him. "Don't worry, you'll get your fun, and when I'm through with you, you won't be able to walk for the next three days." Mathias placed his hands on my hips and lifted me up until I stood in the bathtub, warm water that had lost most of its temperature sloshing around my ankles. I waited until he got up too, before I answered: "Then you'll better get ready to carry me around."

Mathias angled for a towel that hung on a hook on the wall and wrapped me in it, bringing his face close to my ear once he was done. "I will carry you to the end of the world if you want…" I felt my heart thumping at his words, it was cheesy maybe, but I could feel the sincerity and the love that permeated his voice. "Idiot…" I whispered back, but the smile on my lips was still audible in my voice.

He pressed his still wet body against my toweled dry one, arms tightly wrapped around me as he kissed my neck. "We better get onto the bed then, don't you think so?" Mathias pulled my towel off and rubbed himself dry quickly all the while pushing me in the direction of the door. I complied and stepped into the bedroom, the air there was much cooler than in the water heated bathroom so I quickly made my way over and snuggled under the blankets. Mathias followed soon behind me, his wet hair clinging flat to his skull for once, giving him a completely unfamiliar look.

He climbed in after me and wrapped his arms around me his body warmth immediately chased the cold away and I readily opened my arms to pull him closer. We lied there for a moment, without a word, just relaxing in each other's arms, before Mathias lips found mine and we lost ourselves in a long drawn-out kiss. Mathias had just had a climax so we had to start slow, but I didn't mind at all. I was getting all the attention I could ever crave with Mathias paying attention to every seemingly insignificant part of my body, playing kisses on still damp skin, trailing fingers along bone lines, flicking his tongue against every part that stood out.

My hands were tangled up in Mathias hair, drops of water leaking from his wet locks on my fingers, but the cool feeling only added to the sensations as it stood in stark contrast to the heat that followed every of Mathias' touches. I bit on my lip not to cry out as Mathias' mouth closed around my nipple, taking a felt eternity until he finally released it only to blow his breath against the moist skin, sending a trickle of goose bumps down my spine.

It was sweet but ever so torturous as he kept his hands away from my lower body, probably waiting for me to cave in and beg for his touch. And my resolve was cracking, my pride waning as he continued to let his fingers wander over my body, followed by kisses and licks. "Mathias…" My voice was breathless and scratchy as I almost begged him to go deeper to give me what I want, and when he finally heeded my plea I almost let out a scream as I felt his warm hand close around me, setting my whole body ablaze with want and pleasure.

I dug my fingers in the flesh of Mathias' back, nails scraping over the firm outlines of ribs under the smooth skin as the feeling overwhelmed my senses. Mathias almost unnoticeably flinched from the pain my nails were inducing and I forced myself to ease my grip. I needed something to hold onto though and so I found Mathias' other hand that was still on my chest and entwined my fingers with his. My eyes squeezed shut and my mouth hung open as I tried to control my breath but it was in vain, Mathias increased pumping of my erection was sweeping every hold on coherency I had away.

Warm lips pressed against mine, constricting for a moment my air supply, until my nostrils had taken up the task. Still it felt as if my nose was not up to the challenge of supplying my body with enough air and the moment Mathias released my mouth I was gasping like a fish on land. Strangely though my arousal hadn't been decreased at all by my brief exposure to asphyxiation, on the contrary the sudden burst of panicked energy even heightened my perception.

My pleasure fogged mind came up with a memory of a conversation between two of the girls in the brothel, one telling the other how a friend of her died after one of her clients insisted in strangulating her during their intercourse. According to her it was supposed to be improving the experience of sex but it was too dangerous so it was forbidden in our brothel. I had no time to dwell on that thought though, Mathias who had noticed that something was not quite right with me had stopped his ministrations and was looking at me now with concern. "Are you alright Lukas?"

The experience had not been bad and I was sure that Mathias didn't do it on purpose but I decided then for myself that I would never put Mathias through something like this. I couldn't imagine doing it myself, putting my hands around Mathias' neck and squeezing the life out of him so I would never even think about asking that of him. Even though I found myself curiously wondering that if Mathias would ever express the highly unlikely wish to nearly asphyxiate me, I would allow Mathias doing that, I would entrust my life to him at any moment.

In a way it felt both terrifying and wonderful at the same time to trust someone so completely and without question. That feeling was entirely new to me.

Mathias grew more concerned as my silence stretched out, but I had to sort out my thoughts first, before I could answer his question. I smiled and rested my hand on his cheek. "I'm fine; I just realized how amazing you truly are." At first only light confusion showed on Mathias' features but his face soon was split by an enormous grin as he leaned forward to place a slobbery kiss on my cheekbone. I pushed him away with a look of mock disgust on my face but in truth I couldn't have felt happier. "Now continue with what you were doing." I commanded, a smile tugging at my lips as I watched Mathias' gleeful expression.

I half expected him to tease me, asking me to what exactly I wanted him to go back to, but he just kissed me again and replaced his hands on my body. My eyes fell closed again and I leaned back to lose myself in the sensations of Mathias' hand around my length, moving up and down and his other hand that was drawing circles around my nipples, occasionally pushing against one or disappearing completely from my skin only to return on another spot, sending my mind off into a spiral of bliss.

I was trying to hold back for as long as possible but eventually the built up pleasure was too much and it only took as little as a brush against the sensitive underside to send me over the edge. Mathias caught my release with his hands, engulfing my member with warmth as he stroke out the last waves of orgasm. The sheets had gone astray at some point and I lied on the messy bed, limbs sprawled out and heavily breathing as the heat finally left my body.

Mathias got up and rustled around in the room a bit, I was still too groggy to pay much attention to him. In reality it hadn't been that long since our last time together, only a few days but it felt like an eternity and I knew that both our lust was far from being sated. Having been so close to death repeatedly had taken a toll on us and now we were trying to reassure the fact that we were still alive and that nothing could keep us apart. I wanted to feel Mathias in me to make sure that the connection between us hadn't changed at all. I was willing to take it slow though, after the recent hardships we both weren't exactly healthy and I still had that nasty cough sleeping somewhere in my lungs.

The mattress sank a bit in as Mathias returned to the bed, hands wiped clean and a promising smirk on his lips. The sole sight of it made my stomach flutter and I could feel a bit of warmth pooling up in my nether regions. I was still exhausted from my previous orgasm but that wouldn't hinder me from playing around with Mathias. I was positive that sooner or later he would get me going again.

* * *

Afterwards I couldn't say how much time we spent in bed, touching, feeling, having sex and talking but when we finally were hungry enough to make our way downstairs to eat lunch or dinner, depending on the time, the owner had returned with the village's healer in tow. The sun was still standing high above the horizon but noon was long gone so I figured it was somewhere between late and early afternoon. Not that it really mattered.

As Mathias predicted I had some difficulties with walking but I grit my teeth and stalked down the stairs, ignoring Mathias' attempts at helping me. Not that I had a problem with accepting his help, I just didn't want Emil to see his brother in such a pitiable state. But despite the stabbing pain in my backside and the awkward position I had to sit in at the table I still felt content and happy, so full of love and joy that I felt the constant urge to smile. The only thing that would make the situation even more perfect would be Berwald being able to walk around and join us.

Mathias apparently felt similar, for he was almost glowing with satisfaction and I could tell by the occasional grin he threw my way that he was more than pleased with himself. Arthur and Francis had already been sitting at the table, chatting with the owner who explained us that the healer was currently taking care of Berwald. Tino was with them and Emil was in the stables, grooming the horses with Peter. I had completely forgotten about the promise we made the owner about his son but thankfully the others had taken care of that.

I was handed a small vial with a bluish liquid from the owner, the healer had given it to him together with the instructions. I had to take a few drops before each meal and my cough would be gone in no time. I eyed the vial suspiciously, I had never seen something like it before but the owner reassured me that it would work. He was only a healer with knowledge in herbal medicine but with that he could cure almost everything, unlike all those doctors and physicians who claimed that bloodletting and leeches actually were medicine. Since the only doctor I had encountered so far had resorted to herbs too I couldn't really provide a backed up opinion on the matter so I only nodded politely.

If it eased the constricted feeling in my chest then it was enough for me.

...


	41. News

**A/N:** I never realized how hard it is to name random OCs with generalized names that at least somehow sound okay in my own language too. Not to mention that they don't fit at all with the names of the canon characters. (I just wanted an excuse to name someone Steve)

* * *

It took Berwald three more days to recover enough to get up and walk around without constantly grimacing in pain. The wound was far from being healed, but it now was covered with a thick layer of scab and Berwald even was able to move his arm again, albeit only limited. And not only Berwald, the rest of us also recovered from the various stages of exhaustion and light injuries we had sustained from our adventures.

My cough had grown worse over the second day of our stay, I couldn't leave the bed for quite a while, my lung had burned at every breath and my limbs constantly hurt. It had felt almost as if I was dying and hadn't it been for Mathias loving care and comfort and Emil's frequent visits to make sure that I was still alive, I doubted that I would have recovered as fast as I did. But after another day of staying in bed, but with less pain and more boredom, on the morning on the fourth day I woke up feeling almost whole again, even my hands were finally healed enough that I could use them without pain or feeling stiff.

The owner, whose name actually was James, had stopped at nothing to get both Berwald and me the best treatment he could offer, almost to an extent that I felt uncomfortable. James had claimed that he wanted to thank us for bringing the news of the war and keeping his son company but compared to what he did for us that was nothing. Still I didn't want to argue since I knew how lucky we were to end up in such caring hands. It could have been much worse.

As for the war, James and his family had alerted the nearby village and laid out an escape plan in case of an attack. There was no point in mounting a defense, there were too few people and even less weapons so our best choice was to try and get the hell out of there. James even built some kind of stretcher that could be hitched to a horse to make sure that Berwald wouldn't be left behind. I didn't quite understand why James was willing to go so far for us, a bunch of strangers, but I was nonetheless thankful.

We all knew though that if there really was an attack our chances were more than slim, the land around the inn was mostly flat with grass being the major vegetation and the snow that was our biggest protection would become our greatest obstacle should it come to an escape. It had started to snow again on the night from the second to the third day and now the land was covered with a thick layer of powdery white. It was unlikely for an army to attack in these conditions but I had learned the hard way that one should never feel too safe behind assumedly impermeable defenses.

But instead of an attack, we got news on the fourth day. On the late evening a group of riders from the capital arrived, the early nightfall and the snow made it impossible to ride through the night and so they had little to no choice but to stay and get a bit of rest. Tidings of the attacks had finally reached the capital and now the king was readying his troops for war. He had sent out riders to rally as many men as possible and in addition rider were sent out to bring word to the West that reinforcements were on their way.

I wasn't sure if that actually were good news. It was good that finally something was done about the Orushian troops going wild in the region but after experiencing a warlike situation firsthand I wasn't too fond of it at all. And the only good thing of a winter war was that no crops would wither away on the fields because the harvest had long been brought in. I really couldn't understand what the King if Orusha was thinking to start a war in this more than inconvenient season.

We were sitting in the taproom once more, our group and two of the messenger riders; even Berwald had made it out of his room and sat now nestled in a mountain of pillows and blankets on one of the benches, leaning heavily against the wall. Tino sat beside him, a mug with hot spiced wine in his hands and keeping a careful eye on his lover's condition. It would take more than four days to heal for a wound like Berwalds to heal and he had only nearly survived a severe case of blood poisoning. But Berwald was tough and as I watched him I found that his face was relaxed and carried the slightest hint of a smile over the attention he got from Tino, only noticeable for people who knew him quite well.

Across from Berwald and Tino sat the two men from the capital, tankards with beer in hands and eagerly sharing their stories with us. They couldn't have been more different, one was big with a thick coarse beer and an outgoing easy nature, the other was smaller and had a cleanly shaved face and an ever present frown plastered on his face. Both of them were friendly though and thus I decided to ignore their appearance.

Squeezed in on the other side of Berwald sat Francis and Arthur, originally Arthur had intended to sit on the other side of the table but Francis had pulled him on his lap and invalidated Arthur's argument with a lot of kisses. But Arthur didn't seem too unhappy about it; he even leaned against Francis' side from his newly acquired position directly beside him, having a similar alcohol embargo than Mathias forced on him by Francis t.

Mathias and I sat at the head of the table, it was a bit cramped but I didn't mind the closeness, on the contrary, I quite enjoyed Mathias' arm that he had slung around me and the warmth that radiated from him. Mathias drank beer again but I had wisely decided to keep his consume under control this time and had confiscated his tankard and would only surrender it for a time and when Mathias had earned himself the privilege.

I had tried Tino's spiced wine but had found I didn't like the taste at all, the taste was not at all like the sweet wine that Francis' had offered us so I stuck to beer. It was still not my first beverage of choice but better than nothing. Apparently people who stayed in inns and taverns never drank anything without alcohol in it. Emil was sitting on the other end of the table, head resting on his folded arms, the puffin perched on top of his head.

It was still early in the evening but we had sat for quite a while now and I was growing a bit hungry. Still, the conversation was going on and I didn't want to miss out on it so I had to wait until James returned from his round around the perimeters to check if everything was in order. Since the army was hopefully on the move by now, and news from the King's declaration were spreading wildly, the Orushians would most likely halt their advance and not draw out their lines any further. But one could never be too careful.

"This whole situation is completely messed up. I don't know what the king is thinking, declaring war in the middle of winter." The big one, Steve complained. After drinking quite a few beers his tongue had loosened up and he was speaking more openly. His companion David seemed a bit nervous and he tried to tie in the other's tongue a few times but so far to no avail.

"But what else should he do? It was not him who started the attacks and he can't leave the West undefended." David tried to argue but Steve only waved his hand dismissively. "Why can't the West defend itself?" "Because we have no troops." Arthur grumbled. "The king keeps his army around the capital and our Lords are all a bunch of crybabies who ran with their tails between their legs the moment they smell danger, taking all their guards with them and leaving the rest of us to fend for ourselves. If they were at least enough weapons available so that we could arm ourselves, but no..." Arthur's tone was sour and a frown adorned his impressive eyebrows as he was talking, carving a thin line in the table with his fingernail.

David looked outright shocked at Arthur's unfriendly words, it had been hard for him to swallow Steve's drunkard talk but his king being insulted by an almost sober Arthur was hard to handle. But even David had to admit that Arthur was right. The reason Orusha had been able to push in so far and fast was the terrible state of the country's defenses, everything outside the capital relied on their local Lords for protection and as we had seen firsthand that had failed horrendously.

"If only Lord Kohler had returned earlier, he might have been able to talk some sense into the king. This whole mess wouldn't have started if our borders weren't so bad protected. I bet Lactan is preparing to invade from the other side right now, licking their fingers at the ripe and unprotected fruit they're about to pluck thanks to Orusha." Steve continued, unimpressed by David's resigned expression. I was so absorbed in the implications of his words that I missed the mention of Mathias' father at first, but Mathias had visibly perked up at the words.

"Do you know if Lord Kohler is fine?" He asked, leaning over the table until his nose almost touched Steve's cheek. " 'course he's alright, why wouldn`t he?" Answered the other, throwing Mathias a confused look as to why he suddenly seemed so intent on cuddling, even more so as an expression of intense relief washed over Mathias' face as he sat back again. "Why, what is he to you?"

I took Mathias' beer and pressed it in his hand; he deserved to wash down the good news with his favorite drink after all. Mathias took a heavy swig from the mug before he returned it to me with a grateful smile. "He's my father." He said then, returning his attention to Steve, whose yes widened slightly at Mathias' words.

"No way, you're a Lord?" David exclaimed and looked outright shocked. "Not exactly, I'm just the son of a Lord; my father has to resign his titles to me first before I can become a true Lord." Mathias explained and gestured for David, who had gotten ready to stand up, to sit down again. "There's no need to bow, I don't care about such things."

"How come a Lord's son is out here, so close to the danger without at least an escort or something?" Steve earned another shocked glance from David as he casually addressed Mathias like that. That David seemed to take the class system to heart and even though he had sat down again, he looked as if he wanted to fall to his knees any second now.

It was kind of funny really. I had met Mathias in a brothel, a kind of compromising environment; there had never been the need for formalities. Mathias' identity as a noble had never been of consequence for me, even though as a mere commoner it should have been my duty to pay him my respects. But like he said, Mathias had never cared for such things and sure as hell he wouldn't start now.

Come to think of it Berwald was a noble too, even Tino was considered nobility, and only Emil and I were of lower birth. I didn't know about Francis and Arthur though; they were at least citizens which still were considered a better social position than peasantry. Luckily no one at the table, except for David cared about social standing. But would that be the same once we reached the capital? Mathias surely wouldn't care, and most likely wouldn't Berwald and Tino, but what about their families? What about the rest of their society? Mingling between nobles and common folk was frowned upon and a serious relationship like the one Mathias and I aspired was almost impossible.

It was not the first time I had these thoughts, and still I couldn't find a solution to the problem. And a tiny voice in my head was constantly reminding me that maybe would grow tired of me once we reached his home. He surely had friends there and when he was reunited with them he surely would forget about me. No matter how often I told myself that this was not true, that I could trust Mathias, the voice never quite disappeared.

I sneaked my hand under the table to grab Mathias' that was resting on his lap and his reassuring squeeze was enough to chase the haunting thoughts away. He would never leave me, he promised me that and I could at least believe in him.

The topic at the table had moved on in the meantime, Mathias along with a little help from Arthur had explained why we were there in the first place. The two men had listened intently, although Mathias had left out most details, but still it was quite the adventure. "I can't believe you made it out alive!" Steve was almost too excited about the whole story for my taste. We had gone through hell to come so far and he was outright enjoying the telling of it.

But maybe that was the way to deal with it.

We couldn't undo the past, so maybe it was best to face what happened head on instead of trying to forget as fast as possible. If only it were so easy.

"So you are on your way to the capital, I assume?" Steve asked with a hint of curiosity. David had stayed silent the whole time but at Steve's words he perked up and looked like he wanted to say something, Tino beat him to it though. "Yep, we've been trying to reach the capital for a long time now; I hope we'll arrive there before winter solstice. I would hate to miss out on Yule." Tino said with a longing look in his eyes. I knew from Mathias that a grand festival was held on winter solstice and shortly after the Yule celebrations began. We had celebrated Yule too, but it was only a small event with most people having not enough resources to really go all out. I had always wanted to see one big Yule celebration though.

"I don't even know how many days are left before winter solstice." Tino sighed and hung his head, causing Berwald to pat his back in obvious distress. Since he had been injured Berwald had been the one on the receiving end of love and care in their relationship and even though Tino didn't mind at all, Berwald was a bit unhappy that he couldn't be there for his lover like he used to. And now when Tino was displaying an apparent amount of disappointment Berwald tried his best to comfort him with his temporarily impairment.

"Don't worry." Steve grinned and emptied his beer with one big gulp. "You have plenty of time to reach the capital before the festivities start. I think this year they're going to be extra big, because everyone's afraid of the war and this is their way of coping. Don't you think so Dave?"

David seemed displeased by his nickname but he nodded nevertheless before he cleared his throat to speak. "I think we can even make sure that you reach your destination without further incident." His words were answered with a moment of silence until a whole flurry of speech erupted. Everyone wanted to know what he meant with that at the same time and it took a while before everyone had calmed down enough to listen. After all the drawbacks we were tired of it and the prospect of getting to the capital safely was like a silver lining on the horizon.

"Well we have the duty as Royal Couriers to support the King as much as possible and since we have found Lord Kohler's son and company it should be our duty to safely escort them back to the capital." David explained and tried to appear dignified, an effort that was destroyed however by his comrade Steve who slapped him on the back and chuckled. "You're right Dave, I didn't even think of that. But we can't go all, can we? We still have messages to deliver."

"Wait a minute." Arthur suddenly spoke up. "Are you saying that you are willing to provide us a safe escort to the capital? And make sure that _nothing _goes wrong along the way?" "Precisely, I imagine it must please the king greatly when his most loyal servant's son and friends are returned to him. We will have to split up the troop though, a few should stick to their original orders."

"That would be great." Tino almost bounced up and down on his seat and was short from hugging David who clearly looked averse to such a display of gratitude. As nice as it sounded I was still aware of his true motifs. He wanted to gain the king's favor or at least the favor of Mathias' father, but as long as it would get us to the capital I wouldn't complain.

Tino was not the only one who was excited, in a sudden burst of affectionate energy Arthur had trapped Francis in a happy embrace, a gesture the man returned with eagerness. Even Emil looked pleased, albeit he cast me a glance that showed that he too was aware of David's hidden agenda. To my surprise Mathias had stayed mostly silent and was only speaking up when the table had grown silent again.

"I'm sure my father will reward you for your services, I can't talk for the king though." Under the table Mathias was squeezing my hand again and I smiled softly at him. "I only hope we don't encounter any more trouble on the way." He said with a calm and thoughtful voice, and I was grateful that I was not the only one who wasn't as excited about this sudden ray of sun like the rest. After all we had learned the hard way that anything could go wrong at any time.

"It's settled then, we're going home." Steve grinned again, and this time Mathias replied with his own trademark grin. "Yes, we're going home."

...


	42. Settling in

After that David disappeared for a while to make a few arrangements. We wouldn't leave immediately of course, Berwald was still recovering and the weather conditions weren't looking up either so we would stay in the inn for a bit longer. But a rider was sent out to the capital that would bring news to Lord Kohler and return with horses for us.

I would have preferred if we would depart sooner than later but it was much safer this way. Besides, at this point I wasn't too fond of yet another long and arduous foot march, traveling on horseback would be a lot more comfortable. Aside from the fact maybe that neither Emil nor I had ever sat on the back of a horse, but James offered us his own horses for training.

It was unsure when the rider would return, under normal conditions it would take him approximately one week to get to the capital and back, assuming that he stayed there for one night. But with the unpredictable snow it was hard to tell, the snowy road was treacherous and it could start snowing again every minute. The Royal Couriers were experts at travelling in every weather condition though. Why anyone would want to start a war in this season though was a mystery to me. But then again I couldn't understand either why anyone would start a war at all.

When David returned to tell us that he would be the one to ride to the capital, since he figured it was the best solution, Francis insisted on treating him to dinner. He even proposed to cook it himself, but James would have none of it. David would leave first thing tomorrow morning and hopefully return in a week. Mathias was a bit concerned, our money reserves most likely wouldn't last to cover our expenses for such a long time, but after a bit of consulting with James we agreed on helping with work in the stables and the inn in order to make up for what we couldn't pay.

Mathias then went to our room to write a short note to his father, explaining our situation and asking him to provide David with everything he needed. I couldn't imagine how Mathias' must feel like, thinking his son most likely dead. I knew how it was to lose one's parents, but the pain of losing one's only child must be even worse. Parents were not supposed to survive their children and especially the uncertainty of the situation must have been pure torture for Lord Kohler. All he knew was that the town had been attacked and the mansion was burnt down, but there was no trace of his son and he could only hope that he was alright. But after hearing nothing for so long, he surely must have given up hope.

Strangely though, neither David nor Steve had mentioned anything about Lord Kohler being in mourning, according to them he was fine even. But maybe he just had never let anyone on on his feelings. He had a duty to fulfill after all. I was sure however that he deeply loved his son, no matter how little of that he showed in public. I remembered our short conversation in the kitchen, the day after we had moved in with Mathias. He had been calm and collected but he was concerned about Mathias nonetheless, enough to trust a mere stranger with his safekeeping.

Not that I had done a particular good job with that.

Shortly after Mathias returned with the note and handed it to David, James brought Dinner followed by Francis. After a little while of bugging he had allowed Francis to at least help with the preparation and the man now was glowing with self satisfaction as he placed the plates in front of us. I had to admit it definitely looked delicious, even James was positively surprised.

We mostly ate in silence, after the first excitement over our soon to-be safe return; everyone had calmed down again and thought about what it actually meant for them to reach the capital. Mathias of course was going home, he had lived most of his life there, it was actually hard to believe that he had only spent a few weeks in our town; it rather felt as if I had known him for ages. Something similar was true for Berwald and Tino, at least as far as I knew. Berwalds family had their main seat in the capital too but he spent a lot of time in their country house that was close to Tino's home. Growing up on the countryside, Tino had lived at least parts of his life in the capital in order to get his education. They all had family there, even if it only was one great-aunt in case of Tino's.

I didn't know as much about Francis and Arthur, but they had at least some experience with living in a big city so they wouldn't have a hard time with adjusting. They could even take up their old jobs, even though I had not a clue what that could have been. In Francis case probably something involving cooking, but with Arthur I had no idea. I should definitely ask them that, it was almost outright impolite to what extent I was ignorant towards my friend's occupation.

For Emil and me on the other hand it would be a whole new experience. The last city we had stayed in had been a big adventure already, and the capital was even bigger. Emil would probably want to finish his reading lessons; maybe he could even get a teacher or something. That would actually be a good idea for me too, on the countryside it didn't matter if one could read but it was a whole different matter in a city. And I felt so inferior sometimes when one of the others was writing something down, I couldn't even decipher the note Mathias wrote for his father.

And what would I do for a living? I wouldn't feel comfortable depending solely on Mathias, he probably wouldn't mind, but I just didn't want to be a freeloader. And I definitely didn't want to work in a brothel again. I had helped my father a few times on his construction works but that was so long ago that I had forgotten most of it. And I had helped my mother with doing the laundry, but I had seen what it did to her, I didn't want to go through the same thing. The only other thing I was good at was braiding hair, but aside from providing nice looking charms, that was pretty useless. Mathias had connected his to a leather band and the charm with my lock now hung around his neck. I knew that Tino and Berwald carried theirs above their hearts and Emil had draped his around Mr. Puffin's neck.

I had never gotten to making one for Arthur and Francis, but maybe I could catch up on that in the next week. James' horses should provide enough hair I supposed. They had even worked somehow, in bringing us back together. If it was skill or dumb luck that allowed us to come out of everything more or less unscathed was not important to me as long as we were safe.

Yet I still didn't know what I could do in the capital. I felt responsible for Emil as well, as mature as he seemed sometimes he was only 15, a child in my eyes and I didn't want him to carry responsibility yet. He should get to enjoy his youth as long as he could, and once this was over I would make sure that he found some friends and maybe I could even send him to a school. At least so he could learn some basics.

But we were not yet there. And I had more than a week time to figure out what I would do.

I was so lost in thought that it took me a moment to realize that Mathias had been trying to get my attention for a while now. "What's wrong Lukas? You seem worried." Mathias asked with a gentle tone in his voice. "It's nothing." I was quick to assure but I could see that Mathias wasn't buying it. "Lukas please, don't do that. When you have a problem come to me, I will help you, but don't just shut me out. I love you and I want to be there for you."

Mathias took my hand in his, watching me with concern as he rubbed his thumbs over the back of my hand. "I was just thinking about what I would do when we arrive at your home." I looked down and tried to appear as if I examined the patterns in the wooden table. I lifted my other hand and followed one of the long dark lines that adorned the wooden structure.

"What do you mean? You're staying with me of course. You aren't seriously thinking of leaving me aren't you?" Mathias voice grew more concerned and he looked at me with hurt in his eyes. But the worst part was the fear in his eyes, the fear that I maybe actually considered leaving him and he simply couldn't stand that thought. I suddenly felt bad for worrying; Mathias had proved more than once that he was there for me and he wouldn't just stop with that only because we reached the capital. How could I ever think that I was a burden to Mathias? Sometimes I hated how my insecurities always got the best of me.

"I'm not going to leave." I said and squeezed Mathias hands tightly. "Not as long as you still want me there. I just need to find a job or something to pay for Emil and my expenses; I don't feel comfortable with living off on you." With a sudden movement Mathias pulled me in a tight embrace, startling the rest of the table that until now had been sucked up in their own conversations or thoughts.

"I understand." Mathias breathed after he had released me from his hug and we had resettled in our seats. The others had caught on that we were having a private conversation and returned their attention to their previous activity, giving us some privacy in the process. "You don't want to be a burden even though I assure you; you never have been and never will be a burden to me. You can go to work if you want to, but please let me take care of you at least for a little while. I promised you that I would do that and I have failed you until now, so please give me a chance to keep my promise. You have gone through so much to keep yourself and Emil going and I want you to have a worry free life for once. I want to spoil and love you and just take care of you, after all you've been through you deserve at least that much."

I had a hard time to keep the moisture from my eyes, Mathias sounded terribly cheesy but still my heart was beating fast at his words and I was at a loss of words. I couldn't fathom how much he truly loved me and I would never understand why he fell in love with me of all people. I must have been the luckiest guy in the world. "I'm sorry." I said and I couldn't keep the shiver out of my words, I just was so overwhelmed with emotions. "I didn't mean to worry you. All I want is to be with you but sometimes I'm afraid that you get tired of me and leave me. I'm not exactly what is considered socially adequate for you."

Mathias expression grew softer as he listened to me and then he smiled at me with so much love in his eyes it made me breathless. "I have never cared for such things, I love you and that will never change. I know that you feel insecure about our difference in status but even if the whole world turns against us I won't ever abandon us. So Lukas, please stop worrying about it. You should have some faith in me."

He was right. I knew he was right, there was no point in worrying but sometimes I just couldn't help it. "I'm sorry." I said again and pulled Mathias into a kiss. It was the least I could do. It was so unusual for me to be such a worrywart but maybe that is what falling in love did to me. I just hoped I would overcome it soon. "How about I'll talk to my father once we are home. I'm sure he will agree on us being together and then you have your proof that there is nothing to worry about."

"I love you." I smiled and just like that I felt my worries ease away. Mathias poked a finger on my nose and grinned. "If anyone it should be me to be worried, after all I have the most beautiful lover in the world and someone could try to snatch you away from me any second." I rolled my eyes, but kept the smile on my lips. "As if." Mathias caught my hand that I had raised to slap his hand away from my nose and placed a kiss on my knuckles. "You. Are. Beautiful." Each word was accompanied by another kiss, and when he was finished he leaned forward to kiss my lips.

After that we finished our meal and talked with the others about our plans for the next week. Berwald still had to rest of course but the rest of us would help with whatever work needed to be done. There was not much else to do really, the snow made moving around outside a bit troublesome. We would go to the village at least once though, to buy a few much needed things, like clothes for example but that could be done on one day. Emil agreed on looking after Peter, the two seemed to get somewhat along and especially Peter had grown attached to Emil, claiming he would teach him how to be a man. Emil was nice enough to humor him and I was a bit surprised because I had never thought that Emil would be so good with kids.

But it was not only Emil, after Peter had 'discovered' the big 'sick giant' Berwald he had claimed he had to 'go on a quest to find the cure', dragging Tino across the house and even outside to dig up supposedly magical items, mostly food, that Berwald then had to consume or use. At first James had tried to prevent Peter from disturbing the two, but both claimed that they didn't mind, on the contrary Berwald even enjoyed Peter's company and went to great lengths to play along with his shenanigans. Tino and Berwald would make real good parents one day. Mathias and I on the other hand would probably traumatize our child for the rest of his or her life. Albeit I had done a not so bad job with raising Emil, who, after our father's death, had mostly depended on me.

And somehow I could see Mathias be a really good father who would play with his children and goof around with them but who could be serious and firm when it was needed. And he would do everything to protect them. Maybe someday we could adopt a child; I had heard once that noble families adopted children when they had no heir. But it was much too soon for thinking about children, I was only 17 and Mathias was insignificantly older, no there would be much more time later for offspring.

Like he had promised David left early the next morning, with the intent to return as fast as possible and we had no other choice but to settle in for at least a week long stay. Francis had been asked to help out in the kitchen, after the delicious meal he had helped prepare James was more than willing to let him cook. Arthur helped in the stables tending to the horses that seldom were used during the winter but needed to be moved nevertheless to keep them healthy. That was when one of James' stable hands took us for riding lessons and Emil and I would ride around in circles for hours on the small snow free area that Mathias had cleared in the paddock.

Our butts would be sore afterwards and walking was terrible the first few minutes after climbing from the horse's back but the feeling of sitting so high above the others and feeling the majestic animal move beneath me was worth all of it. Emil had been a bit skeptical at first but once his puffin had flown over to land on the top of the horse's head he had decided that what his puffin could do, could he do too.

Tino and Berwald were mostly busy with either resting and tending to Berwalds wound or with Peter who never seemed to grow tired of the 'cure the giant' game. Mathias helped with the manual labor that required strength and stamina, like clearing a path between the different buildings from snow or chopping firewood. Aside from my riding lessons and the few minor tasks I was assigned I finally took care of our clothes and the ridiculous amount of soiled bed sheets that turned up after only a few days. Apparently Mathias and I weren't the only ones who had been 'busy'. But with a bit of help from Emil and inevitably Peter we got it all done in one day. Needless to say that afterwards we all were soaked and raw.

In the evening both Mathias and I would be exhausted from the day's activities, but Mathias still insisted on taking special care of me, like giving me a massage, preparing a bath for me or sucking me off when I was too sore from my riding lessons to have sex. From time to time I tried to return the favor but Mathias always declined, arguing that he wanted to spoil me and my pleasure was enough for him.

One night I decided that it was enough and that it was now my turn to pleasure him, I always loved how Mathias moaned my name or was panting hard when I touched him and I wanted to feel him quiver underneath me again. As much as I enjoyed it being the one who received all the attention, I almost enjoyed it as much to be the one who gave it. So on this night, it was the fifth since David had left, I had prepared a bit of a surprise for Mathias.

...


	43. Surprise

**A/N: **Surprise ~

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Mathias was still downstairs talking a bit with Arthur, the two of them had been getting along pretty good lately. If all I would have thought that Arthur and I would bond over how hard it was to look after our respective others sometimes. But since Mathias had helped Arthur a few times in the stable with the horses they had discovered a few similarities, aside from their love for beer. Instead I had improved my relationship with Francis, we had to rely on each other to escape from the city of course and on that base our friendship had grown.

It had been Francis who proposed to me the idea I was currently preparing. After a bit of talking, our topic had shifted to what was going on in the bedroom and since Francis had been pretty open about his sex life I had eventually opened up too. It was not that I was frustrated or anything, no I had gotten more than enough attention from Mathias. But I wanted to give something in return; so far Mathias had rejected my efforts every time though.

Because of this Francis had suggested that I took matters in my own hands and so on the evening on the fifth day after David left, the ninth day after our arrival, I had left early and went to our bedroom while the others were still sitting around our usually table, enjoying a mug of ale and a nice conversation. Emil had retired too, after he had gone with Peter to read him a bedtime story. The latter claimed that he didn't need one but when Emil asked his eyes shone brightly, even as he acted indifferent. Berwald and Tino were still up but as Berwald still was easily exhaustible they would probably go to bed soon, which only left Francis Arthur and Mathias.

Francis had promised me to pry Arthur from Mathias after a certain time so that he would follow me upstairs. Until then I had time to prepare my surprise.

I quickly got to work as soon as I entered our bedroom. Aside from proposing the whole idea to begin with Francis had also given me some advice about what would work best and so I didn't feel as clueless and on the spot. Oh who am I kidding, I felt completely on the spot and exposed too for that matter. But what did I expect?

One should think I was used to it after working in a brothel, but there I had never been required to do _this _to seduce a customer, even though it probably would have helped with my income. And I certainly didn't want to think about what James' wife, whose name which I should mention for good measurement was Hannah by the way, would say if she knew what the pair of stockings she lent to Francis would be used for.

How that man could muster the audacity to ask a woman for a piece of her underwear was beyond me. But maybe it was better if I never asked what he did to get the stockings. In the end he just stole it. I really shouldn't think like that, Francis was a good guy he would never steal underwear.

Whatever.

I had closed the curtains, it was dark outside anyway but I felt more comfortable with all possible viewports closed. I didn't want to be seen like this by anyone besides Mathias. And even about that I was still skeptical. A bottle of lube stood ready on the nightstand and I had even laid out a shawl, again courtesy from Francis, not that I really wanted to tie Mathias up but like Francis said, it couldn't hurt.

I had set up a few candles, not too much, I didn't want to burn down the house after all and they were giving off sooty smoke. I didn't want to suffocate from too much effort. The light from the candles was bright enough to get around without stumbling over things but still dim enough for me to feel comfortable in my lacking dressing state. Well as comfortable as I could ever feel looking like this. I started to doubt the efficiency of my ploy; oh I was sure it would get Mathias on, but I wasn't sure if that was worth all the effort. This got more embarrassing by the minute and Mathias was not even here!

The only thing that was missing was a bit of music, like those days when one of the girls in the brothel played an instrument or was singing, but I could do neither of those, besides it would have been a bit weird if the center piece of the arrangement stood on the sides playing the violin or something. And Mathias would probably abuse the violin bow, knowing him I wouldn't put it past him. Not to mention that I didn't earn a freaking violin!

I was growing a bit restless then, strutting around in such a ridiculous outfit was hilarious enough but with no one there to see or comment I felt like I was getting off on myself.

How did Francis talk me into this again?

I wondered if I should just lounge on the bed that, I should mention, was meticulously prepared, the blanket was draped to function as a backrest and the pillows were piled at the head of the bed. Francis even got one of the maids to change the sheets to red ones, all to set the right mood. And I had to say it looked marvelous, the candlelight flickering over the glinting red satin and I couldn't deny that it would go well with the black stockings.

But seriously, where the hell did they get satin from?

I even had removed my cross pin to let my hair fall freely in my face, I knew that Mathias quite liked that look. Sadly Francis couldn't get his hands on any panties and so I had to wear the stockings without a matching garment. I couldn't decide if that made things better or worse. Maybe better. Probably worse. Wait, why did I think that was regrettable?

Whatever.

I finally decided on lying on the bed and played around a while until I found a position that was not too awkward. Okay I admit it, there was no pose that was not awkward aside from maybe hiding under the sheets. Which actually sounded like a pretty good idea…

In that moment the door flew open and with a startled indignant yelp I almost fell from the bed as I tried to strike up the pose I previously had decided on, but with half my body on its way to sneak under the covers that was destined to fail. Fortunately, oh no wait _unfortunately_ it was Francis who came rushed in, waving something suspiciously lacy in his hands and getting a full nice view of what was supposed to be never again seen by another man than Mathias.

Stupid karma, only because Arthur insisted on dangling his dick in my face a few days ago.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Francis, unfazed by the sight or my outburst slammed the door shut behind him and pulled me up from my half lying, half sitting position on the bed. "Quick, put that on."With that he waved the piece made of black lace and frills into my face and I realized with horror that it was indeed a pair of panties, one that was made of alarmingly little fabric.

"Where did you even get that? And where is Mathias?" In my panic I didn't even think about declining and just shoved that damn thing on. On that note it should be said that it is pretty hard to stuff a man's junk into underwear that is meant for woman without anything slipping out and hanging down like an apple on a tree, ready to be plucked. Francis staring intently at my crotch didn't help at all.

Please someone; remind me to never do something like that again.

"Don't worry, Mathias is still downstairs but he will come up in about twenty seconds so I should be going now." Francis retreated back to the door with one last checking look at my outfit. "Oh and about those panties, I had them all along." Francis opened the door and stepped outside but stuck his head in again to finish his sentence. "I just needed a reason to see you before your big show." He winked at me, his eyes flicking to my crotch again before he chirped: "You look sexy my dear Lukas."

Maybe I should over think that friendship.

I didn't have time to react much because I could hear footsteps coming up the stairs and with not much time left to prepare, I quickly shut the door and threw myself on the bed, checking one last time that everything was on its place. The only thing that was missing was Mathias, but the slowly opening door was remedying that rather effectively.

Unlike Francis Mathias opened the door carefully, giving me enough time to prepare myself. I laid on my side, legs spread apart a bit and propped up on my elbow. I tried to look as seductive as possible but with my heart still beating a bit fast from the previous interaction with Francis and the overall ridiculousness of the situation that was not exactly easy.

But all my efforts were rewarded the moment Mathias' eyes fell on me. Time stood still for a moment as he scanned me and every detail of the room around me. I could see the light of the candles reflecting in his eyes and cast a soft glow on his skin and for once Mathias' face was not pulled into a grin but into an expression of pure awe.

Mathias pushed the door shut behind him and stepped over to the bed, his eyes glued on me as he reached out his hand to comb it through my hair. "Lukas… you look amazing." His voice was breathless and suddenly all the doubts I had had about this idea evaporated under Mathias heated gaze.

I smiled up to him and leaned back a bit to display my half naked body. My upper half was bare, and the pale skin stood in stark contrast to the black lacy garment that hugged my waist and the black stockings that reached up to my thighs. I couldn't remember wearing anything sillier than this but at the same time I probably never wore something more arousing. Not even the blue sailor suit could match up to this, at least not if the look on Mathias' face was anything to go by.

Mathias licked his lips and I could see that his restraint was waning but this was exactly the effect I had wanted to achieve so I was more than pleased. I grabbed Mathias' hand and pulled him on the bed with me, pushing him down on the red satin and straddling his waist. Judging by the way he was looking at me it wouldn't take long until he would bend me over and fuck me but before it came that I had something else in mind I wanted to do.

I made quick work of Mathias clothes, they only would be in the way with what I had planned and Mathias, falsely thinking that I wanted to start at once helped me. But as soon as he was naked I pressed him down again, taking the shawl from the nightstand and ghosting it over his skin. "Lukas…" Mathias whispered with a husky note to his voice and I quickly silenced him with a kiss. As much as I loved it when Mathias just roughly took me, this was supposed to be about him and I wanted to show him that I loved him no less than he loved me. And maybe I just wanted to tease him a tiny little bit.

I took his hands and guided them up to the headboard where I tied him with the shawl. I was careful not to interrupt the blood circulation but tied it still tight enough so that he wouldn't be able to escape. Mathias watched me with a smirk as I tied him up. "I didn't know you were so kinky. I should have bought you a whole wardrobe full of woman's underwear." He teased, letting his eyes trail once again over the obvious bulge in my far too small panties. I sat back up and looked at him with an eyebrow raised in amusement. "I didn't know you like to be tied up like that, I should have given you a dog's collar and parade you around like the horny beast you are." I lightly smacked Mathias' penis that was already pretty hard.

Mathias gasped at the rough treatment but I didn't fail to notice that Mathias' member grew even harder. I smiled at that and flicked a finger against the now rock hard erection. "You like it rough, huh?" Mathias grinned and lifted his unbound leg to trail his feet over my thigh, or rather over the soft fabric of the stockings that covered my thigh. "How about you untie me and I show you just how rough I like it. I will fuck you in those clothes until you scream."

It was getting visibly harder for Mathias to stay still, he longed to touch me and the rubbing of his feet against my thigh grew more and more frantic. To be honest though my own need was growing too and I was craving the feeling of Mathias' cock in my ass. The panties were rubbing against my erection and the sight of Mathias helpless underneath me was just too much. But at least I could do something against it.

I pushed Mathias legs down and took the bottle with lube from the nightstand; it was time for the show. Mathias watched me with hungry eyes as I poured some of the clear fluid on my fingers, he would have to be patient for bit longer though. This was just the beginning.

I started slowly, spreading the lube around my entrance after I had pushed down the panties but kept the stockings on, eyeing Mathias' reaction as he realized that I was about to pleasure myself. In front of him. And he couldn't touch me. The sight was priceless, a mixture of want, lust and the desperate need to thrust his dick into me but with the realization that I wouldn't allow that, yet.

I had never done that before but I had felt Mathias doing it often enough to know where I had to press. When the lube was spread to my satisfaction I carefully pushed a finger in. It felt weird at first, the lube couldn't quite mask the somewhat rough surface of my inner walls but the more I moved the easier the intrusion became and I began to enjoy myself. Using my other hand I rubbed my nipples, causing them to harden and I bit my lip as the feeling of pleasure intensified.

I added a second finger and started to angle for my sweet spot. Mathias breath became ragged as he watched me arch my back and moan when I found it. I thrust in a few more times before I added the last finger, I was panting hard by then and my vision was a bit hazy. Mathias bucked up his hips to gain some friction and I gasped as his erection brushed against mine.

"Lukas…" Mathias moaned and writhed under me, desperate for more than just the sight of me. I leaned over to kiss him and Mathias bit my lip harshly, trying to force me to comply with his wishes. "You want this?" I asked and turned around so that he had a full view on my ass while I was continuing with preparing myself, letting out moans every now and then when I had brushed against that special spot again. "Yes, I want you Lukas; please let me fuck you…" How could I deny this when Mathias even begged for me?

I pulled out my fingers and turned around until I straddled Mathias again. I was not yet ready to release him from his shackles but I could give him something else. I poured a bit of lube on my fingers and spread it on Mathias cock that was eagerly twitching under my touch. Mathias was moaning and started to buck his hips again, his hair was a sweaty mess and his eyes were glassed over. But the best was yet to come.

Once both my ass and his cock where thoroughly prepared I shifted down until the head of Mathias' erection pressed against my entrance. Mathias eyes widened but I didn't give him time to react before I slid down on him. I almost screamed myself at the feeling of being stretched and then filled out completely and being in control through it all.

I started to move as soon as I had adjusted, I rose until only the head was in to slide down again, making both myself and Mathias moan out our pleasure shamelessly. I never thought it could be so amazing to be the one in charge, Mathias was helpless, I was the one who decided the pace and the various expressions of pleasure and bliss on Mathias' face were all caused by me.

It was brilliant.

Since Mathias' hands were still bound he couldn't take care of my erection but the feeling of slamming down on Mathias again and again, faster and harder every time was enough to bring me close, the rush of power that came with it added the rest. I came first, my vision exploding with white and barely withholding a scream that would have woken the rest of the house. Mathias was arching his back up, straining against his bonds as I clamped down on him and I felt his hot essence fill my insides as he came with a moan that sounded more like a grunt.

I had made a mess on Mathias' stomach but I was still too far absorbed in the blissful orgasm I just had to care about that. Mathias lied back down again, eyes closed and panting and after a while when I had calmed down enough I leaned forward to undo his bonds.

Mathias had his hands on me immediately, pulling me close into a bone crushing embrace, rolling over to bury me under his body and covering my face with kisses. "Lukas you are so amazing, that was the best sex ever and you look so damn sexy. I love you." I caught Mathias mouth in a long and deep kiss, something I had neglected during my little show and ran a hand through his messy hair. I didn't mind its sweaty state; the sticky mess on Mathias' stomach had spread to me after his cuddle attack so a bath or at least a rough cleaning was in order anyway. And it wouldn't be long until Mathias' essence was leaking out of me, I'd rather have some water in range then.

"I love you too; now get off of me before we stick together."

...


	44. Morning

**A/N:** Where the author is secretly the biggest sap in the world. I feel like I'm drowning in fluff, it's not a bad death really but it will be a tough change when I wake up in fluff-less hell.

But to make up for weird randomness, this is actually the longest chapter I've ever written, even if only by a few words. (And it would even be longer hadn't I closed the document accidently in the middle without saving it :/)

* * *

„Baby you really know how to destroy a romantic moment." Mathias said with a grin and poked my cheek, he got up nevertheless though. "Shut up." I muttered and looked away. Suddenly I had become very self-conscious, I still wore that ridiculous pair of stockings and I had just given my lover a hearty ride. It was kind of ironic actually that I had never done this in the brothel where things like that were expected. Still I didn't regret it for one second, even though I found I a bit hard at the moment to look Mathias in the eye.

Mathias chuckled only and threw his arms around me, pecking me on my cheek where only moments before his finger had tried to poke a hole in me. I almost envied him for his ability to stay confident no matter how embarrassing the situation. I knew that there was nothing to be ashamed of, Mathias had showed me clearly that he more than enjoyed it but I couldn't help but feel insecure about my openness. For all I knew he could have outright laughed at the sight of me wearing woman's clothes.

"Hey look at me." Mathias gently took my chin in his hand and forced me to meet his eyes. "You were amazing and I couldn't be more lucky than to have you as my lover. So don't hide from me." Mathias eyes were warm and full of love and when he kissed me on the forehead I could feel a flutter in my belly. "And even if we stuck together I would carry you wherever you want to." He added with a mischievous smirk and I smacked him on the head. "You better do." I grumbled but I held his gaze this time and even smiled back a bit.

"But really you should do this more often." Mathias grinned and slid his hand over my still stocking covered thigh. "I'm afraid if you don't take that off very soon I will have no other choice but to fuck you again." I could feel Mathias' breath tickling my ear as his words sent a hot shudder down my spine. I almost would have taken him up on his offer but I knew that tomorrow would be a long day for both of us. Besides I preferred it to be able to walk the next day.

I slid down the black fabric with a sigh, I doubted that Hannah or whoever Francis got them from would want them back now that they were soaked with my sweat, so I could as well keep them. I got up to pick up the scandalous pair of panties and stuffed them in my bag. I couldn't risk Emil finding them. Or anyone else for that matter.

"We can have sex tomorrow again, but now I am tired and I know that you are too, don't even try to deny it. Come on tomorrow will be a long day so better get to bed soon." I pulled Mathias up and dragged him into the bathroom where I had to lean against the counter for a moment. My legs felt weak, almost as if someone had drained all the strength out of them. Riding a cock sure was hard work.

Mathias yawned as he stepped over to the bowl of water on the counter, now that the rush of orgasm was gone we both could feel the exhaustion. It was too much work to take a bath every time so we had settled for the bowl of water to get clean. "Sit down, I'll take care of you." Mathias said with a smile as he tugged a strand of hair back behind my ear. I let him help me to sit down on the rim of the bathtub and watched him as he dumped the washcloth in the water. It was a good thing too, I doubted that I would have had much success with cleaning myself with the groggy state I was currently in.

"I would have never thought that you would do something like that." Mathias said and playfully poked my cheek, only to slap the wet cloth on my unprepared back. I winced as the cold cloth touched my skin but I grit my teeth and endured it as Mathias cleaned my body from every trace of cum and sweat. "I wanted to do something for you after you took care of me the last few days. And since you wouldn't let me do anything I decided to take matters in my own hand." It felt weird to talk about it like that, it had been easier with Francis who had this air around him that made the kinkiest sex feel like the most natural thing in the world. But then again I had seduced Mathias in a field in the middle of nowhere, there was really nothing to be ashamed of anymore.

"Oh Lukas, I did that because I wanted to. You don't have to do anything in return for me. Please don't ever think like that." To enhance his words Mathias placed a gentle kiss on the spot where just recently he had tried to poke a hole in my cheek. My lips formed into a smile, a genuine and truly content one as I rested my hand on the side of Mathias' face. "I know Mathias. I did it out of the same reason you did it, because I wanted to. I wanted to make you feel good, I wanted to show you my love." This time I held Mathias gaze as he wrung out the washcloth and proceeded to clean himself.

It was funny, not so long ago I maybe would have felt that way, felt that I needed to repay everything Mathias did even though the only currency I could have offered would have been my body. But at this moment all I wanted was to show Mathias how much he meant to me, I wanted to make him happy and not because I felt obliged to but because _I_ wanted to, nothing more, nothing less.

Because I loved him.

It was truly amazing how love could change people. I would have never thought that I would be able to open up myself to someone like I did with Mathias. And I would have even less believed how wonderful it felt. I never wanted to miss that feeling again.

Mathias threw the washcloth back in the bowl, spraying us both with cold water in the process but before I could complain I was wrapped into a tight embrace. "I'm glad you think like that." Despite the cold water he had just cleaned himself with, Mathias' skin was warm against mine and I gladly returned the hug. "I always felt like you were holding back, like you were afraid that I leave when you don't please me enough. That's why I tried so hard to care for you the last few days, I wanted to show you that I'll gladly give you everything and you don't have to give anything back."

Mathias couldn't see it but as I buried my head in his shoulders I felt a certain moisture in my eyes. Somehow his words made me incredibly happy, and most importantly I believed him without a doubt, without a question. At last.

"Mathias." I patted him on the back as I tried to hide the smirk from my voice. "You are aware that spoiling me with attention was not the most effective method?" Mathias tried to pull back to look at me but I kept my hold on him firm, the grin on my lips widening even further. I used to always bully Mathias out of various reasons, mostly insecurity, sometimes true annoyance but this time I felt for the first time that we were meeting on equal grounds that I could tease him without the crumb of possible painful truth in the core. I felt like we could fool around without a care in the world.

Mathias tried to tickle my sides to get me to let go but I never belonged to the people who were ticklish. Unlike Emil, but shh I never said that. "You know usually when people are especially nice they want something in return. So basically you were achieving quite the contrary effect." To be fair though I doubted that it would have helped at that point if he just told me. But I just wanted to tease my wonderful and sweet lover a bit. I took a liking to having the upper hand.

I could feel something wet and warm press against my neck and then a tongue slid over my skin and flicked against the shell of my ear. "Maybe I wanted something." Mathias had finally caught on to my game and was now readying his first move. "Maybe I wanted to taste your sweet cum on my tongue when I sucked you dry." His tongue now slipped behind my ear and licked over the sensitive skin there, sending a warm tingling through my body.

"Or maybe I wanted to listen to your moans when I made you climax with only my fingers up your ass." My hands on Mathias shoulders tightened as he continued, his seductive voice and teasing tongue had turned the tables and now it was I who was helpless in Mathias' arms. "And maybe I just wanted to touch your lewd body all over and leave my mark on you." A light nip of teeth on my earlobe was the final straw, I tried to bite my lip to hold it back but it was too late, a soft wanton moan escaped my lips.

With a triumphant smirk Mathias finally let go of me and pulled back, but not before he pressed his lips against my partly opened mouth as I tried to catch my breath. "I win." Mathias gleamed with self-satisfaction that was strangely contagious. "That was not a contest." I said dryly as I stepped past Mathias to the door. "Still I win." "Okay you win." I said with a laugh as I pulled him with me into the bedroom.

I really could get used to that.

The candles were still burning and so I went to blow them out after I had coaxed Mathias under the covers. It was a bit hard to find my way back to the bed in the dark but Mathias helped me by extensively talking. My skin was still damp from the previous cleaning and the night air wasn't especially warm so I rather welcomed the warmth of Mathias' body and embrace. It seemed that no matter how cold it was Mathias always was warm. Not that I would have complained though.

"That is actually the best thing" Mathias said into the silence, I could feel his breath ghosting over my hair as his hand lazily stroked my back. "What are you talking about?" My voice came out muffled since I was talking against Mathias' chest but he understood me nonetheless. "Falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up in the morning with you still there. The knowledge that you are there the whole night and I can feel your warmth it is just so wonderful and perfect. I never want to miss that again."

I could have said something mean, like I would have not so long ago out of embarrassment, something that would have destroyed the mood but I no longer felt the need to do that. I no longer wanted to hide behind my snarky shell. So instead I smiled, hidden against the warm beating of Mathias' heart as I replied: "You're right." I paused for a moment to think. I had always shared my sleeping space in some way or another. First it had been Emil who had shared a bed with me and I found comfort in the small soft ball of fuzzy warmth next to me.

But he was my brother and at times he would cling to me in his nightmares or we would fight over stupid brother things and even when we only shared the room and not the bed it could be hard to find sleep with the constant presence of another person there. And of course there had been my mother too, whose ragged and shallow breathing had haunted so many sleepless nights. I had gotten used to the silent noise of more than one people sleeping in one room over the time but I had never felt at peace with it as I did right then.

The soft sound of Mathias' heartbeat against my ear, the breathing that almost inaudible ghosted over my skin and the knowledge that he would stay there the whole night, his arms protectively wound around me and his big body engulfing me in his warmth filled me with a deep content. And no matter how tired I had been when I fell to bed the day before, when I woke up I always felt rested and ready to take on whatever the day would throw at me. And most importantly, no nightmares would haunt my dreams while I was resting in Mathias' arms.

"Yes, that is truly the best thing." I concluded my mind's little detour. Mathias had continued to stroke my back through all of it, patiently waiting for whatever result I would come to with my thinking. He chuckled and pressed a kiss on the top of my head. "It took you so long to conclude that?" I poked Mathias' side playfully. "Quality needs time you know." Mathias gently leaned down with his face to gently place a kiss on my lips. "Take all the time you need baby, You know that I will wait for you even if it takes an eternity?"

I rubbed my nose against Mathias' in an affectionate gesture, smiling over the sentiment. "You don't have to wait, I'm here, am I not?" I shifted down again to rest my head on Mathias' shoulder and closed my eyes to indicate that it was about time to sleep. But not before I hadn't finished what I was saying. "And I'm not going anywhere, got that?" Mathias nuzzled his chin in my hair and closed his eyes too, we both were exhausted and it was due time for us to fall asleep. "I know, I was just saying."

I only 'mhh'ed in reply as I felt the first tendrils of sleep tug at my mind. Falling asleep in Mathias' arms was just too easy and tempting. I managed to squeeze out an 'I love you' before I completely drifted off, I couldn't even remember if I got a reply.

* * *

Like I had been all the days before I was woken by a knock on the door. The winter sun was quite unreliable when it came to waking us up so James had agreed to come up and knock on our doors to make sure we got out of bed in time for breakfast before we would head to our various duties.

I was not exactly a morning person, one of the few perks of being a prostitute was the privilege to sleep in even though I would have gladly exchanged that against a less demanding and humiliating job. The sun had barely just risen over the horizon when the knock sounded and I would have gladly gone back to sleep but Mathias, who for some inexplicable reason was always bright and lively in the morning, pulled back the covers.

I groaned and rolled over in the attempt to regain a bit of the heat that was taken from me but unfortunately the edge of the bed and ultimately the floor thwarted my plans. "Ouch."

"Lukas are you okay?" Mathias hurried over to my side of the bed and knelt down beside me. I lied half on my side, legs tangled in one of the sheets that I had pulled with me in my fall and I tried quite unsuccessfully to unwrap myself. "Yes I'm fine." I grumbled as I finally, with Mathias' help, got rid of the fabric that restricted my movements.

Despite my unharmed state Mathias slid his arms under me and lifted me up and sat me on the bed again. "Good morning sweetheart." And thus commenced our every morning ritual, aside from the unplanned detour to the floor of course. Mathias and I shared a long and deep kiss, and somehow that kiss always managed to dispel my morning grumpiness and fueled me with energy for the day, despite the presence of morning breath I might add. But apparently love immunized one against this.

Then I went into the bathroom to rinse out my mouth and quickly washed my face which I always needed to force myself to do since the water hadn't become any warmer miraculously over the night. But at least after that every trace of sleepiness was gone. While I was occupying the bathroom Mathias was putting on his clothes and after we were finished we switched.

I would have to wash laundry again today, or rather help Hannah with doing all the laundry, since she resolutely had decided not to let me do it again on my own. Not after I had soaked myself with water the last time, she didn't want me to get sick again after all. Mathias would go chop some firewood and maybe take Berwald with him to show him around, albeit he was forbidden to let the other anywhere near an axe or anything else that needed physical work.

But afterwards James had promised to ride out with us and maybe pay a visit to the nearby village, since the snow had finally cleared up enough to be safe. There were not enough horses for everyone unfortunately but Berwald and Tino wanted to stay at the inn and take care of Peter anyway. The healer had said that it was okay for Berwald to slowly get used to working his arm again but we didn't want to take any chances. And Peter was more than thrilled to spend the day with his new friends.

I pulled on my clothes and waited for Mathias to finish. I didn't know why but for some reason he always needed a long time until he got finished so I usually took the time to clean a bit. Not that our room was dirty but there were always clothes lying around no matter how often I put them back into our bags.

When Mathias was finally finished we went down to get a hearty breakfast, prepared by Hannah 'with much love' as she liked to say. Emil was already there but he looked still half asleep while James poured him a cup of hot tea only to disappear once he had filled all of our cups. We greeted everyone and sat down, the table was laden with bread and cheese and even a few more or less fruits from the deep and cold cellar underneath the inn.

Hannah was still in the kitchen to prepare the eggs and the bacon, most likely with Francis there to help her. Arthur showed up moments later without Francis which confirmed my suspicion. We sat at our usual spots and waited until James had poured everyone tea and Hannah and Francis had emerged from the kitchen. Berwald and Tino were still asleep since they weren't really needed for duty so it would be a while until they showed up.

"I will go with Sophie to wash the laundry in a while, Lukas. Just throw everything in you need to have washed, we will take care of that." Hannah smiled at me and I blinked a bit in confusion."Shouldn't I help?" I asked as I took a sip from my tea, the hot liquid almost burning my tongue. "Don't worry. I'm sure after the night you had you are in dire need of a little break." At first I wasn't sure if I had heard her right but then she winked at me and I almost dropped my spoon.

I stared at her for a shocked moment before I looked over to Francis who was leaning back in his chair and grinned like the pervert little meddler he was, and wiggled his eyebrows. Oh right, he had seen me yesterday. Wearing nothing but a certain pair of stockings that belonged to a certain other person who was currently standing expectantly next to the table and was also winking at me.

There was only one thing I could do.

I nodded towards Hannah and said with a smile: "Thank you I appreciate the thought." Hannah's smile turned into a grin and she returned to the kitchen to fetch a bit more food, but not before she called back to us: "Oh and the wood can also wait a bit Mathias." The person in question was too absorbed in a conversation with Arthur to notice what was going on around him. Thank goodness. I would have to tell him later though.

I then turned to Francis and my smile morphed into the cockiest grin I could manage, fortunately I had lots of examples, courtesy to Mathias, to go by, before I drew my tongue along the spoon in my hand only to suck on the head for a few moments. I made sure of course that no one else was noticing what I was doing.

For a quick glorious moment the expression on Francis' face slipped and revealed not only surprise but also a look of lust and desire as he watched my little show. But after he shot a pointed leer in my direction he regained his composure, bowing his head ever so slightly to admit his defeat.

Damn it, I was getting far too god with this whole seduction thing, I should do it professional.

Or not.

...


	45. Horseback

**A/N: **Where I found out how hard it is to name a horse.

* * *

We finished our breakfast after that in relative peace and I was grateful that Francis refrained from mentioning the night before. I doubted he would mind but I really didn't want to tell Mathias that I had to confer with Francis to get the idea. Or that Francis had seen me naked.

He had never said it outright but I sometimes felt that Mathias didn't like the idea of me being used by other men before him. Well he mostly didn't like it for obvious reasons, namely his lover being abused by dirty old men while he failed to safe me, that was at least what he said he regretted the most. But there was another side to it. He was not exactly jealous but he hated the thought that someone else had his hands on me before he ever got the chance to. But like the big fool he was he blamed himself for that too.

Maybe that was one of the reasons I loved him for. No, not maybe; for sure.

I slipped a hand under the table and rested it on Mathias' knee to show my appreciation. Mathias was still in the middle of his and Arthur's conversation but he cast me a questioning glance and I smiled in return. That was something that I had done a lot recently, smiling. It was a good feeling though, I could get used to it.

I noticed Emil watching me with curious intent and even though he couldn't have possibly seen the position of my hand, I blushed a bit. But I didn't remove my hand. And then I felt a warmth engulfing my fingers and I realized that Mathias had placed his hand on mine. My smile, that had temporarily faltered under Emil's gaze rekindled and I looked down on my plate to hide it from view. I must have looked pretty stupid by then.

"Does it really feel this nice?" Emil asked and there was a the slightest hint of longing in his voice. I looked up, surprised, and I noticed the same expression of longing on his face. I remembered our conversation on the way here, when Emil mentioned that he wasn't missing someone by his side. It seemed that had changed now.

I entwined my fingers with Mathias' so that we were holding hands under the table, it felt warm and reassuring which was exactly what I needed in that moment. "It feels much better than only nice." I said and smile at my brother who looked at me with eyes so innocent. In many ways Emil was just like me, we didn't have any friends in our childhood and so naturally he had latched onto me. And just like I had been, he was completely oblivious to the wonderful feeling that was love.

"It is hard to explain but being in love makes everything seem brighter. I never realized it before, but my life was just a continuity of pointless events. Had I continued like this I would have wasted my life away, but since I met Mathias I know that there is more to it. Just to know that he is there gives my life a meaning. Don't get me wrong you are there too and you are as important to me as Mathias but eventually you will be able to stand on your own feet and then you will no longer need me."

I paused for a moment to think of my next words, it was hard to put my feelings into speech like that. "But Mathias will always need me and I will need him, so we complement each other. Without Mathias I am only half a human but with him I am everything. And there is no feeling that can compare even closely to the feeling when you are held in your lover's arms. When you embrace each other and become one."

I hadn't intended to make such a long speech out of it but describing love to someone who had never experienced it was not that easy. Emil was looking at me, I could see the wheels turning behind his forehead as he tried to make sense of what I said. The picture was strangely endearing with the puffin perched on his head that seemed to mimic its owners expression. Sadly, I didn't feel like I had made a good job with describing love. If all, Emil seemed even more confused than before.

"It's like being only one half of a tea cup." Arthur suddenly said, I hadn't noticed until then that the rest of the table had started to listen to us. "Alone you are useless, no one can drink tea out of you but with your other half you are complete and functional." Arthur looked at Francis with a so far unknown fond expression in his eyes and Francis returned his smile warmly and for a moment they just stared in each other's eyes, lost in the depth of their emotion.

"And no matter how cheesy something is, when you are in love it becomes the most romantic thing you ever heard." Mathias grinned his wide face-splitting grin and looked for some reason very pleased with himself. Maybe because he had listened in to my confession about love, I had admitted after all some very 'cheesy' things.

"Or you just turn domestic like these two." Mathias announced as in that exact moment Tino entered the room, followed by Berwald. "Wait what?" Tino slumped down on a chair and grabbed a piece of bread, glancing back and forth between Mathias who was trying to pull off a look of innocence and Berwald who was more interested in his tea than his lover's confusion.

"We're telling Emil about love." Francis had used the opportunity of Arthur's docile behavior to get a generous share of kisses that hopefully would last him through the day. With Arthur it was always a bit unpredictable whether he would accept the affection or chide him for his 'lewd behaviour'.

Tino's face lightened up immediately and he clapped his hands together in excitement. "Oh Emil that is wonderful, I didn't know you were interested in that. But don't worry I can tell you aaaall about it." I didn't miss the look of dread that flashed over Emil's face, even though it was so fast gone that no one else noticed it. Sure, Tino, and the others too, meant well but Emil came to _me_, his brother, for advice and that certainly didn't include a group session about love. And now with Tino involved he would definitely get more then he had bargained for.

But before things could get out of hand, Berwald spoke up: "Tino," Was all he said, but together with the stare he gave his lover it was enough to shut Tino up. The blonde faltered a bit and smiled sheepishly, but he seemed to understand nevertheless. "I'm sorry Emil I get too excited about things at times and then I start to ramble. Berwald always needs to stop me then."

"It's okay. You guys have helped me out enough I guess." Despite his words I couldn't help but feel that there was still something on his mind but I wouldn't ask Emil that, while all the others were listening. Emil stayed silent after that and since he didn't look like he was going to say anything soon, everyone returned to their breakfast.

"So you need me, huh?" Mathias asked once the table's attention was drawn elsewhere. I put the last piece of bacon in my mouth and chewed deliberately before I leaned over to Mathias and whispered in his ear: "Of course I need you. Who else is there to stuff his dick down my ass?" The look that passed over Mathias face was priceless. There was an obvious leer, followed by a look of fake hurt. "So you only like me because of my body?" Mathias pouted and started to poke his food dejectedly with his fork.

The whole scene had something endearing and I felt the sudden urge to ruffle Mathias' hair. And it wasn't so far of the truth really, Mathias of course knew my feelings but with how I had difficulties expressing my feelings at the beginning of our relationship there had been times when Mathias easily could have believed this.

I pulled Mathias in for a kiss, a long and sweet one, and when we broke apart I smiled at him. "I don't only like you, I love you. And granted you're body is great but that's not the main reason I love you." For a moment Mathias looked as if he were deep in thought, then his usual wide grin returned and he threw his arms around me. "Lukas you are the best." I tried in vain to pry his clinging form from me and eventually settled with returning the embrace. "I know." I answered with a smug grin on my face.

Mathias chuckled against my neck and then I felt something warm and suspiciously wet press against my skin. "And don't worry; you will get enough opportunity to be penetrated with this great body of mine."

Somehow we were actually able to finish breakfast like this, and since all of our duties had been canceled we could go on our ride immediately after we finished eating up. I had to admit I was a bit excited; I had grown tired of riding endless circles in the paddock rather quickly, so I had been looking forward to this for quite a while now.

James' horses were mainly used for work, so they had a heavy built and were pretty strong, but he also had a pair of riding horses, with a slim build and well-trained. James had trained all his horses for possible riding, in case it came in handy, which could happen all the time, according to James, but since they were not bred for riding the work horses had a rougher way of moving and were overall a bit more restless. Emil and I, the only beginners in the group, naturally got the two horses that were the easiest to handle, and since we had spent the last few days on their backs, the horses had gotten used to us.

I came to quite like my horse, she was an even-tempered beauty, long dark tresses fell over her kind brown eyes and she liked to nibble at my shirt, no matter how often I would push her head away. Her mane was darker than her coat, which was a reddish shade of brown, almost like a chestnut and the only light spot was the white blaze on her forehead. Her name was Ariadne.

Emil's horse on the other hand was a gelding with the most bored expression I had ever seen on a horse. But then again I hadn't seen that many horses before in my life. His coat was brighter than Ariadnes and sometimes I thought that she outright bullied him. I had seen more than once how Ariadne snatched away his oat and all he ever would do was snorting and looking even more bored. But no matter how bad she harassed him, the moment one of James' pack donkeys looked at him the wrong way she would turn on them. She was more a show-off than a real threat but whenever she trotted around the paddock, striking up the sassiest pose in her repertoire with neck and tail bowed, she looked rather impressive, almost a bit intimidating.

The moment the donkeys returned to their idle munching of grass and hay, she would start with the bullying again. It was no surprise to me really when James told me they were siblings. The geldings name was Faro, and I had the slightest hunch that his continued indifference towards his sister's shenanigans was one reason why she was so persistent.

There was not much to be said about the other horses, they were all big and intimidating and I wouldn't have dared to come anywhere close to them. But James promised that they were tame enough and so Mathias, Arthur and Francis mounted their big hairy hoof beasts.

It was still cold, albeit the snow had cleared up mostly, it was a pristine morning with the air as crisp as it could be. We all had put on thick and warm clothing for it would get rather cold on the back of a horse. With the help of one of the stable boys I managed to get on Ariadne's back, to my frustration I was still not able to mount her on my own.

But at least Emil needed some assistance too; I didn't need to feel that bad about it. James would be the leader of our small party obviously; he was the only one who knew the way after all. Berwald and Tino had come out with Peter to see us off and after a bit of waving and cheering we were off.

It was maybe not the smartest thing to go on an excursion when there could be enemy soldiers around, but Steve had promised us to send word should we be in any danger. He and the rest of their group had left shortly after David to fulfill their duty and since then we hadn't heard anything from them. But it wouldn't take long now until the King's army would reach the area and then there would be hopefully peace again.

One of the things James wanted to do in the village was checking if any news arrived on the status of the war, if this whole thing could really be called a war since no one really seemed to know what was going on anymore. But mostly he just wanted to show us the scenery.

James rode ahead, pointing here and there and explaining as much as he could, but the only one who really listened was Arthur who listened intently to everything James said. Francis was riding behind them and seemed lost in his own thoughts, as was Emil who gazed off into the distance. For once his puffin didn't come with us, he had left him in Peter's care but I suspected he did that for Peter's sake who had taken a liking to the bird and not for the puffin.

Mathias and I were the last and even though I couldn't really hear what James was explaining I still enjoyed the beautiful sight around us. We were riding along a dirt path that meandered through fields and a pine forest stood in the distance. The sky was clear blue and even though it was winter the view over the vast fields and the tree line in the distance was amazing. Maybe it was just the calming motion of the horse underneath me but riding through nature was irresistibly soothing to my mind.

It seemed as if it was true what they said about horses and the luck of the world.*

Even Mathias was silent and there was a content smile on his face as he swayed in time with the steps of his mount. Ariadne was not small by any means, as wasn't her brother, but compared to the other horses they were mere dwarves. It could have been accounted to their built but I felt more than intimidated by them. Faro and Ariadne on the other hand didn't seem fazed by their presence at all. The former simply didn't care while the latter was too full of herself to ever be belittled. True to her nature Ariadne wasn't merely walking, no she was strutting, head held high and whenever Mathias' horse came too close she would flick her tail in dismay.

This horse was the biggest diva I had ever encountered. But at least she behaved under me. I hated to admit it but I would probably lose a battle of wills against her.

Fortunately my little bed adventure from the day before had remained without any bad consequences, my legs were a little sore but I had grown used to that. After taking riding lessons for days I had suffered from quite a lot muscle aching and now it finally seemed that my leg muscles adapted to it. The only thing that still bothered me was the soreness of my skin, caused by the constant rubbing against the saddle. James had given us riding pants that cushioned the contact but that only helped so much.

Yet it was undeniable that this whole business of horse riding was relaxing and I could get used to that. Not to mention that travelling on horseback was much more comfortable than walking around the whole day. Hopefully David would manage to get us horses; we would reach the capital in no time.

I was actually beginning to look forward to that, Tino had told me so much about the winter solstice and the Yule celebrations that I couldn't wait to see it myself. And I remembered Mathias' promise to joust in my favor, which for some reasons made me feel giddy like a girl. I had already decided to reward Mathias for his efforts then; even if he would lose I would prepare something special. I had taken a liking to surprise Mathias or more precisely I had taken a liking to being in charge.

But there was something else I would like to try one day. And if Mathias would win, I could take the opportunity to try that out, if I could wait so long that is. I surely liked being in control, but seeing Mathias so helpless beneath me, completely at my mercy, had aroused another desire in me. I wanted to be dominated; _I _wanted to be the one at Mathias' mercy, shamelessly begging for my release, doing everything to please him, and at the thought of Mathias smirking down at me, I could feel a certain warmth in my lower body parts.

I cast a glance to Mathias who was oblivious to my thoughts and tried to imagine what he would look like when he found me in his bedroom, again in woman's lingerie but this time bound and gagged and completely helpless to whatever he would do. I almost moaned at the thought, it was too delicious and more arousing than I had expected.

Oh yes, I was definitely going to do that, and from the feeling I got from just _imagining_ I probably wouldn't be able to wait for the solstice celebration. And I would need Francis help again, not a pleasant thought but I was sure that it was worth it.

I grinned to myself as I continued watching Mathias who at some point realized that I was staring but at his question if I was alright I only deepened my grin. "I'm more than alright."

This was going to be great.

...

**A/N: **There is a saying in German that translates to this: The luck of the earth lies on the back of a horse. I don't know if there is an equivalent in English but I liked this one so I decided to reference it.  
Original: Das Glück der Erde liegt auf dem Rücken der Pferde.


	46. Brother II

We could have reached the village in under an hour, but since we planned on buying a few things which then would need to be transported back, James decided to show us around before that. We rode past the path that would have led to the village and followed a small stream down the slope of a hill.

In spring there would be thousands of flowers along the stream bed, enough for the girls of the village to pick and weave them into crowns or bring back a bouquet for their parents to place on the dining table. Sometimes the maids in the inn would do the same and decorate the whole place with flowers. Not that most customers cared for such things but it made Hannah happy so James knew better than to complain.

The stream flowed past the inn and was mainly used as a water supply or for doing the laundry. I wondered if right now Hannah was doing the laundry together with the maid Sophie. In this time of the year the laundry took extra long to dry and since we would be going soon, hopefully, we had only added the sheets and towels that didn't belong to us anyway to the pile of dirty washing.

We continued along the stream, over fields of sickly yellow grass that crouched on the ground, depraved of the sunlight it needed to green once more. The sun was a pale disc in the distance, weak tendrils of warmth were reaching out but their force was not strong enough to be lasting. A few lonely birds soared through the sky, chasing after the few clouds that had prevailed. It was eerie, the sight of the wintery wasteland, but strangely beautiful.

The cold was biting though, I had pulled up the hood of my coat and wrapped a scarf around my lower face; the heat from my earlier imaginations had left, along with the thoughts that had given birth to it. My hands were clasped tightly around the reins, I was wearing gloves like everyone else but still the cold was seeping in.

The breath came in big white puffs out of Ariadne's nose, but else she didn't seem much affected by the temperature. She was as eager as ever, and tried more than once to sneak up on her brother to startle him. I had given up on stopping here, besides Faro ignored her most of the time.

At one point Emil slowed down a bit to fall back so he was next to Mathias and I, Ariadne for once behaved and only poked her brother lightly with her nose, a gesture that almost counted as affectionate. Those two truly were siblings.

Emil and Mathias exchanged a glance and the latter nodded with a look of understanding before he sped up to take Emil's place next to Francis, who immediately started to chat him up. I had the slightest hunch that I indeed knew what they were talking about, and I didn't like him one bit. I could only hope that Francis didn't give any weird ideas to Mathias. Or maybe I should hope that he gave Mathias ideas; that could be really interesting after all.

But right now there were more important things I had to attend to, namely my little brother. We fell back a little to gain assured privacy this time, but it took a while until Emil started speaking. "I envy you sometimes Lukas." His voice was solemn and he looked at me with an almost sad expression. "Seeing you with Mathias has shown me how much I want something like this myself. But there is no one there; all I have is bird that acts like he's the boss most of the time. And who will ever like me? I'm as cold as this weather from the ouside." Despite the gravity of his words, Emil's voice stayed calm, almost indifferent but I knew him, I knew how hard it really was for him to talk to me like that.

He was like me, he preferred hiding his emotions from the people around him, because… I didn't know. Maybe because he, no _I _ didn't want to get hurt or maybe because I had never before truly cared for someone outside my family, there had never been a reason to lower my façade. I couldn't remember why I had created that mask to begin with. And Emil, poor Emil, had just copied me, because I was the only role model he ever had.

Mathias had broken through my shell, with his good natured personality and a carefree attitude, still I had turned him away because I was hurt and blamed him. But he had forgiven me. No, he had never blamed me for that, he had just accepted me. I got lucky.

What if Emil didn't get that lucky? What if he was unable to shake that shell off by himself and no one else was able to see through it? And it was my fault, wasn't it? I had never thought of it like that, I had never realized how much impact my actions had on my little brother. I sighed heavily; somehow the sun seemed dimmer now, as if shadowing veil had been pulled before it.

"Emil…" I started but I didn't really know what to say. It had seemed so easy before, when we were on our way to the inn and I had shared my brotherly advice with Emil. Truth was, I was as clueless as I could be, I was not fit for being a role model. And now it was the same, Emil came to me for help and I was sulking.

"It's not your fault." Emil said, his hands fidgeting with the reins. "I'm happy for you, really. I just wonder when I will ever find someone for myself." I had to smile lightly at his words and I shook off the feelings of insecurities. My brother and I were similar, not only in behavior but also in perception but that meant that I was the one who understood him best. And I had found someone, hadn't I? So he would find someone too. He was still young after all.

"Love comes in many ways Emil. We will be in the capital soon and there are so many people. I bet one of them will look at you and decide you're his one and only, just like Mathias did with me. Look at that giant oaf, he can be pretty stupid at times and yet he managed to look past all the defenses I built. And you, you are warm underneath, warm and kind. And I know this is not much consolidation but look at Peter, he already likes you, so there are people for you too that can see the real you."

I absentmindedly patted Ariadne's neck; it seemed that riding on horseback was not only soothing but also helpful in finding solutions to the problems of life. Maybe I should get myself a horse, things looked so much easier from so high up. All those time wasted with wondering and thinking on foot while I could have just climbed on a horse and solved my problems.

Or maybe not.

"Besides, you have a puffin that should be the best ice breaker ever." Maybe I should look out for every person that wanted 'to pet the puffin' from now on, who knew who used innuendo and who not. Emil looked at me with a critical expression at first but then he lighted up and finally smiled. "And you wouldn't mind if I found anyone and we, you know, _do things_?" Emil asked, a faint blush spreading on his cheeks.

Yeah, I was definitely going to watch out for possible puffin petters from now on. The thought of Emil being intimate with someone was a bit unsettling but then again after hearing me and Mathias, and probably Berwald and Tino too, getting it on for countless times he was bound to pick something up and most likely wanted to try it himself. It was a miracle that he didn't get entirely disgusted by it.

I definitely sucked at parenting.

"I trust you Emil. You have proved more than once how reliable you are and I am sure that you wouldn't let anyone get close to you when you aren't sure that they are worth it. And you can always come to me when you have doubts or are insecure and I bet that Mathias would kick anyone's ass who dared to hurt you, as would I. So yes I am okay with it."

And it was true, Emil was two years younger than me but he had proven more than once that he was capable and deserved to be trusted. And even if he made a mistake and ended up with the wrong person, that was what life was for, to learn and to experience and Mathias and I were there to make sure that he didn't get hurt too bad.

Emil smiled at me and nodded, "Thank you Lukas." And I felt as if I actually had done a good job not only with advising him but also with raising him. And what more is there to ask for a big brother? I was sure that he could handle whatever life threw at him and for everything else he had me.

After that we rode on in comfortable silence, I was not the only one who had discovered the serenity of a horse's back and so everyone used the time to sort out their thoughts. At least that's what I interpreted into the ensuing silence. For all I knew they could have been singing bawdy songs in their heads, or counting clouds or whatever.

James led us in a wide circle around the village to get us a good view at the surrounding scenery before he finally changed directions towards the settlement. My butt was sore by then, my legs numb from the cold and I wasn't so sure if I would be able to stand upright again since my back felt like it was stuck in a crooked shape. Maybe I just needed some ironing.

We reached the village around mid-afternoon. It was a small village, only a few houses strewn around an empty round space in the middle where a well was situated. But there were many people up and about and when they saw us the greeted us with smiles on their faces. Or rather they watched us with wary eyes approach until they recognized James, but then their faces lighted up and they hurried around to prepare a proper greeting.

It was a rather unique view, all the humans seemed so small from the back of Ariadne and I felt more like a king than a peasant. We were guided to a building that seemed to function as a gathering place for the villagers, it was the biggest house and it had a wooden post installed where horses and other mounts could be tied to.

It was when we reached the building that I realized that I was facing a rather embarrassing problem. I was literally stuck on Ariadne's back. The cold and the lack of movement for hours had caused my muscles to go stiff and now I wasn't able to move my legs at all. The others didn't seem to have that problem, James even jumped down from his horse in an almost artistic fashion. And his horse was much bigger than mine.

Mathias, Francis and Arthur slid down from theirs with comparable ease, only Emil half fell half jumped from his mount, but at least he was landing on his feet. And he got down on his own. I fidgeted with the reins in my hand, causing Ariadne to toss her head in impatience as her rider refused to relieve her. She needed to remind Faro who was the sassiest horse in town before he dared to forget that. God dammit that horse was busy.

"Lukas are you planning to come down there soon?" Mathias asked and looked at me and tilted his head questioningly. I grimaced and tried to get my legs moving but all I achieved was some awkward twitching. Fortunately that was enough for Mathias to understand my situation and I was even luckier that the others had already entered the building so there was no one else to witness my shame.

"I'll help you." Mathias smiled at me warmly and stepped forward to place his hands on my leg and hip. I slung the reins around the saddle head before I rested my hands on Mathias shoulder and let him gently help me down. It was difficult to stand at first, my legs were all wobbly and wanted to bend into the shape they had been forced into most of the day but with a little more help from Mathias who used the opportunity to hug me and nuzzle my hair, I got finally used to the ground again. I seriously dreaded the way back.

Ariadne went ahead and bullied her brother a bit more but after he ignored her she gave in and instead dug her head into the sac of oat the villagers had provided for each horse. My fingers were stiff from the cold and the tight grip on the reins so I let Mathias tie her to the post before I followed him inside.

There was a big round table inside where the others already had taken place and an elderly woman was busy with pouring tea for everyone. Another unfamiliar face, an elderly man this time, was sitting next to James and talking to him. I found it a bit strange to be greeted like this, but it seemed that it was customary in this village to greet visitors in this manner. Or maybe the villagers were just bored out of their minds here in the middle of nowhere so they made a big deal of every new face they encountered.

It didn't take long for the room to fill with more and more people who took up the empty seats at the table and began eagerly chatting with whoever was in their range. It was kind of funny to watch how enthusiastic they were over a simple thing such as asking Arthur if his eyebrows were real (yes they were, thank you), if Francis' hair required much grooming (yes it does) and if we had gotten our lucky wish from the well yet. Didn't those people want to know normal things, like where we came from, our names and such things?

But no, apparently Francis' hair was more interesting than that.

Not to forget the group of people who clustered around me and started a heated debate about the nature of my curl. "No way is that thing real, look at it, it floats!" A rather young looking one gestured wildly with his hands in the air and almost knocked over his companion who seemed to be transfixed by the innocent strand that poked defiantly out of my otherwise tame hair. That was exactly what I needed, a willing slave who would readily sacrifice his virgin daughter on the altar of my demon curl.

Not even his gesticulating comrade could wake him from his trance; I shook my head a bit and was not the least bit surprised to see that his eyes, no his whole head followed the movement. "But it _moves_." A third, this time a woman, said after I head shook my head and she poked the nonbeliever in the side as if the excessive use of one's index finger had ever helped to spread religious beliefs. "If it's not real what is it then?" A fourth asked and even dared to raise his hand as if to touch it but my glare stopped him last minute.

How dared he acting like I wasn't there. This was my damn hair you were talking about. Have some respect. This was your god you were addressing so rudely, imbecile!

Oh okay, maybe I should tone down on the religious fanaticism a bit. But what could I do when they were looking at it like it was the Holy Grail or something. It was just hair, dammit.

It was not helping the least that Mathias was literally rolling on the floor, holding his stomach and laughing uncontrollably. "Can I touch it?" Asked the second one who finally had broken out of his trance like state and now was looking at me with probably the most reverent expression I had ever seen. What was this, Crazy Town?

"Noooo you'll pull it off." The woman exclaimed, seeming seriously distressed. "If its real how can you pull it off?" The first one, the doubter demanded to know, waving his index finger in the face of the woman. Mathias exploded into another fit of giggles on the floor and was pounding his fist on the floor now. The rest of the table had at this point switched their attention to the conversation that had erupted about my hair and watched the exchange with interest. Well at least the villagers did, Arthur, Emil and Francis were looking on with rather confused expression.

I fought the continuously rising urge to bury my face in my hands with all this nonsense going on. I was too sore and tired for that. And why did no one take offense at the laughing male on the floor?

In the meantime the two believers who insisted on the curl being real were struggling to find a counter for the argument the other had brought forth and judging by their mimic they were losing. "It is hair god dammit, of course it will come off if you pull it. That doesn't prove a thing." The last one, the one who had retained some sort of rationality groaned with a more than annoyed tone of voice.

"I want to touch it!"

"Come on guys, that's enough." James interjected and pulled the men away from me. "I told you not to do that every time I bring someone new here." He tried to sound annoyed but I could hear the good natured tone in his voice. "Okay, we're sorry." The first one who started all this said and raised his arms in an apologetic manner. He slapped me on my back and grinned at me. "We were just messing with you kiddo."

I frowned and looked at the other three; all had dropped their act and were now smiling at me. Well too bad, now religious cult for me, but maybe that was for the best. I wasn't too fond of the taste of virgin blood, or blood at all. "You got me there." I decided to not make a big deal out of it and grinned back, signaling that no offense was taken or anything.

Arthur had taken it upon himself to rescue Mathias from his fetal position on the floor and explain to him that it all had been a joke. "That was brilliant." He slapped on of the men on the back once he had regained his composure well enough to speak again. "The look on Lukas' face was priceless." I ignored that comment and took a sip of my tea; at least the ruckus had given it enough time to cool down to drinking temperature.

I had to admit though the whole thing was rather amusing and I found that I was in rather high spirit despite the many aching of my body.

Everyone sat down after that and introductions began, but I forgot most of the names again soon after I had heard them. James would often come and visit the village with his guests as a way to entertain them and at the same time give the villagers the opportunity to meet new people and apparently mess with them.

Life there must have really been boring.

...


	47. Don't ride in the dark

**A/N: **If everything goes as planned (when does it ever) I will probably finish this within chapter 53 or 54 + a small epilogue. The end will probably seem a bit rushed but I don't want to drag it out any longer than I already did. This is drama after all and not slice of life , Anyway, we are on the finish line and there will be a few presents on the way, yay. And remember kids, don't go horse riding in the dark, buuh.

* * *

We spent a considerable time with the villagers who did their best to be as hospitable as possible. They were glad for every diversion they got; especially during the winter months and such a big group like we were who had been through pretty much already was an event for the whole village. I was not exactly used to being the center of attention and I didn't like it that much but where I was reserved and maybe a little curt, Mathias was open and outgoing and he made more than up for my lack of excitement.

Francis also seemed the attention he, and especially his hair, got and was animatedly talking to a group of three people about what appeared to be recipes for grilled chicken. Right now they were arguing about the use of cinnamon and I silently decided to check every form of chicken Francis served, who knew in the end he put cinnamon in it.

Emil seemed rather bored but that was nothing new and didn't say a thing about how he felt inside. He was immersed in a conversation of his own and as far as I could tell he was content. Arthur had up until then listened to Francis and his three cooking experts but as the cinnamon was brought upo he eagerly joined the conversation, much to Francis' and the other's horror though. Okay, now I understood why Francis didn't allow him in the kitchen, compared to what he was suggesting cinnamon chicken sounded outright delicious.

The day proceeded like this and we were not only fed until we almost burst but also showered with gifts like clothes and other stuff we could need in our journey. As the old man who apparently was the leader said, it was not only as thank you for the stories we shared and the entertainment we provided but more importantly as a showing of gratitude for the warning we had brought. Nothing had happened, but if it had they would have been ready for it, thanks to us. And after the generous meal two of the villagers wheeled out a barrel of fine apple wine and we drank to our newfound friendship.

It was almost too much, the overbearing gratitude, the amount of gifts coming from a group of people who couldn't really have enough for themselves yet they still were ready to share and all the heartfelt caring that we received even though we were only strangers. I was not used to so much acceptance, my family had been shunned for the better part of my life and I had to struggle from early on to gain at least some form of respect.

Mathias was the first who had accepted me with open arms, who had not only welcomed be but also my brother without a doubt in his heart and soon his friends followed. And now these strangers had let us so easily in their heart, as had James and his family. The world was not yet lost when there were still people like that, who saw past appearances and just took others as they were. It was truly heartwarming.

It was early evening when we finally bid farewell, it took a while until everyone had said goodbye to everyone, and then some form of hug war broke out and we weren't allowed to leave until we hadn't had at least hugged everyone twice. I was relieved when I was finally lifted up on Ariadne's back but also a little sad. It was likely that I would never see these people again and somehow I knew I would miss them, even the quartet that had bugged me earlier. They turned out to be very amiable people who just liked to play pranks on people, without actually ever hurting someone of course.

And so we departed once again, packed with many gifts and wishes and the warm feeling in our hearts of being loved and accepted. The sun had already set and the moon only cast so much light but James reassured us that he and the horses knew the way by heart, as long as we were careful nothing should happen.

In hindsight that had been a pretty stupid idea.

Never trust your judgment under the influence of alcohol.

It had been a bad idea not so much because of the alcohol however, the horses were surefooted enough even without their riders full attention, but rather because of the darkness and the weather conditions. It happened about halfway between the village and the inn. Mathias' horse slipped on a patch of ice and stumbled, trying to regain its balance and that was enough for Mathias to lose grip of the reins and fall down. Ariadne shied and I almost followed Mathias to the ground as I tried to calm my horse.

The moment my horse was calm again I slid down from her, almost slipping on the ground in the process too but I caught myself on the saddle and rushed forward to where Mathias laid on the floor. His horse had stopped and was seemingly distressed about the sudden appearance of a human on the ground in front of him.

Mathias' face was pulled into a grimace as he rolled on his side to assess the damage. "Are you alright?" I hurriedly asked as I helped him into an upright position. Arthur was right next to me while James and Francis made sure that our horses didn't wander off. "I don't know." Mathias groaned as he tried to stand but his left leg refused to carry him. "My leg hurts." "Careful," Emil ordered. "It might be broken. It was too dark to see anything but as I carefully felt around the leg I noticed a swelling around the ankle. In any case the leg was hurt and before we knew for sure what was wrong he better not put any weight on it.

Mathias hand clutched in my shirt and he smiled up at me in a weak attempt to soothe my worried expression. "Sorry babe." I pulled him in a tight embrace as I replied: "Don't be sorry you idiot." I was relieved that Mathias was alright aside from a hurt leg, a fall like this could have easily broken his neck. Mathias chuckled weakly and tried again to get up, but Arthur would have none of it. "What kind of lover am I to get hurt like that?" Emil unceremoniously whacked him on the head and rolled his eyes. "You just fell from a horse and probably broke something; there are other things you should be worried about." I was about to reprimand my brother but I stopped myself as I saw the sheepish look on Mathias' face. Emil had a point that couldn't be denied.

I sighed and pushed Mathias down on the ground. "Things like this happen." However unfortunate they were and there was no use in fretting. Still it was rather unfortunate that this happened. "We need to stabilize your leg in any case." Arthur decided and helped me with getting Mathias to lay still. "The ground is cold." The unfortunate complained but there was nothing we could do about it. "I don't think this will work, we don't see enough." Francis commented, he and James had tied the horses to some trees and were now kneeling next to Mathias.

"It might not be broken so maybe it is better when we carry him back to the village? The healer can take a look at him." James had pushed up Mathias' pants and was looking at the leg but aside from the obvious swelling and a reddish color there was nothing much else he could make out in the dark. "But how do we get him there? We can't just seat him on his horse, can we?" Francis wondered and scratched the stubble on his chin in thought.

Some kind of stretcher would be nice, but I guess we will have to do without." Arthur shook his head and frowned. "Don't talk as if I'm not here." Mathias complained and tried to sit up again but my weight on his shoulders kept him down. I leaned down to kiss and comfort him, I knew how it felt to be the injured or sick fifth wheel and I had always hated it to feel so useless. I didn't want to imagine what Berwald must have felt. But I wouldn't allow Mathias to take any risks I would personally make sure that he got home in one piece. It was the least I could do.

"Why don't we just strap him to his saddle?" Emil proposed, causing Francis to clap his hands together in excitement. "That's it, Emil you are _magnifique_." Francis pulled Emil up with him and went over to where the horses were bound. "Come Emil let us prepare your idea." Emil seemed a bit startled but he helped Francis to prepare the setup.

"When we go back to the village we should at least send someone to the inn to tell the others that we are alright." I pointed out, watching intently as James examined the injury. "We had a few broken bones in my times and I'm fairly sure this one is only sprained." He finally concluded with a pat on Mathias thigh. "You will be fine kid." He rose to his feet and brushed the dirt from his pants. "I think we will be fine when we just return to the inn, I can treat a sprained ankle."

Mathias was already grinning again, albeit his complexion was a bit pale. "I'll be on my feet in no time again." I halfheartedly attempted to roll my eyes but I couldn't help the relieved smile on my face. "Sure, you'll be fine." I said and pecked a kiss on Mathias' forehead.

It would be impossible to heave Mathias on his own horse so we decided to seat him on Faro instead. Still it took our combined efforts and much of sweating and swearing until we got him on the back of the thankfully more than patient horse. We then used a set of spare reins James always carried with him when he was out on horse to tie Mathias to the saddle. It was unlikely that he would fall from his horse, especially since Faro had a very steady trot and was generally very calm. But Mathias couldn't put his left leg in the stirrups, it was simply too dangerous and we agreed that it was better to play it safe. We couldn't put Mathias' foot back in his boots the swelling was too thick already and so we wrapped James' shirt that he generously offered around it to keep it warm.

After a bit of debating we also decided that it would be best if we all went on foot from now on, the moon was bright and high in the sky but it was still rather dark and we didn't want to risk another broken limb. James led Faro and his on horse while the rest of us followed behind with their horses, Emil now leading Mathias' horse, paying more attention than ever to the treacherous ground.

The shock of Mathias' fall had sobered me up, although I didn't drink that much to begin with. The others felt similar, the alcohol induced talking of before had made place for more serious conversations. It was a beautiful night despite the accident, the stars were blinking in the sky like million eyes that looked down on us and in the midst of it hung the moon, an almost round shape as it continuously waxed to its full majesty.

Emil walked next to me; the starlight reflecting in his pales eyes as he idly listened to Arthur's and Francis' conversation behind us. Before they had messed around, throwing jabs at each other and filling the cool air with merry laughter but now they had toned down and were discussing their plans for the next days and how Mathias' injury would affect our journey home. I smiled to myself at the fondness of how they spoke of Mathias, we were friends and there was no doubt that we would all go home together despite the obstacles that popped up in our way.

We were more and more becoming like a family.

Mathias soon grew bored up alone on his horse and tried to coax me to ride with him. I refused but I agreed to walk beside his horse, leaving the reins of Ariadne to Emil who used the opportunity to fall back and walk beside Francis and Arthur who were all too glad to include him in his conversation.

It took us longer like this to finally reach the inn and by the time we arrived, half of the night had already passed. The lights at the inn were dark with the exception of one window through which the soft glow of candle light was cast out into the night. And as soon as we passed into the circle of light the door flung open and Tino rushed out closely followed by Hannah, worry evident on their faces.

"Where have you been? I was so worried." Tino's wide eyes grew even wider as he noticed the straps that bound Mathias to his saddle and the makeshift bandage around his foot. "What happened?" Hannah asked as she spotted the setup a second after Tino. "He fell." James commented and continued on his way to the stables. The horses were tired and deserved some rest. "Get his bed ready and prepare some linen bandages." He ordered before he disappeared inside the stable. Hannah simply nodded and turned around to enter the house; there would be time for questions later. I took pity on Tino's confused expression though and quickly explained what happened to him.

Emil had taken up the task of bringing the other horses into the stable and helping James with grooming them, while Arthur and Francis untied the reins that kept Mathias in place. The aforementioned was rather disgruntled by his current uselessness but he tried his best to be of as much help as possible. Berwald had come to see what the ruckus was all about but every offer of help from him was turned down. He sighed and for a moment both Berwald and Mathias seemed equally disappointed.

Once on the ground Mathias slung his arms around Arthur and Francis' shoulders and let them help him inside the house. James came out of the stables and followed them inside. I wanted to follow too and be by Mathias' side when he was treated but I figured that Emil could definitely use some help with the horses, besides Faro was still standing outside, seemingly asleep on the spot. "Let's go tend to the horses." I suggested to Tino as I took up the reins. "Berwald look after Mathias for me okay?" I called and pulled the unwilling horse in the direction of the stables. Apparently Faro deemed the prospect on sleeping outside with bridle and saddle still on more desirable than having to sleep in his box in close proximity of his sister that sure was going to eat his oat again.

But with help from Tino we managed to coax the horse into the stable and his box. Emil had already distributed the horses into their respective boxes and was in the middle of unsaddling the first. The stable boys were all asleep already and so it was left to us to take care of the horses. Tino left to tend to another horse while I took care of Faro. We worked in silence, rubbing the horses dry after we freed them and then leaving each of them a generous amount of oat and water. Exhaustion was slowly settling in and I found myself yawning every now and then. The calm and warm atmosphere of the stable did the rest to lull my mind into a state of half sleep.

Tino closed the last door with a rather loud bang and startled me as I had been on the verge of falling asleep right where I stood. Suddenly I could understand why Faro had been so unwilling, I was almost too tired to move and I wondered if I could get Tino and Emil to carry me.

The cold night air outside was like a shock and woke me up temporarily. We closed the stable doors after making sure that everything was in order. After saying good night to the others I hurried upstairs to see after Mathias, only to find him asleep on the bed, the sheets astray and the covers half on the floor as he presumably had kicked them off. His foot was wrapped in a tight bandage and seemed okay for now. I reminded myself to properly thank James tomorrow, for taking care of Mathias, and Hannah too for doing my work so that I could go out on this trip.

I carefully closed the door and quickly undressed before I slipped under the covers that I had gathered from the floor. Mathias hummed and moved around in his sleep until he found the new source of warmth that had invaded the bed and slung his arms around me. I rested my head on Mathias shoulder after I had kissed him on the forehead. "Good night you big idiot." I whispered with a fond smile.

"I'm no idiot." Mathias mumbled, eyes still closed as he edged closer. Okay so he was not asleep but whatever. "Love you babe." I almost didn't catch the last one because it was almost inaudibly spoken into my hair but I pieced it together with a bit of thinking. "I love you too." I only got a soft hum as answer and then the room was silent once more. I fell asleep only moments after Mathias, safely tugged in his arms, a soft smile in my lips.

...


	48. Good and bad News

The next day awaited us with not just one but two surprises. Since Mathias was injured we were allowed to sleep in, but we didn't really get to enjoy that privilege because shortly after the others had started the day a frantic knock woke us from our slumber.

My mind was still hazy and it took me moment to register that this was not James' usual stoic knocking but someone else's doing. And just as I finished that thought the door flung open and a breathless Tino stood in the doorway. I blinked with bleary eyes against the bright light that poked in through the open door and tried to get my wit together.

"Hey Tino, what's up?" Mathias greeted as cheery as ever, damn why was he never affected by early mornings? Tino was trying to tell us something but it seemed he had forgotten how to produce sounds; he opened and closed his mouth like a fish, but Mathias' question pulled him out of that stupor.

"Quickly you have to come downstairs; you've got to see this." He wildly gestured and was close to bouncing on the spot. I groaned at the thought of having to get up so early, especially since we had gone to bed extremely late the night before. How could anyone be this energetic this early in the morning? "Why? What is downstairs?" Mathias asked but Tino had already dashed down the hallway to get to whatever it was that had him so excited.

I decided to go back to sleep, I was too tired to really be curious. I wondered if I should send Mathias to close the now open door to keep out any cold draft but before I could even snuggle back under the covers, Tino had already returned with a pair of very, _very_ crude crutches in hands. Without a further explanation he tossed them on our bed, effectively waking me up for good and disappearing again.

Mathias let out a hearty laugh and pulled away the cover to get out of bed. That was it; I was going to request a single room! Since there was really no use in trying to fall asleep now I dragged myself up and out of bed, but before I could shuffle over into the bathroom I was pulled into a tight embrace by Mathias. "Good morning babe." Balancing on his good leg Mathias had managed to sneak up on me and given me my morning hug. Sneaky bastard.

I turned around to place a kiss on Mathias' lips, dispelling the last bits of morning drowsiness. This never ceased to revive me. "Morning." I mumbled and shoved Mathias back on the bed, this whole one usable leg thing was a bit too shaky for my liking. Mathias chuckled and took the crutches for a closer inspection. They were the closest embodiment to crude I had ever seen, and I highly doubted that they would carry Mathias' weight. "Seems like Tino wants to get back at us for insulting his throwing stick." Mathias joked as he carefully tapped one crutch against the floor to test its stability.

"Well at least he got you crutches." I commented and took a few steps backwards. I didn't want to be in range when the crutches collapsed. But to my slight surprise they seemed stable enough, the wood bent horribly under Mathias' weight but they didn't break, yet. While Mathias hopped around the room for a stress test, I went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. I was still tired and the bed seldom looked this attractive but now curiosity had pricked me and I wanted to know what got Tino so excited.

I quickly changed and then waited more or less patiently for Mathias to do the same. He tried to get me to help him but knowing him I was sure that his attentions weren't as pure as he made them out to be and although I usually didn't mind at all, I was far too lazy to get involved into any major movement at the moment. And to be honest I was starting to get really hungry.

Mathias had gotten used to his new crutches pretty fast, only the stairs took him a while, even though mostly because I forbade him to just jump down the stairs. We entered the main room to find it full of soldiers who were tearing away at one of Hannah's hearty breakfasts. For a moment I was lost at the door, all those unknown faces at once were a bit much but then I spotted a few familiar blondes at the far end and we made our way through the room.

We were stopped midway though by a familiar man who had stood up to greet us. "David!" Mathias exclaimed and was grinned broadly; the whole scene had visibly gotten him excited. David nodded curtly as form of greeting but hesitated as he saw Mathias' bandaged foot. "What happened?" David seemed even more reserved than the last time we saw him, I was not the only one who was unsettled by the presence of all those soldiers.

Why were they even here? Had they come with David? If yes, did that mean that was our escort? I swept my eyes over the room and tried to assess their number but my brain refused to function in the middle of it. This couldn't possibly be true, why would someone send half an army to escort a group of people to the capital? Were we that important? A small spiteful voice inside my head reminded me that _we_ were of no importance whatsoever but Mathias was.

As on cue one of the soldiers noticed us standing in the middle of the room and alerted his companions to our existence. "We have our fist battle hero." One proclaimed and slapped Mathias a hand on the shoulder. "How many did you take on?" Another asked and raised a tankard that sloshed with something suspiciously similar to beer. "Come on don't be modest." The first one urged and shoved David out of the way to get better access to Mathias who seemed to enjoy the attention.

I used the opportunity to slip away almost unnoticed and walked over to the table with my friends. To my surprise though they didn't seem happy at all, despite our escort, that was admittedly a bit over the top l had arrived. And that got me extremely worried.

I squeezed in between Emil and Francis who both tried to make space for me and exchanged a few morning greetings. No one spoke; instead everyone was busy with their breakfast or at least pretended to be busy. I looked over to Mathias and saw that he had been dragged to a table and sat now in the middle of a mob of cheering men who listened to his animatedly told tale of how he had slain a horde of wild mountain trolls. Someone should go and get Peter, he would love that story.

Hannah was nowhere to be seen, only James popped out of the kitchen every now and then, delivering an endless supply of beer and food. Seriously just how full was their food storage? Or rather how full would it be once all of these people were gone? "We will depart tomorrow." Arthur interrupted my thoughts, but even though he had broken the silence he deliberately avoided my gaze.

"That's a good thing isn't it?" I tried to get the others to talk but again I was met with silence. This was becoming more and more frustrating. Finally Berwald spoke up, his voice serious as ever but I didn't miss the uneasy undertone. "They surprised a bunch of Orushians this early morning who were preparing a stealth attack on the inn." I tensed at his words and a cold wave of horror washed through me. We had been out last night; they could have surprised us out in the open just like that. I had allowed myself to believe that we were safe while in truth we had been far from that.

"It's okay now, they were operating independently from the main army and they got all of them." Arthur placed a hand on my arm to calm me, but I doubted that I could relax so soon. How clueless we had been. "How do you know that?" I asked, sounding more apprehensive than I would have liked. "That they main force won't be bright behind them?" Suddenly I felt far more at ease with all those soldiers around me but I doubted they could do much against a whole army.

"Because after half of them were killed they surrendered, and one of the prisoners was quite cooperative." Francis explained, but the way he was saying it made my uneasiness grow even more. Somewhere on the other side of the room the group around Mathias was laughing, oblivious to my distress, despite the danger they had just faced only a few hours ago.

"It was Ludwig." Tino said, eyes trained on the flat table surface. "They came after us." Maybe that revelation should have shocked me more than it did, but after all this time of running away and being caught again I was not really surprised that Ludwig had caught up to us once again. "Only there is more to it than that." Emil spoke for the first time this morning; he looked up from the bird he had groomed until now. "He says he wants to change sides."

Wait what?

I opened my mouth to say something but found that there were no words in my mind. I stood there for at least five seconds with my mouth open and a look of sheer disbelief on my face. There was no way this could be true. I had met Ludwig, the hell I had slept in his arms for heaven's sake, albeit not willingly and he had done everything in his power to capture us and get some good money out of us. But a small voice kept nagging, reminded me that he didn't hurt us and he let Berwald go.

It was an understatement to say that I was confused.

Finally I remembered how to use my voice again and I asked one simple question, the only one I could think of and the most dumb one at that too. "What?" Seriously they could at least have tried to explain everything to me instead of just pushing me into a pool of revelations.

Tino shoved a mug with something that suspiciously looked like hot mead in my hands and since I really could use the drink I took a heavy swig. Unfortunately the liquid was still hot and I spurted a shower of mead over the table in an attempt to save my tongue from burning off.

Now breakfast was definitely ruined.

Arthur gave me a napkin and I cleaned the area around my mouth from any mead that had landed there, then I helped him clear up the mess I had made as best as possible. Thankfully most of it had landed on an unoccupied area of the table so the food was mostly still edible. But I wasn't hungry anyway; I felt a sick and constricting feeling in my stomach ever since I heard the news.

Ludwig seemed like a ghost from the past that came again to haunt me, to remind me that wherever I would go I would never be safe. Not even the thought of going home soon could clear up the gloomy feeling. To put it bluntly, I was afraid. We had tried to run countless time and in the end it always had been in vain.

"Come on." Emil said and patted me gently on the back, trying to get me out of my dark mood. That was entirely wrong, I had to get it together, I was supposed to take care of my brother not the other way round. I blinked a few times to regain my focus and looked at the others with a questioning look. There was no use in worrying before I didn't know the whole story. "So what happened exactly? Tell me from the beginning." I ordered and leaned back, bracing myself for the story to come.

"Well we really don't know much ourselves." Francis explained as he started to peel an apple. "They brought the men here and they are currently locked up in one of James' cellars, I only hope it's not the wine cellar." Francis mused and began to cut up his apple. Arthur rolled his eyes and snatched one piece of apple, earning a slap to his hand from Francis. "No one cares about the wine. Anyway they are tied up because David doesn't trust him and until they decide what to do with them they'll stay there and there are two guards with them."

"I think Hannah is bringing them some food in the moment." Tino added and gratefully accepted the apple slice that Francis offered him. "Yeah, James was a bit pissed at first, because one of the captives started yelling and insulting them but then Ludwig ordered him to stop and then apologized. After that they stayed calm and even walked down into the cellar by themselves without struggling." Emil informed as it was his turn to accept an apple slice.

Francis gave me the last one and I started to nibble at the juicy fruit. I was rather glad that I had been asleep during all this. "But why does he want to change sides?" I asked after I had finished with my apple slice. The fruit had fueled my appetite and since Ludwig and his men were safely locked up the feeling in my gut had also subsided.

"Yeah, that is a bit suspicious, if you ask me." Arthur shoved another apple in Francis' hand which he started to peel after he had stolen a kiss from Arthur. "Especially after two of his men got killed and another one seriously injured." It was somehow calming to see my friends returning to their usual behavior. Maybe it was really not that bad.

"It was their plan from the beginning to change sides I think, they only got surprised by David and his men." Emil nodded thoughtfully and sighed then. "But I don't get why they thought that sneaking up on us was in any way a good idea. Maybe it's just a ruse." He ran a hand through his already messy hair, while the other had mostly settled down again; Emil was still concerned about the situation.

"I don't think it's a ruse." Berwald said, his brows were furrowed, indicating that he was thinking hard about something. "I don't know." I traced the rim of my mug with a finger, the steam was still rising from the beverage, taunting me to try and take another sip. "He seemed like he was taking orders seriously, but still he let you go…" I trailed off, remembering that moment of shock and horror as Ludwig had spotted us and all hope had been lost until Berwald had jumped in between and secured our escape. Oh the guilt I had felt back then, the terror and the insufferable fear that we had lost him for good. And then he had reemerged, badly hurt but still alive.

And all because of Ludwig.

"I want to talk to him." I announced, all this worrying was getting me nowhere; I had to see for myself. "Actually we all wanted to talk to him; we just waited for you and Mathias." Tino said and placed a hand on my arm. I smiled weakly and looked over to where Mathias was still in the middle of his tale. "Let's go get him then." I declared and pushed myself up to stand, but since I was still squeezed in between Francis and Emil I got stuck midway and now half stood half sat at the table. It took a lot more of shuffling and people getting up until all of us had managed to safely standing on their own two feet again.

It was similar complicated to reach Mathias in the middle of his admires and get his attention but after a bit of shoving I managed to break through to him. Still he insisted on introducing me to the leader of the troop, a blonde man with a scar on his right temple and a rather cold stare. He saluted once as he greeted me but didn't speak a word to me. It seemed that he accepted Mathias status as the descendant of a Lord but rather looked down on a lowborn like me.

According to Mathias his name was Jan, but I figured he wouldn't like it if _I_ called him that. My suspicions got confirmed as he was introduced to the rest, again showing respect to Berwald and Tino but mostly ignoring Emil, Arthur and Francis. Jan agreed to lead us to Ludwig, albeit not without lecturing Mathias on the consequences that could have, but in the end he bowed to the wish of his Lord.

It was not that Jan was exactly unfriendly, at least it didn't feel like that, but he seemed rather uneasy around people who didn't belong to the social ranks he was so used to be around. He tried to ease up a bit and gave a few curt explanation of the status of the prisoners and after Arthur had asked he further explained the plans they had for our departure but he couldn't quite shake his cold attitude.

We had of course let Mathias in on the whole news at first and it was no surprise to me that he wasn't pleased at all. He still insisted on seeing Ludwig though, but I figured that was mostly because I wanted to. On the way to the cellar where they were kept Mathias caught up to me and gently nudged me with his elbow. How he did that at the same time as fluently using his crutches to walk was beyond me. "It will be fine, I'll protect you, I promise." He said with a warm smile and hadn't we been in the middle of far too much company, I would have pulled him down in a deep kiss right now. I didn't doubt a second that Mathias would smash his crutches over anyone's head who dared to lay a finger on me.

"Oi Tino." Mathias yelled, as if he had heard my thoughts. "Thanks for these. Did you get the wood from an ugly wood troll who sold you his mother that turned into a tree?" He grinned wildly at Tino as he indicated the crutches. Tino smiled back, an evil glint in his eyes. "My pleasure Mathias, I hope they don't break under you heavy ass, the troll's mother seemed rather old you know." Mathias burst into laughter, startling Jan who wasn't used to Mathias open personality.

Still I knew that both Mathias and Tino were just as nervous as the rest of us, it was just their way of dealing with it. To Jan's terror Mathias insisted on hopping down the steep cellar steps with his crutches and every time the wood creaked the slightest bit he winced and almost seemed ready to jump down the stairs to function as a cushion in the case Mathias should fall.

But whatever wood troll got enchanted into a tree was stable enough to survive the abuse and we all reached the bottom of the stairs unharmed. There was a long corridor at the end of the stairs, a few torches stuck in iron holders at the wall, making the shadows dance with every disturbance of air. The corridor was lined with doors and one door was guarded by two bored looking soldiers who snapped to attention once they spotted their superior.

It was pretty crowded with all of us down there so we decided to only let a small group in the room and so Jan, Mathias, Berwald and I stepped through the door into the damp cool room. Jan was carrying a torch to add to the light that two candles on top of a big wheel of cheese cast into the room. Okay _there_ came all the food from.

Three figures slumped against one wall that had been cleared to make space for them. A fourth lied on the floor on what appeared to be a linen sac; half of his face was hidden under a bloody bandage. A plate with a few bread crumbs was placed before them, the meal that Hannah had brought them before. One of the men looked up, his eyes were shadowed but his features were clear enough for me to recognize.

Ludwig.

...


	49. Chance

**A/N**: It's official now, chapter 53 will be the last chapter but there will be an epilogue after that. It feels kind of weird to be so close to the end now after I wrote this for more than 5 months now. But we're not done yet so here we go, next chapter.

* * *

There was a thick purplish bruise under his right eye, his face was dirty and his hair hung down in a tangled mess, matted with blood. Yet his eyes remained clear and calm under all the dirt. I wondered what he could have been thinking, two of his men had been killed, another was seriously injured and he himself didn't look that well either. He must have been aware that he wouldn't be greeted with a warm welcome. Maybe he simply didn't expect a small army to show up.

But what if he only 'surrendered' because of that small army, what if this truly was all a ruse and his true intention had been harmful ones. This was about to get very complicated.

Jan stood back a bit to leave us some space but he kept his eyes on the bound up soldiers in case anyone tried something funny. Mathias leaned forward, resting his weight on the crutches to get a better look at the tied up blonde in front of him, Berwald and I stood silently at his flanks, each absorbed in his own thoughts.

I didn't really know what to say, there were many things I wanted to ask but somehow it was hard to find the correct words and so I just stayed silent, watching and waiting. It was Mathias who first spoke up. "What do you want?"

Ludwig moved his gaze from Mathias to Berwald, ignoring the former's question completely. "I'm glad that you're better now." His voice was rasp and a little strained but still a tiny glimpse of sincerity was noticeable. Berwald grunted something incorrigible in reply and Ludwig turned back to Mathias.

"I know this is hard to believe but I have come here to offer you my assistance." Again the look in Ludwig's eyes was as sincere as the tone of his voice, I could not detect the hint of a lie, which either meant he was honest or just a terrible good liar. "That really is hard to believe." I said slowly as I drifted my gaze over Ludwig's companions. The two men that were bound next to him seemed uncomfortable, not only from the position but also from the situation. One had his eyes cast down; the other looked at some point on the wall behind us. I wondered if they even wanted to be here.

"Why?" Mathias asked and shifted his weight. I could tell that standing on one leg was getting strenuous; his arms weren't used to supporting so much weight constantly. Ludwig noticed it too and threw a curious glance at Mathias' leg. "Maybe we should change locations for that." He suggested, "This is not the most pleasant place to be."

I could hear Jan fidget behind us; he didn't like the prospect of Ludwig and his men roaming about free, not at all. And I was sure that he was about to say something but Mathias beat him to it. "Fine, but we will keep you in chains." His voice was calm and laced with an authority I had never before heard on him. He almost sounded like the Lord he one day would become. Completely out of nowhere I remembered the thoughts I had on our horse trip, and for a moment I had to fight a blush. I wanted Mathias to use this voice on me while I was kneeling before him, gagged and bound and do everything he ordered me-

Okay stop now.

This was going too far.

I mentally slapped myself, how could I think of something like that in a situation like this? What was wrong with me? I had never been the sexual type; I had never spent so much time simply thinking about sex and imagining weird scenarios, and as much pleasant pastime that could provide, this was simply not the right time for it. There was seriously something wrong with me.

I shook the odd feeling and focused again on the things at hand. Jan had of course protested but Mathias' words were final and so he begrudgingly followed. It was in a way amazing how an experienced military officer was forced to obey orders from someone like Mathias, based solely on social differences. What a strange world.

Jan ordered a few of his men to bring the injured soldier into an unoccupied room, where James would later look after him and treat him as best as possible. The other three were brought up into another empty room where they were allowed to sit down comfortably on a chair before they were tied up again. The room was also big enough to house our entire group this time so that everyone could listen to the explanation Ludwig was about to give.

"So?" Mathias asked, once everyone had settled down again. It was a bit weird to be honest, a bunch of people stuffed into a room to question one soldier about his motives. The whole situation was surreal. Why did those weird things always happen to me?

Ludwig sighed; a look of exhaustion suddenly took hold of his features. One of his men, the one who had stared at the wall, shuffled his feet and for a moment he seemed like he was going to say something, but then he slumped down again, resuming his mindless staring. I couldn't get a good look at Ludwig's men in the dark cellar; it was only now that I took notice how different they were from their leader.

The one that had attempted to speak could have easily switched his soldier's clothing with fine silk garments and passed for the noble, without all the dirt on his face of course. He had a somewhat sophisticated look but otherwise was rather plain aside from his unusual violet colored eyes. He was almost the exact opposite of Ludwig whose every muscle screamed soldier at my, he seemed far too fragile to be on a battlefield, but I knew of course that appearances could be very misleading. And he had a similar hair curl sticking out of his tousled hair, just like me.

The other one was the smallest, even though that was kind of hard to tell from their sitting position. But despite his height he seemed the fiercest of the three, there was something almost feral in his eyes and the effect was enhanced by the bloody splotches on his clothes. But there was something else that put me off, I just couldn't name it, something seemed very strange about this person.

However before I could determine what it was, my thoughts were interrupted by Ludwig's voice. "The short answer would be because of my brother, the long answer however is much more complicated and intricate." He stopped for a moment to gather his thoughts; the silence was filled though with the snort of the smallest of the three soldiers. "How come that every time we are tied up it is because of Gilbert?" He almost sounded contemptuous but I was more intrigued by the name he had said. Gilbert? That Gilbert? So Ludwig had dreamed of his brother while he had cuddled with me. Somehow that was even more disturbing.

And just like with his appearance the voice of the man also seemed a bit off. But now the third, the one with the curl spoke up and his voice sounded exactly like the dignified noble he could have easily passed for. "Because Gilbert is trouble on two feet." He complained, albeit I sensed a hint of affection in his words.

"Don't listen to Ludwig." The one with the pony tail said, our language sounded foreign and harsh from his lips, but I understood him well enough. "It is really a pretty easy story. Gilbert got captured, Gilbert is too awesome for ransom and now Gilbert is best buddies with our enemies, or maybe we should say friends now? God this is far more complicated than the actual story." I could literally see a vein twitch on Ludwig's forehead and it didn't take much to see Ludwig on a drill ground yelling at poor recruits with that exact vein almost popping out of his head.

"Eli…" Ludwig said with a warning undertone, which seemed to shut up Eli, at least temporarily. "You have to admit though that Eli definitely has a point." The second soldier interjected before Ludwig could resume his story, his accent was almost nonexistent and he spoke with some sort of noble refinement. "Roderich, please, not you too." The vein had stopped throbbing, now Ludwig appeared to be more tired than angry, it almost seemed as if this was a regular occurrence within their group.

Poor Ludwig, wasn't he supposed to be the one in charge?

"Okay so let me get this straight." Arthur tried to cut the whole bickering short, "Your brother," he indicated his head towards Ludwig, "got captured… by who exactly if I might ask? As far as I know we were not at war until recently." Now that he said it I realized that he had indeed a point. But hadn't Ludwig said something of the likes to Berwald, about how he had been in a similar situation than we were? So maybe he was referring to his captured brother, but who had captured him?

Eli made an attempt to answer but Ludwig cut him to it. "We're not exactly sure. We were in your lands already when it happened, one day he went off into the woods to relieve himself and when he didn't return we searched for him but all we found were traces of a fight and his necklace that must have torn during the confrontation."

I didn't miss the look of pain on Ludwig's features; he didn't take the disappearance of his brother well at all. I cast a glance sideways to my brother. The thought of him disappearing one day, carried off by who knows who was outright terrifying. I felt the sudden urge to pull Emil into a tight embrace but I fought it off, now was not the right moment. But I decided to give Emil that hug later. I should hug him far more often.

"We didn't hear anything from him for a long time; I was close to thinking he was dead…" Ludwig's voice trailed off and for a moment I was sure that there was a moist glimmer in his eyes but he pulled himself together and continued: "Then we got a message from him, he has this bird that keeps following him and he used it to send us a message. That was we could be sure that it was really from him."

"Yeah," Eli said dryly, "I still wonder how it found us. It even waited dutifully for us to formulate an answer. I swear one day I will get behind Gilbert's attraction to birds it is too uncanny to be anything natural." Roderich only nodded in agreement, even though he didn't seem so much interested in Gilbert's bird secrets.

"The message said that he was well and that he decided to fight for your side from now on." Ludwig continued, ignoring his companions' comments. I didn't miss a certain tenseness though, his eyes stared straight ahead as if the subject was still difficult for him. Ludwig had always given off the feeling of being a soldier down to his very core, he would never think of betraying orders and still, here he was, forfeiting his country for his brother.

While the other two kept some sort of lighthearted façade to cope with the gravity of their situation, Ludwig silently suffered, trying hard not to show how upset he truly was. Yet there was no doubt in his eyes, no wavering, no matter how hard it was for him he wouldn't abandon his brother and I couldn't help but to respect him for that.

It was at this point that I was finally convinced that this all was not some kind of elaborate plan to infiltrate us. Especially not after Ludwig let Berwald go, why would he go to such great lengths to get us after he had let us purposely slip through his hands.

"I wasn't sure at first what to do but after I had let you go." He looked at Berwald pointedly, "My status inside the army was rocky at best and I had some doubts about the way they were handling things even before that. I am a soldier and it should never, under any circumstances ever, be the duty of a soldier to kill civilians." Ludwig's face twisted into a mask of disgust and a shadow appeared in his eyes.

Suddenly I remembered the smoke and the smell of burning flesh, the fear that laced the air and the terror that guided every step. The streets illuminated by the inferno that consumed everything in its path and over all the endless patter of the rain that did nothing to ease the burning. Sometimes in my dreams in the darkest hour of the night I could still heart the screaming, but thankfully I was spared the sight.

Eli was pale and looked slightly sick but his wave was firm as he spoke. "You were just following orders." He tried to move closer to Ludwig to provide some sort of comfort but the ropes that bound him to the chair prevented any contact. Ludwig frowned and opened his mouth to say something but he closed it again without uttering a single word.

"It is like this." Roderich picked up the story where Ludwig had left off, "Don't get me wrong, we are no traitors at heart, we are and will always be Orushians, but for the time being we can no longer commit to a cause that we all feel is wrong. And as stupid as he may be at times, Gilbert is a soldier and knows what he's doing, He wouldn't abandon his homeland on a whim, no I'm sure he had his reasons."

For a moment no one said word, everyone just let sink in what they just had heard. More than Ludwig's longwinded explanation, it were Roderich's words that conveyed their intentions. It was Mathias who once again broke the silence. "Jan, untie them." He said softly but his tone nonetheless demanded obedience. And with a deep sigh Jan stepped forward and cut through the ropes that bound his prisoners.

There were many questions left but for now everyone felt that these three people were trustworthy, each and every one could relate to their story. I would go to the end of the world for my brother and maybe even farther for Mathias. And I knew for sure that the others felt similar in some way. We were born in different countries, our cultures were different and we even spoke a different language but in one thing we were all the same, we would do everything for the one we loved.

"What about the other one?" Tino asked as the three rubbed their wrists to get the feeling back in their hands. "The wounded one?" Ludwig slumped back in his chair and rubbed his eyes; Eli and Roderich exchanged uneasy glances but stayed quiet for their leader to explain. "That is quite… unfortunate." Ludwig finally said after he had realized that rubbing his eyes wouldn't make the harsh reality go away.

"You see we couldn't just leave like that, that would have been rather suspicious." Ludwig started to explain. "We claimed we had evidence that a group of merchants would pass by the area in a few days and we volunteered to stay behind so that we could attack them. Our plan was then to manipulate the scene, making it look as if a battle had taken place and that we had been either killed or captured. But unfortunately they sent three other soldiers with us and so we had to adapt our plans." He looked over to Eli who had begun to excessively stretch his tired joints and let out a contented sigh once he was done.

"We had to fool the other to think that we had missed the caravan. We actually wanted to send them back while we followed them but they insisted on coming and so we had to continue with our little story." Eli continued while he rotated his shoulders until a popping sound satisfied him. The action caused Roderich to wrinkle his nose.

"To make a long story short, believe me it is boring, we had a plan of getting rid of them but before we could do that your soldiers surprised us. They fought back, that's why they got killed, while we surrendered immediately." Ludwig looked unhappy at Eli's words but he didn't object to them. "I wish there had been another way." Eli mused, "But now there is no helping it. Would you mind getting us a change of clothes and maybe a bit of water?" He looked with disdain at all the dirt marks on his clothes and tried to rub of a dark spot on his hand.

"Of course." Mathias said and with another deep sigh Jan got up to inform James of the newly needed accommodations, without even waiting for Mathias to give him the order to. "Are you injured?" Arthur asked kindly, offering his help in case anyone needed some treatment. Eli smiled brightly, giving his face an almost beautiful look that was so unfitting for a ruthless soldier. "No I'm fine, but I figure a few introductions would be nice?"

"That's right." Ludwig grumbled, "I know only few of you." For some reason that made me laugh and as the others looked at me in puzzlement I only had to laugh harder. The situation was just too absurd. "Well, knowing is a bit exaggerated." I was still snickering and had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. "Sorry, I guess I'm not used to these kinds of situations." My explanation did nothing to erase the confused expressions around me but I just shrugged, there was no way in hell I would ever tell anyone about the far to intimate way I got to know Ludwig, involuntarily of course.

The matter was dropped when Jan returned with Hannah in tow who resolutely took control over the situation as she led the three away towards a bit more to eat, new clothes and a bath. I bet James never had this much interesting guests in his house before. The others followed, explaining on the way who was who and I couldn't shake the feeling that afterwards they would have a very twisted idea of some of our personalities.

Only Mathias and I stayed behind and we watched as the others left, only Ludwig stopped before he left the room and turned around one more time. "He survived." He said with a glance towards Mathias, before he closed the door behind him. I didn't know for a moment what he was talking about but then I saw the look of immense relief on Mathias' face, followed by a few tears that formed in his eyes.

And then with a smile that threatened to split his face Mathias pulled me in a bone crushing embrace and twirled me around, balancing on only one foot. "He's alive." He whispered, his voice over spilling with joy. "I'm not a murderer."

...


	50. Novelties

The rest of the day was rather uneventful compared to the turbulent morning. After a bit more talking we learned that Gilbert most likely resided somewhere in the capital, and since we were heading there anyway, it was decided that Ludwig's gang could just tag along, much to Jan's chagrin. The wounded soldier was still an issue. But after a close examination James deemed his survival as unlikely and in the rare event of him recovering, James promised to find a solution that involved no more bloodshed.

Mathias could still ride a horse, more or less, so we would stick to our plan of departing on the next day. No matter how often James insisted that we could stay for the rest of the winter, nobody wanted to delay much longer. The weather had been stable throughout the last days and we didn't want to risk waiting any longer in case of another snowfall. James and his family had taken us in with much warmth and care but we all longed for home, even if said home in most of our cases was more an idea than an actual thing.

Still I wanted to see Mathias' home, the city he had been raised in and the house he had grown up in and I wanted to have a place to live in that was actually mine. Sure, I would miss James, Hannah and even Peter, but I missed a peaceful life even more. The others all felt similar, I was not the only one who had grown restless during the last few days.

Jan still kept a close look on Ludwig and his two remaining men but they behaved themselves and even helped with the work. Since Mathias was injured he couldn't do his chores and I, even though uninjured, was allowed a break to keep him company, just as Tino had been when he watched over Berwald. The aforementioned was much better than he had been when we arrived, the wound was aching and red, but mostly healed and he could walk around without any mentionable pain. Riding would be tough though, but Berwald was determined to try it and no one had the heart to deny him since he wanted to go home just as much as the rest of us.

We spent the rest of the morning with talking to the soldiers, or rather Mathias talked to them, I was content with just listening. They were a hearty bunch, full of bawdy jokes and good natured slaps on the shoulder, and I could see how much he enjoyed their company. Jan was somewhere outside, keeping an eye out on Ludwig, Roderich and Eli, and I couldn't really say that I blamed him for that.

I trusted them in a way, there was no reason to disbelief their story, but Ludwig had not only been present during but also been a major cause to some of the key moments that endangered my life so I would never really stop being wary around him.

The afternoon was even more uneventful; we kept Hannah and Francis company in the kitchen as they prepared a big multiple course meal for the goodbye party that James insisted on throwing in the evening. According to him he had never before had so much fun with guests than with us and he wanted us to keep him in the best possible memory. Not that it needed a party for that, he had done plenty enough for us already, but James was so excited about the whole thing that no one really felt like telling him that.

Francis was of course in top form, he whirled through the kitchen like a tempest, stirring sauces, decorating pastries or dousing chunks of meat with spices until the whole kitchen smelled like the Spicer's market. Hannah was chopping up vegetables with a sureness and speed that I was sure was supernatural, I couldn't even make out the blade as anything else than a metallic blur. And through all of it Francis kept on flirting with Hannah in a light teasing tone, but Hannah simply brushed him off with an ease that hinted to a long going tradition.

Mathias and I were lucky enough to be allowed to taste a few of the dishes, but Francis had to slap Mathias' hand away more than once to keep him from the mountain of delicious looking cakes and pastries and a few other choice desserts I couldn't name. All in all it was a very nice way to spend the evening.

And just as soon it was time to deck the tables that James had prepared in the main room with the help of Arthur and some of the soldiers to prepare one big u-shaped long table that would fit everyone. I helped Hannah with the table cloths and was then ordered to distract Mathias who had already shattered a few plates in his attempt to carry them while wobbling on one leg.

It was then, while I was sitting on Mathias' lap to prevent him from walking around, (and being groped in the process) that I noticed Berwald talking to Francis. They seemed nervous and Berwald kept glancing around every now and then but whatever it was that he was looking out for it was neither me nor Mathias since he acknowledged us with a nod. Francis seemed thrilled about something and he winked more than once at Berwald causing him to slightly blush.

Mathias was too busy with feeling me up to notice anything that was going on around him and I didn't have the heart to swat his hand away every time. Okay to be honest I was simply too lazy and it was not that I didn't like his touch, on the contrary, I had started to quite like the attention and more importantly the promise of what would come later that came hand in hand with his touches.

I got the feeling that I knew what was going on and I smiled to myself, knowing that in the midst of all the trouble it would be a good thing. The food and the table were mostly finished and the others started to trickle in one after another, looking around the decorated room before they picked a seat to their liking. The moment Tino stepped in Berwald was there to guide him to his seat that was across from where Mathias and I sat, and helped him in his chair. I slid down from Mathias' lap, now that everything was done there was no need to restrain him, but I allowed him to keep an arm around me.

Emil came in a bit after Tino, followed by an eager bouncing Peter who seemed to be in the process of chewing Emil's ear off with his talking. Emil walked over to us and sat next to me, he didn't show it but I could tell that he was exhausted from Peter's constant attention. Thankfully Peter then decided to bother Berwald and Tino but was intercepted by his mother who dragged him into the kitchen.

Arthur came in together with Ludwig and Roderich, Eli was nowhere to be seen. It was an odd picture, Arthur engrossed in conversation with a man that was our enemy only hours ago, but whatever it was they talked about it had both of their eyes shimmer with excitement. Roderich seemed impassive as he walked over to a chair and I suddenly noticed that Jan wasn't with them. Maybe he had finally started to trust them.

Francis burst out of the kitchen, a spoon covered with thick white cream in hand and as he spotted Arthur he almost jumped him, startling him and Ludwig in the process. Arthur's angry protest was cut short by the creamed spoon in Francis' hand and I remembered the conversation I had with Francis about my surprise for Mathias and how he commented on Arthur's love for whipped cream. The sentiment made me smile, that Francis would safe his utensils so that Arthur could lick off the cream. The look of fondness in Francis' eyes was heartwarming as he watched his lover licking at the cream with blissful abandon.

Ludwig had politely excused himself and was now sitting next to Roderich and a moment later Jan entered, talking with Eli in an animated way I would have never suspected him capable of. As if their appearance had been the cue, Francis shoved Arthur on his chair and vanished in the kitchen, to appear only moments later with Hannah and James in tow, carrying a big plate with lots of delicious looking food on it. It took a while but together the three managed to fill the entire table with plates and bowls of food.

The banquet had officially started.

It was the first time in my life that I participated in a banquet and the first half of an hour I was busy with getting to taste as many different dishes as possible. In a way it was really satisfying to have this much of a choice but a small part of me felt bad for I only ever tried a small part of every dish in favor of leaving room for the rest. This was so wasteful, there had been a time in my life when we had been close to starving and now my biggest problem was if I should try roasted chicken (without cinnamon) or steamed venison.

I had seen parts of James' store rooms but I had never suspected that they were filled with so many delicacies. Compared to that the meals we had eaten before were actually meager. But I figured that James saved the good stuff for special occasions like this.

Peter had come in at some point and said goodbye, he had to go to bed early and would most likely still sleep when we departed on the next day. But aside from that short teary interlude the party had been loud and mirthful. James kept a firm hand on the alcohol, not out of spite but because we all would need a sober head tomorrow, riding in the snow was no easy piece of cake. And in all honesty, I was more than glad that I was spared another episode of 'Arthur's dangling dick'. One time as enough, thank you.

Mathias had showered me with affections the whole time, sharing the dishes he found delicious with me and wanting to have a bite of half of my servings. If this was how couple life felt, I had to admit I rather liked it.

But the highlight of the evening came towards the end of the meal, when Berwald suddenly got up and knocked a knife against his glass, casting silence over the whole room. It was maybe the first time that I had seen him nervous. He blinked a few times before he spoke and it took him three tries until he finally managed to produce words, but his voice sounded clear and there was almost no trace of his nervousness when he addressed Tino.

He didn't say much, and as significant as the evening, as that specific moment was, I couldn't remember at all his exact words. But I remembered with almost uncanny clarity the way his eyes were shining behind his glasses, the tiny barely noticeable tears that formed in the corners and the slight tremble of his lips as Tino cried 'Yes' and fell into his arms.

Tino was a mess afterwards, he alternated between sobbing and laughing, or both at the same time and he showed everyone the tiny silver band that now adorned his finger, it was not much, it was all that Berwald could organize on such short notice but for Tino it was everything.

Berwald was beaming, there was actually a wide grin on his usually stoic face and he would glance towards his now fiancé whenever there was a gap between congratulants. Apparently Francis had helped him to set things up; he had gotten both the ring and Tino's measurement by tricking him into dipping his finger into one of his desserts and then measuring the indentation.

Tino took the chance to hire both Emil and I as bridesmaids, but I only accepted after he had promised that I wouldn't have to wear a dress. Mathias decided over Berwald's head that he would be his best man and the other was simply too happy to care about it. But the wedding was still far off and so the planning somehow got off track and when Tino started fantasizing about fluffy troll-like suits, I decided that it was time to go to bed. It was late enough as it was and I wanted to get at least a little sleep before the next day.

A few of the soldiers had pushed back the tables back then and started to play on some instruments James had hidden somewhere in his cellar and Tino was dancing with Berwald and Francis was using the excuse of dancing to feel Arthur who, for a change, didn't care at all.

Mathias would have dragged me to dance too, hadn't he been impaired. But so he readily let me pull him up from his chair and then out the room. I had made the mistake of looking back before we left and the image of Emil dancing with Ludwig was honestly a bit disturbing even though Ludwig seemed as stiff as if someone had shoved a stick up his ass.

On a side note; Eli and Roderich were kissing in the corner. This was getting really tragic if this continued, then straight couples would die out throughout the next two years. You go Hannah and James.

I decided to really call it a night at that, my thoughts were starting to get weird and so I pushed the door closed and walked up the stairs. Mathias hopped up the stairs with his crutches and I was glad that I didn't have to see the probably more than wobbly affair. I only hoped he didn't break his leg while falling down the stairs. Maybe I should warn him about stairs.

We reached our room unscathed however, even without a stair warning so I figured my lover was more competent than I gave him credit for. I flopped down on the bed and contemplated if I should just go to sleep or have some fun beforehand. At the moment my desire for both was equally high and I wondered if I should just combine both and make Mathias do all the work. But that idea was quickly disposed of as Mathias' crutches clattered to the floor.

It was only his ankle, true, but I didn't want to risk anything. It wouldn't be good if he put any weight on his leg and that left only one position. "Mathias, I want to ride you." I said, flat out to my own surprise. I usually wasn't so open about these things, but after I had witnessed Berwald's proposal I felt that I should be more open about what I wanted. And I wanted to do something good for Mathias.

"Naah, we did that already." Mathias sat on the edge if the bed and was looking at me. He was right though, not that we couldn't use that position again after we had used it once but the last time we had sex, I had ridden him and I wanted to do something else now. But we could only have sex when Mathias was lying down in the process, I wouldn't want him to put any strain on his legs.

"Then you'll have to let me top." I said, but I was only half serious, the sleepy part of my mind had taken over and demanded to be heeded so I was slowly drifting into dreamland. I wouldn't expect Mathias wanted to be topped anyway; most clients in the brothel would have been outraged at the proposal.

My tired mind had failed to take into account though that Mathias was not at all like the clients I knew from my time in the brothel.

Shame on me.

"Okay." His answer was so unexpected that I would have probably fallen from the bed if I hadn't lied down already. I pushed myself up on my elbows; thankfully my sleepiness had disappeared due to shock, and looked at Mathias. "What?" I asked, sounding incredibly intelligent. "Yeah, why not. I can't move around much and I always wanted to have a dick shoved up my ass once. I would prefer your dick though."

I slumped back into the cushions and closed my eyes with a slightly tormented expression. Did he have to be so vulgar about it? It made it sound unnecessary dirty. But while I was lying there, Mathias eyes still on me, not expectant just watching, I was thinking that maybe it was worth a try. I had seen the expression on Mathias' face when he entered me, the look of intense pleasure that crossed his features, and the way he grabbed my hips when he thrust into me. A small part of me had always wondered how it felt form him, to be inside of me, to feel the heat and the trembling of my body beneath his hands.

Mathias slid over to me, leaning over me until he hovered only inches away from my face. "I love you Lukas, I would do everything for you. And for one time at least I want to feel you inside of me." He leaned further down to kiss me, his lips lingering on mine for a while and in that moment I realized that I wanted to do this.

I wanted to see the same thing Mathias got to see, his body under me, writhing while I pushed into him, filling him up to the brim and finally spilling my seed deep inside of him. I wanted to make him scream.

"Fine." I said. "But don't come complaining to me afterwards when your butt hurts."

...

**A/N**: I doubt I have ever put as much allusions in one chapter than this one. And they are in two adjacent passages. (And they are crappy as hell)

Anyway, happy 50th chapter or something!


	51. Roles reversed

**A/N: **Okay this one is a special that I only wrote thanks to FlyingMintBunnies. This chapter is for you my dear ;)

* * *

It was an entirely new experience for me and at first I didn't really what to do, but Mathias was patient. He had lied down on the bed, still dressed and waited for me to figure out how to go about this. It wasn't like I suddenly had gotten second thoughts, but I couldn't help but feel tentative. I didn't want to disappoint Mathias, although I knew that he would never be disappointed in me, at least not from something like this.

So in the end I just settled for mirroring the things Mathias had done to me countless times before. And it was thrilling and exhilarating in its own special way. I kissed Mathias full on the mouth, but this time it was I who invaded him with my tongue and I wouldn't allow him to be dominant over me, and judging by his pleased groans he liked it. At first it was bit awkward to run my hands over his body but in time my instincts and desire took over and I was eager to explore every inch of his skin.

I pushed and pulled away the clothes that got in my away until Mathias lied bare under me, his eyes clouded and heavily breathing. For a second I stopped and just took in the man beneath me, I had only done so little and he was already a mess and I could just see how he wanted me to continue, his eyes almost begging me.

I smirked. Now I could understand why Mathias did it so often, the situation simply called for it.

I dived down again to press my lips on Mathias chest, I had done all of these things before in a way, but then I had always been at the receiving end ultimately, I had just paid back what Mathias did to me. Mathias' hand gripped the sheets as I moved further down on him to lick at his navel. I was still fully clothed and so far Mathias had made no move to change that. I knew that he was surrendering control to me completely, as a sign of his trust and so it was up to me to get rid of my clothes.

I did so with due haste, I wanted to feel skin on skin as soon as possible and also I didn't want to make him wait unnecessary long. I hadn't yet touched it but Mathias' penis was already hard and waiting for me. I dipped down to kiss my way along the trail of hairs that led from his stomach to his groin, eliciting slight shivers with every little kiss.

I took my sweet time, licking and kissing Mathias' thighs before I finally shifted my attention to his needy erection. He had teased me often enough so it was time I returned the favor. I grabbed the shaft in my hand and started licking along the thick vein on the underside, a deep growl and a bucking of his was my reward. "Lukas…" Mathias moaned when I gently nipped at the base, still ignoring the weeping head.

I smirked again and closed my lips around Mathias' member, sucking a few times before I released him again. This was only foreplay, the main dish was about to be served. I hesitated for a second before I fished the bottle of lube out of the nightstand, there were plenty of other times when I could be nervous and insecure but now I had more important things to do.

I had prepared myself before so I knew what to do but I had never done so for another person. And Mathias was a virgin at this too. I lied down next to Mathias and brought my body flush against his. I kissed him a few times while I spread the lube on my fingers, "Are you sure you want to do this?" I asked, voice barely a whisper from all the pent up arousal that had build up during the last few minutes. Seeing Mathias like that had had quite an effect on me.

Mathias watched me a moment with an intent expression in his eyes before his features transformed into a smile. Instead of saying anything cheesy like how much he trusted and loved me he simply commanded: "Fuck me already." I grinned and licked along the shell of his ear and at the exact second when his body was shaken by an intense shiver followed by a low moan, I gently pushed in the first finger. Mathias instantly tensed and I stopped moving, just leaving my finger there until he had gotten used to the intrusion. Unfortunately I could remember my first time when someone had shoved something into me and so I knew rather well how important it was to give time to adjust.

Mathias relaxed after a while, sweat was beading on his forehead but he kept his smile and I gave him another drawn out kiss to distract him from what my finger was doing. I slowly started moving, taking in the feeling of being in someone else and I even got a bit curious, venturing in as far as possible and when Mathias' breath suddenly hitched into a half loud moan I knew I had found the treasure.

I quickly added another finger and played around a bit more until Mathias was heavily panting, signaling that he was more than ready. But still I was not done teasing and with a twist of fingers I brushed against _that_ spot again, just as I had motioned to pull out and Mathias almost screamed as he hadn't expected that and I knew for a fact that he would get back at me for this. Preferably when I was tied to the bed and at his mercy.

I could feel my own need grow as I imagined that scenario and I had to focus on the task at hand. There would be enough time for that later.

I finally pulled out my fingers and sat up to get on top of Mathias. He was half glaring at me but the pleasure I had just induced was still lingering and took all the effect of his glare away. It was time to shed my clothes and since I was in a teasing mood I made a show out of it, rotating my hips and generally trying to be as sensually as possible. At first Mathias groaned when he realized that he would have to wait a bit longer but soon his eyes hungrily followed my every movement and he licked his lips more than once.

I could that he was close to take action, his hands were twitching and it didn't need much more for him to lose control. I decided that I had tormented him enough now and that it was time to get really started. I quickly got rid of my pants and underwear, my own erection was all too glad to be out in the open.

Mathias pushed up his hips, trying to create some friction but I would have none of it. This was my game and I would play by my rules. I sat down on Mathias' hips to constrict his movements as I took the bottle of lube again to prepare my member properly. I probably overdid it but I rather wanted to be overly careful than too careless. The hunger in Mathias' eyes grew as he watched me play with myself.

The sight in itself was a major turn on, Mathias sprawled out under me, covered in sweat and panting, his body practically begged at me to be taken, and I would gladly fulfill his request. There was no more time for doubts; my mind wanted this as much as my body did and so I just went with the flow, with what seemed natural.

I lifted up Mathias' legs, carefully placing them on my shoulders since I didn't want him to put weight on his injury. He was rather heavy but I could deal with it. It was an entirely new feeling as I gently pushed against Mathias' entrance. I knew how it felt to e intruded and frankly I loved it but being _in_ someone was something else. I threw a last glance to Mathias to make sure that he was okay but the impatient downwards pushing of his hips should have been incentive enough.

I pushed past the tight ring of muscles and for a breathless moment I thought I would come right then and there, the feeling was just so intense, so unlike anything I had ever felt before. I had of course had some experiences with my hand, but my hand belonged to me but this was a completely different body, the sensation was completely genuine.

I managed though to keep myself together and pushed further in until I couldn't go any deeper and there I remained for a few moments, I needed the adjusting as much as Mathias did. There was a slight look of discomfort on Mathias' face but I could see how it slowly melted and transformed into a look of bliss and after a few more seconds Mathias made an impatient sound and bucked his hips.

I grabbed his legs harder to gain some leverage and slowly pulled out, only to push back in again. I couldn't hold back the moan that forced itself out of my mouth and I had to close my eyes or the view of Mathias' writhing form beneath me would have cost me my self control.

There was only so much time I could go slow, but soon I had to pick up the pace to accommodate both my and Mathias' needs. Mathias who usually was much quieter than me in bed as moaning loud and shamelessly and at some point he was even close to screaming. I opened my eyes as I felt hands on my sides and with an almost desperate tug I was pulled into Mathias' arms. The motion upset my rhythm so I started to simply thrust blindly into the tight heat that was Mathias. At this point it didn't really matter anymore as long as there was friction.

Mathias' legs had slipped from my shoulders and he was pressing them in my back to bring me even closer. I had to lean my weight on my arms to uphold my movement and Mathias' hoarse moaning so close to my ear was driving me closer and closer to the edge. Somewhere in the passion of the moment I remembered that Mathias had a cock too and I managed to rub my pelvis against his member between us.

I screwed my eyes shut again when I felt warm hands on my back, Mathias was digging his fingers in my flesh to urge me on and I complied, plunging myself deeper and deeper until a sudden contraction around my erection signaled that Mathias had come. Even before that, Mathias had been incredibly tight but now with the sudden contraction it was even tighter and I lost control shortly after as spasms of pleasure shot through my body. The warmth in my abdomen exploded and the simple knowledge that I just emptied myself into Mathias, my lover, filled me with intense satisfaction.

Only a second after my orgasm the little strength that had uphold my body vanished from my arms and I collapsed fully on Mathias. I was breathless and unable to speak and I was truly grateful for the soothing back rubbing Mathias performed until I was down from my high. I managed to pull out at some point and my oversensitive member welcomed the freedom of unconstructed air. Too much pleasure was apparently a thing.

"I love you." I whispered once I regained my breath, nuzzling my face into the crook of Mathias' neck. A finger threaded through my hair and I closed my eyes as he began to massage the scalp of my head. If this treatment awaited me every time I topped I would gladly do it more often.

Who the hell am I kidding, I would do it again even without the aftercare. Still I probably preferred being the bottom, it was less exerting. And Mathias was significantly bigger than me; I just liked having his girth up my ass.

"I love you too." Mathias mumbled, his voice barely audible as he spoke against my hair. "Now I know why you love my cock so much." He teased and I contemplated if the satisfaction whacking him on the head was worth the effort.

I settled back in the cushions, my body felt pleasantly wracked, not only from the orgasm but also from the work I had to put into it. It was nice and I would gladly do it again but for most of the time I would probably let Mathias be top, it was much more relaxing like that.

Yeah I knew, I was simply lazy.

But hey I liked Mathias' cock, you better not go tell him that though. He was too smug already without me telling him that. How he could be this self-satisfied about being fucked by a guy was beyond me. After my first time I had been so ashamed that I had to wash myself with closed eyes for I could not stand my reflection in the water. Admittedly my first time had been under completely different conditions.

I could however get back at Mathias for what he had said last. "I like your ass more, it is so _tight_." I drew the last word out and smirked, _cockily_. Oh god this was rubbing up on me, I was starting to be as damn cocky as Mathias usually was. And the worst part, I liked it. It felt good to be the teasing one, to not just shoot of dry comments and spoil all the fun but to actually be the one to do all the fun. If that made any sense, which it kind of didn't in my head.

Whatever.

I shouldn't try to think about complex things after I had just had mind blowing good sex.

"I noticed." Mathias replied and he even managed to widen his already too wide grin. He leaned over and nipped at my collar bone, I could feel the grazing of teeth and an involuntary shiver went through my body. "And I liked it." Mathias voice was barely more than hot breath that tickled my neck and hadn't I just had an orgasm my penis would have probably revived at that exact moment.

I decided to forfeit this match of sassiness; I was too satisfied and tired too think of an adequate reply so I just nuzzled into Mathias arm and sighed contently. Knowing Mathias, we would most likely continue this confrontation at some other point in time, because he wasn't the type who would let slide a good opportunity to tease me about this. And frankly I didn't mind as long as I got to cuddle with my lover.

Mathias hand found its way into my hair and he settled it there, fingers tangled in my messy strands and his thumb moving slight circles into my scalp. If I were a cat I would have purred at that moment. We lied there a while, bodies still sticky but I was too drained to care, or maybe it was just because for once the mess had been made on Mathias' body and not mine.

"Are you sore in any way?" I asked after a long moment of silence, I hadn't been rough or anything but also not exactly gentle. And I knew from firsthand experience that especially the first time could have very uncomfortable after effects. Mathias wiggled a bit under me until he had assessed the status of his body and then hummed a low 'no' in my neck.

"Wasn't I rough enough?" I smiled and nipped at Mathias shoulder to emphasize my words, I was really too tired to do much more. Mathias chuckled and I could feel his mouth move against my neck as he answered: "You were perfect. But if you like it rough I can arrange that." I didn't need to see it to know that there was another huge grin on Mathias' face. I layered my voice with as much want as possible until it dripped with seduction as I replied. "I have been a naughty boy, you need to punish me. _Severely._" I breathed the last words right into Mathias' ear, making my tongue follow licking along the shell.

With this I had probably dug my own grave, but the hell, I wanted it.

Mathias chuckled again, but this time it was a low chuckle full of dark promises and a hint of lust. "Oh I will punish you…" I couldn't help but shiver at his words and now I could definitely a certain warmth wander downwards and making my member twitch in slight anticipation. "I'll look forward to that." I said with a definite husky tone to my voice and I even went as far as to rub my lower body against Mathias.

If I didn't know it better I would have thought I was a whore.

Oh wait.

Mathias yawned, but still pushed up, effectively disturbing my comfortable position half on his shoulder. I grunted in displeasure but Mathias only patted my head. "I need to clean up." He stood up and at that exact moment when I realized with a start what he was doing, he yelped as he accidently stepped on his injured foot and toppled to the ground. "Damn." He swore and I quickly crouched down beside him to inspect the damage, exhaustion all forgotten.

Thankfully everything seemed to be fine and after I had forced him back into the bed I went to fetch some towels. Mathias had done this for me often enough so I could at least return the favor. "You're hopeless." I sighed but still pecked a kiss on Mathias temple before I went to throw the towels into the bathtub. "That's why you love me." Mathias called after me and I only halfheartedly rolled my eyes.

I returned to the bedroom, turned off the lights and climbed in beside Mathias, settling back into his arms until I had found a comfortable position again. "Good night." I mumbled, already on my way into dreamland, the shock from Mathias fall had only lasted so long and now I was tired again.

The last thing I heard before I was out was Mathias' deep seductive voice in my ear. "Naughty boys need to be punished." It should be needless to say that this night I had exceptional pleasant dreams.


	52. Homecoming

The next day started exactly as we had planned it. A nice change for once. We got up early, dragged our feet and in one case crutches down the stairs and ate as much breakfast as possible because, honestly, the food was delicious and no one liked travel rations. James had brought out something he called coffee and was supposed to wake one up. At first I had eyed the brown (of all colors) liquid with careful interest and the first try was truly horrible, I almost spit out the bitter brew, on top of that I burned my tongue too.

I knew James said hot, but who could have thought that he actually meant, freshly brewed in hell hot?

But with a bit of sugar and milk it suddenly tasted good and we probably drained James' complete stock of the beans- Yes you heard right beans, apparently we had drunken the bean juice or something. The only negative side effect was that I became strangely alert and restless. A good thing that we were about to move anyway.

I was not the only one who suffered from what James' called caffeine shock. I had given up at this point to understand the complex secrets that was the coffee bean. Tino had transformed into a hyper active whirlwind who just wouldn't shut up and blinked with a rate of at least ten times per second. I had to look away after a while or else I feared I would start power blinking too.

Apparently Francis and Arthur were familiar with the beverage and had only drunken a moderate amount, which really I wished I had too. At least the effect on Berwald and Mathias was marginal. Emil on the other hand was busy with staring in the distance and stating very obvious facts. 'The sun has risen', 'it is cloudy' and my all time favorite 'you're not Emil' when Mathias tried to get his attention to help him on his horse.

Under other circumstances I wouldn't have thought as funny but in my caffeine inebriated state I had to laugh so hard that I almost fell from my horse.

I would never again drink coffee.

Or at least in this amount, the consequences were disastrous.

We had gotten new horses that David had brought with him when he came with the soldiers. I missed Ariadne already since my new horse was a mean spirited animal that tried to bite me the first time I came near its mouth. Mathias claimed he only wanted to get my smell but I wouldn't be fooled by that monster. It had evil eyes and I was sure he would eat me the moment I let my guard down. Needless to say the first few hours of the ride were exhausting since I tried to keep a look on my horse and at the same time wanted to see as much of the surroundings as possible.

But really that wasn't my fault; everything just seemed so bright and nice and was generally nice to look at.

Oh god, no more coffee.

David had returned to his scouting duties and wouldn't return with us but he had promised that Jan was just as capable of protecting us. Well Jan and the ridiculous amount of soldiers he had with him. Aside from my caffeine antics there was nothing really much noticeable at this first day of our journey and really I would have preferred if that had been forgotten too but I feared that would never happen.

The goodbye had been teary eyed but since we were all apparently men we didn't allow any tears to fall and instead settled on trading manly hugs that weren't allowed to last longer than a quarter second. Maybe I remembered that wrong, who could really say.

I came down eventually from the coffee and used about ten minutes to be embarrassed about what I had done before I decided that it was not worth it. It could have been worse. Better not let Emil know that though.

But damn that coffee had been delicious and hyper activity aside it had successfully chased away the tiredness. I just needed to get the dose right. Or maybe I should have simply listened to James when he told me that it would be better that I stopped.

We took a rest around noon to eat something and more importantly move our stiff bodies to get rid of some of the soreness. I was already looking forward to the end of the journey because blistered thighs were no fun at all.

The rest day went in a similar manner, well without the hyper activity of course and I spent a lot of time with talking to my various friends. I had never really used the opportunity to just ask questions and get to know them so I was making good on that. And in return I told them what they wanted to know, with omitting a few parts, not because I didn't trust them but because I didn't want to talk about it in the middle of a bunch of soldiers. There were things that not everyone needed to know. Not even Mathias knew the story of my birth and I had decided a long time ago that I'd rather wanted the world to believe that Emil's father was my true father. He could as well have been, since he had loved both Emil and me equally.

I didn't feel overly sad anymore about his death, too much time had passed. That seemed maybe cruel but after the death of our mother I had to rearrange my priorities and mourning had to be moved to the back of my list. I still was sad about my mother but even that pain had mostly faded. I had come to realize that she had been unhappy with her life since the day her husband died and that she had only carried on because of us. Essentially that had caused her to waste away and at least now she was reunited with her lover in heaven. If it hadn't been for us she would have followed him soon after his death.

I hadn't understood this before; it took Mathias for me to realize that it was possible to love one person so much that love without them was unbearable. However selfish that seemed.

The day closed without much noteworthy to happen, we were too tired to do much besides eat and build the camp so everyone just sort of fell asleep. Aside from those unlucky ones who had to do guard duty, but that burden entirely fell on the soldier's duty. They would have even built our tents for us but neither of us was the type to just sit while they got served. The only one who didn't lift a hand in camp building was Francis but that was because he insisted on helping with cooking, predictable turning into him doing most of the cooking while he sent the soldier designated cook on errands for him.

All in all a well functioning arrangement.

A few days passed like this, and I couldn't really say that that was a bad thing. It was nice for a change that things went smoothly without attacks, accidents or any other form of danger. But the more time went without anything happening the higher rose my paranoia. I was so used to having my peace disturbed, especially while we were on the road that I didn't trust the silence. Mathias tried to calm my worries and I managed to relax enough to enjoy the journey. It also helped that we had a small army with us, no wood bandits would attack us and the Orushian main army was somewhere behind us, preparing to face off our main army. Or something like that. I wasn't too interested in military details, but I had caught on to enough from the portions of conversations between Jan and Mathias I had listened to. The both of them seemed to have become rather good friends and eventually Jan had warmed up to the non noble parts of our group.

Ludwig and Jan got along rather well too, and at some point Jan even allowed Ludwig, Eli and Roderich to carry arms as an addition to his men. It was a bit surprising really, considering that Jan had openly distrusted Ludwig at first. Well, we were humans and humans can change their minds.

Eventually when we neared the capital my paranoia subsided, nothing had happened so far and it was highly unlikely that something would happen on the rest of the way. I could get used to this.

We reached the capital on a sunny day. It had been cloudy the last days, it kept threatening snow but the clouds had held on to their burden until the wind carried them off to unload somewhere else. The weather was unusual nice for this time of the year but I was the last one who would complain.

It was midday and we had shared the road with a lot of other people since the sun had risen. Traveling was usually quite during winter but not so close to the country's heart. Most people had kept a distance to us though. Not a surprise, we were a rather intimidating party after all.

As we neared the city gates, here a long trek of people waited to be granted admittance, but apparently we were not just anyone and so Jan barked a few commands, causing his men to fall into formation and he led us right past the masses to an annoyed looking guard who just loathed to be here and having to deal with us. I couldn't really blame him, I would be pissed too if there was a group of our site coming right at my gate, probably thinking that size equaled special treatment. At least he looked like he was thinking something along those lines.

He was not the only one unhappy, the people we had passed by shot us irritated glances and I could hear more than one muttering angrily to his neighbor in line. At least one thing seemed to be a constant, that we would always have trouble with guards.

Joy.

Fortunately this time we had authority with us and not only coin that spoke for us. Jan raised his hand a few meters away from the guards who had assembled around their leader, looking equally pissed and at least a bit intimidated too. I only half listened to the exchange, I was sure it was interesting but since I was somewhere in the middle of the party it was kind of hard to understand the details. Instead I took the time glace up at the city wall that rose high into the air above me. On the top I could make out a few moving helmets, most likely attached to other guards who patrolled the wall crown.

Outside of the walls there was a large field of pale grass and no tree nor boulder to take shelter behind. I could make out a camp in the distance, where many tents were raised and people swarmed between the makeshift houses. Banners flew in the wind, but I was too far away to distinguish any colors, not that I would have known that they meant anyway. This had to be the army the King was raising. It was smaller than I had expected but then again a part was already on the move.

Jan gave another signal, apparently he had convinced the guards to let us through and we started moving again. I didn't miss the disgruntled looks we were getting for being allowed in even though we had arrived last. Oh the merits of a wealth and power.

The first thing that struck me once past the gates was the smell. It smelled a bit like the city where we had met Francis and Arthur, only ten times worse. It smelled like human waste and rotting corpses and all things I usually didn't like to think about. The streets were full of people, swarming about this way and that, despite the cold of the winter day.

The city was bigger than anything I had ever seen but aside from the sheer size it was frighteningly similar to the first city I had seen. There were poor people and rich people, there was dirt any beauty side to side and over all hung the smell only humanity could produce when stuffed all in one small space. Suddenly I missed the countryside where I had been born, the peace of the landscape, the cleanness of air and over all the silence.

In a city like this it was never quiet, even at night there were people outside and it was even worse during the day. I closed off my ears against the constant buzzing of human speech, the sound of thousand footsteps on cobbled stones and the simple noise of living. After the long time we had spent in the peace of James' inn I wasn't used to being in the middle of so many people. Jan's men had been well behaved and mostly silent so this was a little like the shock of jumping into cold water.

At some point Mathias started to explain things on the way, pointing at various buildings or streets and telling stories of his childhood. I tuned in to him because it was way better than the wild noise around us and of course it was rather interesting. With every meter we advanced farther into the bowels of the city Mathias grew more and more excited as if he was recalling fond memories of his past that were triggered by familiar landmarks. Funny though, he hadn't even been away for more than a few months. But that was just him, being excited about the smallest things and pulling everyone with him.

I soaked up the information because this was going to be my new home and I better start to like it soon. And as we ventured up the low hill that the city was built upon the smell subsided and even the noise eased up as we entered the better parts of the city, where the people with money resided and Mathias' father obviously.

Buildings were larger here, surrounded by fences or hedges more than often and as we progressed the premises around each building grew in time with the quality of the building material. We were riding along a white marble wall that was so smooth that I could drag my fingers across the surface without bumping into an obstacle.

The merits of wealth indeed.

Many houses were guarded by men in prim uniforms, sporting different colors depending on the house they belonged to and they eyed us with suspicion but as soon as they saw Jan they saluted. He seemingly was well known among the household guards. The palace was at the top of the hill, a grand building, blazing in white and gold and there was another wall raised around the building. Flags waved from the two palace towers most likely embroidered with the King's sigil.

The house that seemed to be our destination was surprisingly simple and yet it was still showing off enough wealth to intimidate every visitor. At least every visitor who was not from this part of the city. There was no wall around the perimeters, only a neatly trimmed hedge but I could see the top of a silver fence poking out of the evergreen plants. That could be a nasty surprise for anyone who thought hedges were easy to cross.

The gate was open and flanked by two bored looking guards who just shot Jan a glance and waved us through. Talk about working morale. Jan made another gesture and his men saluted once before wheeling around their horses and making their way down the hill again. Their duty was done, only Jan remained to lead us the last few meters to the front door.

Mathias was grinning by now and he urged on his horse to pass the last few meters and I was sure for a second that he wanted to vault down from his horse but he didn't. Mathias leg was mostly healed but he still needed help to dismount from his horse, a fact he accepted much more cheerfully than I had at first when I had still required help.

Two stable boys appeared out of nowhere and helped us getting off our horses; they would stay here for a while before Jan returned them to where he got them from in the first place. It was a bit awkward for a moment because no one really knew what Ludwig's plan was but Mathias decided that they could stay for a few nights until they had news on Gilbert. I doubted his father would like that but I wisely kept quiet. I was a stranger here and so were Emil, Arthur and Francis, neither of us was used to so much wealth. Truly it was a bit overwhelming.

The main door had opened in the meantime and a servant was standing there, bowing to Mathias and after a short moment of hesitation also bowed to the rest of us before he bid us to follow him. Mathias wobbled up the stairs and entered first, already talking to the servant and making wild gestures with the one hand that was not holding on to the cane he was now using instead of the crutches.

It was almost a bit surreal. We were all dirty and tired from our journey, clothes full of dust and not ready yet to comprehend what was going on and out of nowhere popped up a bunch of other servants, all meticulously dressed in the same uniform and guided us with friendly forcefulness into the deep parts of the house. I didn't even have time to protest before I was ushered into a room with white doors and the most lavish interior I had ever laid eyes on.

The door closed behind me and I was alone.

Great.

Really, just leave me here without telling me what was expected from me, you know that is the way to treat guests. I sighed and rubbed the bridge of my nose in slight irritation. Since there was nothing better to do I slumped down on the giant bed that even had curtains and closed my eyes. I didn't care that I got dust and worse on the clean white sheets; it was their own fault for leaving me alone.

And where the hell was Mathias?


	53. Happiness

**A/N: ** So this is it. This is the last chapter my lovelies. There will be an epilogue after this but that one will be rather short. There is also a pretty dirty smut scene in this one that you can consider my goodybe gift ;)

* * *

It had been a few days since our arrival and to say that those days had been turbulent would be an understatement. The house was big but not big enough to accommodate each and every one of us and so a lot of time was spent with searching a place to live for the others.

On that first day Mathias' father had been busy with his duties but he had given strict instructions to his servants to bring his son to him as soon as he arrived, hence the reason why I was left alone in the room I later learned to be Mathias. There were simply not enough people working at the household to care for every guest and I had somehow gotten the short end of the stick, not that I had minded though.

I hadn't seen much of Mathias on that day since he spent a long time with his father, talking about his plans and about what was to happen with the rest of us. Mathias' father wasn't too happy with his son for bringing home so many friends but Mathias wouldn't allow him to kick them out and so in the end a compromise was found.

Mathias' father would help find lodgings for Ludwig and his crew and Arthur and Francis the rest of us could stay, at least until Berwald had gotten in touch with his family. I knew the two of them were nervous, because they had to tell their parents that they got engaged but I knew for a fact that at least Berwald would go through with his decision no matter what his father had to say on the matter. The same went most likely for Tino.

As for Emil and I, Mathias insisted on us staying and after a long and thorough talk with me his father decided that since I apparently had managed to bring his son home in one piece (the leg was generously overlooked) I was worthy of staying with his son. He even promised to get Emil an education since he had expressed interest in the large library of the Kohler estate. Emil and Mathias' father got along frighteningly well; they had sort of just clicked and when he wasn't busy with work he would teach Emil about said work.

But in exchange for his father's tolerance Mathias had to help him with his work, it was no longer enough to just increase his knowledge on the matter by studying, no Mathias had to gather practical experience because his father had all intentions on making him his successor.

One day they took Ludwig to court with them to convince the king of something but since the matter was confidential I didn't learn any specifics. That probably was for the best. I had my share of war and battle; I didn't want to do anything with this affair even if only on paper.

Jan got hired as Mathias' personal guard; his father had decided that he needed one from now on, and so after all this time of struggle we finally found ourselves at home again. It felt strange at first to call this place home but I got used to it. It was peaceful and safe and at this point that was almost the only thing that mattered.

More than all I was glad that our hardships were over, I had enough of those to fill a lifetime.

Things calmed down after a week, Ludwig had gotten news on his brother and was about to meet him, Francis had decided to open up his own patisserie with the help of Mathias' father and Arthur's managing skills, and Berwald had had that dreaded talk with his father that almost escalated into a fist fight but eventually he accepted his son's decision under the condition of him adopting a son as heir. Berwald was secretly very pleased at this outcome because Tino had always refused to adopt a child when he'd brought it up but now he had no choice.

Mathias was bothering Berwald for at least two days straight until he finally promised to make him the child's godfather. Emil was working hard to become Mathias' assistant and that left only me who still hadn't a clue what he was going to do. But I wasn't forcing it, for now I just wanted to focus on the present and enjoy life to its fullest, which was actually the reason why I was there right now, in that particular position, waiting on that particular person to show op and open his present.

I had to ask Francis for help again, which he gladly granted, this time without weird panty incidents fortunately. I would have been embarrassed about having him to do what he just did but I had thought this one through for a long time and I wouldn't budge one inch from my decision.

Even though I had to admit it was beginning to become rather uncomfortable.

The things I did for love.

Okay, that was not entirely true, I didn't do it for love, I did it because I wanted to and I was pretty sure Mathias would realize he wanted it too once he saw me like this. I was tied to the bed lying on my back; both arms and legs spread out and bound to the bedposts. Somewhere, I really didn't know where, Francis had found a dildo that now stuck in a rather sensitive place of my body and to add the cherry to the pie I was also gagged.

It had taken a bit of preparation and I kind of didn't want to think about what Francis had needed to do to get me where I was now, but I would be worth it. And to be honest, the thought alone of what Mathias might do to me was already making me hard. Not to mention the surrogate cock in my ass. I would have never thought that I could be so slutty, or that I wouldn't care at all about that.

Francis had taped a piece of paper to one of the bedposts which apparently said something like 'use me', I couldn't read it but I had no reason to mistrust Francis. He had been surprisingly civil about the whole matter, no inappropriate touching, no groping and he had only stared so much. He was a good person really, and he would respect boundaries, as long as they were set properly. And that was fine with me.

Oh maybe I should mention that I was naked. No girls' clothes for me today. No frilly pants and no stockings. I would save the skirt for another day. I couldn't use all my ammo at once that would spoil the fun. I would make sure that Mathias never knew what to expect when he opened his bedroom door.

As on cue the door was pushed open and Mathias walked in. He actually took a few steps until he realized I was there and then he just stopped, mouth hanging open and a look of utter confusion on his face. He gaped a few times like a fish on land and then I could literally see his eyes bulge open as his mind finally processed what had been out before him. It was definitely worth it to deny Francis the blindfold.

I wanted an eternal loop of the progression of Mathias' expressions to replay in my head whenever I felt like it. But my amusement didn't last very long because Mathias shut the door with a finality that made me shiver. Oh the look he gave me. His eyes flicked to the sheet taped to the post and then he deliberately licked his lips, his glance moving back to me as he promised me unequalled pleasure solely with his eyes.

Oh. My. God.

I moaned, just to get him started, there was nothing else I could do except for writhing in my binds and I could feel drool leaking out of the corner of my mouth as I tried to vocalize my need.

"Hello delicious." Mathias almost purred and his voice was so deep and seductive that I shuddered, I wanted the lips that produced such sounds to press around my member and his tongue to make me moan even harder and, oh god, I wanted it now.

Mathias smirked at my obvious reaction, his eyes threw a pointed glance to where my erection was silently begging for attention and I bucked my hips to emphasize the point. "Someone's being impatient." Mathias clucked his tongue and let his hand hover inches over where I wanted it the most right now. I tried to push up to touch his hand but he stayed just out of reach and eventually I had to give up. Having a dildo in one's butt doesn't really help with sport activities.

Mathias slowly opened his pants, all the while his eyes trailed over my exposed body and I pressed my eyes shut because I couldn't stand the unmasked look of lust anymore. I wanted him, now. The cane lied forgotten on the floor as Mathias had finally finished with undressing and now climbed on the bed to straddle me. "Have you been a good boy?" He asked and trailed a finger along my collar bone.

I vigorously nodded, but Mathias only grinned and stilled my movement with kiss on my upper lip, since the gag constricted the rest of my mouth. "I don't think so." He then whispered against my the fabric of the gag and another shudder rippled through my body at the sensual tone. "I'm sure you were a naughty boy and naughty boys need to be punished." I just nodded again because really what else could I have done?

Mathias ground his hips against mine and I moaned around the gag in my mouth. I tried to increase the friction but Mathias would have none of that and so he pushed me down on the mattress again. "Now, how shall I punish you?" He asked and glanced over to the drawer were Francis had left some choice 'tools' and a hot wave of pleasure surged through my body.

"I think I know exactly how." There was that smirk again, that almost made me go crazy with want. Oh what a delicious form of torment. Mathias took something from the nightstand but I couldn't make out what it was since he obstructed my view with his body. He kept it out of my sight and I was pulling against my bonds in order to get closer to him, but of course, in vain.

My body was shaken with another shudder when Mathias knelt between my legs and traced his fingers over my abdomen. At this point I was so sensitive that the smallest touch was enough to make me moan. And Mathias did a lot of touching. He took his sweet time too, running his fingers along my sides, circling around my nipples before pinching them.

I was panting hard and I still didn't get to see what Mathias had pulled from the nightstand, the tension did nothing really to ease my need. Mathias leaned over me to kiss me again, not that I could return it with the gag and all. And then there was something around my member, at first I thought Mathias finally touching me but then I felt a certain pressure and realized that whatever he had put there was restricting me from coming. He surely knew how to play that game.

"I'm going to have some fun." Mathias whispered into my ear and his hand squeezed around my member, sending a jolt through my body. This was becoming more and more unbearable, but I was far from complaining and not only because I couldn't speak at the moment.

Mathias fiddled a bit with the knots and untied both my hands and feet but I wouldn't stay unbound for long since he turned me on my stomach and tied my hands to the headboard. I felt even more exposed like this since I couldn't really see what was going on and when Mathias put a blindfold on me I was completely in the dark.

I tried to concentrate on what I heard but it was hard to focus on anything else than the sensations that wracked my body. A hand was suddenly on my backside and slowly pulled out the dildo that still stuck there. But instead of pulling it out completely like I had expected, it was suddenly pushed back in and I arched my back in surprised pleasure. My backside was lifted up then so that my butt poked into the air and my face pressed into the pillows, it was not the most comfortable position, but the added exposition of my vulnerable body parts was like sweet hot poison that surged through my veins.

I really could be a masochist.

For a seemingly eternal while afterwards nothing happened and I was actually able to calm down enough to think coherently again. Well as coherently as it was possible in this kind of situation. But just as I was focused enough to concentrate on my hearing again Mathias hand was on me and I gasped as something warm and wet was pressed against my entrance. Simultaneously Mathias had closed his hand around my member and was slowly pumping and I was starting to pant again.

I didn't need any preparation, I had already taken care of that and so the moment Mathias had pulled out the dildo he pushed himself in, a soft groan echoed through the room and I dug my nails in the wood of the headboard. I couldn't remember that it had ever felt so good to be filled and I was shamelessly wriggling my hips to get even more of Mathias inside me. It was hard to breath around the gag since my nose could no longer provide enough air, the pillow half pressed into my face didn't help wither but right now I couldn't have cared less.

Mathias didn't give me any time to adjust, the moment he was in he pulled out again only to slam back in, making my vision blur white at the edges. If Mathias kept that pace up I wouldn't last much longer, I had been too close now for a long time. But of course I couldn't come until Mathias hadn't removed whatever he had put on my erection.

A hand was suddenly in my hair, pushing me further down into the sheets and arched up my back in response as Mathias hit my sweet spot on that exact moment. The hand that was still around my cock fumbled a bit, a fact I only registered in some faraway part of my mind and then there it was, sweet relief. The moment Mathias had undone the restraint I came, spurting violently in Mathias hand and screaming against the gag in my mouth.

The best part about this orgasm was that I hadn't expected it. Sure I had expected an orgasm at some point but I couldn't predict when Mathias would loosen my restraint and I certainly didn't expect the violence with which I came so suddenly. It left me panting and gasping and catching my breath was kind of hard because of the gag and my head was whirling and dark dots danced in front of my eyes and only a small part of me took note of Mathias who was still in me, thrusting a few more times before unloading himself into me. It was truly mind blowing.

Mathias pulled out quickly afterwards and made to untie me and I couldn't deny at all that I was glad to be able to lie down. All energy had been drained from me and I had to complement Mathias for pulling all of this off with an injured ankle. But it had completely been worth it.

We lied in each other's arms for a long time afterwards, both lost in the aftermath of the intense bliss we had just experienced. I snuggled closer into Mathias' chest, sighing with content as I felt a hand running repeatedly through my hair.

After a seemingly endless time Mathias broke the comfortable silence. "I spoke with my father." He said and I forced myself to reopen my eyes to look at Mathias. "He isn't happy with my choice but I told him that we could adopt a child at any time." It took me a moment to comprehend what Mathias was saying but then a wide smile formed on my lips.

"You'll have to learn a few things though; you need to be a suitable consort for me after all." Mathias continued, his fingers weaving through a strand of my hair and I couldn't help but picture what we had just done in my mind. Suitable, huh?

"All thanks to Berwald and Tino." Mathias mused and flattened my hair against the scalp of my head with his palm. "He always liked Berwald for he was responsible, well more so than I was apparently, and when he was faced with Berwald getting engaged to Tino he couldn't really oppose my life choice anymore."

"That's good." I said and then couldn't help but grin rather dumbly. This had me worried for quite a while now, sure Mathias' father had welcomed us more or less with open arms but I could never shake the feeling that he was not really happy with my presence in his son's life, despite of what I did for him.

"The solstice festivities start in a few days and then Yule shortly afterwards." Mathias grinned lazily and rolled on his back, pulling me with him so that I rested on his side. "And the wedding will be next year." "Yes." I agreed and laid my head on Mathias' chest, listening to his steady beating heart.

"There's so much I will show you." Mathias' voice rumbled deep under the firm flesh of his chest and I closed my eyes again. "I want to see everything." It was fine now, everything was fine. I was with Mathias and we were safe, the war no longer concerned us, finally we had peace.

It would be a good life.

The words 'I love you' rang through the air twice and shortly afterwards we both were asleep.

We were finally home.

- Fin -


	54. Epilogue

**A/N: **No special ceremonials used, I just threw a few things together and made a few other things up.

* * *

It is a brilliant day; they sky a clear blue color and no cloud at all to mar its perfection. Truly the day is fitting for the event. The war is still going on, even after half a year has passed since its beginning and so many people have come to get a temporary reprieve from the harsh reality.

On this day however there is no talk of war, if they are losing or winning, how many towns have been razed and how many good men have been lost to steel and fire. The fighting has stayed away from the capital but that hasn't kept the news away. But for once no one thinks about that, when two individuals are about to be joined there is no place for gloom.

It is supposed to be a small event, only the closest friends of the couple have been invited but in times like this a celebration of whatever nature attracts more spectators than usually. And neither groom cares, as long as their friends are there the world could very well come and watch.

A pavilion has been raised outside in a park that stretches at the foot of the central city hill, where the trees are decorated with streamers and a carpet of flowers has been strewn. A group of musicians stands on a raised dais, playing a soft tune that wafts through the air, calm and unobtrusive.

A group of five people stands under the shade of a giant apple tree, all dressed according to the occasion and each and every one of them shows an expression of fondness, each in their own way. Arthur watches with a soft smile as the parents of one of the grooms talk to another man, the pride they feel for their son is both evident in their stance and expression. They have come a long way, accepting that their son loves another man but now they couldn't be prouder because Berwald has been knighted only a few days ago, and his reputation as a skilled fighter and scout reaches far throughout the land.

Arthur allows himself a raw gesture of affection as he entwines his fingers with those of Francis who stands beside him, beaming at the tables where the cake he has made and all the other small delicacies attract a lot of positive attention – and praise.

Francis turns his head and smiles at Arthur and the other man's heart skips a beat as he is once again overcome by love. He has never been happier to be with Francis, their little shop is not so little anymore and even the King himself has ordered a few times. He couldn't be prouder.

Emil is scouring the crowds for a familiar face, he has invited his new best friend for the wedding but he is late and even though he would never admit it, he is a bit worried. Kaoru usually never lets him wait. The two have met at the school Emil is attending, courtesy of Lord Kohler. Emil has proven to be a diligent student, even though he has started so late.

Lukas watches as his brother's features lit up when he spots his friend, even more so as he notes the flowers the other holds in his hands, flowers that are intended for Emil. It is good to see that his brother has finally found someone special, even if it is only friendship so far; it makes his heart warm, because he knows how deeply both care for each other.

The flower gift ensues into an argument, because Emil of course can't accept such a girly gesture but he is pleased nevertheless and Kaoru has learned early to not be deterred by Emil's cool attitude. A light chuckle draws Lukas' attention to the man next to him and the fond smile on his lips grows deeper, as he takes in the sight of Mathias, who is looking absolutely dashing. He is best man after all.

Yes, everything is well for now, the war will be over eventually and all of them are sure that no matter the outcome, they will weather it.

A cheer erupts and they all turn, aside from Mathias who lets out an undignified yelp and scurries off to take his place at the central dais, where the priest is already waiting. Lukas has already tended to his duty as groomsmaid and has kept Tino company until his nervousness had subsided and he is once again the giggling idiot who bounces on the spot for being able to wed his beloved Berwald.

And then the grooms come into sight, both accompanied by their fathers as they walk in from different sides, it had taken Tino only a bit of pouting to get Berwald to agree with this setup for the other had wanted for Tino to be a full out bride. The musicians have switched to another tune, one that seems to guide the grooms into the center and then a few girls run out into their paths showering them with flowers, madly giggling at their task. It brings a warm smile to Lukas' lips as he watches how Tino tries to playfully catch a few petals and throw them back at the girls. It is such a lighthearted display, not burdened by the usual heavy formality that accompanies most noble weddings.

It is good though that Lukas has talked to Tino beforehand, he had been so nervous and short of a breakdown but looking at him now one would never suspect it. He looks truly happy and the moment he lays eyes on Berwald his smile widens and his step grows surer as he has ultimately realized that this is his soul mate, the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

It is a heartwarming scene, the voice of the priest wafts over the silent crowd and everyone can see the love in both their faces when they finally meet in the middle. Mathias beams when his part comes and then Berwald leans over to whisper something in his ear and Lukas can see the shift in his eyes when joy is replaced with wonder as he is allowed to be the one to tie their hands together with the red sash that symbols unity.

Again the crowd cheers and then the newlywed couple parades past the waiting guests and are again showered with flowers, only this time the flowers are blue, the color of the eternal sky above. Mathias follows behind and his eyes lock on Lukas' and he smiles as they near the waiting group of friends. Tino has tears in his eyes but he is smiling and Berwald, even stoic Berwald carries a moved expression and they gladly enter the fray of hugs and congratulation kisses that are offered by mostly Francis but who cares anyway.

Lukas hugs Tino firmly and gives him the small box with his and Mathias' present and Tino starts to cry anew because the happiness is overwhelming and even he can't handle all of it. Kaoru waits at the side, not sure if he is already part of their family but soon he is pulled into the throng by probably Mathias and gets a few hugs for good measurement, and at least one of them is from Emil.

And then the rest of the guests are there, wanting to give their presents and both grooms are led away to greet and get congratulated and all the while they stay together because the sash around their hands doesn't allow for anything else. Ludwig shows up a bit later, a grumpy Gilbert in two who doesn't like too much sunlight – for obvious reasons. But soon their spirits lift up as they are joined by Eli, who after a bit of surprise turned out as Elizaveta, and Roderich.

Music starts to play again after a while and with another cheer the young couple opens the dance floor, Berwald twirling Tino around in the air and both are laughing as the world seemed to close in on them and only them. Francis drags a willing Arthur with him and soon they are joined by more and more couples that lose themselves in the music and the joy of the moment.

Elizaveta, a cheerful young Lady, no one had suspected behind the mask of Eli, pulls Emil and Kaoru with her and judging by the looks of her companion's face they dread the same fate. And soon they are all on the dance floor, albeit Ludwig looks rather uncomfortable with arms full of a joyful Elizaveta, until the only ones left are Mathias and Lukas.

Lukas watches his friends he considers families and he feels glad for them and for him, because they all deserve this happiness. A soft touch to his arm prompts him to look to the side and there he is, under a canopy of green leaves and budding fruits, white and blue streamers dancing in the wind, his one and only, Mathias on his knees and in his hands a simple box, small and inconspicuous but the content of that box is enough to bring tears to Lukas' eyes.

"Yes." He whispers as he takes the ring with trembling hands, the ring of gleaming silver, with the beautifully carved blue stone in a bed of white and red, with the intricate gravure on the inside that only says one word, but one word is more than enough. And the smile he carries as he slips on the ring can rival the stars.

_Forever._

* * *

So this is it. It has been really a long time and lots of fun but also a bit of stress but that is normal I guess. I want to thank all my followers, readers, reviewers, supporters, fans and generally everyone who bothered to check with this fic. You kept me going and I hope this final peace of hopeless fluff and sap sweetens up your day._  
_

Maybe just really tiny maybe I'll write a sequel. If I get some nice ideas and a decent plot that is. (And free time and inspiration and motivation and all the other things you need to write a story) Or maybe I'll write a side story on Tino's and Berwald's married life, hrhr.

Anyway it has been a true joy with you I am really glad that I got to write for such an amazing and nice audience.


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